what's on your mind, right now?

PJ_Soul said:

njnancy said:

Finally got my preventative lung ct scan yesterday - age and courage and insurance finally came together. 

I have been in an absolute state of terror for the past day - the scan wasn't anything at all, except for the consequences if they find something. And I read negativity into the face and tone of the imaging guy and nurses, etc. They could have told me everything is fine and I would have read into that.

Had it at around 2 yesterday and they said 24 hours for results so I'm sitting and waiting for the call. The imaging guy said to call the doctor (WHY???) but I can't get up the courage. But every muscle twitch and breath suddenly feels suspicious and I made the mistake of reading the American Cancer Society's page on the effectiveness of low dose CT scans on ex/current smokers and it was a huge mistake. 

I'm at the very beginning of the age range allowed for it, but if you are 40 or older and just quit or are still smoking - the guidelines are quit in last 15 years or still smoking. So quit!  I did two years ago, but I have gobs of smoking (pack) years on top of that so I am screwed. 

This is probably the most scared I have been in a very long time - my life could change with one phone call. And I'm not an optimist of late. So as of right now, I am not aware that I have lung cancer or some other cancer but that could change at any moment. Oh and I made a mammogram appointment for Friday - haven't had one in too long and figured why not just get all the bad news at once. 

My support system is non-existent so that is why I am typing my panic on a rock band forum. And I get to do this every year for the next 20 years (unless I get a bad one and then.....).   Positive energy in short supply and I'm rambling.

Hope everyone else is having a good day. Seriously.

I get your fear Nancy - sorry you have to experience it. Have you heard back yet??? My fingers are crossed for you! Whatever the results, I hope you get the support you need in every way.

My mom just went through the exact same thing over the past couple of weeks. She had a scan done as a follow up to pneumonia, which she was in the hospital for from Christmas to New Years Eve (along with a kidney and bladder infection - it was very bad; she almost died - it was a rough holiday season for us. She's okay now). The follow up scan showed a lung nodule. My mom has smoked since she was 16, and is now 73. She did mostly stop smoking since the hospital, but obviously that hasn't made any difference in that short a time. Anyway, she had two options once they discovered the nodule, which could be benign or could be cancer: 1) wait 6 months and get another CT scan and see if it grew. If it did, it's most likely cancer, and go from there (all for free). 2) Get a PET scan right away, and pay $3400 for it at a private clinic, and find out immediately if it's cancer or not, just to avoid the 6 month wait. So obviously my mom wasn't willing to wait 6 months, and paid the money (luckily she could afford it), and got the PET scan. The time waiting for this to be done and then for the results was absolutely horrible and anxiety inducing for her and for me. But at least it did all happen within a week....

And the results are... well, good, not super great. It is NOT cancer, yay! But now she has to do what you're doing Nancy. She has to get a CT scan every 3 months for the next 2 to 3 years to monitor the nodule (and the rest of her lungs). If nothing happens in the next 2 to 3 years with the nodule, then they figure it will never become cancer. So yeah, we all have to just deal with that weight on our shoulders, and go through the fear that comes with each scan and the wait for the results. The bright side is that my mom will never have to pay that ridiculous amount of money for a scan again, since now it won't just be a "set my mind at ease scan". Anything that happens now is covered. But FWIW, I feel that making her pay that was ageism. I have had a PET scan done for free, and i got in for it within a week, and that was when they had less reason to be concerned that I might have something wrong. I think they fast tracked me and made it so it was covered under MSP because I was in my 30s and not my 70s. I think they are less "paranoid" about potential but not probable stuff like that with the elderly. Which is infuriating.

That's horrible that she had to pay for something that anyone would do. Who would wait 6 months to see if it's cancer and has grown and spread. Stupid. Glad she could afford it and even happier that it was not cancer. Fingers crossed for the future scans. 

Who thinks about this when they're a teen ager or young adult and starts smoking, especially when I started. You could smoke everywhere. It was not a big deal. Well, it is a big deal but we didn't think about it as being so scary. There's also that denial as a young person who thinks they're invincible. As I was addicted and kept passing milestones I swore I'd quit at it was always on my  mind. I'm so glad that I finally quit 2 years ago, although it doesn't change the guidelines.

I finally got a call about 3 hours ago - after calling yesterday and today - and my test is clear. Thank god. I was in such a state of panic. I have to get it done every 6 months so maybe I'll eventually get used to it? My doctor said that there was something strange on my X-Ray so I could get in a couple years early and get covered by insurance. It was a lie but he's looking out for me. My primary doctor is also a pulmonary specialist so....

As for X-Rays, my doctors told me that once something shows up on an x-ray (lung wise), it's too late. That was freaking awesome to hear and it was before they had this option. I just opted not to get X-Rays after that. 

I thought it was going to be once a year, but I guess 6 months goes with how long I smoked. At least I have my baseline at the very beginning of the age that is allowed so that's a good thing. Lung cancer is scary, and people who tell smokers or ex-smokers - well, duh what do you expect - are just insensitive idiots that don't understand addiction. I was a teenager in the 70's when I started - different world, but addiction is addiction. 

I got my son, whose 21, off of cigarettes which he started smoking while at his father's by having him use the Juul and so he's been cigarette free for about a year. I hope he stays off of them - he has always had trouble with his lungs - we both have asthma but his is way worse than mine. I'd be living in the hospital for about 2 weeks every September for the first 15 years of his life. 

So I'm okay for now. Hope the mammo goes well, I can get back on a yearly track with that after tomorrow. 

Thanks  @PJ_Soul /Alli and thank you @23scidoo

PJ_Soul said:

YAY! Congrats! You must feel so relieved!

No kidding about it being easy back then to start smoking! When I was growing up, not only did my mom smoke, but so did SO many other people, and you could smoke inside everywhere you went. So of course I started smoking in grade 8, at 13, along with 90% of my friends. There was a smoke pit at my high school, which I was allowed to be in at that age, and it was the social hub of the school. Plus a pack of smokes only cost like $4 or $5 at that point. You could even smoke in the corridors at the malls (how did all the clothes in the all the stores not smell like smoke??). So the rest was history for me. There were times in my life when I smoked more (particularly during my high school and university years), and times when I smoked less. By the age of 30 I was down to 2, sometimes up to 3 packs a week at most.... But it never even occurred to me to quit TBH, because it's so damned enjoyable. But then finally, just last October, someone showed me the miracle of vaping, now that they've come up with a very small device that doesn't look ridiculous. Miracle in that I switched to a non-carcinogenic option without flinching, and the vaping isn't constant. I don't even get the urge to do that until night time. I haven't had even a single thought about smoking since then. Someone can smoke in front of me and I couldn't care less. And wow, the difference is definitely felt. Hopefully I stopped early enough to avoid lung cancer or anything else smoking related.

Yes, I am - LOL - love your party guy!!!

Yeah, you used to be able to smoke everywhere and we had 'the circle' at high school. We would go on the steps of whatever door we wanted between classes and all stand there and smoke. I guess we didn't smell it because everyone was smoking so we just didn't notice the difference. We could smoke in the dorms at college, movie theaters, it was a completely different mind set. 
The hardest was when they stopped smoking on planes cause I am terrified of flying. 
But vaping did the impossible for me - I can't believe I have no desire to smoke a cigarette and I definitely don't use it the same as I did cigarettes. 
I was a pack a day for most of my life. 
The guidelines are 30 pack years - so if you smoked a pack a day for 30 years or 2 packs a day for  15 years, you can play with the numbers - I know I started in my teens and quit in my 50's so I'm Patient Zero You need to be asymptomatic and are still smoking or quit in the last 15 years, starting in your 50's - that's insurance's guidelines.   Or not. I would like to have the best chance of catching something before it just kills me like pancreatic cancer killed my sister in 3 months. 

It was much easier to be 16  or 26 and freaking clueless. I always said I would quite at 30, but evidently I passed that one and a couple more. It is what it is and I can only hope that I've had enough diseases in my life that karma decides not to hit me with that particular whammy.

You probably will be okay Alli - I'm glad you quit now. I hope Mom is still not smoking.

23scidoo said:

Good to hear all is clear Nancy!!

thanks scidoo!!!

I don't know, should i cry or should i laugh??

https://katohika.gr/diethni/den-echete-ksanadei-tetoio-vinteo-mousoulmanos-koinoniologos-didaskei-paidia-pos-tha-chtypane-tis-gynaikes-tous/

Just got these chicks I’m hoping they grow good & strong this summer so next year they start laying eggs. 

It's amazing to me how some "customs" like that continue, are accepted as part of life.  I remember speaking with my mom years ago about child molestation, and she essentially said (having been born and raised in Iran), "Well, everyone goes through that."

Ah, okay, got it.  Just keep quiet and don't cause problems.

I hope these pieces of shit get their due somehow, because I doubt they'll ever truly appreciate or regret the damage they cause.

njnancy said:

dankind said:

hauntingfamiliar said:

Selling my m'fn house!!! Well not yet but hopefully soon. Met with a realtor today and she thinks it will sell quickly. Putting on market next month and hoping to be out of hurricane f*ck central by June!!

Good luck!

Good luck also Meredith!!  Do you have a place picked out to relocate?

Thank you both. I have 2 more weeks until it goes on the market so I've been nonstop cleaning and organizing to make it "show ready".  I'm moving about 4 hours inland to Charlotte. Although if all goes to plan I'll be taking the second half of the summer off to travel before switching jobs so I'm pretty pumped!!

Very good news about your test results Nancy!!

hauntingfamiliar said:

njnancy said:

dankind said:

hauntingfamiliar said:

Selling my m'fn house!!! Well not yet but hopefully soon. Met with a realtor today and she thinks it will sell quickly. Putting on market next month and hoping to be out of hurricane f*ck central by June!!

Good luck!

Good luck also Meredith!!  Do you have a place picked out to relocate?

Thank you both. I have 2 more weeks until it goes on the market so I've been nonstop cleaning and organizing to make it "show ready".  I'm moving about 4 hours inland to Charlotte. Although if all goes to plan I'll be taking the second half of the summer off to travel before switching jobs so I'm pretty pumped!!

Very good news about your test results Nancy!!

Is your name Meredith?? That's my middle name! (but spelled Meridith just because my mom mispelled it on the birth certificate by accident )

PJ_Soul said:

hauntingfamiliar said:

njnancy said:

dankind said:

hauntingfamiliar said:

Selling my m'fn house!!! Well not yet but hopefully soon. Met with a realtor today and she thinks it will sell quickly. Putting on market next month and hoping to be out of hurricane f*ck central by June!!

Good luck!

Good luck also Meredith!!  Do you have a place picked out to relocate?

Thank you both. I have 2 more weeks until it goes on the market so I've been nonstop cleaning and organizing to make it "show ready".  I'm moving about 4 hours inland to Charlotte. Although if all goes to plan I'll be taking the second half of the summer off to travel before switching jobs so I'm pretty pumped!!

Very good news about your test results Nancy!!

Is your name Meredith?? That's my middle name! (but spelled Meridith just because my mom mispelled it on the birth certificate by accident )

Yes, its Meredith That's cool we share the same name. People have spelled mine any which way they have liked my whole life and they butcher my last name as well. 

Good vibes sent to you Nancy for all your upcoming tests. I've been doing many of those same things the past couple of years, but better to be checked out right? 

Schroeck.. love it!