Anybody gone through a divorce?
Going through this right now, and I’m really trying to find ways to stay right and keep moving. Wondering if anyone has some advice that helped them. Didn’t see it coming so that’s why I’m still so shocked and lost. Thanks for any help
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I found comfort in music. It takes time to process and you will find the strength to get through it. I found running and cycling listening to good music to be very therapeutic. It may sound more like punishment but it has its benefits. Try and steer clear from anything destructive. Easier said than done but you will thank yourself later when you come out in the clear.
Sorry you're going through this. No one is good at going through a divorce. Not like you prepare for this. Shows great strength and courage that you reached out. Don't be afraid to keep reaching out to your support network.
I was in a really bad place and then I heard this song come on. And it was like a switch flipped. I was like fuck this, tired of feeling shitty all the time. Time to move on...time to get going....
P.S. Hadn't seen this version of this song played. Goddamn, miss TP.
https://youtu.be/fTWuSjLQ2p0
But it most import is that everything is documented and in writing.
Sorry its it’s happening and sorry if it’s a bit blunt how I put it, BUT I got screwed over so I learned the hard way.
Like MyDirt said, stay in contact with friends and family. And like someone told me once, “this too shall pass”.
Just be kind and patient with yourself...you don't have to keep everything together all by yourself, reach out.
I'm not gonna go into too much detail but my love for PJ was on the back burner as he was not the fan I am.
I even blame him for my Eddie Vedder poster getting torn. Jerk.
It's gonna be ok.
You will get though this with your friends, family and of course Pearl Jam forever!
❤
I miss Tom Petty too. That passing was rough.
I do have a sister-in-law who is going through a divorce. She's my wife's sister. So, we've been helping to support her as she has been a stay at home mom. Her husband has taken away her access to their bank, etc. They have two children. It's hard because I know them both obviously. While I am not super close to her husband, I know he's a good guy. However, he's dealing with his own addiction issues and won't work to improve himself and has not been treating her right. So, unfortunately, it's come to this. Anyway, I agree with what other's have said about keeping the children's priorities at the top. It is also important to be strong and keep your interests a priority. While I wouldn't want things to get ugly, you do need to watch out for your interests. Focus on being fair, but not giving in.
-keep things cerebral as much as you can. if your spouse attacks you personally, try to remember they are doing it because they are also hurting. try to remain calm and deal with things as un-emotionally as you can. break down when off the phone if you have to, just don't lash out. getting even will never make things better. don't be cold (as that might elicit a strong response as well), just factual.
-stuff is just stuff. if it's valuable, and you are in a tough spot financially, maybe fight for it. but don't demand something just because you think you deserve it or that you want everything to be 50/50. fighting for your PS4 or your favourite chair isn't worth it. just let it go.
-if it has emotional value, or is something that was obviously a gift to you, then do it.
-remind yourself that all things really do pass. I was with a girl for 5 years. lived together for 2. and the immense pain last about 6 months. the subsiding pain lasted longer. I'm sure a marriage breaking down will be much worse. But the pain WILL end.
-no relationship is a waste of time, even when it ends in disaster. you will come away learning from your experience. you will be a better person for it. cherish the good memories you made, and it's ok to miss them. but there's a fine line between cherishing the memory and holding onto it. cherish but let it go.
-don't try to be friends, and don't force your friends to choose. if your ex is being a twat about "they were my friend first", let them be. that's what I did. the ones that wanted to maintain a relationship did. the ones that didn't, I let go. my ex even tried to get my now-wife to be roommates with her, knowing full well how much it would hurt me.
-if you are on social media, unfriend/unfollow them, and block them. or delete your social media altogether. it is a poison I'm glad didn't exist when I went through my last major breakup.
-it's ok to seek therapy to work through your emotions. they will be confusing, and it will be tiring. even if you feel fine every second day, you deserve to feel fine every day.
www.headstonesband.com
Any relationship worth anything hurts when it’s truly worth it.
The way I’m dealing though is to focus on fixing myself, in hopes that maybe I can be a better person later on. Might seem cliche, but anything worth fixing is worth a shot. Talking does nothing, IMO.
Good luck to all of us. We need it.
Lots of good advise posted above.
I agree with the suggestions to document everything, focus on yourself, and listen to music.
Know that there are many good people on this forum who are ready to lend an ear.
Good luck!
PJ Cuyahoga Flalls OH 8/26/1998
PJ Noblesviile IN 8/18/2000
PJ Cincinnatti OH 8/20/2000
PJ Columbus OH 8/21/2000
PJ Columbus OH 6/24/2003
PJ Hamilton Ontario 9/13/2005
PJ Phiadelphia PA 10/3/2005
PJ Cleveland OH 5/20/2006
PJ Columbia SC 6/16/2008.....
e.V Chicago IL 8/21/2008
e.V Philly PA 6/11/2009
e.V Bailtimore MD 6/14/2009...
