What happens when you date a married man..

yahamita

You get fucked in the end! Been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, he has NOT been with his wife during this time, just waiting stupidly for his divorce to be final. We've been looking at homes together, making grand plans all week, have an awesome life together, all of a sudden, the divorce is final yesterday, and he turns around and dumps me! Blames me for all his loses. the house, full time being around his daughter, his finances are crap and all the things he wasn't expecting showed up on his divorce papers. He should have hired a lawyer instead of allowing his ex to make all the decisisions, but basically he feels he got screwed, and it's all my fault..WTF is up with that nonsense? We both knew what kind of obsticles we would be facing during all of this..I am just numb...I should have known better, I know...but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

PureandEasy

so sorry to hear about this, is that him in the picture with you? I can't really see it that well.

dating a married man is never a good idea, trust me

sorry you got hurt

PureandEasy

oh wait now that I look at it, that's Mikey in the picture with you isn't it?

i need glasses BIG TIME.

soulsinging

yahamita wrote:

..but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

Always a bad decision. The heart is stupid, and allowing it to influence any choices you make is inevitably going to end in you getting fucked by someone that sees the advantage it gives them over you. Sorry it happened to you.

decides2dream

soulsinging wrote:

yahamita wrote:

..but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

Always a bad decision. The heart is stupid, and allowing it to influence any choices you make is inevitably going to end in you getting fucked by someone that sees the advantage it gives them over you. Sorry it happened to you.

agreed.
so sorry yahamita, you don't deserve this.
hard lesson learned?
:(
wish you the best....
i think 'dating' anyone who is married....is never a good idea, for this very kind of reason. sure, there are stories of happy endings, but they are far out-numbered by stories like this. and while there are always exceptions, the vast majority of stats point to this very outcome.

justam

yahamita wrote:

You get fucked in the end! Been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, he has NOT been with his wife during this time, just waiting stupidly for his divorce to be final. We've been looking at homes together, making grand plans all week, have an awesome life together, all of a sudden, the divorce is final yesterday, and he turns around and dumps me! Blames me for all his loses. the house, full time being around his daughter, his finances are crap and all the things he wasn't expecting showed up on his divorce papers. He should have hired a lawyer instead of allowing his ex to make all the decisisions, but basically he feels he got screwed, and it's all my fault..WTF is up with that nonsense? We both knew what kind of obsticles we would be facing during all of this..I am just numb...I should have known better, I know...but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

Maybe you're lucky to find out he's like this now rather than later?

Imagine if you married him and your marriage was nothing but a series of him blaming you for all the stuff he really ought to be taking responsibility for himself?

Hawkshore

That sucks! :( ......Sounds like he has a real problem taking responsibility for his own actions! ......probably for the best that he showed you his true colours now before you had even more invested in the relationship!

milarso

justam wrote:

yahamita wrote:

You get fucked in the end! Been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, he has NOT been with his wife during this time, just waiting stupidly for his divorce to be final. We've been looking at homes together, making grand plans all week, have an awesome life together, all of a sudden, the divorce is final yesterday, and he turns around and dumps me! Blames me for all his loses. the house, full time being around his daughter, his finances are crap and all the things he wasn't expecting showed up on his divorce papers. He should have hired a lawyer instead of allowing his ex to make all the decisisions, but basically he feels he got screwed, and it's all my fault..WTF is up with that nonsense? We both knew what kind of obsticles we would be facing during all of this..I am just numb...I should have known better, I know...but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

Maybe you're lucky to find out he's like this now rather than later?

Although it probably doesn't make you feel any better now, what Justam said could end up being the silver lining in all this.
I got mixed up in a somewhat similar situation a few months back (only the girl I was seeing was only with a serious boyfriend, not married.) I don't think things like this ever end well.
I'm really sorry though! Hopefully things will get better for you!

orig_long red

don't blame your heart, all it does is pump blood. your brain is to blame here.

patrickredeyes

PureandEasy wrote:

dating a married man is never a good idea, trust me

And vice versa.

jimed14

the takeaway for everyone here ...

soulsinging wrote:

The heart is stupid ...

polaris_x

i don't think this has anything to do with married men ... dating married men in general is bad cuz your obviously dealing with a lying cheat ... it seems that you were dating a dufus which is really the problem ...

yahamita

I just feel like he used me mentally and financially. It was as if he needed someone to help him get out of his marriage. He was only married to her for 6 months, but with her for 2 years. I really thought dating a younger man would be the icing on the cake...he is 8 years younger, but it turned out to be totally opposite..

DewieCox

You SHOULD follow your heart, so long as you check with your brain before any major decisions.

pearljgirl2010

DewieCox wrote:

You SHOULD follow your heart, so long as you check with your brain before any major decisions.

i agree...the heart and the brain like to make things tricky. a hard lesson learned is never a bad thing in the long run...

decides2dream

yahamita wrote:

I just feel like he used me mentally and financially. It was as if he needed someone to help him get out of his marriage. He was only married to her for 6 months, but with her for 2 years. I really thought dating a younger man would be the icing on the cake...he is 8 years younger, but it turned out to be totally opposite..

this is so, so, soooo common. whether a marriage or a non-marital relationship. so many men and women, consciously or unconsciously, do this. and they do this before and/or after the relationship ends. 'rebound' relationships often occur before a relationship actually ends. also, some people simply suck. now you know.....IF you ever involve yourself with a married man, only do so under 2 conditions:
1. you actually marry him
2. you only are in it for sex

CHANGEinWAVES

yahamita wrote:

You get fucked in the end!

