I've taken comfort in the few I've been to. Most lived long, loved and loving lives.
Those gone too soon, while they still had more life to live...not much more I can say than "fuck". Just, "FUCK".
At my dad's, more comfort taken in the people and their generosity of spirit and memories who came to honor him than the process in itself. My eulogy took away the voice I hoped to have from what I'd written about, for, him, and my sister and BIL took over.
Brought up much emotion and still does. Always will.
Of course death is part of life, but goddammit do I miss them all.
Love to a friend who has such an experience of saying good-bye to a loved one on the near horizon.
I've been to funerals of young and old. I've always had a hard time accepting that they are celebrations of life. Even though that's what they should be. Most recently, my grandmothers service was so incredibly difficult. I couldn't bring myself to celebrate her life until months later. It's just too difficult. Too sad.
will myself to find a home, a home within myself we will find a way, we will find our place
Losing someone you love... incomprehensible. I think that's why you go numb sometimes, your soul, mind, body just can't take it....it's been 1 year, 8, months and 28 days for me. Feels like it just happened.
funerals signs, ads on tv and on the radio just stuff up a good mood for the day and i think they should just ban it so you just have to look up the telephone directory when you have to
I have actually never lost anyone I cared about. Yes, all of my grandparents are dead, and 3 of them died while I was alive, but I really didn't know two of them as they lived overseas, and the other one was an asshole. So I have never ever lost a close friend or loved one (not humans, anyway). Hell, not even a co-worker or classmate, really. There is one guy who I knew in high school who died, but I hadn't seen him in 23 years and was never close with him in the first place. I know it's just a matter of time of course. I almost feel bad for everyone who knows me. It's like the longer I go without knowing anyone who dies, the worse THEIR odds get, lol. I'm worried because I have absolutely no idea how I will cope with it when I do lose someone, like my parents. I have no frame of reference as far as handling that goes.
Anyway, all this means I have VERY little experience with funerals. I have only been to two in my whole life. The first one was for some old lady I never even met. I think it was my evil step-grandmother's sister or aunt or something like that, and I was only about 6 years old. But it did leave an impression on me because it was open casket. I remember being very curious and interested in the fact that there was a dead lady lying there at the front of a church. I went up there and stared at the body for a very long time, until some people there might have thought it was weird.
The second funeral I've been to, when I was around 23, was my maternal grandfather's. The asshole. I never had any emotional connection with him whatsoever, even though we lived in the same city. He was just kind of there. He didn't care about me, and I didn't care about him. He was a man whose house (which was delightfully creepy) I went to on holidays once in a while, and he never engaged me or anything. So he died and I actually was recruited to take care of the entire reception for some reason. All the catering and everything. So I did that, and did it very, very well. I guess my mom and her siblings were feeling emotionally fucked up a bit, in their own ways. But the guy was a shitty dad too, so I'm not really sure. Most people just seemed happy to be getting together to drink wine and eat high end catered food platters. Maybe his bitch of a wife wasn't happy, but I wouldn't guarantee that. She actually tried to kill him about 2 weeks before he actually died, so..... yeah. Anyway, TBH, I don't remember much of anything about the actual funeral. I was too busy worrying about the success of the reception that I'd organized to really absorb anything that was said at the funeral. I remember this annoying cousin of mine sang that song that is sung at every funeral (what's it called again), and there was some eye rolling about that, lol, because she sucked but did it because she thought she was amazing, as usual.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I have actually never lost anyone I cared about. Yes, all of my grandparents are dead, and 3 of them died while I was alive, but I really didn't know two of them as they lived overseas, and the other one was an asshole. So I have never ever lost a close friend or loved one (not humans, anyway). Hell, not even a co-worker or classmate, really. There is one guy who I knew in high school who died, but I hadn't seen him in 23 years and was never close with him in the first place. I know it's just a matter of time of course. I almost feel bad for everyone who knows me. It's like the longer I go without knowing anyone who dies, the worse THEIR odds get, lol. I'm worried because I have absolutely no idea how I will cope with it when I do lose someone, like my parents. I have no frame of reference as far as handling that goes.
