Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

Spiritual_Chaos said:

kce8 said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

kce8 said:

PJ_Soul said:

kce8 said:

Okay, as long as Agnes is still busy with the wrong guy and S_C has no other girl to talk about, I would like to ask for your opinion.

Suppose you have lost a really good old close friend about 15 years ago completely out of sight. You spent your whole youth with him. 7 years ago, at the first reunion, he mumbled in drunken condition that he left the clique 25 years ago because of you. "Do you actually know that I was sooo in love with you and you totally broke my heart back then?"
Eh What ??? And all you could respond was asking him why he never have said anything. 
Yeah, he once mentioned that he liked you back then, but that somehow seemed more like trying to keep you away from other guys. You never thought that he was actually really interested in you. You were just close friends and you were afraid he would find it just great just because you have connected so well as friends.
Now you have met him since last summer and after just these 7 years already 4 times on parties.
The last two times he started talking about it again, he said stuff like that you have since (over 25 years) still "something open" between each other. He said that openly and loud in front of all your old friends. 
Ok, he was slightly drunk but that went so far that even the old friends wondered what's going on with us.
He is married and has a 15 year old daughter. He may not be super happy in his marriage, but you strongly doubt he would change that.

So why does he come back with it after all these years, where you still get along so well? He has not given you direct advances and hopefully it will stay that way, but he behaved like it was the most normal thing in the world. He hugged snuggled and held you as he did 25 years ago. 
You feared he would call you the next day. He did not.
So why is he just doing that? You will meet again this coming weekend at a friend's birthday party.
How the hell do you behave when you're happy about the renewed contact - you really enjoy his company again -  but do not want to be the scapegoat for any marital disputes? 

He is married with a kid, so you force yourself to just treat him like a friend, make an effort not to send any vibes, and straight up reject any advances if he makes any, even if it's really really hard to do so. You do NOT want to get in the middle of a family like that. If he really isn't into the marriage, then he can file for divorce, and THEN you can follow your heart. 

Yes, and I didn't send any vibes and I even don't want to get into something with him.

I have to admit that I did not expect how much that would affect me.
I mean, I do not have to behave. He must.

Empathy should make you ”have” to behave. 

I have and I will. You misunderstood me. I am not interested in such a relationship! I am interested in the friendship!

But I have learned that most men with women can not have lasting friendship when they are married. I have a few friendships with guys that work great. But they do not tell me that I broke their heart, so I do not know why he tells me that again and again.
I'm just confused about that.

Love mixed with nostalgia and memories of ones youth is a strong (and dangerous) combination. 

kce8 said:

PJ_Soul said:

Yeah, it could be awkward for sure. But ugh, sometimes that just has to be. FWIW, I think him just talking about it is completely inappropriate, since he is a married man! He needs to check himself! 

Hm, I didn't find it inappropriate at that moment. It was just something between us. As long as he was obviously talking about the past. It had nothing to do with his wife. But he said it already and that should be enough. 
I fear the moment he could try. Then it will be ruined...
It makes me very sad now, to be honest. 

PJ_Soul said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Remember when hormones were your friend? General question...

Oh man... I think they still are for me, but they won't be for much longer, hahaha.

Spiritual_Chaos said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

I can't muster up energy to get on tinder again. 

Let your mom choose for you.

I think my mom wants me to be gay. She once said she was surprised that no one of her four kids was gay.

Spiritual_Chaos said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Better yet, get your mom a membership for Mother's Day and let her join in on the fun, S_C!!!

She came with me to Berlin to see Eddie Vedder in 2017, afterwards thought Eddie and Glen both were "were sympathetic people".

Once when I was a teenager and came home from school she was cleaning and blasting my State College 2003 bootleg

So, maybe.

kce8 said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

kce8 said:

PJ_Soul said:

Yeah, it could be awkward for sure. But ugh, sometimes that just has to be. FWIW, I think him just talking about it is completely inappropriate, since he is a married man! He needs to check himself! 

Hm, I didn't find it inappropriate at that moment. It was just something between us. As long as he was obviously talking about the past. It had nothing to do with his wife. But he said it already and that should be enough. 
I fear the moment he could try. Then it will be ruined...
It makes me very sad now, to be honest. 

You aren't the one who should be feeling sad, guilty, or embarrassed. He should be feeling those things. You are not the one who is ruining this friendship, he is. Don't let him have a chance to talk you into feeling like you're the bad guy here.  

Thank you OffSheGoes! 
I was so busy the last days, I had no time to think about it. After I read your comment I made the decision to not go to the party where I would meet him and to go out with other friends tonight. 
I called a friend. I told him I would be busy and he said: "Oh really. Hm... that's exactly what "he" told me too... Ok, so what's the true reason you don't want to be there?"  
Great, now it looks like I am the one with the problem...   :(  

OffSheGoes35 said:

Well, I think this is going in a much better direction. You were staying busy and not thinking about it, you made plans with other friends, and you're telling Spiritual to go for Swedish PJ girls!
This is great! Kudos to you! Show us that those boots were made for walking.

Spiritual_Chaos said:

I dont think I would like to be with a PJ girl. I rather have that ”fandom” to myself.

Would not want a KISS girl either.