Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

HesCalledDyer

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

Yeah, been there, done that as much as I hate to admit it.  It never ends well... and it ALWAYS ends.  Learn from my mistakes, just don't do it!!

darwinstheory

Yes

HesCalledDyer said:

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

Yeah, been there, done that as much as I hate to admit it.  It never ends well... and it ALWAYS ends.  Learn from my mistakes, just don't do it!!

Nike would disagree with you. 

OffSheGoes35

No

Hobbes said:

I believe this discussion has been had.

Round and round we go.

I'm sure we did. Why don't you come up with a hypothetical situation for us to dissect? @Hobbes

HughFreakingDillon

pjhawks said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

married=off limits. don't even entertain the idea of any type of emotional attachment with this guy. it will only get insanely messy. and you will end up the one that gets hurt and also quite likely be perceived as the cause of it. 

I think in a weird way lots of us wonder about the road not traveled. I think many also romanticize those we crushed on at a younger age imagining they are still the girl/guy they were as teens/early adults. I think it’s kind of natural yet a wee bit odd to try to act on that as we get older

yes, absolutely, 100% agree. 

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

yes, for sure. 

dankind

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

yes, for sure. 

"I know about pain and suffering and being cold, but I just want to fuck!"

Spiritual_Chaos

dankind said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

yes, for sure. 

"I know about pain and suffering and being cold, but I just want to fuck!"

OffSheGoes35

No

I think that Hobbes is really Batman. And he isn't posting right now, because he's fighting crime.

OffSheGoes35

No

Spiritual_Chaos said:

dankind said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

yes, for sure. 

"I know about pain and suffering and being cold, but I just want to fuck!"

Hello Spiritual's "Sunday Morning Me"... we didn't even need to go on a speed date.

kce8

OffSheGoes35 said:

There was a reason you didn't get with him back in the day...trust your intuition.

Well, yes, I always thought you should not start a relationship with a really close friend. I didn't want to ruin the friendship.

I'm sorry looks like I used the wrong words - I will definitely not get into something with him.

HughFreakingDillon

kce8 said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

There was a reason you didn't get with him back in the day...trust your intuition.

Well, yes, I always thought you should not start a relationship with a really close friend. I didn't want to ruin the friendship.

I'm sorry looks like I used the wrong words - I will definitely not get into something with him.

a really close friend and I, back in our late teens/early 20's did this, and it was a huge mistake. it was so awkward acting as a couple after so long of being friends. it kinda felt like we were siblings fooling around. So after two weeks we both agreed to just go back to normal. there was no sour grapes, but the friendship was never the same. 

kce8

HughFreakingDillon said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

married=off limits. don't even entertain the idea of any type of emotional attachment with this guy. it will only get insanely messy. and you will end up the one that gets hurt and also quite likely be perceived as the cause of it. 

That's exactly how I see it. 
It was more that I wonder why he tells me these things again. I mean, how does he expect me to react? 

HughFreakingDillon

kce8 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

married=off limits. don't even entertain the idea of any type of emotional attachment with this guy. it will only get insanely messy. and you will end up the one that gets hurt and also quite likely be perceived as the cause of it. 

That's exactly how I see it. 
It was more that I wonder why he tells me these things again. I mean, how does he expect me to react? 

hard to know. obviously, I don't know him. But he just may be fishing for some type of reaction to make himself feel better about himself. he may not be getting what he needs (emotionally) out of his marriage, and might be looking for some type of validation that he is indeed still wanted. 

that's just one idea. who knows, maybe he just wants to bone someone other than his wife. LOL it is strange, though, how he said this in front of others. 

kce8

HesCalledDyer said:

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

Yeah, been there, done that as much as I hate to admit it.  It never ends well... and it ALWAYS ends.  Learn from my mistakes, just don't do it!!

I won't do it... and I'm nearly sure he won't to. But to be honest that's the point. Would you say things like that to someone after that long time? 
I just don't know... I'm already feeling guilty for what I haven't done. 

kce8

dankind said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

I think  married or not . If in a relationship.  No point even letting  it enter your mind. It will  lead to pain for someone

yes, for sure. 

"I know about pain and suffering and being cold, but I just want to fuck!"

Well, I know... 

Looks like it. But after all he said, he did not try. And now?

How should I react next time? And I'm sure that will happen again. I already know that.

Actually, it's a bit unfair that I have to deal with it ...
If at least he had tried it right, I would have been able to react correctly. But now I just have to constantly think about how I should behave.

PJ_Soul

Yes

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart. 

kce8

PJ_Soul said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart. 

Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.

I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me.
I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.

Spiritual_Chaos

kce8 said:

PJ_Soul said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart. 

Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.

I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me.
I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.

Empathy should make you ”have” to behave. 

kce8

Spiritual_Chaos said:

kce8 said:

PJ_Soul said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart. 

Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.

I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me.
I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.

Empathy should make you ”have” to behave. 

I have and I will. You misunderstood me. I am not interested in such a relationship! I am interested in the friendship!

But I have learned that most men with women can not have lasting friendship when they are married. I have a few friendships with guys that work great. But they do not tell me that I broke their heart, so I do not know why he tells me that again and again.
I'm just confused about that.

PJ_Soul

Yes

kce8 said:

PJ_Soul said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart. 

Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.

I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me.
I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.

Oh I see. TBH, I assumed you were having feelings as well just because I don't see any reason in even really worrying about this otherwise. You not wanting anything with him at all really simplifies the issue! If he pulls anything even remotely inappropriate, just straight up tell him that it's inappropriate and to back off. Problem solves I would hope. If he kept it up after that, then he's an idiot anyhow.