Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

Spiritual_Chaos said:

She had dressed up as Ace Frehley when she was a kid though and was a fan by-proxy because of her dad owing some KISS albums. That was pretty cool, back when.

Closest you'll ever come (pun intended) to banging Ace, S_C.

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

and there can be debate on what jokes are acceptable and what aren't, depending on subject matter, context, and audience. no one person can claim they are "right" when it comes to that. it's all personal preference and opinion. 

I didn't say that. I'm not claiming I'm "right" in that context. I just think that even when people hate a joke or find it offensive they should be able to chill out and take it as a joke (however terrible and however much it irritated them) instead of dumping someone over it, lol.

well, everyone (or most people) have their trigger points. that one is mine. it's not that it's just offensive. if it's personally offensive to my experiences. 

And I think people should just chill and get to a know a person instead of dumping them for not divulging their entire lives in a speed date. lol
 

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't twist what I was saying into that, thx!

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

and there can be debate on what jokes are acceptable and what aren't, depending on subject matter, context, and audience. no one person can claim they are "right" when it comes to that. it's all personal preference and opinion. 

I didn't say that. I'm not claiming I'm "right" in that context. I just think that even when people hate a joke or find it offensive they should be able to chill out and take it as a joke (however terrible and however much it irritated them) instead of dumping someone over it, lol.

well, everyone (or most people) have their trigger points. that one is mine. it's not that it's just offensive. if it's personally offensive to my experiences. 

And I think people should just chill and get to a know a person instead of dumping them for not divulging their entire lives in a speed date. lol
 

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't twist what I was saying into that, thx!

it's called exaggeration, kinda like "Haven't you ever heard of forgiving someone when they do something you don't like?? ". should I have freaked out over that? I mean, because that was a pretty stupid question, and I obviously didn't think it was meant to be taken at face value. 

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

PJ_Soul said:

darwinstheory said:

That's the kind of joke I would make to those that know me. I like that fine line and recognize that a joke can be just that, and nothing more. 

But I would not make that joke online to a woman I was trying to hook up with. 

I think that if you feel you have to hold back like that in order to "hook up", you shouldn't bother with that person at all. Find someone who can take you as you are. I HATE knowing that guys kind of fake their way through the beginnings of relationships like that, only showing their "best side". That's the WORST. If I'm dating a guy who is okay with something I'm not okay with (not that off-side jokes would qualify for me, of course), I want to know that BEFORE I waste my time, not after.

Threading gently, and feeling your surroundings and where you have eachother isn't really "faking" it IMO. People do often tell me this though at parties because of my played-up bluntness:

exactly. It's not faking who you are. it's just not revealing the full spectrum yet. everyone gets scared away by things before they are comfortable. once it's in context of some type of commitment or familiarity, those things are more often taken with grain of salt. 

They'd already slept together 14 times FFS. I think that's enough so that he should be able to get away with a joke she didn't like! Come on now. Believe it or not, I'm a tactful person. I never have a problem with that. 

But he's talking about cases where you haven't been sleeping with the god of love Spiritual_Chaos for up to 14 times...


Any example of what the gentlemen in your life were hiding? Were they Trump voters?

Just general parts of their personalities, and yes, parts of their senses of humour. Men really do tend to put on their best front for women for way too long when they date. They want to reel the woman in... which to them means they need to hide parts of their true selves. Holy red flag. And honestly, none of the things they chose to hide (like quirks, or opinions about certain things, or a lack of interest in something I'm interested in, so they faked interest, etc etc) would have been deal breakers for me. The deal breaker was always the fact that they weren't just being themselves as they courted me. To me, that shows too much comfort with hiding information or lying. FWIW, all guys who I was with for any amount of time who pulled this were indeed liars by nature.

that's because most people, not just men, put their best foot forward when meeting people and expect the same. the fact that you expect different, to me, being the minority in the dating world, would suggest it is the responsibility on your part to be open and state right off the bat that you prefer openness from day 1. 

