to dump, or to be dumped?

soulsinging

which is worse?

i thought i knew... i'm not so sure anymore.

aNiMaL

Yeah, that is really kind of a toss up depending on the situation. Both can really suck big time.

norm

hurting someone or getting hurt

me i'll take the pain...hate the feeling of hurting someone else...that never goes away (for me)

jimed14

yeah ... for years I was always the breaker upper, the dumper ... and I thought to myself, "man, I wish it were me taking the pain."

Then I was broken up with, the dumpee ... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that :evil: ... let me be the one that calls it off.

(Note - if it's a mutual thing ... then yeah, I'd rather her make the call.)

patrickredeyes

Getting dumped hurts more IMO. But in the end both situations are not good.

81

pics of chick so we can decide

aNiMaL

81 wrote:

pics of chick so we can decide

Indifference71

Both are an absolutely terrible feeling. I think getting dumped is just a bit worse.

Lauri

both suck, but I think being dumped is worse. especially if there's someone else involved.

soulsinging

81 wrote:

pics of chick so we can decide

i thought i was a dick


but that was pretty funny

ZiggyStar

I've never done it or had it done to me.......thankfully

Drop The Leash 10

norm wrote:

hurting someone or getting hurt

me i'll take the pain...hate the feeling of hurting someone else...that never goes away (for me)

agreed

Jennytree

I guess the only advantage (for lack of a better word) in being the one doing the breaking up is that you have a head-start in thinking it through, and you won't have that 'shock' and the 'why me' aspect of it.

Thoughts_Arrive

To be dumped, at least you won't feel like the a'hole.
To dump someone is hard to do.

Get_Right

to be dumped
especially when you dont want it to end
man thats the worst

Sian-of-the-dead

I've done both... neither is very nice.

BinFrog

I have been on both sides, and both suck.

If you are blindsided by your significant other, you don't know how to react. Luckily this hasn't happened to me in about 15 years.

But...

If you have been agonizing over ending a relationship for weeks or months, the anticipation and lead-up to the final act can be excruciating. I had to do this 3 1/2 years ago. It was 100% the right decision, and I knew it was coming for months, but it still didn't make it any easier.

But now I'm married to the greatest girl in the world

decides2dream

norm wrote:

hurting someone or getting hurt

me i'll take the pain...hate the feeling of hurting someone else...that never goes away (for me)

awww cmon, are you saying you still feel bad about breaking up with some girl in 10th grade? :P
as someone else mentioned, both suck, for differing reasons tho the main reason - the end of love/lust/deep like, whatever it was. whether you realize it first or your partner, or mutually decided upon, it STILL sucks. however, i imagine being dumped is a wee bit worse. bottomline, ending relationships is very painful, even if you know it's for the best for both of you.

libragirl

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I've done both... neither is very nice.

I agree.

soulsinging

Lauri wrote:

both suck, but I think being dumped is worse. especially if there's someone else involved.

I used to feel that way... that ripped me up pretty good. I think getting dumped is one thing, but if they leave you for someone else... that's pretty awful. but now... i dunno, i feel pretty shitty on the other end too, in a totally different way.

when you get dumped, to an extent you have a luxury in hating or resenting or blaming the other person. it hurts, bad, but you can take out the pain on them. when you do the dumping... like someone above said, that doesn't go away for me. too much a guilt-prone catholic i guess. and you know you're hurting someone you care about and it kinda makes you feel sick or hate yourself even though you know it's irrational. however, i think it may be a slightly different story if you're not just getting dumped, but being left for someone else... that really pulls the rug out and you wonder how you could have missed it or been so foolish. you can still blame the other person, but part of you also kinda wonders what's wrong with you and why that other person was better... so it's like the worst of both worlds. that one might take the cake.

decides2dream

soulsinging wrote:

Lauri wrote:

both suck, but I think being dumped is worse. especially if there's someone else involved.

I used to feel that way... that ripped me up pretty good. I think getting dumped is one thing, but if they leave you for someone else... that's pretty awful. but now... i dunno, i feel pretty shitty on the other end too, in a totally different way.

when you get dumped, to an extent you have a luxury in hating or resenting or blaming the other person. it hurts, bad, but you can take out the pain on them. when you do the dumping... like someone above said, that doesn't go away for me. too much a guilt-prone catholic i guess. and you know you're hurting someone you care about and it kinda makes you feel sick or hate yourself even though you know it's irrational. however, i think it may be a slightly different story if you're not just getting dumped, but being left for someone else... that really pulls the rug out and you wonder how you could have missed it or been so foolish. you can still blame the other person, but part of you also kinda wonders what's wrong with you and why that other person was better... so it's like the worst of both worlds. that one might take the cake.

try to look at it this way:
you know you're not right for each other, so how would it be at all better to keep stringing her along, making her think you may be *the one*...and she just invests more of her time, herself, into you? so sure, it hurts her now, it hurts you now....but honestly, the guilt...you'll get past it as you well should. i think it's far, far worse to string someone along when you realize he or she isn't *it* for you anymore. it WILL get better, for both of you....seperately.