Corny Jokes

HesCalledDyer

Hobbes said:

Why does Jesus get all the chicks?

They heard he was hung like this :hug:

And the award for "Best Use of Any Emoji, Ever" goes to...  Hobbes!

hedonist

HesCalledDyer said:

Hobbes said:

Why does Jesus get all the chicks?

They heard he was hung like this :hug:

And the award for "Best Use of Any Emoji, Ever" goes to...  Hobbes!

Ha!  Agreed.

brianlux

If corn oil comes from corn, what does baby oil come from?

mace1229

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2....But it makes you kind of wonder how they got in there.

dankind

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and cry.

HesCalledDyer

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

tempo_n_groove

What's the one with the Hollow weenie?

darwinstheory

Q: What do you call a fish with 2 knees?

A: two knee fish

brianlux

What happens when you play country and western music backwards?

You sober up, your wife comes home and the dog comes back to life.

tempo_n_groove

What do a Dildoe and Soy beans have in common?

They're both meat substitutes!

Cliffy6745

I signed up for my company's 401k, but I don't think I can run that far

HesCalledDyer

Cliffy6745 said:

I signed up for my company's 401k, but I don't think I can run that far

I actually laughed at that.