went to strip club while I was PJ20

amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
edited February 2013 in All Encompassing Trip
found out thru happenstance that hubby made a trip, by himself, to polekatz while I was away at PJ20 with my brother. Totally gave hubby the chance to go, and wanted him to, but he has seen them 4 times and brother was in town, so he gracefully bowed out.

what should I make of it?

amy
Post edited by Unknown User on
Amy The Great #74594
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Comments

  • madtowndavemadtowndave Posts: 2,551
    Absolutely nothing. My wife has been to a strip club with me, and she's ok with me going. I don't make a habit out of it, I might go 1-2x a year. Just guys being guys.
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  • shortstackshortstack Posts: 1,669
    dump em
    whatever happened to my rock n' roll?
  • That's up to you... are you against him going to strip clubs?
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    Hey God, there's nothing left for me to hide. I lost my ignorance, security and pride.
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  • Dr. DelightDr. Delight Haddonfield, ILPosts: 7,618
    I dont consider it a big deal, but the question is, do you trust your husband?

    I sometimes think women paint the strip clubs to be much worse than they actually are, especially if they've never frequented one. Sure, there are sleazy ones, but I'd guess 95% of the clubs are no nonsense, with zero extra curricular activities taking place.

    I went a lot in my early to mid 20's, havent been to one in prob 10 yrs though.
    Balls
  • amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
    edited February 2013
    I've been to them with groups or a couple people at different times in my life, no biggy really. it is was it is.

    just that he went alone, lied about it.

    a month or two after I got back from PJ20 it came up in idle conversation with my sis-n-law that he had asked his brother to go but his brother didn't want to. so at that time I asked him and he said his brother was feeling down and "he just threw it out there as a suggestion." I didn't want to drill it into the ground so I let it go. He's quite professing when it comes to trust and integrity.

    when I asked him about the two of us going, he just makes a sour face.

    I trusted him, I want to trust him. I trusted completely before I found this out. I either have to trust him going forward or get out cause I'll go nuts analysing it. so much of marriage is trusting, but he don't trust me enough to be mature when he says "hey, I think we going to go to here tonight, just so you know".?

    we've been together 10 years married 5 years and neither of us have ever slept on the couch due to a conflict. I can be bossy but I'm not unreasonable.

    thanks for your 2c.
    amy
    Post edited by amethgr8 on
    Amy The Great #74594
    New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
    Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
    08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
    Champaign IL 4/23/03
    Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
    Grand Rapids MI 19May06
    Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
  • LloydXmasLloydXmas Posts: 7,539
    polekatz. Sounds like a Polish Delicatessen to me.
  • Empty GlassEmpty Glass Mike's side - 5 Rows backPosts: 5,157
    LloydXmas" said:
    polekatz. Sounds like a Polish Delicatessen to me.
    salami


    As for the op... not really knowing the situation, it's hard to give you an answer. These places are harmless, but a talk with your husband seems to be in order.
  • amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
    dump him?

    it's hardly a deal breaker, just disappointing.

    he says he did it because, basically he didn't want to hear my thoughts on it. that's fine, but when it came up a month or so later, he could have admitted to it then.

    I'm part polish.

    amy
    Amy The Great #74594
    New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
    Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
    08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
    Champaign IL 4/23/03
    Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
    Grand Rapids MI 19May06
    Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
  • SatansFutonSatansFuton Posts: 5,355
    I wouldn't read too much into it. When the little lady leaves town we do all kinds of shit to flex our freedom. Going to a strip club alone is kind of odd, but it's probably just him doing something because he can. I'm currently single, but when my significant other would leave town in the past, it was on. Beer cans/bottles everywhere, sink full of dishes, wore nothing except boxers except for when I left the house, stayed up later than usual for the hell of it, etc. Just because I could. It's silly, but we do like doing stuff we normally can't do. I live alone now and I don't do any of those things, other than staying up late sometimes, I just did it then because she would have hated it if she were home.

    As for not wanting to go with you, some guys are into taking their girlfriends, wives, etc. Personally that would be a nightmare. I never had a girl that suggested going anyway, but if they had I would have suspected they were trying to set me up for using how I looked at the big breasted stripper a little too intently as ammunition for a future argument. Even if that weren't the case, I would just find it uncomfortable. Having your significant other have a front row seat to you looking at other naked women just doesn't add up. I know some women are into it, and wouldn't mind it at all, but it just doesn't feel right.
    Photobucket
  • LloydXmasLloydXmas Posts: 7,539
    Empty Glass" said:
    [quote="LloydXmas"]polekatz. Sounds like a Polish Delicatessen to me.
    salami


    As for the op... not really knowing the situation, it's hard to give you an answer. These places are harmless, but a talk with your husband seems to be in order.[/quote]
    nah, she doesn't need to have a talk with him. The dude went to a strip club when his wife was away gallivanting at a Pearl Jam Weekend. He was probably bored as shit and figured he'd go look at some (word band by Kat). I think the OP is making a bigger deal than it actually is. Just my opinion.

    I'm polish too. Born and Raised in Little Poland - New Britski, CT
  • SatansFutonSatansFuton Posts: 5,355
    I think for many of the females around here, going to a PJ show is the equivalent of going to a strip club. You know you get all hot and bothered watching that hairy man shake his ass on stage.
    Photobucket
  • amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
    asking why he felt the need to lie to me was the most "talking to" we had.

    I so wanted him with me to PJ20. I'm still making dinner tonight, keeping calm and carrying on. I can be mature, I know how people think. you're married and your best friends I don't see a reason to lie about something pretty trivial.

    He said the same thing, "well it's really not that big of deal" and if it isn't now and wasn't at the time then just say what you're going to do or might do. did he think I was going to stay home from PJ20..
    Amy The Great #74594
    New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
    Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
    08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
    Champaign IL 4/23/03
    Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
    Grand Rapids MI 19May06
    Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
  • amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
    yea, I really don't get hot and bothered much by rockstars anymore. my connection with pearl jam is more about coming up thru the ranks or making it when you didn't think you could or whatever but it's much deeper that. I don't think I could pollute our musical relationship. I've crossed that line at times in my life, with male friends that were great friends and we took it a step farther, and if you're not gonna marry that "friend" it's hard to step-back over the line you just crossed.

    I had a great time with my brother, but a hotel room in wisconsin and two days of a pearl jam party. I really wanted my husband there.

    even if the hot and bothered theory is true, then wouldn't he be able to capitalize on that when we got back to the room. and isn't that a strong possibility when wives/gf's DO go to the clubs with their hubby's?

    everybody wang-chungs eh? lol
    amy
    Amy The Great #74594
    New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
    Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
    08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
    Champaign IL 4/23/03
    Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
    Grand Rapids MI 19May06
    Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
  • SatansFutonSatansFuton Posts: 5,355
    He probably lied because he was embarrassed. Going to a strip club by yourself is kind of sad. Maybe he was bored, lonely or whatever. I'm not calling your man sad, but I can totally see why he lied about it.

    Or maybe he lied because he didn't want his wife going on the internet telling a bunch of strangers that he went to a strip club. :wink:
    Photobucket
  • amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
    I hardly feel like we are strangers, it's been years, watching, listening, chimming in every now and then. anyway it's better than blabbing to my girlfriends who will most likely attempt to fill my head with man-hate.

    I wanted some objective opinions. don't really want to go blabbing to the men I know about it either to get their "objective" view on it.

    this is what the AET and the forum is for, amongst other things.

    thanks much for your thoughts.

    amy
    Amy The Great #74594
    New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
    Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
    08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
    Champaign IL 4/23/03
    Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
    Grand Rapids MI 19May06
    Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
  • madtowndavemadtowndave Posts: 2,551
    I say communicate your expectations going forward, then give it to the past.
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  • SatansFutonSatansFuton Posts: 5,355
    amethgr8" said:
    I hardly feel like we are strangers, it's been years, watching, listening, chimming in every now and then. anyway it's better than blabbing to my girlfriends who will most likely attempt to fill my head with man-hate.

    I wanted some objective opinions. don't really want to go blabbing to the men I know about it either to get their "objective" view on it.

    this is what the AET and the forum is for, amongst other things.

    thanks much for your thoughts.

    amy
    I was joking about that, I didn't mean you shouldn't have started the thread. I do think I'm starting to see a trend of over analyzing things though. You seriously replied to two joking comments I made (the strangers thing, and PJ shows being women's strip clubs), and I think maybe you're over analyzing your husband going to the strip club.

