The hard work of surviving emotional depression and anxiety.

Shyner · February 2018

My stomach hurts.

brianlux · February 2018

Shyner said:

My stomach hurts.

I hope that's from laughing at all the craziness above and not from nerves. If it's nerves, I hope it settles down soon. When I'm anxious, I sometimes get a cranky gut. I try to do some deep breathing and drink more water.

Hope you're feeling better!

RogueStoner · February 2018

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

camsjam · February 2018

Great on you RS! The search for someone you can really relate to and trust is very daunting and I hope you find someone who is able to help. It took me a few tries but I did have a great therapist. Now I've relocated my search begins again but I am determined not to give up also. All the best! Hang in there.

brianlux · February 2018

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

camsjam said:

Great on you RS! The search for someone you can really relate to and trust is very daunting and I hope you find someone who is able to help. It took me a few tries but I did have a great therapist. Now I've relocated my search begins again but I am determined not to give up also. All the best! Hang in there.

I totally understand where you're both coming from. I've gone to counseling a number of times over the years and had real mixed luck finding good ones.

Years ago when I was at my lowest and almost did myself in, I was told I needed to see a psychiatrist. I was thinking I would get some counseling but, no, this guy just wanted to have me take strong meds. The second time I saw him I started talking about the botched relationship that was a big part of my woes and the guy scolded me saying, "I don't want to talk about that.". I think I actually said, "Well then, fuck you." I know I walked out of his office and slammed the door.

Another time, I was telling my therapist (a different one) that I believed it would help me if I could have my own space in the house I was living in and think of it as my space. He chastised me harshly saying, "You're in a relationship. What makes you think you have the right to have your own space?" Can you believe that shit?

So yes, it really takes some searching to find a good one. My suggestion (and this is from having work as program assistant for a counseling training program which itself helped me to find my way to firm ground) is to seek out a counselor who is at least familiar with names like Virginia Satir and Carl Rogers and who is competent in utilizing what is called "client [or person] centered therapy". (Wikipedia has a good basic description of that kind of work). That at least will give you a clue that the therapist understands the value of "the client's perception of the therapist's genuineness, the therapist's unconditional positive regard for the client, and accurate empathy."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person-centered_therapy

I hope you both find someone good!

Thoughts_Arrive · February 2018

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Thoughts_Arrive · February 2018

brianlux said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

camsjam said:

Great on you RS! The search for someone you can really relate to and trust is very daunting and I hope you find someone who is able to help. It took me a few tries but I did have a great therapist. Now I've relocated my search begins again but I am determined not to give up also. All the best! Hang in there.

I totally understand where you're both coming from. I've gone to counseling a number of times over the years and had real mixed luck finding good ones.

Years ago when I was at my lowest and almost did myself in, I was told I needed to see a psychiatrist. I was thinking I would get some counseling but, no, this guy just wanted to have me take strong meds. The second time I saw him I started talking about the botched relationship that was a big part of my woes and the guy scolded me saying, "I don't want to talk about that.". I think I actually said, "Well then, fuck you." I know I walked out of his office and slammed the door.

Another time, I was telling my therapist (a different one) that I believed it would help me if I could have my own space in the house I was living in and think of it as my space. He chastised me harshly saying, "You're in a relationship. What makes you think you have the right to have your own space?" Can you believe that shit?

So yes, it really takes some searching to find a good one. My suggestion (and this is from having work as program assistant for a counseling training program which itself helped me to find my way to firm ground) is to seek out a counselor who is at least familiar with names like Virginia Satir and Carl Rogers and who is competent in utilizing what is called "client [or person] centered therapy". (Wikipedia has a good basic description of that kind of work). That at least will give you a clue that the therapist understands the value of "the client's perception of the therapist's genuineness, the therapist's unconditional positive regard for the client, and accurate empathy."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person-centered_therapy

I hope you both find someone good!