PJ Chicago IL 8/23/2009
.PJ...Philly PA 10/27/2009 PJ.Philadephia PA 10/28/2009.
PJ Columbus OH 5/6/2010
PJ Cleveland OH 5/9/2010.
BRAD Columbus OH 10/5/2010
e.V St.Louis MO 7/1/2011
.PJ.. East Troy WI 9/3/2011..PJ..East Troy WI 9/4/2011
Neil Young & Crazy Horse Cleveland OH 10/8/2012
RNDM Chicago IL11/13/2012
Alice In Chains/SoundGarden Columbus OH 5/19/2013
AIC Fort Wayne IN 5/21/2013
PJ Pittsburgh PA 10/11/2013
AIC Cincinnati OH 5/17/2014
AIC Cleveland OH 5/19/2014
AIC Indianapolis IN 8/19/2014
PJ Cincinnati OH 10/1/2014
AIC Cincinnati OH 8/06/2015
RNDM Chicago IL 3/15/2016
PJ Columbia SC 4\21\2016
PJ Lexington KY 4/26/2016
PJ Chicago IL 8/20/2016
Soundgarden Columbus OH 5/20/2017 Canceled RIP Chris
AIC Columbus OH 5/18/2018
PJ Chicago IL 8/18/2018 PJ Chicago IL 8/20/2018
PJ St Louis Missouri 9/18/2022
AIC Cuyohoga falls Oh. 8/16/2019
SHAWNSMITH Rip 2019Mark Lanegan Band 5/18/19
PJ Cuyahoga Flalls OH 8/26/1998
PJ Noblesviile IN 8/18/2000
PJ Cincinnatti OH 8/20/2000
PJ Columbus OH 8/21/2000
PJ Columbus OH 6/24/2003
PJ Hamilton Ontario 9/13/2005
PJ Phiadelphia PA 10/3/2005
PJ Cleveland OH 5/20/2006
PJ Columbia SC 6/16/2008.....
e.V Chicago IL 8/21/2008
e.V Philly PA 6/11/2009
e.V Bailtimore MD 6/14/2009...
PJ Chicago IL 8/23/2009
.PJ...Philly PA 10/27/2009 PJ.Philadephia PA 10/28/2009.
PJ Columbus OH 5/6/2010
PJ Cleveland OH 5/9/2010.
BRAD Columbus OH 10/5/2010
e.V St.Louis MO 7/1/2011
.PJ.. East Troy WI 9/3/2011..PJ..East Troy WI 9/4/2011
Neil Young & Crazy Horse Cleveland OH 10/8/2012
RNDM Chicago IL11/13/2012
Alice In Chains/SoundGarden Columbus OH 5/19/2013
AIC Fort Wayne IN 5/21/2013
PJ Pittsburgh PA 10/11/2013
AIC Cincinnati OH 5/17/2014
AIC Cleveland OH 5/19/2014
AIC Indianapolis IN 8/19/2014
PJ Cincinnati OH 10/1/2014
AIC Cincinnati OH 8/06/2015
RNDM Chicago IL 3/15/2016
PJ Columbia SC 4\21\2016
PJ Lexington KY 4/26/2016
PJ Chicago IL 8/20/2016
Soundgarden Columbus OH 5/20/2017 Canceled RIP Chris
AIC Columbus OH 5/18/2018
PJ Chicago IL 8/18/2018 PJ Chicago IL 8/20/2018
PJ St Louis Missouri 9/18/2022
AIC Cuyohoga falls Oh. 8/16/2019
SHAWNSMITH Rip 2019Mark Lanegan Band 5/18/19
I walked out on my ex in 09 due to consistent mental and occasional physical abuse. (Yes an abused husband.) worst part was I could tell this relationship was changing me from the big teddy bear I always was into an angry, lonely, overeating, emasculated shell of a human being. I didn’t recognize myself.
I was so happy I left, I had to tell everyone. It was like a weight lifted. Looking back I would have kept my mouth shut and left with dignity.
Of course, it all got back to her and created drama (how could it not?) and I DEPLORE drama. No one to blame but myself... she was trying to save face of course, no one likes to be dumped.
Emotions run high and it can be difficult to think straight. What helped me? Counselling, having legal representation, eating healthier and beginning a fitness regimen and finding new friends.
I left her everything, including mutual friends. Eventually I followed a new career path, moved out of town and eventually met my current wife who is the best thing that has ever happened to me (as is the career).
Hope this helps....