    I don't want to say it's not a big deal, because that's up to you. If you're against him going, that's your own personal feeling. Though offering to go with might send a mixed signal. But I think you're looking too deeply into his motivation for doing so, or being completely honest about it.
    Photobucket
  • amethgr8amethgr8 Posts: 339
    yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

    thanks for the help over the bump.

    amy
    Amy The Great #74594
    New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
    Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
    08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
    Champaign IL 4/23/03
    Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
    Grand Rapids MI 19May06
    Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
  • SatansFutonSatansFuton Posts: 5,355
    amethgr8" said:
    yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

    thanks for the help over the bump.

    amy
    Well, no need to get hung up on the why of it. Here's all you need to know: we like titties. Don't lose too much sleep over it.
    Photobucket
  • LloydXmasLloydXmas Posts: 7,539
    SatansFuton" said:
    [quote="amethgr8"]yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

    thanks for the help over the bump.

    amy
    we like titties. [/quote]
    :lol: :lol:

    you got that right
  • madtowndavemadtowndave Posts: 2,551
    LloydXmas" said:
    [quote="SatansFuton"][quote="amethgr8"]yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

    thanks for the help over the bump.

    amy
    we like titties. [/quote]
    :lol: :lol:

    you got that right[/quote]


    +1
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  • I'm a TruckI'm a Truck Posts: 3,100
    Can't wait for Staysea to chime in! She always has good advice for this shit.















    I like boobies too!!
  • Pjzepp67Pjzepp67 Posts: 445
    amethgr8" said:
    found out thru happenstance that hubby made a trip, by himself, to polekatz while I was away at PJ20 with my brother. Totally gave hubby the chance to go, and wanted him to, but he has seen them 4 times and brother was in town, so he gracefully bowed out.

    what should I make of it?

    amy
    As Chris Rock says, "there aint no sex in the Champagne Room"...strip clubs are not brothels...they are (forgive the pun) titilation at best, a relief for sexual boredom at worst. I would however have to question his commitment to PJ...even if he had seen them 4x before and even if it was your brother. Strip clubs are nothing to stress about... :fp:
    Tell him the only way he can make it up to you is a trip to Chicago on July, 19th, with a "show" thrown in...

    c u there... :lol:
  • Pjzepp67Pjzepp67 Posts: 445
    I'm a Truck" said:
    Can't wait for Staysea to chime in! She always has good advice for this shit.
















    I like boobies too!!
    You picked a name for the bambino yet... :fp:
  • I'm a TruckI'm a Truck Posts: 3,100
    edited February 2013
    Pjzepp67" said:
    [quote="I'm a Truck"]Can't wait for Staysea to chime in! She always has good advice for this shit.
















    I like boobies too!!
    You picked a name for the bambino yet... :fp:[/quote]


    :lol: yeah right! We've got months to debate. Last kid didn't have a name for 4 days after he was born.
    Post edited by I'm a Truck on
  • LloydXmas" said:
    [quote="SatansFuton"][quote="amethgr8"]yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

    thanks for the help over the bump.

    amy
    we like titties. [/quote]
    :lol: :lol:

    you got that right[/quote]

    Yes. Yes we do.
    The smallest oceans still get....big, big waves

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  • FrankieGFrankieG Posts: 6,029
    You are asking for relationship advice on a PJ forum because the said act in question happened while you were at a PJ event? :lol: :fp: ;)


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  • SatansFutonSatansFuton Posts: 5,355
    F Me In The Brain" said:
    [quote="LloydXmas"][quote="SatansFuton"]
    we like titties.
    :lol: :lol:

    you got that right[/quote]

    Yes. Yes we do.[/quote]

    As evidenced by the fact that the Official Kate Upton Thread is 12 Pages long. That's more than the "Downton Abbey" and "The Americans" threads combined.

    The moral of the story is that Maggie Smith needs to take her top off

    image
    Photobucket
  • LloydXmasLloydXmas Posts: 7,539
    SatansFuton" said:

    As evidenced by the fact that the Official Kate Upton Thread is 12 Pages long. That's more than the "Downton Abbey" and "The Americans" threads combined.

    The moral of the story is that Maggie Smith needs to take her top off

    image
    :lol: :lol: :corn: :corn:
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,669
    amethgr8" said:
    found out thru happenstance that hubby made a trip, by himself, to polekatz while I was away at PJ20 with my brother. Totally gave hubby the chance to go, and wanted him to, but he has seen them 4 times and brother was in town, so he gracefully bowed out.

    what should I make of it?

    amy
    as long as it's not a habit

    i just cannot believe that four shows was enough for him
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
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