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Funerals
Malroth
broken down chevrolet Posts: 2,551
..........
The worst of times..they don't phase me,
even if I look and act really crazy.
even if I look and act really crazy.
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Those gone too soon, while they still had more life to live...not much more I can say than "fuck". Just, "FUCK".
At my dad's, more comfort taken in the people and their generosity of spirit and memories who came to honor him than the process in itself. My eulogy took away the voice I hoped to have from what I'd written about, for, him, and my sister and BIL took over.
Brought up much emotion and still does. Always will.
Of course death is part of life, but goddammit do I miss them all.
Love to a friend who has such an experience of saying good-bye to a loved one on the near horizon.
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I've been to funerals of young and old. I've always had a hard time accepting that they are celebrations of life. Even though that's what they should be. Most recently, my grandmothers service was so incredibly difficult. I couldn't bring myself to celebrate her life until months later. It's just too difficult. Too sad.
we will find a way, we will find our place
Anyway, all this means I have VERY little experience with funerals. I have only been to two in my whole life. The first one was for some old lady I never even met. I think it was my evil step-grandmother's sister or aunt or something like that, and I was only about 6 years old. But it did leave an impression on me because it was open casket. I remember being very curious and interested in the fact that there was a dead lady lying there at the front of a church. I went up there and stared at the body for a very long time, until some people there might have thought it was weird.
The second funeral I've been to, when I was around 23, was my maternal grandfather's. The asshole. I never had any emotional connection with him whatsoever, even though we lived in the same city. He was just kind of there. He didn't care about me, and I didn't care about him. He was a man whose house (which was delightfully creepy) I went to on holidays once in a while, and he never engaged me or anything. So he died and I actually was recruited to take care of the entire reception for some reason. All the catering and everything. So I did that, and did it very, very well. I guess my mom and her siblings were feeling emotionally fucked up a bit, in their own ways. But the guy was a shitty dad too, so I'm not really sure. Most people just seemed happy to be getting together to drink wine and eat high end catered food platters. Maybe his bitch of a wife wasn't happy, but I wouldn't guarantee that. She actually tried to kill him about 2 weeks before he actually died, so..... yeah. Anyway, TBH, I don't remember much of anything about the actual funeral. I was too busy worrying about the success of the reception that I'd organized to really absorb anything that was said at the funeral. I remember this annoying cousin of mine sang that song that is sung at every funeral (what's it called again), and there was some eye rolling about that, lol, because she sucked but did it because she thought she was amazing, as usual.
even if I look and act really crazy.
even if I look and act really crazy.
And though all of course have been sorrowful affairs, a couple were kind of sweet in a way. Doing a song on my guitar for my Mom at her memorial surprised me because before the service I though I would break down or something but when I did it I could tell she was there with me and it was fine. I played my guitar version of Neil Young's "My Heart". I may have played better than at any other time and I think she really dug it.
Cool you got to play for you mom.
even if I look and act really crazy.
for those reasons above i've told a few people in my family that when i die i want a celebration of my life and not a funeral. i want them to have a party, music, dancing etc laughter instead of tears. remember the good moments. of course i hope this doesn't happen for another 40 years or so.
even if I look and act really crazy.
Personally, I'm usually not good at funerals. When my former father in law passed away, I was just devastated. I hated that my son wouldn't grow up with him around or be fortunate enough to have him as a grandpa. Selfishly, the guy was around from my teen years to being a man and, because my split with his daughter was ugly, I hated the thought that maybe he died with disdain or not liking me. I'm hoping that his illness gave him clarity on things and the big picture of life and that he saw me as a good dad to his grandson. I think that would be enough. So I decided not to go to the funeral (went to the wake) because no one wants to see the man's former son in law being a mess when wounds are still open.
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Well my 60 year old man found a brain tumor, 2 weeks later he was in a coma, 2 weeks later we pulled the plug. A number of people told me he was in a better place. I think the place he wanted and deserved to be was with us...on earth...in real life
Really, leave people alone in their path of mourning.
Theirs isn't yours, and vice versa.
Surely, that can be respected.
Sorry for the loss of your Dad.
Sometimes context needs to be appreciated. Like when my late mother-in-law said she was praying for us, that my husband would get through his lung surgeries, I found it nowhere near delusional or irritating. I appreciated the love and energy she was giving us. Her intent. No way my ego or (non?)beliefs would reject or ridicule that, from anyone.
You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.