What happens when you date a married man..

yahamita
yahamita Posts: 1,514
edited July 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
You get fucked in the end! Been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, he has NOT been with his wife during this time, just waiting stupidly for his divorce to be final. We've been looking at homes together, making grand plans all week, have an awesome life together, all of a sudden, the divorce is final yesterday, and he turns around and dumps me! Blames me for all his loses. the house, full time being around his daughter, his finances are crap and all the things he wasn't expecting showed up on his divorce papers. He should have hired a lawyer instead of allowing his ex to make all the decisisions, but basically he feels he got screwed, and it's all my fault..WTF is up with that nonsense? We both knew what kind of obsticles we would be facing during all of this..I am just numb...I should have known better, I know...but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!
I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me...GUARANTEED!

Hail Hail HIPPIEMOM

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Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • PureandEasy
    PureandEasy Posts: 5,818
    so sorry to hear about this, is that him in the picture with you? I can't really see it that well.

    dating a married man is never a good idea, trust me

    sorry you got hurt
    Don't come closer or I'll have to go
  • PureandEasy
    PureandEasy Posts: 5,818
    oh wait now that I look at it, that's Mikey in the picture with you isn't it?

    i need glasses BIG TIME. :)
    Don't come closer or I'll have to go
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    yahamita wrote:
    ..but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

    Always a bad decision. The heart is stupid, and allowing it to influence any choices you make is inevitably going to end in you getting fucked by someone that sees the advantage it gives them over you. Sorry it happened to you.
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,975
    soulsinging wrote:
    yahamita wrote:
    ..but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

    Always a bad decision. The heart is stupid, and allowing it to influence any choices you make is inevitably going to end in you getting fucked by someone that sees the advantage it gives them over you. Sorry it happened to you.



    agreed.
    so sorry yahamita, you don't deserve this.
    hard lesson learned?
    :(
    wish you the best....
    i think 'dating' anyone who is married....is never a good idea, for this very kind of reason. sure, there are stories of happy endings, but they are far out-numbered by stories like this. and while there are always exceptions, the vast majority of stats point to this very outcome.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    edited June 2009
    yahamita wrote:
    You get fucked in the end! Been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, he has NOT been with his wife during this time, just waiting stupidly for his divorce to be final. We've been looking at homes together, making grand plans all week, have an awesome life together, all of a sudden, the divorce is final yesterday, and he turns around and dumps me! Blames me for all his loses. the house, full time being around his daughter, his finances are crap and all the things he wasn't expecting showed up on his divorce papers. He should have hired a lawyer instead of allowing his ex to make all the decisisions, but basically he feels he got screwed, and it's all my fault..WTF is up with that nonsense? We both knew what kind of obsticles we would be facing during all of this..I am just numb...I should have known better, I know...but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

    Maybe you're lucky to find out he's like this now rather than later?

    Imagine if you married him and your marriage was nothing but a series of him blaming you for all the stuff he really ought to be taking responsibility for himself?
    Post edited by justam on
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  • Hawkshore
    Hawkshore Posts: 2,194
    That sucks! :( ......Sounds like he has a real problem taking responsibility for his own actions! ......probably for the best that he showed you his true colours now before you had even more invested in the relationship!
    Van 92.07.21 / Van 98.07.19 / Sea 98.07.22 / Tor 98.08.22 / Sea 00.11.06 / Van 03.05.30/ Van 05.09.02/ Gorge 06.07.22 & 23 / EV Van 08.04.02 / Tor 09.08.21 / Sea 09.09.21 & 22 / Van 09.09.25 / Van 11.09.25 / Van 13.12.04 / Pem 16.07.17 / Sea 18.08.10
  • milarso
    milarso Posts: 1,280
    justam wrote:
    yahamita wrote:
    You get fucked in the end! Been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years, he has NOT been with his wife during this time, just waiting stupidly for his divorce to be final. We've been looking at homes together, making grand plans all week, have an awesome life together, all of a sudden, the divorce is final yesterday, and he turns around and dumps me! Blames me for all his loses. the house, full time being around his daughter, his finances are crap and all the things he wasn't expecting showed up on his divorce papers. He should have hired a lawyer instead of allowing his ex to make all the decisisions, but basically he feels he got screwed, and it's all my fault..WTF is up with that nonsense? We both knew what kind of obsticles we would be facing during all of this..I am just numb...I should have known better, I know...but I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain!

