Question for the Ladies
PearlJam24
Posts: 340
If some guy you've never met approached you and asked you out...how would you feel? Lets say the guy is close to your age and is well dressed, groomed nicely.
Doesn't matter if you are single or in a relationship. Would you feel flattered, creeped out?
What are your thoughts?
Doesn't matter if you are single or in a relationship. Would you feel flattered, creeped out?
What are your thoughts?
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so it wouldn't really matter if he was well groomed or as you describe because you can tell sincerity
and honesty and that is what is truly attractive.
Its very hard for people to meet people these days so no matter what the age its important to be kind and receptive to others.
Flattery gets a man no where its a meeting of the minds thats important.
I'm not being facetious, I would really think he would need assistance to get back to knowing what's around him or he would need assistance to find neutral.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
I think it's odd that you say "It doesn't matter if you are single or in a relationship."
It's supposed to matter isn't it?
Anyway, that comment aside, I think it completely depends upon so many things. Whether it seems natural or forced, whether she is attracted to you, whether you seem sincere or greasy... :?
Not in this case. We're not to the point where the girl is giving (deciding on) an answer. Just trying to figure out the thought process...
Alright, here's the deal. My cousin has his eye on this girl that works in a salon. He has no reason to go into that salon...females only...whatever. Now, he knows nothing about this girl but is attracted to her and wants to get to know her but thinks the only way he can do that is to go into the salon and ask the girl for her number or if she would like to go dinner for the upcoming weekend. He's a clean cut, sincere dude with a good head on his shoulders. He's trying to figure out the best way to approach this situation without coming off as a creepy schmuck. So I'm trying to see what the ladies think.
Ya don't want to know what I'd do if I were in his shoes!
First off... IS he a creepy schmuck?
Secondly... I think in that scenario I would be creeped out, especially knowing that he knows where I work.
Why is he attracted to her - just because she's pretty? And how is he even aware of her if she works in a salon only women go into?
The following would work on me:
He should take a flower in to her with his mobile number attached to it (not a whole bunch -- seems too overboard -- just a nice single flower or a few flowers maybe) and say that he's seen her around and a few friends are meeting up at the pub and she should grab a few friends and meet them there.
If she's keen, she'll go....or if she really can't go due to other commitments but is interested, she'll phone/text and try to arrange a different night to meet.
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
don't overreact or anything. :roll:
I think he should send her flowers- yellow and white marguerite daisies- nothing else- they aren't expensive
on the card-see if she'd like to meet for a coffee at a nearby coffeeshop, set a time- tell her she'll know who he is when she sees him and he should just go and be holding 1 daisy.-Romantic? If shes not spoken for she'll show up if for no other reason but curiosity! If she likes him it could be the start of a life together- uh oh
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
honestly? i would think it VERY bizarre for an absolute stranger to aske me out, point blank. come up to talk to me, even compliment me.....fine, all good. chat some, have a longer conversation, get to know each other even on the most superficial of levels but at least with some back-and-forth, then a request for a date, reasonable.
so sure, whether single or not, 'being asked out' is a compliment in and of itself, so definitely flattery...and yet, it still would be rather creepy, b/c i would never go out with an absolute stranger.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
HA ! this is why i NEVER asked girls out. Every relationship just developed. wait, i did ask my GF out for beers but with a group of people. she accepted, her and a friend came back to my place after the bar closed. the friend left, my GF didnt. that was 4 years ago. longest one night stand of my life !!!
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Holy. People are WAY too suspicious of one another these days. Yes, there are a lot of weirdos out there…but is it really such a horrible thing to be attracted enough to someone to want to get to know them better?
By the reaction in this thread…as a single guy….the only way I should ever meet someone is thru friends, work, or classes. Some kind of activity where I get to know a woman well before I ask her out. If I approach you as a stranger, I’m a creep :roll: …..so….I guess I’m fucked. I don’t work with any women I’m interested in. I am at home with my kids most evenings, and have a very limited social life. How exactly am I supposed to ever meet a woman if they were all as tight assed as some of you are?
This has got to be the female equivalent of guys that call attractive women sluts based on their clothes or flirtiness. It’s just as sad and non-sensical. Also, I think there is probably a certain amount of tough-talk going on that relates to the ‘slut’ analogy – I think many of the women calling the situation ‘creepy’ would be jello if it were the right guy asking them out….just as most of the loser guys that judge a woman without knowing her are only doing so because they have no chance....and they would jump at a chance with her if she was interested....
Please sign the waiver...
um, no.
you could meet ANYwhere, have an actual conversation with the woman...and then ask her out. perfectly normal. walking up to a stranger, never even so much as exchanging a hello ever before and saying hi...want to go on a date? yea....sorry...weird. so sure, go to a party, go to a bar, chat with a woman on a long long at the market, see someone in starbucks and strike up a conversation...THEN ask for a date. i don't think that's odd at all. and being distrustful? eh, with good reason i think. actually, i am a fairly trusting individual, but yes...i am not an idiot either. it's called being cautious. it's good to exchange a few words, etc....get a vibe from someone, rather than simply getting asked on a date cold. i don't care what you look like, how well you dress or how great a smile you have (and that is ALL you can really get from seeing someone and not having any convo whatsoever) to simply walk up and say, want to go for dinner? yes.....creepy. i actually like to get some feeling for someone first. hell, even in a just friends arrangement, like to actully have a convo with you before i decide to invest some time with you. sheesh.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
ok
In a situation like the OP's 'friend"....is it going to be acceptable to walk into this salon and try to chat her up for long enough to not be deemed a creep? I think he's probably going to be painted that way before he opens his mouth...simply because he's attracted to her? that's kinda unfair. but hey, whatever....
I'm too shy to approach strangers anyway, regardless of setting...I just think it's a joke that women look down on a guy for being attracted to them...which is basically what this is boils down to. There is no basis to call a person creepy just for asking you out.
If it's the t'interwebs and I were single, I would be cautious but I probably would meet up with the person in a group of friends.
If I were to be approached in a pub by a guy, I would be flattered and tell him so but I would politely reject as i'm in a relationship. If I were single I would try to get to know him better over the course of the evening and then arrange a second date. This has happened to me before and I ended up seeing a guy for a while as result. It didn't really go anywhere after 4/5 dates and 7 weeks but the whole "OMG what if we don't get on as well as we did when we met, is he as good looking as I remember, what do I wear???" thing was fun. It's old school proper dating!
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
that's it. can't say what is 'an acceptible amount of conversation' as it would entirely be dependent on the circumstances imo.
i think this:
is a workable solution.
point is, in the OP, it was a generalized question, thus what most of us reacted to....not the specifics of his cousin's situation.
asking a total stranger out on a date, point blank, with NO convo at all...whether 5-10 minutes or whatever = bizarre to me. i have had some really great convos with random strangers on very long queues, on trains, at parties, etc. if i were single and there were any interest exhibited, sure....i'd probably accept an invitation. of course, i would meet said person in a public place, have my own transport, etc. but i also would've had at least a small window of time to get even the most general of impressions.
you accuse women here of judging too harshly. i say hardly given the vague scenario in the OP. it's merely being cautious....and even you agree here that it would be 'weird'....doesn't make us "tight asses"...it makes us sensible.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFjrbmj0CUc
me, as a guy would feel a bit creepy doing this. sending a flower and note with my number is way to stalkerish to me. its got the whole " i know what you look like and where you work but you dont know me" vibe to it. at least if i walk up to her she at least can see me.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
well, c'mon....as if the guy is going to walk up and say 'will you go out with me' without trying to start SOME kind of conversation....The few specifics of the OP’s situation that we did get make it obvious that this guy is not going to have much time to talk to the girl…and you're admitting that 5-10 minutes would work if you were interested....are we splittign hairs then?