You think that makes a difference? It doesn't. I DO always make it clear that I prefer openness. It's one of the defining parts of my personality (and often one of the things the men appreciate about me, ironically). That doesn't fucking mean anything to men who would prefer to just keep up a front until they think they have me roped in.

well it would make a difference to a decent guy. IMO

I'm Team Alli on this one. All the guys that I have had long term relationships with turned out to not be what they portrayed themselves to be, for way too long. I would rather know upfront exactly who a person really is. I don't want to waste time pretending. Maybe back in my 20's, but I have always been upfront about who I am and if someone doesn't want to deal with it, well that sure saved me some time. I am not a dater, never have been. I'm a relationship person. So I am not into the subtleties of dating. That's probably why I haven't tried since the break up with my psychotic ex, actually he is a narcissist or sociopath to be precise.. 

I don't want to have to deal with playing games with someone at my age. Just tell me who you are and if we like each  other then I can accept whatever may have affected you throughout your life. I've got stuff that I can't hide for long so if someone wants to judge me for what I have been through, I'd rather be alone. I can't pretend. It makes me tired thinking of it and I know what the outcome is going to be - I'll be honest and upfront and they will lie about everything until their  lies become obvious. Ugh.

And all the decent guys are married to bitches. I'm sorry, but nice guys like bitches for some reason. I'm sure there are outliers but I see it all the time.I just don't get it. And most of the nice women I know wind up with cheaters, liars, abusers, etc.  A couple lucked out, but I can't go through that shit again. 

Spiritual_Chaos said:

PJ_Soul said:

Obviously she wasn't, which is why he ended it with her. 

She ended it with me though. I guess she gave me some kind of open to saying I was sorry. But I didn't take it. I eyerolled my way out of there. Like a man! *highfives*

Whoa Whoa Whoa! You don't get *highfives* just yet. Were you being an asshat on messenger so you wouldn't have to go to her dad's birthday party?

dankind said:

Bitches are wild in the sack.

Signed,
Nice Guy DK

All I needed was Dankind and my point has been proven - thank you.

HughFreakingDillon said:

njnancy said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

darwinstheory said:

That's the kind of joke I would make to those that know me. I like that fine line and recognize that a joke can be just that, and nothing more. 

But I would not make that joke online to a woman I was trying to hook up with. 

I think that if you feel you have to hold back like that in order to "hook up", you shouldn't bother with that person at all. Find someone who can take you as you are. I HATE knowing that guys kind of fake their way through the beginnings of relationships like that, only showing their "best side". That's the WORST. If I'm dating a guy who is okay with something I'm not okay with (not that off-side jokes would qualify for me, of course), I want to know that BEFORE I waste my time, not after.

it's not "holding back" by not making a domestic abuse joke online (initially what we thought). you don't know if this woman had been abused before. that's just simply not very smart dating tactics. 

I don't even consider SC's comment as a joke really. He said that he guessed she wasn't Team Ragan (or whatever). I see that more as a comment about the obvious fact that Ragan (whatever) is a douche. I've lived domestic abuse and that didn't bother me because he was stating that the dude was obviously an asshole. If he had said I'm Team Ragan, but I guess you're Team Actress then I would be offended and think that SC was an ass. But he didn't promote abuse, he was saying abuse is wrong in an SC way. 

I'd have more problems watching the movie and seeing the domestic abuse. Couldn't do it. But dropping him for an obvious reference to the abusive dude being a shit seems a bit odd. 

and everyone responds and reacts to these things in different ways, for better or worse. we don't even know if that was her reason. my whole thing with this was that it was a possibility, and judging her based on her reaction to the joke/comment alone without knowing the reasons was blatantly prejudicial. 

 I understand all about triggers, I get that. 

I just said her reaction was a bit odd. I didn't say 'off with her head'. Completely cutting off communication with someone you are obviously into because he essentially said the douche in the movie was a douche, don't you agree seems odd to me. I don't know the girl so I can't and won't comment on her person. The consequences of what he said just seem odd to me. 

njnancy said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

PJ_Soul said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Spiritual_Chaos said:

PJ_Soul said:

darwinstheory said:

That's the kind of joke I would make to those that know me. I like that fine line and recognize that a joke can be just that, and nothing more. 

But I would not make that joke online to a woman I was trying to hook up with. 

I think that if you feel you have to hold back like that in order to "hook up", you shouldn't bother with that person at all. Find someone who can take you as you are. I HATE knowing that guys kind of fake their way through the beginnings of relationships like that, only showing their "best side". That's the WORST. If I'm dating a guy who is okay with something I'm not okay with (not that off-side jokes would qualify for me, of course), I want to know that BEFORE I waste my time, not after.