I love Carl Rogers' approach.
Learned about this in my degree.

dankind · February 2018

RS, I'm sorry that it wasn't a good fit. The first one rarely is. I absolutely despised the therapist I had as a kid, and nobody cared. So I had to keep seeing the condescending cockpony for quite a few years.

I also canned my most recent therapist several months ago and have been putting off finding another one. She wasn't a very good listener, and everything that came out of her mouth was just incredibly stupid. There was no foundation on which to build even the tiniest bit of trust. I have serious doubts that I'll find a decent one here.

The therapist I found during my college years, however, saved my life. And the one I had in Brooklyn was intelligent enough and caring enough to meet the challenge that I can be as a patient. When I was dead set on blowing up everything that I had built up to that point in my life, she kept me from doing so by appealing to my overly analytical and rational nature and merging it in a very healthy way with the chaos that I was feeling.

Everyone here seems to be about a quick fix (CBT, etc.), but goddamn it, I have to live with myself and the terrible choices I have made for an unknown amount of years to come, and their dumb jedi mind tricks do absolutely nothing to take the sting out of that.

brianlux · February 2018

dankind said:

RS, I'm sorry that it wasn't a good fit. The first one rarely is. I absolutely despised the therapist I had as a kid, and nobody cared. So I had to keep seeing the condescending cockpony for quite a few years.

I also canned my most recent therapist several months ago and have been putting off finding another one. She wasn't a very good listener, and everything that came out of her mouth was just incredibly stupid. There was no foundation on which to build even the tiniest bit of trust. I have serious doubts that I'll find a decent one here.

The therapist I found during my college years, however, saved my life. And the one I had in Brooklyn was intelligent enough and caring enough to meet the challenge that I can be as a patient. When I was dead set on blowing up everything that I had built up to that point in my life, she kept me from doing so by appealing to my overly analytical and rational nature and merging it in a very healthy way with the chaos that I was feeling.

Everyone here seems to be about a quick fix (CBT, etc.), but goddamn it, I have to live with myself and the terrible choices I have made for an unknown amount of years to come, and their dumb jedi mind tricks do absolutely nothing to take the sting out of that.

In a crisis situation, maybe a "quick fix" is a good thing- something to keep you alive. But, yeah, for the long haul, I'm not sure quick fixes are not the best way to go. I've never done well with "Jedi mind tricks" either. I'm also too analytical and concrete in my thinking to benefit from visualization or meditation or mantras, etc. What I learned from my work in human services was that I had to build coping skills that came from my own work, not something handed to me or doled out in endless visits to "talk" therapists. I'll very likely never be free of depression, anxiety and a tendency toward having manic depression (I prefer that term over "bi-polar" which to me is the same thing), so what has to work for me is using the tools I've learned any time I feel myself going into the spin cycle. I have to lean on my own learned and developed skills and not depend on weekly visits to the shrink.

But that's just me. Visualization, meditation, mantras, and that sort of thing work well for many people and I would never discourage someone from trying them. (I've tried them myself but do better with other things like focusing on work, reminding myself that down-turns are not forever, breaking up the spin cycle with my own will, etc.) An maybe some here do better with regular on-going counseling. That has to be an individual choice. No one can make that for us. I think the important thing is for each of us to be cognizant of what works best for us, not what works best for someone else, and then pursuing that choice of path with as positive an attitude as possible.

RogueStoner · February 2018

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

dankind · February 2018

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

RS, CBT might actually be beneficial for you. It's done wonders for a ton of people. I wasn't trying to bash it earlier; it just doesn't do squat for me. I'm too damn stubborn and analytical. I need to talk, get a load of worries off my chest and go through the process of figuring out why it was all weighing me down in the first place, why I allowed it.

Also, if you're looking for someone more relatable, I would highly recommend an LCSW over a PhD, MD or PsyD -- that is unless you're also immensely wealthy and appreciate aloofness. I realize that's a fairly broad generalization, but it's been my experience that LCSWs generally just care more and have similar issues on a socioeconomic scale as I do.

Thoughts_Arrive · February 2018

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

RogueStoner · February 2018

dankind said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

RS, CBT might actually be beneficial for you. It's done wonders for a ton of people. I wasn't trying to bash it earlier; it just doesn't do squat for me. I'm too damn stubborn and analytical. I need to talk, get a load of worries off my chest and go through the process of figuring out why it was all weighing me down in the first place, why I allowed it.

Also, if you're looking for someone more relatable, I would highly recommend an LCSW over a PhD, MD or PsyD -- that is unless you're also immensely wealthy and appreciate aloofness. I realize that's a fairly broad generalization, but it's been my experience that LCSWs generally just care more and have similar issues on a socioeconomic scale as I do.

I didn’t think you were bashing CBT, nor am I. I’m currently interested in DBT and EMDR. And I agree with you about an LCSW. That’s a great suggestion. Thanks!

RogueStoner · February 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.

Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

Thoughts_Arrive · February 2018

RogueStoner said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.
Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

All the best to you.
We have to fix ourselves. Psychologists can only show us how.
I love when I get the feel good cycle. Just came out of a dip last week.

rgambs · February 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.
Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

All the best to you.
We have to fix ourselves. Psychologists can only show us how.
I love when I get the feel good cycle. Just came out of a dip last week.

Yes, this.
Nobody can reprogram you, but the right person taking the right approach can teach you and help you to reprogram yourself!

brianlux · February 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.
Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

All the best to you.
We have to fix ourselves. Psychologists can only show us how.
I love when I get the feel good cycle. Just came out of a dip last week.

Wise words, my friend. The woman I worked with at our local college's Human Services department taught the concept of helping a person "pick up their own penny".

She discovered this metaphor one day while on a picnic with her young niece. She notice the little girl was sitting near a penny that was on the lawn and she knew the girl would be thrilled to find the penny. She thought, "I could pick up the penny and give it to the girl but she would be so much more happy if she discovered it on her own." So she coaxed the girl closer to the penny and when the girl noticed it, she picked it up and with a gleam in her eye exclaimed, "Look! I found a penny!". The girl found the penny on her own rather than simply having it handed to her. She had the confidence of making a discovery one her own (with unspoken subtle guidance from her aunt).

So this instructor then used that metaphor for helping people find solutions to their difficulties. She showed how it is far more valuable for a person to "pick up their own penny" than it is to have someone simply offer a prescribed solution. That kind of counseling is more difficult, but far more effective.

dankind · February 2018

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.
Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

All the best to you.
We have to fix ourselves. Psychologists can only show us how.
I love when I get the feel good cycle. Just came out of a dip last week.

Wise words, my friend. The woman I worked with at our local college's Human Services department taught the concept of helping a person "pick up their own penny".

She discovered this metaphor one day while on a picnic with her young niece. She notice the little girl was sitting near a penny that was on the lawn and she knew the girl would be thrilled to find the penny. She thought, "I could pick up the penny and give it to the girl but she would be so much more happy if she discovered it on her own." So she coaxed the girl closer to the penny and when the girl noticed it, she picked it up and with a gleam in her eye exclaimed, "Look! I found a penny!". The girl found the penny on her own rather than simply having it handed to her. She had the confidence of making a discovery one her own (with unspoken subtle guidance from her aunt).

So this instructor then used that metaphor for helping people find solutions to their difficulties. She showed how it is far more valuable for a person to "pick up their own penny" than it is to have someone simply offer a prescribed solution. That kind of counseling is more difficult, but far more effective.

That's Salingeresque.

brianlux · February 2018

dankind said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.
Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

All the best to you.
We have to fix ourselves. Psychologists can only show us how.
I love when I get the feel good cycle. Just came out of a dip last week.

Wise words, my friend. The woman I worked with at our local college's Human Services department taught the concept of helping a person "pick up their own penny".

She discovered this metaphor one day while on a picnic with her young niece. She notice the little girl was sitting near a penny that was on the lawn and she knew the girl would be thrilled to find the penny. She thought, "I could pick up the penny and give it to the girl but she would be so much more happy if she discovered it on her own." So she coaxed the girl closer to the penny and when the girl noticed it, she picked it up and with a gleam in her eye exclaimed, "Look! I found a penny!". The girl found the penny on her own rather than simply having it handed to her. She had the confidence of making a discovery one her own (with unspoken subtle guidance from her aunt).

So this instructor then used that metaphor for helping people find solutions to their difficulties. She showed how it is far more valuable for a person to "pick up their own penny" than it is to have someone simply offer a prescribed solution. That kind of counseling is more difficult, but far more effective.

That's Salingeresque.

Interesting! Which story?

dankind · February 2018

brianlux said:

dankind said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks, everyone. I used to think of therapy as just talking to someone (who was being paid and thus had to listen, lol). Sure I felt better but it didn’t help me function any better. Now I’m going to therapy to learn actual skills. I’m open to trying things but I’m also older, wiser, know myself better and am not afraid to speak up. For example, I’m happy to try meditation to relax but I know it’s not easy for me and I will need more concrete tools to use when situations come up. I mean, if I’m talking to someone and get anxious, I can’t just sit down and start meditating, can I? Though that would be funny. I may do that someday.

I mostly just have a ton of PTSD to work through and then learn to do things, process things in a different way. I need to reprogram myself, rather than continue with the programming that my mother, my childhood has left me with. This way, I can hopefully make better choices in the future and live a fulfilling life.

My challenge will be finding someone that can listen, not judge, at least try to relate or understand, be able to handle my particular sensitivity and beliefs, put up with my twisted sense of humor, and still be very direct with me and call me on my shit. That’s a tall order to fill.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

RogueStoner said:

Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day.

What made you feel she wasn't the right therapist for you?

Mostly just a “gut feeling”. Something told me she wouldn’t be able to relate to me at all.

I've had 2 psychologists try to reprogram me and have both failed.
My upbringing and my abusive mother have severely fucked my brain up.

Same here. But I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting and I think I’ve learned what makes me tick. Now I just need confirmation (or not, either way) and tools to help me fix my problems. Maybe that’s the difference...I used to want them to fix me and now I just want them to show me the tools so I can fix myself. I have to find value in myself and fight for myself before anyone else will do that for me.

Edit: I should add that the reason I sound all “rah-rah-let’s do this shit” is because I’m in an exceedingly good mood the past two days. I wonder if that’s just part of my depression cycle or if it has to do with the active things I’ve been doing to dig myself out of this hole this past week...drinking water, eating better, taking vitamins, exercising, spending more time outdoors, talking to you fine folks.
Talk about health anxiety! I’m terrified this will end any day now and I’ll be back in that pit of doom. But I’m trying to not think about it and just forge ahead.

All the best to you.
We have to fix ourselves. Psychologists can only show us how.
I love when I get the feel good cycle. Just came out of a dip last week.

Wise words, my friend. The woman I worked with at our local college's Human Services department taught the concept of helping a person "pick up their own penny".

She discovered this metaphor one day while on a picnic with her young niece. She notice the little girl was sitting near a penny that was on the lawn and she knew the girl would be thrilled to find the penny. She thought, "I could pick up the penny and give it to the girl but she would be so much more happy if she discovered it on her own." So she coaxed the girl closer to the penny and when the girl noticed it, she picked it up and with a gleam in her eye exclaimed, "Look! I found a penny!". The girl found the penny on her own rather than simply having it handed to her. She had the confidence of making a discovery one her own (with unspoken subtle guidance from her aunt).

So this instructor then used that metaphor for helping people find solutions to their difficulties. She showed how it is far more valuable for a person to "pick up their own penny" than it is to have someone simply offer a prescribed solution. That kind of counseling is more difficult, but far more effective.

That's Salingeresque.

Interesting! Which story?

The Catcher in the Rye and "A Perfect Day for Bananafish" come to mind.

The hard work of surviving emotional depression and anxiety.

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