I concur.

decides2dream

btw - just a small fyi:
anyone who wants OUT of a marriage after only 6 months? NEVER date such a person, and certainly don't expect any long-term commitment from such a person. fuck buddy, sure......but not long-term relationship material. that is a huge red flag imo.


oh, and the only 'guarantee' of dating a younger man, is that he will always be younger. whatever *perks* there may be, and there definitely are pros/cons with older/younger and vice versa....but no matter what...it is entirely dependent on the individual, not on his or her age.

tybird

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

yahamita wrote:

You get fucked in the end!

I concur.

+1

norm

i told my heart to shut the fuck up a long time ago

CHANGEinWAVES

norm wrote:

i told my heart to shut the fuck up a long time ago

I've been trying... though it doesn't listen to me, just like everyone else.

yahamita

I really appreciate all the feedback. Its part of the healing process for me..I'm still in shock, but trying to mentally talk my head into tuning it all out and shutting the fuck up, while my gut is still in knots, I can't eat or sleep, and the heart is racing, but am trying deperately to get a grip. It's been less than 24 hours..I hear it takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit..

pearljgirl2010

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

norm wrote:

i told my heart to shut the fuck up a long time ago

I've been trying... though it doesn't listen to me, just like everyone else.

yeah. stupid hearts!

soulsinging

yahamita wrote:

I really appreciate all the feedback. Its part of the healing process for me..I'm still in shock, but trying to mentally talk my head into tuning it all out and shutting the fuck up, while my gut is still in knots, I can't eat or sleep, and the heart is racing, but am trying deperately to get a grip. It's been less than 24 hours..I hear it takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit..

Yeah, no shame in reeling when it's that fresh. Hopefully that 3 week mark will do it for you. I'm 3 years out from my ex leaving me for a guy she met on vacation and I'm still not over the damage.

CHANGEinWAVES

yahamita wrote:

.I hear it takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit..

if only.... it took me much much longer then that.

_Crazy_Mary_

I think the fact that he was married has nothing to do with this. The guy was not right for you, that's the bottom line.

yahamita

soulsinging wrote:

yahamita wrote:

I really appreciate all the feedback. Its part of the healing process for me..I'm still in shock, but trying to mentally talk my head into tuning it all out and shutting the fuck up, while my gut is still in knots, I can't eat or sleep, and the heart is racing, but am trying deperately to get a grip. It's been less than 24 hours..I hear it takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit..

Yeah, no shame in reeling when it's that fresh. Hopefully that 3 week mark will do it for you. I'm 3 years out from my ex leaving me for a guy she met on vacation and I'm still not over the damage.

OMG! That is horrible, I am sooooooo sorry. Is she still with that guy??? Do you date now? does it still fuck with your head to where you can't move on?

jimed14

this thread needs a drink ... and some fresh PJ dates.

soulsinging

yahamita wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

yahamita wrote:

I really appreciate all the feedback. Its part of the healing process for me..I'm still in shock, but trying to mentally talk my head into tuning it all out and shutting the fuck up, while my gut is still in knots, I can't eat or sleep, and the heart is racing, but am trying deperately to get a grip. It's been less than 24 hours..I hear it takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit..

Yeah, no shame in reeling when it's that fresh. Hopefully that 3 week mark will do it for you. I'm 3 years out from my ex leaving me for a guy she met on vacation and I'm still not over the damage.

OMG! That is horrible, I am sooooooo sorry. Is she still with that guy??? Do you date now? does it still fuck with your head to where you can't move on?

She's engaged to him now. I just found that out 2 weeks ago. I have a gf, but I still think about the ex all the time, so yeah, it messes with my head.

South of Seattle

soulsinging wrote:

yahamita wrote:

I really appreciate all the feedback. Its part of the healing process for me..I'm still in shock, but trying to mentally talk my head into tuning it all out and shutting the fuck up, while my gut is still in knots, I can't eat or sleep, and the heart is racing, but am trying deperately to get a grip. It's been less than 24 hours..I hear it takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit..

Yeah, no shame in reeling when it's that fresh. Hopefully that 3 week mark will do it for you. I'm 3 years out from my ex leaving me for a guy she met on vacation and I'm still not over the damage.

My best friend's GF cheated on him when she went to Mexico with her friend. It was a little too Convenient that he was from the same town as us. It's been almost 3 years for him and he is still pretty damaged.


Sorry Lisa, that sucks

olderman

i confess to being the 'married man' some years back, although i did not lead (and i did not lie about a future) her on as he seems to have done with you.

nonetheless -

sorry for your heartbreak..

i've had my share.

you'll be ok.

"here's the reason that i'm so free...
my lovin' baby is through with me"