Corny Jokes

2

Comments

  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Posts: 40,310
    this is my stepladder. 

    I never knew my real ladder. 
    Your boos mean nothing to me, for I have seen what makes you cheer



  • BLACK35
    BLACK35 Hanover, Ontario Posts: 23,048
    Is it ok to pay a midget under the table?
    2005 - London
    2009 - Toronto
    2010 - Buffalo
    2011 - Toronto 1&2
    2013 - London, Pittsburgh, Buffalo
    2014 - Cincinnati, St. Louis, Detroit
    2016 - Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, Ottawa, Toronto 1
    2018 - Fenway 1&2
    2022 - Hamilton, Toronto
    2023 - Chicago 1&2
    2024 - Las Vegas 1&2
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,093
    Why don't people like goats?
    Because they think they are the greatest of all time.
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • mace1229
    mace1229 Posts: 10,090
    Everyone knows part 1 of this joke, but I never know anyone who knows part 2.
    1. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? "Damn!"
    2. What did the wall say? "Dum-bass"
  • hauntingfamiliar
    hauntingfamiliar Wilmington, NC Posts: 10,405
    What do you call a blind deer?
    No-eye deer.
    What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
    Still no-eye deer.
  • PJ_Soul
    PJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 51,030
    What did the limestone say to the geologist?

    Don't take me for ganite!
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • eeriepadave
    eeriepadave West Chester, PA Posts: 43,801
    Why don't zombies eat clowns?
    cause they taste funny

    Why did the man put his hot dog in a sweater?
    cause it was a chili dog
    8/28/98- Camden, NJ
    10/31/09- Philly
    5/21/10- NYC
    9/2/12- Philly, PA
    7/19/13- Wrigley
    10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
    10/21/13- Philly, PA
    10/22/13- Philly, PA
    10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
    4/28/16- Philly, PA
    4/29/16- Philly, PA
    5/1/16- NYC
    5/2/16- NYC
    9/2/18- Boston, MA
    9/4/18- Boston, MA
    9/14/22- Camden, NJ
    9/7/24- Philly, PA
    9/9/24- Philly, PA
    Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly. PA
    Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
    RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
  • PJfanwillneverleave1
    PJfanwillneverleave1 Posts: 12,885
    This one works great on your teenage daughters friends.

    Where do cows go on a date?
    To the mooovies.

  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,846
    Q:  How many husks in a stalk?

    A: I don't know, Kernel  
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • vogonpoetbythelake
    vogonpoetbythelake Posts: 2,146
    Q: what are Black Beards favorite socks?
    A: aaarrrggyle
  • oftenreading
    oftenreading Victoria, BC Posts: 12,856
    A piece of string walks into a bar. 

    The bartender says "we don't serve string here". 

    So the string ties a knot in himself,  fluffs up his hair, and tries to order again. 

    The bartender says "hey, didn't you hear me?  We don't serve string". 

    The string says "I'm a frayed knot". 
    my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
  • Hobbes
    Hobbes Pacific Northwest Posts: 6,439
    If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?


    European!
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    A dad joke (well, my dad's joke; he cracked himself up) -

    Order at a restaurant:  "I'll have a Russian order, please."

    Waiter/ess:  "Excuse me, sir?"

    Dad:  "A one-of-ich."

    Oy.

    He was also fond of the old one I'm sure everyone has been subjected to.......

    "Dad, I'm thirsty". 

    "I'm Friday, nice to meet you!"
  • eeriepadave
    eeriepadave West Chester, PA Posts: 43,801
    did you hear about the new broom?
    It's sweeping the nation

    What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
    Frost bite

    Wakka Wakka
    Image result for fozzie bear waka waka


    8/28/98- Camden, NJ
    10/31/09- Philly
    5/21/10- NYC
    9/2/12- Philly, PA
    7/19/13- Wrigley
    10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
    10/21/13- Philly, PA
    10/22/13- Philly, PA
    10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
    4/28/16- Philly, PA
    4/29/16- Philly, PA
    5/1/16- NYC
    5/2/16- NYC
    9/2/18- Boston, MA
    9/4/18- Boston, MA
    9/14/22- Camden, NJ
    9/7/24- Philly, PA
    9/9/24- Philly, PA
    Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly. PA
    Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
    RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,846
    My favorite, told to me by my brother years ago:

    How do you catch an unusual rabbit? 
    Unique up on it.

    OK, then how do you catch a domestic rabbit?
    Tame way.
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    Why can't Jesus play hockey?

    He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • HesCalledDyer
    HesCalledDyer Maryland Posts: 16,501
    dankind said:
    Why can't Jesus play hockey?

    He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
    He'd make a great goalie, though.  "JESUS SAAAAAAVES!"
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24 / Raleigh I 25 / Raleigh II 25 / Pittsburgh I 25
  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    HesCalledDyer said:
    dankind said:
    Why can't Jesus play hockey?

    He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
    He'd make a great goalie, though.  "JESUS SAAAAAAVES!"
    I know. I have the T-shirt. 



    That reminds me: How do you get a nun pregnant?

    Dress her up as an altar boy. 
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • Hobbes
    Hobbes Pacific Northwest Posts: 6,439
    Why does Jesus get all the chicks?

    They heard he was hung like this :hug:
  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    edited August 2017
    Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and asks, "Could you put me up for the night?"
    I SAW PEARL JAM

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