what's on your mind, right now?

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

What my mum just said to me (you're never going to get married; who'd want you?)

Well that's a fucked up thing for her to say. Christ. What is her problem? I hope she isn't usually like that. If she is, you should have as little contact with her as possible.

We were having an argument about her refusing to accept my niece's boyfriend because of his Asian background and she taunted me with that. It had nothing to do with the argument. I have a ticket to see Star Wars in an hours time but told my sister I'm not going. Not in the mood now. I just want to obliterate myself on something.

So she's not only vicious, but racist too?? Sounds like a pretty toxic relationship man. Sorry. :( Anyway, dude, almost everyone finds someone to love eventually, if they really want to. It was a mean, callous AND stupid thing for her to say. You should go to the movie so you don't dwell on the dumb shit your mom spewed. There is no merit to what she said, so try not to give a shit. Honestly, the only thing you should be upset about is that your mom has issues. Don't let it get to you so much that it ruins you and your sister's plans..... The movie entertaining BTW. It will likely help to get your mind off of this.

Decided to go. I've seen it before. Still feel terrible.
She's a devout Catholic that goes to church every Sunday and prays at home yet hates others. I don't go to church and am not religious yet I am more of a Catholic than she will ever be.

Good, I'm glad you decided to go.
I hope your mom has a revelation or something so that she is no longer haunted by hate.

She's been this hateful and abusive my whole life.
There's many hurtful things she's said in the past.

get the fuck out of that house any way you can. being around that is so destructive. my sister bugs the ever living fuck out of me (she's a mentally abusive narcissist). I am so thankful that after this Saturday, I won't have to see her until April (the way family gatherings and birthdays fall this time of year). 

I've learned that family is who treats you best, not who shares your DNA. 

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

What my mum just said to me (you're never going to get married; who'd want you?)

Well that's a fucked up thing for her to say. Christ. What is her problem? I hope she isn't usually like that. If she is, you should have as little contact with her as possible.

We were having an argument about her refusing to accept my niece's boyfriend because of his Asian background and she taunted me with that. It had nothing to do with the argument. I have a ticket to see Star Wars in an hours time but told my sister I'm not going. Not in the mood now. I just want to obliterate myself on something.

So she's not only vicious, but racist too?? Sounds like a pretty toxic relationship man. Sorry. :( Anyway, dude, almost everyone finds someone to love eventually, if they really want to. It was a mean, callous AND stupid thing for her to say. You should go to the movie so you don't dwell on the dumb shit your mom spewed. There is no merit to what she said, so try not to give a shit. Honestly, the only thing you should be upset about is that your mom has issues. Don't let it get to you so much that it ruins you and your sister's plans..... The movie entertaining BTW. It will likely help to get your mind off of this.

Decided to go. I've seen it before. Still feel terrible.
She's a devout Catholic that goes to church every Sunday and prays at home yet hates others. I don't go to church and am not religious yet I am more of a Catholic than she will ever be.

Good, I'm glad you decided to go.
I hope your mom has a revelation or something so that she is no longer haunted by hate.

She's been this hateful and abusive my whole life.
There's many hurtful things she's said in the past.

get the fuck out of that house any way you can. being around that is so destructive. my sister bugs the ever living fuck out of me (she's a mentally abusive narcissist). I am so thankful that after this Saturday, I won't have to see her until April (the way family gatherings and birthdays fall this time of year). 

I've learned that family is who treats you best, not who shares your DNA. 

I wish I could. Cannot afford to move out now especially considering I'm unemployed and a full time university student.

jnimhaoileoin

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Shyner

Collecting Neil Young music

Thoughts_Arrive

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

don't compare yourself to anyone but your past self. it's good to have goals, but not ones that are based in negativity. do you think your life will suddenly be all rosey once you have sex? NOPE. something else will come up. 'ok, now i've done it, but now i want someone i love to do it with'. that's how a depressed mind works. the changes that need to be made are in your overall mindset, not in individual occurrences. 

i know it's tough, especially in depressive times. i struggle with this every single waking moment of my life. i'm having a shitty anxiety-ridden day today, as a matter of fact. i often find myself wishing for bed time, as it is the only time of day where i feel relaxed and at home, and probably a 'ok, i got through another day' feeling. but that means the other 16 hours have gone wasted. so i try my best not to do that. but as i said, it's a struggle minute by minute some days. 

i know for a fact that depression cannot be willed away. but you can learn to live with the beast that it is and still have a part of you that lives and thinks positively. stop the cycle of 'i can't do this', because, as someone other than me coined, 'whether you believe you can or you believe you can't,  you are correct'. 

HughFreakingDillon

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

happy birthday virgin!!!

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

don't compare yourself to anyone but your past self. it's good to have goals, but not ones that are based in negativity. do you think your life will suddenly be all rosey once you have sex? NOPE. something else will come up. 'ok, now i've done it, but now i want someone i love to do it with'. that's how a depressed mind works. the changes that need to be made are in your overall mindset, not in individual occurrences. 

i know it's tough, especially in depressive times. i struggle with this every single waking moment of my life. i'm having a shitty anxiety-ridden day today, as a matter of fact. i often find myself wishing for bed time, as it is the only time of day where i feel relaxed and at home, and probably a 'ok, i got through another day' feeling. but that means the other 16 hours have gone wasted. so i try my best not to do that. but as i said, it's a struggle minute by minute some days. 

i know for a fact that depression cannot be willed away. but you can learn to live with the beast that it is and still have a part of you that lives and thinks positively. stop the cycle of 'i can't do this', because, as someone other than me coined, 'whether you believe you can or you believe you can't,  you are correct'. 

Thanks man.
I hope your anxiety subsides.

Shyner

Getting lost dogs again and the vs vitalogy Orpheum box set oh and the gorge box

jnimhaoileoin

Just off the phone from a long conversation with my brother, who does not approve of the idea of me choosing to become a single parent. He's rather old-fashioned and conservative, steadfastly maintaining that a child should have a mother and a father. He also has the luxury of being from a world where one parent can afford to stay at home and devote themselves to their child full time. He genuinely did not seem to accept that it is actually the norm these days for both parents to work and to not actually see all that much of their child Mon-Fri, for better or for worse. Personally, I don't think this would lead to my child being emotionally stunted or damaged but that's just me.

Of course we both know my mother would actually insist on looking after my child while I'm at work, whether we like it or not. I don't know if my brother's main concern is how difficult I'd find being a single parent, how much the lack of a father would damage my child or the responsibility that my mother will take upon herself. Maybe he achieved his goal as he has certainly left me questioning myself. It's just such a huge thing, I'm not sure I'll ever actually be able to make a decision. Perhaps by default I will decide by not deciding and just live out my days as I am now, following set routines, thinking only of myself and having no great ambition to achieve anything in life. Well that's an inspiring prospect isn't it.....

HughFreakingDillon

jnimhaoileoin said:

Just off the phone from a long conversation with my brother, who does not approve of the idea of me choosing to become a single parent. He's rather old-fashioned and conservative, steadfastly maintaining that a child should have a mother and a father. He also has the luxury of being from a world where one parent can afford to stay at home and devote themselves to their child full time. He genuinely did not seem to accept that it is actually the norm these days for both parents to work and to not actually see all that much of their child Mon-Fri, for better or for worse. Personally, I don't think this would lead to my child being emotionally stunted or damaged but that's just me.

Of course we both know my mother would actually insist on looking after my child while I'm at work, whether we like it or not. I don't know if my brother's main concern is how difficult I'd find being a single parent, how much the lack of a father would damage my child or the responsibility that my mother will take upon herself. Maybe he achieved his goal as he has certainly left me questioning myself. It's just such a huge thing, I'm not sure I'll ever actually be able to make a decision. Perhaps by default I will decide by not deciding and just live out my days as I am now, following set routines, thinking only of myself and having no great ambition to achieve anything in life. Well that's an inspiring prospect isn't it.....

