to dump, or to be dumped?
soulsinging
Posts: 13,202
which is worse?
i thought i knew... i'm not so sure anymore.
i thought i knew... i'm not so sure anymore.
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me i'll take the pain...hate the feeling of hurting someone else...that never goes away (for me)
Then I was broken up with, the dumpee ... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that :evil: ... let me be the one that calls it off.
(Note - if it's a mutual thing ... then yeah, I'd rather her make the call.)
"I don't believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass." --- Pedro Martinez
i thought i was a dick
but that was pretty funny
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Once I get out of this town
9/29/04;6/27/08;6/30/08;8/23/09;08/24/09;5/17/10
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SMELL YER MA!
To dump someone is hard to do.
especially when you dont want it to end
man thats the worst
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
If you are blindsided by your significant other, you don't know how to react. Luckily this hasn't happened to me in about 15 years.
But...
If you have been agonizing over ending a relationship for weeks or months, the anticipation and lead-up to the final act can be excruciating. I had to do this 3 1/2 years ago. It was 100% the right decision, and I knew it was coming for months, but it still didn't make it any easier.
But now I'm married to the greatest girl in the world
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
awww cmon, are you saying you still feel bad about breaking up with some girl in 10th grade? :P
as someone else mentioned, both suck, for differing reasons tho the main reason - the end of love/lust/deep like, whatever it was. whether you realize it first or your partner, or mutually decided upon, it STILL sucks. however, i imagine being dumped is a wee bit worse. bottomline, ending relationships is very painful, even if you know it's for the best for both of you.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I agree.
I used to feel that way... that ripped me up pretty good. I think getting dumped is one thing, but if they leave you for someone else... that's pretty awful. but now... i dunno, i feel pretty shitty on the other end too, in a totally different way.
when you get dumped, to an extent you have a luxury in hating or resenting or blaming the other person. it hurts, bad, but you can take out the pain on them. when you do the dumping... like someone above said, that doesn't go away for me. too much a guilt-prone catholic i guess. and you know you're hurting someone you care about and it kinda makes you feel sick or hate yourself even though you know it's irrational. however, i think it may be a slightly different story if you're not just getting dumped, but being left for someone else... that really pulls the rug out and you wonder how you could have missed it or been so foolish. you can still blame the other person, but part of you also kinda wonders what's wrong with you and why that other person was better... so it's like the worst of both worlds. that one might take the cake.
try to look at it this way:
you know you're not right for each other, so how would it be at all better to keep stringing her along, making her think you may be *the one*...and she just invests more of her time, herself, into you? so sure, it hurts her now, it hurts you now....but honestly, the guilt...you'll get past it as you well should. i think it's far, far worse to string someone along when you realize he or she isn't *it* for you anymore. it WILL get better, for both of you....seperately.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
No doubt. But there were times when I was dumped when I really thought I could have been ok with being strung along long enough to try to change their mind... a delusion sure, but it didn't make it any less real at the time. What's the George Costanza quote from Seinfeld? Pity is very underrated
And from a guilt perspective, you make the assumption that the person dumping does know it's not right. What about when you're not totally sure and wonder if you're making a huge mistake? It's not much comfort to tell yourself that in time she'll get over it and appreciate you not stringing her along when part of you keeps wondering if maybe you could have done a little bit more or worked a little bit harder or changed a little bit to make things work. Or that you're just immature and don't wanna grow up and you're going to pay for it later, hehe.
There's a lot of truth in this thread: time does heal all (or maybe most) wounds. But that's never much comfort to someone that is in the moment.
That being said, I have yet to master the skill (?) of breaking up with people. Either I'm too damn honest, or im not honest enough.....Despite how well I may know someone, I can never guage how they will handle the truth!
Maybe its just the nature of break ups, but ive only had one mutual break-up ever...and it was fucking ages ago!!
It is horrible to hurt someone, and its even worse when they lash out at you for it, or you lose what used to be a friend, etc. But overall, its much better than not doing it. Carrying the guilt when you want to end it is actually worse than the part where you break up with them. That whole dilemma of figuring out the timing, the wording, the reasons in your own head, what to tell them or not tell them (depending on whether they can handle honesty or not - in my experience many cannot)....it's a horrible feeling.
It's just a necessary part of life. And eventually people should learn that brutal or crushing truths are worth hearing anyway, so don't beat yourself up over it.
Go team!
I'm definitely opting for partial truth... the vaguest, most general, cliched truths possible.
Good to hear it! (To clarify, i didnt mean being totally truthful where it can be avoided, but sometimes it cant). The cliches are famous for good reason, stick to the lines and dont get dragged in any further it you can!
i don't know. being dumped and then have your ex jump into another relationship is ridiculously hard!! happened to me...they got engaged before we ever broke up with each other (we were engaged too??!). i knew that things wouldn't work out between us...but that was a harsh thing to get over.
it takes time...but it's possible.
yeah, makes me think of the seinfeld episode where kramer is tearing into his gf with brutal honesty during a breakup and then ends up in tears begging her to take him back after she starts bawling, hehe.
oh yeah, i plan to keep any dates i go on top secret. doesn't matter if it's serious or we're on our way to the altar, that info is not going to get to her if i can help it. it's an awful feeling when you still have feelings for someone.
Not taking exclusivity lightly has helped with the dumpee/dumper issue. I've been single for three years, and leaving myself outs (ie: not committing in the first place) has helped a lot over my previous single periods...
Tough to be with someone 3 years and not commit
Didn't mean for this to be about me announcing my arrival on the market, hehe. Just been feeling like a complete piece of shit the last 24 hours. Well, more so than usual.