Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.
Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?" Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends. Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties. The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us. He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.
So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. You feared he would call you the next day. He did not. So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party. How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again - but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes?
He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart.
Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.
I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me. I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.
Empathy should make you ”have” to behave.
I have and I will. You misunderstood me. I am not interested in such a relationship! I am interested in the friendship!
But I have learned that most men with women can not have lasting friendship when they are married. I have a few friendships with guys that work great. But they do not tell me that I broke their heart, so I do not know why he tells me that again and again. I'm just confused about that.
Love mixed with nostalgia and memories of ones youth is a strong (and dangerous) combination.
"Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
Oh I see. TBH, I assumed you were having feelings as well just because I don't see any reason in even really worrying about this otherwise. You not wanting anything with him at all really simplifies the issue! If he pulls anything even remotely inappropriate, just straight up tell him that it's inappropriate and to back off. Problem solves I would hope. If he kept it up after that, then he's an idiot anyhow.
I was more thinking about what could have been long ago not today. If at all. He has not been inappropriate, he only talked about it and I only felt uncomfortable as he said it with our friends around. I can not blame him just because he tells me that he likes me a lot. I guess I should tell him to stop, but I do not want to insult him. Looks like I have to ask him next time why he does that ... How embarrassing…
I have and I will. You misunderstood me. I am not interested in such a relationship! I am interested in the friendship!
But I have learned that most men with women can not have lasting friendship when they are married. I have a few friendships with guys that work great. But they do not tell me that I broke their heart, so I do not know why he tells me that again and again. I'm just confused about that.
Love mixed with nostalgia and memories of ones youth is a strong (and dangerous) combination.
The more I talk about it, the more I am getting confused about it. Why tf do I feel guilty?
Oh I see. TBH, I assumed you were having feelings as well just because I don't see any reason in even really worrying about this otherwise. You not wanting anything with him at all really simplifies the issue! If he pulls anything even remotely inappropriate, just straight up tell him that it's inappropriate and to back off. Problem solves I would hope. If he kept it up after that, then he's an idiot anyhow.
I was more thinking about what could have been long ago not today. If at all. He has not been inappropriate, he only talked about it and I only felt uncomfortable as he said it with our friends around. I can not blame him just because he tells me that he likes me a lot. I guess I should tell him to stop, but I do not want to insult him. Looks like I have to ask him next time why he does that ... How embarrassing…
Yeah, it could be awkward for sure. But ugh, sometimes that just has to be. FWIW, I think him just talking about it is completely inappropriate, since he is a married man! He needs to check himself!
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Yeah, it could be awkward for sure. But ugh, sometimes that just has to be. FWIW, I think him just talking about it is completely inappropriate, since he is a married man! He needs to check himself!
Hm, I didn't find it inappropriate at that moment. It was just something between us. As long as he was obviously talking about the past. It had nothing to do with his wife. But he said it already and that should be enough. I fear the moment he could try. Then it will be ruined... It makes me very sad now, to be honest.
Yeah, it could be awkward for sure. But ugh, sometimes that just has to be. FWIW, I think him just talking about it is completely inappropriate, since he is a married man! He needs to check himself!
Hm, I didn't find it inappropriate at that moment. It was just something between us. As long as he was obviously talking about the past. It had nothing to do with his wife. But he said it already and that should be enough. I fear the moment he could try. Then it will be ruined... It makes me very sad now, to be honest.
The relationship expert adds that when a spouse cheats on his or her significant other, it's more about the person who cheats than the other person.
"When we seek the gaze of another, it isn't always our partner that we are turning away from — but the person that we ourselves have become," Perel says. "And it isn't so much that we're looking for another person, as much as we are looking for another self."
Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.
Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?" Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends. Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties. The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us. He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.
So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. You feared he would call you the next day. He did not. So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party. How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again - but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes?
He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart.
Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.
I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me. I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.
Empathy should make you ”have” to behave.
I have and I will. You misunderstood me. I am not interested in such a relationship! I am interested in the friendship!
But I have learned that most men with women can not have lasting friendship when they are married. I have a few friendships with guys that work great. But they do not tell me that I broke their heart, so I do not know why he tells me that again and again. I'm just confused about that.
Love mixed with nostalgia and memories of ones youth is a strong (and dangerous) combination.
I have experienced this strong feeling. And the almost unstoppable urge to see what it would have been like but its all better left as a thought. Ruins lives if followed up
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Yeah, it could be awkward for sure. But ugh, sometimes that just has to be. FWIW, I think him just talking about it is completely inappropriate, since he is a married man! He needs to check himself!
Hm, I didn't find it inappropriate at that moment. It was just something between us. As long as he was obviously talking about the past. It had nothing to do with his wife. But he said it already and that should be enough. I fear the moment he could try. Then it will be ruined... It makes me very sad now, to be honest.
You aren't the one who should be feeling sad, guilty, or embarrassed. He should be feeling those things. You are not the one who is ruining this friendship, he is. Don't let him have a chance to talk you into feeling like you're the bad guy here.
Remember when hormones were your friend? General question...
Oh man... I think they still are for me, but they won't be for much longer, hahaha.
I didn't even think about that little comment possibly making me sound like a hormonal SPAZ. Haha I was talking about the good old days when you could get carried away without ruining lives.
What kind of man do you think she would choose for you? Maybe she would choose a Jason Bateman type!
Hmm. Good question. Will ask her on Thursday when i visit.
I'm not holding you to that, because I couldn't manage to work that question into a conversation with my Mom. It just wasn't happening. @Spiritual_Chaos
Comments
He has not been inappropriate, he only talked about it and I only felt uncomfortable as he said it with our friends around.
I can not blame him just because he tells me that he likes me a lot.
I guess I should tell him to stop, but I do not want to insult him. Looks like I have to ask him next time why he does that ...
How embarrassing…
I fear the moment he could try. Then it will be ruined...
It makes me very sad now, to be honest.
The relationship expert adds that when a spouse cheats on his or her significant other, it's more about the person who cheats than the other person.
"When we seek the gaze of another, it isn't always our partner that we are turning away from — but the person that we ourselves have become," Perel says. "And it isn't so much that we're looking for another person, as much as we are looking for another self."
https://www.businessinsider.com/esther-perel-relationship-advice-why-couples-cheat-2015-12
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I was talking about the good old days when you could get carried away without ruining lives.
@Spiritual_Chaos
You should just start to search for a Swedish PJ girl to kiss - not a Kiss girl…
So what was your mom's answer?