    Maybe you're lucky to find out he's like this now rather than later?

    Although it probably doesn't make you feel any better now, what Justam said could end up being the silver lining in all this.
    I got mixed up in a somewhat similar situation a few months back (only the girl I was seeing was only with a serious boyfriend, not married.) I don't think things like this ever end well.
    I'm really sorry though! Hopefully things will get better for you!
    "The dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' her easy for all us sinners."
  • orig_long red
    orig_long red Posts: 2,029
    don't blame your heart, all it does is pump blood. your brain is to blame here.
    Jam out with your clam out.
  • patrickredeyes
    patrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    PureandEasy wrote:

    dating a married man is never a good idea, trust me


    And vice versa.
  • jimed14
    jimed14 Posts: 9,488
    the takeaway for everyone here ...
    soulsinging wrote:
    The heart is stupid ...
    "You're one of the few Red Sox fans I don't mind." - Newch91

    "I don't believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass." --- Pedro Martinez
  • polaris_x
    polaris_x Posts: 13,559
    i don't think this has anything to do with married men ... dating married men in general is bad cuz your obviously dealing with a lying cheat ... it seems that you were dating a dufus which is really the problem ...
  • yahamita
    yahamita Posts: 1,514
    I just feel like he used me mentally and financially. It was as if he needed someone to help him get out of his marriage. He was only married to her for 6 months, but with her for 2 years. I really thought dating a younger man would be the icing on the cake...he is 8 years younger, but it turned out to be totally opposite..
    I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me...GUARANTEED!

    Hail Hail HIPPIEMOM

    Wishlist Foundation-
    http://www.wishlistfoundation.org
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  • DewieCox
    DewieCox Posts: 11,432
    You SHOULD follow your heart, so long as you check with your brain before any major decisions.
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    DewieCox wrote:
    You SHOULD follow your heart, so long as you check with your brain before any major decisions.

    i agree...the heart and the brain like to make things tricky. a hard lesson learned is never a bad thing in the long run...
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,975
    yahamita wrote:
    I just feel like he used me mentally and financially. It was as if he needed someone to help him get out of his marriage. He was only married to her for 6 months, but with her for 2 years. I really thought dating a younger man would be the icing on the cake...he is 8 years younger, but it turned out to be totally opposite..



    this is so, so, soooo common. whether a marriage or a non-marital relationship. so many men and women, consciously or unconsciously, do this. and they do this before and/or after the relationship ends. 'rebound' relationships often occur before a relationship actually ends. also, some people simply suck. now you know.....IF you ever involve yourself with a married man, only do so under 2 conditions:
    1. you actually marry him
    2. you only are in it for sex

    :mrgreen:
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    yahamita wrote:
    You get fucked in the end!
    I concur.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,975
    btw - just a small fyi:
    anyone who wants OUT of a marriage after only 6 months? NEVER date such a person, and certainly don't expect any long-term commitment from such a person. fuck buddy, sure......but not long-term relationship material. that is a huge red flag imo.


    oh, and the only 'guarantee' of dating a younger man, is that he will always be younger. whatever *perks* there may be, and there definitely are pros/cons with older/younger and vice versa....but no matter what...it is entirely dependent on the individual, not on his or her age.
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • tybird
    tybird Posts: 17,388
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    yahamita wrote:
    You get fucked in the end!
    I concur.
    +1
    All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    i told my heart to shut the fuck up a long time ago
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    norm wrote:
    i told my heart to shut the fuck up a long time ago
    I've been trying... though it doesn't listen to me, just like everyone else.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"

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