BULLSHIT! single parenting is hard, but if you have a solid support network, it can be done. and the rewards are immeasurable. two parents are not required. one loving parent and the supportive "village" is all one needs. i grew up with two loving parents, so i'm saying this as an unbiased contributor. 

your brother is stuck in his ways, and that's fine for him. maybe he is concerned for your mom, but your mom is a big girl and can decide things for herself. does she help him out, and is he worried that will take away from his support system? or does she have health issues that could get worse from taking care of a young child? when are you are able to go back to work, what is the child care system like where you are? is it accessible, or a multi year wait list? will your mom decide to take care of the child until it is time the it to go to school? what if she falls ill? will you have a back up plan?

none of this is asked to discourage you. i love my kids and i'm sure you'd love yours too. these are just things to consider. my wife is in the child care field and sees nightmare scenarios all the time where people call saying 'i need care next week when i'm done mat leave' and my wife has to break it to them that they should have called when they were pregnant. things like that. 

it's not impossible and the rewards are endless. 

jnimhaoileoin

HughFreakingDillon said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

Just off the phone from a long conversation with my brother, who does not approve of the idea of me choosing to become a single parent. He's rather old-fashioned and conservative, steadfastly maintaining that a child should have a mother and a father. He also has the luxury of being from a world where one parent can afford to stay at home and devote themselves to their child full time. He genuinely did not seem to accept that it is actually the norm these days for both parents to work and to not actually see all that much of their child Mon-Fri, for better or for worse. Personally, I don't think this would lead to my child being emotionally stunted or damaged but that's just me.

Of course we both know my mother would actually insist on looking after my child while I'm at work, whether we like it or not. I don't know if my brother's main concern is how difficult I'd find being a single parent, how much the lack of a father would damage my child or the responsibility that my mother will take upon herself. Maybe he achieved his goal as he has certainly left me questioning myself. It's just such a huge thing, I'm not sure I'll ever actually be able to make a decision. Perhaps by default I will decide by not deciding and just live out my days as I am now, following set routines, thinking only of myself and having no great ambition to achieve anything in life. Well that's an inspiring prospect isn't it.....

BULLSHIT! single parenting is hard, but if you have a solid support network, it can be done. and the rewards are immeasurable. two parents are not required. one loving parent and the supportive "village" is all one needs. i grew up with two loving parents, so i'm saying this as an unbiased contributor. 

your brother is stuck in his ways, and that's fine for him. maybe he is concerned for your mom, but your mom is a big girl and can decide things for herself. does she help him out, and is he worried that will take away from his support system? or does she have health issues that could get worse from taking care of a young child? when are you are able to go back to work, what is the child care system like where you are? is it accessible, or a multi year wait list? will your mom decide to take care of the child until it is time the it to go to school? what if she falls ill? will you have a back up plan?

none of this is asked to discourage you. i love my kids and i'm sure you'd love yours too. these are just things to consider. my wife is in the child care field and sees nightmare scenarios all the time where people call saying 'i need care next week when i'm done mat leave' and my wife has to break it to them that they should have called when they were pregnant. things like that. 

it's not impossible and the rewards are endless. 

Unfortunately I have no close friends or family here, only my mother, so the support network is somewhat lacking. My mum is 73 and while she is fully independent now, she does have a number of health issues which are likely to affect this as she gets older (type 1 diabetes, emphysema and osteoporosis). 

In Ireland you get 6 months paid maternity leave and most people take another 6 unpaid. There is government support for a year's free childcare at age 3, before a child starts school at 4 or 5. Childcare is very expensive but readily available. So there would be a few options. I could maybe use the creche half the time and my mum the other half or I could look into job sharing opportunities or extended leave if possible. 

I realise being a single parent would be an enormous challenge and, quite frankly, I find the thought terrifying. Jaysus I'm terrified at the thought of pregnancy and everything that could go wrong. To have a healthy baby would seem like half the battle to me

RogueStoner

jnimhaoileoin said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

Just off the phone from a long conversation with my brother, who does not approve of the idea of me choosing to become a single parent. He's rather old-fashioned and conservative, steadfastly maintaining that a child should have a mother and a father. He also has the luxury of being from a world where one parent can afford to stay at home and devote themselves to their child full time. He genuinely did not seem to accept that it is actually the norm these days for both parents to work and to not actually see all that much of their child Mon-Fri, for better or for worse. Personally, I don't think this would lead to my child being emotionally stunted or damaged but that's just me.

Of course we both know my mother would actually insist on looking after my child while I'm at work, whether we like it or not. I don't know if my brother's main concern is how difficult I'd find being a single parent, how much the lack of a father would damage my child or the responsibility that my mother will take upon herself. Maybe he achieved his goal as he has certainly left me questioning myself. It's just such a huge thing, I'm not sure I'll ever actually be able to make a decision. Perhaps by default I will decide by not deciding and just live out my days as I am now, following set routines, thinking only of myself and having no great ambition to achieve anything in life. Well that's an inspiring prospect isn't it.....

BULLSHIT! single parenting is hard, but if you have a solid support network, it can be done. and the rewards are immeasurable. two parents are not required. one loving parent and the supportive "village" is all one needs. i grew up with two loving parents, so i'm saying this as an unbiased contributor. 

your brother is stuck in his ways, and that's fine for him. maybe he is concerned for your mom, but your mom is a big girl and can decide things for herself. does she help him out, and is he worried that will take away from his support system? or does she have health issues that could get worse from taking care of a young child? when are you are able to go back to work, what is the child care system like where you are? is it accessible, or a multi year wait list? will your mom decide to take care of the child until it is time the it to go to school? what if she falls ill? will you have a back up plan?

none of this is asked to discourage you. i love my kids and i'm sure you'd love yours too. these are just things to consider. my wife is in the child care field and sees nightmare scenarios all the time where people call saying 'i need care next week when i'm done mat leave' and my wife has to break it to them that they should have called when they were pregnant. things like that. 

it's not impossible and the rewards are endless. 

Unfortunately I have no close friends or family here, only my mother, so the support network is somewhat lacking. My mum is 73 and while she is fully independent now, she does have a number of health issues which are likely to affect this as she gets older (type 1 diabetes, emphysema and osteoporosis). 

In Ireland you get 6 months paid maternity leave and most people take another 6 unpaid. There is government support for a year's free childcare at age 3, before a child starts school at 4 or 5. Childcare is very expensive but readily available. So there would be a few options. I could maybe use the creche half the time and my mum the other half or I could look into job sharing opportunities or extended leave if possible. 

I realise being a single parent would be an enormous challenge and, quite frankly, I find the thought terrifying. Jaysus I'm terrified at the thought of pregnancy and everything that could go wrong. To have a healthy baby would seem like half the battle to me

FWIW, I have a very good feeling about you becoming a mother. Best of luck to you.

Thoughts_Arrive

Jenny, I would rather have had one loving and supportive single parent than a dad and an abusive, unsupportive mother which I have.

RogueStoner

Only in Arizona do kids beg to stay up past their bedtime because it's raining. 

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

But everything totally works out for that guy, lol.

PJ_Soul

jnimhaoileoin said:

Just off the phone from a long conversation with my brother, who does not approve of the idea of me choosing to become a single parent. He's rather old-fashioned and conservative, steadfastly maintaining that a child should have a mother and a father. He also has the luxury of being from a world where one parent can afford to stay at home and devote themselves to their child full time. He genuinely did not seem to accept that it is actually the norm these days for both parents to work and to not actually see all that much of their child Mon-Fri, for better or for worse. Personally, I don't think this would lead to my child being emotionally stunted or damaged but that's just me.

Of course we both know my mother would actually insist on looking after my child while I'm at work, whether we like it or not. I don't know if my brother's main concern is how difficult I'd find being a single parent, how much the lack of a father would damage my child or the responsibility that my mother will take upon herself. Maybe he achieved his goal as he has certainly left me questioning myself. It's just such a huge thing, I'm not sure I'll ever actually be able to make a decision. Perhaps by default I will decide by not deciding and just live out my days as I am now, following set routines, thinking only of myself and having no great ambition to achieve anything in life. Well that's an inspiring prospect isn't it.....

Good thing it's not your brother's decision to make!

dankind

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

But everything totally works out for that guy, lol.

It does not! He winds up selling all his toys for some bimbo!

What a dope!

lolobugg

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

But everything totally works out for that guy, lol.

he did have a lot of cool action figures.........

dankind

lolobugg said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As of today I'm a 32 year old virgin

Trying to lose it before 40. I don't want to be that guy from the movie.

But everything totally works out for that guy, lol.

he did have a lot of cool action figures.........

My buddy is going on being the 44-year-old virgin, but he still has all his toys, goddamn it!