Threading gently, and feeling your surroundings and where you have eachother isn't really "faking" it IMO. People do often tell me this though at parties because of my played-up bluntness:

exactly. It's not faking who you are. it's just not revealing the full spectrum yet. everyone gets scared away by things before they are comfortable. once it's in context of some type of commitment or familiarity, those things are more often taken with grain of salt. 

They'd already slept together 14 times FFS. I think that's enough so that he should be able to get away with a joke she didn't like! Come on now. Believe it or not, I'm a tactful person. I never have a problem with that. 

But he's talking about cases where you haven't been sleeping with the god of love Spiritual_Chaos for up to 14 times...


Any example of what the gentlemen in your life were hiding? Were they Trump voters?

Just general parts of their personalities, and yes, parts of their senses of humour. Men really do tend to put on their best front for women for way too long when they date. They want to reel the woman in... which to them means they need to hide parts of their true selves. Holy red flag. And honestly, none of the things they chose to hide (like quirks, or opinions about certain things, or a lack of interest in something I'm interested in, so they faked interest, etc etc) would have been deal breakers for me. The deal breaker was always the fact that they weren't just being themselves as they courted me. To me, that shows too much comfort with hiding information or lying. FWIW, all guys who I was with for any amount of time who pulled this were indeed liars by nature.

that's because most people, not just men, put their best foot forward when meeting people and expect the same. the fact that you expect different, to me, being the minority in the dating world, would suggest it is the responsibility on your part to be open and state right off the bat that you prefer openness from day 1. 

You think that makes a difference? It doesn't. I DO always make it clear that I prefer openness. It's one of the defining parts of my personality (and often one of the things the men appreciate about me, ironically). That doesn't fucking mean anything to men who would prefer to just keep up a front until they think they have me roped in.

well it would make a difference to a decent guy. IMO

I'm Team Alli on this one. All the guys that I have had long term relationships with turned out to not be what they portrayed themselves to be, for way too long. I would rather know upfront exactly who a person really is. I don't want to waste time pretending. Maybe back in my 20's, but I have always been upfront about who I am and if someone doesn't want to deal with it, well that sure saved me some time. I am not a dater, never have been. I'm a relationship person. So I am not into the subtleties of dating. That's probably why I haven't tried since the break up with my psychotic ex, actually he is a narcissist or sociopath to be precise.. 

I don't want to have to deal with playing games with someone at my age. Just tell me who you are and if we like each  other then I can accept whatever may have affected you throughout your life. I've got stuff that I can't hide for long so if someone wants to judge me for what I have been through, I'd rather be alone. I can't pretend. It makes me tired thinking of it and I know what the outcome is going to be - I'll be honest and upfront and they will lie about everything until their  lies become obvious. Ugh.

And all the decent guys are married to bitches. I'm sorry, but nice guys like bitches for some reason. I'm sure there are outliers but I see it all the time.I just don't get it. And most of the nice women I know wind up with cheaters, liars, abusers, etc.  A couple lucked out, but I can't go through that shit again. 

I'm not looking to get anyone on my "team". I'm not talking about playing games and not showing who you are. this all started with "should I tell a potentially offensive joke to a person I don't know that well?". you guys have taken it way farther than was being talked about. 

haha, sorry, "all the decent guys are married to bitches". that's funny. I'm a decent guy, and I'm not married to a bitch, not even close. I know a lot of decent guys who are married to very nice women. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with assholes, but a fair amount of people find someone like-minded and are nice to each other for many many years, maybe even till death. 

PJ_Soul said:

You say things very well Nancy!

LOL. It is true that many decent guys are married to bitches. My own bro-in-law is one of them. And my ex-bro-in-law too!

Of course, conversely, many, many decent women marry fucking assholes, as I know you well know, as I do, so.....

Thank you Alli! I'm toying with the word spinster.

njnancy said:

dankind said:

Bitches are wild in the sack.

Signed,
Nice Guy DK

All I needed was Dankind and my point has been proven - thank you.

You're welcome.

True story: I had a bitch break a dinner plate over my head once because she didn't like it that I tied knots into plastic shopping bags, but I think I still stuck around for a year after that because of her extraordinary carnal prowess. I finally dumped her when we were shopping for something like a garbage can together at a big box department store. That was the last straw for me. I couldn't handle that shit at the time. Break a plate over my head, fine. Take me on a domesticated retail excursion, though, and you can kiss my ass goodbye.