Fill in the blank: 2020 marks my ___ year as a Pearl Jam fan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs

so thought, okay, what the heck, I will give it a try. 

So, what do I know about this song?I think the guy’s voice was deep and gravelly and it was on a rock station.  So this is literally what I put in the search bar, and the search bar is, “seriously, I am going to need a little more information than that”, but still it obediently spits out a bunch of random crap among which is some Pearl Jam songs, which I start to listen to and about 5 hours later I am feeling something that I am now going to do a poor job describing, because I really can’t do it justice, but I will try.   The first feeling was, holy shit, have I been living under a rock? am I from another planet? have I been in a coma for the last 28 years?  I know I must have heard many of their songs on the radio over the years. Their first (freakin amazing!) album  came out in 1991, the year we adopted our son, so I am going to forgive myself for being a bit distracted and busy at that time, but Christ, how could I miss this talent for the next 28 fucking years!?  To make it worse this chap called Eddie Vedder is the most captivating, primal, philanthropically generous, funny, thoughtful, down to earth, sweet, talented f**k have ever gotten to know over Youtube in my life.. Which I suppose might not be saying a lot, since I really have not gotten to know anyone over YouTube before…. but still. 

Now this whole experience, when you think about it, is extremely surreal. The YouTube interviews presents  a 27 year old kid starting out, innocent, humble, naïve, cute and sexy as all hell (to which my inner solid self keeps saying, “that is a creepy thought Tanja, stop it!”) and then aging, maturing, fast forward to a 54 years old, married, two kids, ridiculously famous, rich, just as cute, talented wonderful person my age (ish), and everything in between.   This experience is weird, fun, neat and scary all at once.  And the music, Jesus, the music.

And here is where the Story gets fun.  Ottawa has crazy ass snow, and they were predicting a doozy starting Tues Feb 12th into Wednesday the  13th.  On the Tues night I have a Board meeting and I usually go home to walk the dog and come back, but the snow has started, so I figure I’d stay the two hours at work and do me some more internet stalking of Pearl Jam, as it was just on the past weekend that this revelation had occurred.  I am looking at random shit and come across the names of few songs that I recognize from the recesses of my previously PJ blind mind. I don’t really have time to listen fully because I am busy watching videos of Eddie accepting and presenting awards, but write them down on a sticky note to buy on itunes later at home and add to my growing PJ playlist.  The next day the snow storm hits in full force and the independent school that I am the Director of Finance at, calls a snow day for the first time in its 105 year old history.  Guess what I did all that free day?  I am on the elliptical machine listening to one of the PJ songs noted from the other night which I just downloaded, finish, sweaty, go down to the kitchen to get a glass of water, humming the last song, and HOLY SHIT, it hits me like the proverbial ton of bricks, like freaking lightening, I practically drop to my knees, it’s the fucking song I had been humming in my head that started this whole journey.  The relief is palpable, and I start laughing out loud and I swear to god, it feels better than sex and chocolate combined.  Clearly, this is all kismit, I think after gaining back my senses.

Since then though, I really have been wondering why this band, this person, this music, has obsessed me like this and made me so want  to tell the story, Maybe  it is because I have never before experienced a revelation of this sort, in this crazy manner, and isn’t that what makes life fun.. discovering new “stuff/people”, in new ways, and getting such incredible enjoyment out of it at the same time. Maybe it’s as simple as that.