Australia and NZ tour rumours going around Part 2 (No Bullshit)

Got these from the PF forum.
It's for anyone who's ever engaged their mouth without using their brain fist.






I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.



I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."



My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.




While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.



Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse so, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While other people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!



This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

DonJon wrote:

No but they got the results this morn and he hasnt called me which is NOT good at all. He knows how desperate I am to find out and Ive called him everyday in case they got them early. I just dont wanna call now.

I know him too well and believe that 95% news is bad - 5% its just slipped his mind.

Oh I hope it's the 5% and that no news is good news......be sure to let us know, Brendan.
I know I'm handing out lot's of hugs today, but there's a big one coming your way, Brendan - be sure to catch it Hun

Yeah was just reading yours and Trudies news - rough stuff guys - real ruff.

Yep will let you know asap. Ill bust my balls in a second and call him.

Wonder if the pope was angry about the uproar about him going to Randwick so he cast a flu spell over the horsies :eek:

vital5 wrote:

Lucky guy Would make work more fun!

Andrew Johns? Work? Pfttt

Oz Jammer wrote:

You're right. It's only natural instinct. That way of thinking is bred into them. No amount of 'domestication' is gonna suppress those natural instincts.
It's exactly the same with cats. If a cat sees a hamster running around on the floor, it's not going to recognise it as a pet, it sees the hamster as food........natural instincts

Reminds me of the time our neighbour came knocking on the door asking.. "have you seen our white rabbit?"...

Sadly the rabbit was no longer white as our dog "found" it.... yes instinct does get the better of dogs quite a bit, they are ready to snap into instinct mode at any time! No matter how much they have been trained!....

They are not unlike trained Tigers and Trained Bears really...

Sad stories.. but people need to know they are animals, and animals are unpredictable...

Anyone reckon there will be a leak of certain VDV?

DonJon wrote:

Anyone reckon if my dick leaks i have VD?

yeah you could have VD.

DonJon wrote:

Anyone reckon there will be a leak of certain VDV?

seeing as though I 'live under a rock' should I go try this 'Google' you speak of to find out what VDV is?

So now that you have all proved to me that you are terribly witty with cracking senses of humour - answer the question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I'm sorry to say this after just having read through the last days posts, but the bad news just keeps on coming.... found out today that my Dad might be crook, and has not let on to anyone for a while hoping that he is flying up this way on saturday, at which point my sister and I will hammer him for the truth!!! Fingers crossed it isn't as bad as we think... Which one of you fuckers broke a mirror / walked under a ladder / crossed paths with a black cat??? :eek: