Dying alone

PJ forum singles mixer?? LOL

OffSheGoes35 said:

Btw, you happy couples who have met online, give us hope. Quit it. 

Gotta say that talking online in '99 was more...organic?...than now.  He and I simply exchanged PM's here (much MUCH older version of this place) and it grew naturally over time.  A truer version of self via thought-out words instead of deceptive photos and silly phrases and abbreviations.

I'd go fucking nuts with "apps" like Tinder or match.com or Harmony, etc.  It's like compartmentalizing yourself.

tweedyfanjen said:

PJ_Soul said:

Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.

This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since. 

That sucks!! I'm lucky. My dad actually thinks that my decision to not have kids and not get married is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life, lol. I'm not sure what that says about his feelings re having gotten married to my mom and having me and my sister, but hey, at least I have his support on this.
My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.

PJ_Soul said:

tweedyfanjen said:

PJ_Soul said:

Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.

This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since. 

That sucks!! I'm lucky. My dad actually thinks that my decision to not have kids and not get married is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life, lol. I'm not sure what that says about his feelings re having gotten married to my mom and having me and my sister, but hey, at least I have his support on this.
My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.

I'm pretty lucky in that way as well. I have 4 older siblings that squeezed out a combined 15 kids. My younger brother and I never felt any pressure. If anything, my mom is likely happy she doesn't have to deal with anymore grandkids. So I can't fathom what that family pressure is like. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been(if that's even possible) after my daughter passed.

KC138045 said:

dankind said:

rgambs said:

PJ forum singles mixer?? LOL

With a naked Twister tourney?

I've seen and met a lot of you at concerts that I'd rather not see naked.............no offense 

With a blindfolded naked Twister tourney?

PJ_Soul said:

tweedyfanjen said:

PJ_Soul said:

Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.

This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since. 

That sucks!! I'm lucky. My dad actually thinks that my decision to not have kids and not get married is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life, lol. I'm not sure what that says about his feelings re having gotten married to my mom and having me and my sister, but hey, at least I have his support on this.
My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.

Our moms sound very similar! My poor mom, though. She loves kids so much but only has one grandchild from three children. Both of my brothers are going through divorces right now so, hey, maybe she'll get more in the future. LOL (I laugh to keep from crying)

My dad's been married twice and was a terrible husband the first time (to my mom) so he has no room to talk about anything relating to marriage or divorce.

tweedyfanjen said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

tweedyfanjen said:

PJ_Soul said:

Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.

This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since. 

prick. no parent should ever say that about one of their kids. brutal. sorry you had to go through that. 

Thanks. I know he's proud of me but he can be an asshole sometimes, more often than not. A few years back I lost a lot of weight and the first time he saw me he said 'well good, maybe now you'll get a boyfriend'. Yep, that's my dad.

Damn, I hope you sling it right back at him lol
The comeback that sprang to mind was a zingy but loving..
"Well I'd probably be married with children, and grandchildren coming soon if I was willing to settle for a man like you!"

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?". 

As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.

I'm sorry to hear your parents are disappointed in you but I think getting married and having kids to make your folks happy would not be a good reason to get married and have kids.  I never had kids and I never let my parents influence that decision. 

I've had two previous failed marriages and at the those times did not understand why.  After the second divorce I was alone (and I mean really alone) for several years and felt like a failure.  Eventually, with some help from counseling, I came to realize that I had to feel better about myself and not see myself as a failure.  I needed to do that before I had even a chance at having a successful relationship. I do now, but it is still hard.  I think all relationships are hard and take a lot of work.  But first must come self-acceptance.  That doesn't mean you have to think you're perfect.  No one is.  Accept that you are imperfect like everyone is and work on building your strengths- you have those, we all do.