what's on your mind, right now?

23scidoo

https://youtu.be/nHoyV5DsoZ8

hedonist

The fucked up mentality of some.  Human nature?  Dunno...but sometimes it blows.
https://youtu.be/C6KGJuOqjfg

hedonist

Since I became ill, music hasn't felt the same for me.  It's almost a bigger sense of loss than saying goodbye to alcohol.  So, I've turned back to music at least during my daily prescribed walk around the block (to all you workout buffs - roll your eyes at me and I'll cut ya!).

I started off with Missio (I'm an alcoholic, middle fingers in the air), then Fixing a Hole which was perfection (I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday), and finished off with Comfortably Numb.

These baby steps suck.  Gotta do it and everyone says it'll hurt before it starts to gets better so I am, with resoluteness.

Seventh day and waiting!

lastexitlondon

hedonist said:

Since I became ill, music hasn't felt the same for me.  It's almost a bigger sense of loss than saying goodbye to alcohol.  So, I've turned back to music at least during my daily prescribed walk around the block (to all you workout buffs - roll your eyes at me and I'll cut ya!).

I started off with Missio (I'm an alcoholic, middle fingers in the air), then Fixing a Hole which was perfection (I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday), and finished off with Comfortably Numb.

These baby steps suck.  Gotta do it and everyone says it'll hurt before it starts to gets better so I am, with resoluteness.

Seventh day and waiting!

I feel you  on music. 
Ive been  so unwell and im ashamed to say ive been feeling close to ending it all.  I know there are so much many worse off and all that  stuff.
But i envy your strength and power.
Your comment on music not being the same i totally get you. I went to metallica with my brother  who is a functioning  alc. And im a mess. 
I felt nothing. Not a thing.  It should have been a good feeling. But  no matter  what i do i feel so close to just walking in front of a train.  Ive become  a stranger to myself

lastexitlondon

Music used to heal and atm. Its numb or tears

hedonist

lastexitlondon said:

hedonist said:

Since I became ill, music hasn't felt the same for me.  It's almost a bigger sense of loss than saying goodbye to alcohol.  So, I've turned back to music at least during my daily prescribed walk around the block (to all you workout buffs - roll your eyes at me and I'll cut ya!).

I started off with Missio (I'm an alcoholic, middle fingers in the air), then Fixing a Hole which was perfection (I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday), and finished off with Comfortably Numb.

These baby steps suck.  Gotta do it and everyone says it'll hurt before it starts to gets better so I am, with resoluteness.

Seventh day and waiting!

I feel you  on music. 
Ive been  so unwell and im ashamed to say ive been feeling close to ending it all.  I know there are so much many worse off and all that  stuff.
But i envy your strength and power.
Your comment on music not being the same i totally get you. I went to metallica with my brother  who is a functioning  alc. And im a mess. 
I felt nothing. Not a thing.  It should have been a good feeling. But  no matter  what i do i feel so close to just walking in front of a train.  Ive become  a stranger to myself

Don't be ashamed for how you feel - let it propel you toward something positive for YOURSELF.  No matter how seemingly trivial. It takes time, a long time; hell, I'm trying every day and it's so damn difficult.  Reach out for help, professional help, if you need to.  Let it out here too, but know you likely need more than that to steer clear of the fucking trains.

I wish you well.

lastexitlondon

I wish you well and i hope you reach peace

SD48277

I hope Chadwick is doing ok. 

hedonist

SD48277 said:

I hope Chadwick is doing ok. 

Amen, sister.

23scidoo

It was a fucking great day!!!!

hedonist

23scidoo said:

It was a fucking great day!!!!

I love reading posts like this

23scidoo

hedonist said:

23scidoo said:

It was a fucking great day!!!!

I love reading posts like this

And for me, to say that, it's a big thing Hedo!!

23scidoo

Memories..