I found it tight-assed for someone to be saying ‘you’re mentally unstable’ or ‘you’re on drugs’ because they were approached. Maybe I shouldn’t have generalized about the women in this thread; I didn’t want to seem to be attacking Ms.Haiku (not sure why)…but still – women throw the ‘creep’ word around the same way men throw ‘slut’ (or tight ass?
btw - i saw no one say "creep".....they said "creepy"....what's the difference? labelling the behavior, not the person. i could think someone looks normal/nice enough, but i would still think it creepy if i never laid eyes on him before, never said as much as hello, and he just out cold asks me on a date.
as to ziggy's suggestion, the only reason i say it might be a workable solution is simply b/c apparently he can't seem to find any excuse to approach the girl in question. would be great if he could go in and make an appointment, but if that's not possible, it IS difficult to walk in and just ask her out, or approach her at work, going into/out of work, etc. see it from the girls' possible viewpoint too. as scb mentioned earlier, he knows where she works. she doesn't know him at ALL. that could be very disconcerting for her. so something a wee bit sweet/sappy, that kinda suggests a 'nice guy'...might work. it might not either. but just walking in and asking her out, idk, seems odd. again, who knows what THIS girl would choose...but the OP asked "ladies, what would you think?"...so all we can do is offer our opinions. if he actually started the thread with his cousin's actual dilemma, i am sure he would've gotten much more constructive/helpful advice from the get-go. he chose not to, and he got appropriate responses to the very vague idea. i did in fact say yes, it would be flattering...but still also creepy.
so yes, guess we are splitting hairs, mostly b/c you came on the attack. reading the posts in context of the thread, and/or in context of what posts they quoted/responded to.....there's no 'tight-ass' BS in em. as i said, it is caution. as a female, even an independent and gregarious female....most of us know and appreciate caution. i think most of us, male and female alike....take severely agressive behavior from an absolute stranger as a wee bit creepy. doesn't mean we think the person is a creep, but we don't know the person to even have an opinion yet, and that's the whole point!
and how it is 'better' that asking for a # or a coffee? simple. you are not fully putting her on the spot. you are making a sweet gesture, and giving her YOUR #, and also a possible time/place to meet, with friends. seems wise really, for the inviter and the invitee. if she's not interested, she just won't call....but perhaps she will be. put on the spot, she might just outright say no. but sure, maybe you just won't ever get women. :roll: seriously, the OP asked WOMEN, and here was a perfect chance for you to 'gain understanding' to help you 'get women'...and yet you utterly dismiss our pov/thoughts....as tight-assed, and incomprehensible. having time to think such an invitation from an utter stranger over may put a girl more at ease, and possibly more apt to accept the invitation. that's all. also, simply skipping the flower but saying/doing all the same actions, also good. the flower was just an ice-breaker....not a deal-breaker. :P
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
i think there is no "correct" way of doing things with the gals. we lose no matter what
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
of course, b/c even if you 'get the girl'....you lose of course if you end up marrying her, right?
there is no one right way....just whatever works....and that will be different for everyone and every situation.
who knows, maybe this girl will love being appoached by an utterly random stragner while she is at work, accept his invitation in 2.3 seconds, go on their date, fall madly in love and we'll reading about their marriage, children and subsequent divorce in 5 years! who knows?
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
First of all, there's a HUGE difference between a woman saying she, personally, would FEEL creeped out and saying the guy IS a creep. People are supposed to have a feeling inside them that tells them when to feel cautious. Maybe, as a guy, you don't understand this, but it keeps many women out of harm's way. How are we supposed to know if we can trust them? We are not critizing the guy, just saying how we would feel - and I believe that was the question. (Why would your feelings be any more legitimate than ours, anyway?) And I don't think this in any way relates to men calling women sluts.
You asked if it's really such a horrible thing to want to get to know someone better based on their physical appearance. Not necessarily. But is it really such a horrible thing if some women don't want to spend their valuable time with someone they know nothing about? Are we supposed to just go out with every guy who ever asks us out????? :? And is it really such a horrible thing if we want to reserve our time for someone who likes us for our minds and hearts instead of just for our looks? I really don't understand how you can fault us for that.
I understand your frustration about not being able to meet people to date. Women have the same problem, you know. I spend most of my time at work and work with very few men my age. Where am I supposed to meet people? There were a lot more opportunites when I was in college, or went out more, or worked with people my age. I know it's difficult. But I'm still not going to go out with any random guy who likes the way I look, even if I think he's good-looking too.
Also, many of us admitted that we'd be flattered. Who wouldn't be? But, once again, it's still not a reason to go out with someone.
Is it just me, or do many guys seem to have some kind of sense of entitlement (for lack of a better word)? I've known many guys who get upset by women who won't go out with them.
EDIT: Maybe resentment is a better word.