23scidoo

The only good thing about the banks, is the air-conditioning..

njnancy

Today, July 9, is my late sister's birthday. I quit smoking on her birthday so I'd have something to bring joy to a day I know would make me sad and I want my big sis to be proud of me. 

I'm 2 years cigarette free. I never thought I'd quit, I've been smoking since my teens. But my doc told me to use the vapes and after doing both for awhile - I just didn't buy cigarettes one day and was done with them on her birthday. And I've had my first lung scan. Go every 6 months for now. Consequences. Prevention. But I don't smoke anymore so that is something. 

My sis is gone 6 years. - she went to the hospital on her birthday in 2013 and was gone by September. I miss her so much. Love you Patty, hope you are proud of me. 

Fifthelement

njnancy said:

Today, July 9, is my late sister's birthday. I quit smoking on her birthday so I'd have something to bring joy to a day I know would make me sad and I want my big sis to be proud of me. 

I'm 2 years cigarette free. I never thought I'd quit, I've been smoking since my teens. But my doc told me to use the vapes and after doing both for awhile - I just didn't buy cigarettes one day and was done with them on her birthday. And I've had my first lung scan. Go every 6 months for now. Consequences. Prevention. But I don't smoke anymore so that is something. 

My sis is gone 6 years. - she went to the hospital on her birthday in 2013 and was gone by September. I miss her so much. Love you Patty, hope you are proud of me. 

Congrats on two years cigarette-free.  I think your sister would be very proud of you.  Picking this day honours you both.  May her memory bring you comfort.

I’m nine days in, again.  (. . . And again . . . And again. I’ll keep quitting, till I quit!)

njnancy

Fifthelement said:

njnancy said:

Today, July 9, is my late sister's birthday. I quit smoking on her birthday so I'd have something to bring joy to a day I know would make me sad and I want my big sis to be proud of me. 

I'm 2 years cigarette free. I never thought I'd quit, I've been smoking since my teens. But my doc told me to use the vapes and after doing both for awhile - I just didn't buy cigarettes one day and was done with them on her birthday. And I've had my first lung scan. Go every 6 months for now. Consequences. Prevention. But I don't smoke anymore so that is something. 

My sis is gone 6 years. - she went to the hospital on her birthday in 2013 and was gone by September. I miss her so much. Love you Patty, hope you are proud of me. 

Congrats on two years cigarette-free.  I think your sister would be very proud of you.  Picking this day honours you both.  May her memory bring you comfort.

I’m nine days in, again.  (. . . And again . . . And again. I’ll keep quitting, till I quit!)

Thank you, that is very kind. 

Nine days is excellent! I know how hard it is, I tried everything for decades. Using the vape is still giving me some nicotine, but I'm not setting a cigarette (which contains a load of bad stuff) on fire, which is what ignites the carcinogens. I went for a year and a half doing both and it was the first thing that finally worked. I had almost given up, which scared me. I'll be scared for the rest of my life every time I go for a lung scan, but at least I'm reducing my risk of heart and other cancers. 

I am almost 23 years sober and that was damn difficult, but quitting smoking was the  hardest thing I've ever done - so I understand your struggle. You're trying and you will do it - I believe in you. If I could do it, you can do it. Keep the faith!! 

23scidoo

njnancy said:

Today, July 9, is my late sister's birthday. I quit smoking on her birthday so I'd have something to bring joy to a day I know would make me sad and I want my big sis to be proud of me. 

I'm 2 years cigarette free. I never thought I'd quit, I've been smoking since my teens. But my doc told me to use the vapes and after doing both for awhile - I just didn't buy cigarettes one day and was done with them on her birthday. And I've had my first lung scan. Go every 6 months for now. Consequences. Prevention. But I don't smoke anymore so that is something. 

My sis is gone 6 years. - she went to the hospital on her birthday in 2013 and was gone by September. I miss her so much. Love you Patty, hope you are proud of me. 

Pretty sure she is so pround for you Nancy..

23scidoo

https://youtu.be/wQTbkEeCTeM

23scidoo

The wheel has turn..