Anyway, all this means I have VERY little experience with funerals. I have only been to two in my whole life. The first one was for some old lady I never even met. I think it was my evil step-grandmother's sister or aunt or something like that, and I was only about 6 years old. But it did leave an impression on me because it was open casket. I remember being very curious and interested in the fact that there was a dead lady lying there at the front of a church. I went up there and stared at the body for a very long time, until some people there might have thought it was weird.
The second funeral I've been to, when I was around 23, was my maternal grandfather's. The asshole. I never had any emotional connection with him whatsoever, even though we lived in the same city. He was just kind of there. He didn't care about me, and I didn't care about him. He was a man whose house (which was delightfully creepy) I went to on holidays once in a while, and he never engaged me or anything. So he died and I actually was recruited to take care of the entire reception for some reason. All the catering and everything. So I did that, and did it very, very well. I guess my mom and her siblings were feeling emotionally fucked up a bit, in their own ways. But the guy was a shitty dad too, so I'm not really sure. Most people just seemed happy to be getting together to drink wine and eat high end catered food platters. Maybe his bitch of a wife wasn't happy, but I wouldn't guarantee that. She actually tried to kill him about 2 weeks before he actually died, so..... yeah. Anyway, TBH, I don't remember much of anything about the actual funeral. I was too busy worrying about the success of the reception that I'd organized to really absorb anything that was said at the funeral. I remember this annoying cousin of mine sang that song that is sung at every funeral (what's it called again), and there was some eye rolling about that, lol, because she sucked but did it because she thought she was amazing, as usual.
Thanks for sharing. It really is so very cool to hear everyone's different journeys.
Funerals and memorials- They have variously been painful, sad, depressing, stressful, and one that was very heavy with deep sorrow- the loss of a close and very young child. No words.
And though all of course have been sorrowful affairs, a couple were kind of sweet in a way. Doing a song on my guitar for my Mom at her memorial surprised me because before the service I though I would break down or something but when I did it I could tell she was there with me and it was fine. I played my guitar version of Neil Young's "My Heart". I may have played better than at any other time and I think she really dug it.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Funerals and memorials- They have variously been painful, sad, depressing, stressful, and one that was very heavy with deep sorrow- the loss of a close and very young child. No words.
And though all of course have been sorrowful affairs, a couple were kind of sweet in a way. Doing a song on my guitar for my Mom at her memorial surprised me because before the service I though I would break down or something but when I did it I could tell she was there with me and it was fine. I played my guitar version of Neil Young's "My Heart". I may have played better than at any other time and I think she really dug it.
I had tears throughout my grandpas funeral, who knows what sad shape I would have been in for a child's. Cool you got to play for you mom.
The worst of times..they don't phase me, even if I look and act really crazy.
One thing about funerals and/or viewings/wakes is that as much as i hate going to them, i know how much it means to people when you do show up to pay your respects. unfortunately i've been on that end so i know what a good feeling it is when people show up, and/or say a few kind words. to this day one of the greatest things anyone ever said to me was at my dad's viewing. just a very personal little comment that makes me tear up even today when i think about it. and the crazy thing about is that i am not even sure who the guy was. he was just a guy who worked with my father. for those reasons to me it is very important to make an appearance for those in my life who lose someone close to them.
for those reasons above i've told a few people in my family that when i die i want a celebration of my life and not a funeral. i want them to have a party, music, dancing etc laughter instead of tears. remember the good moments. of course i hope this doesn't happen for another 40 years or so.
One thing about funerals and/or viewings/wakes is that as much as i hate going to them, i know how much it means to people when you do show up to pay your respects. unfortunately i've been on that end so i know what a good feeling it is when people show up, and/or say a few kind words. to this day one of the greatest things anyone ever said to me was at my dad's viewing. just a very personal little comment that makes me tear up even today when i think about it. and the crazy thing about is that i am not even sure who the guy was. he was just a guy who worked with my father. for those reasons to me it is very important to make an appearance for those in my life who lose someone close to them.
for those reasons above i've told a few people in my family that when i die i want a celebration of my life and not a funeral. i want them to have a party, music, dancing etc laughter instead of tears. remember the good moments. of course i hope this doesn't happen for another 40 years or so.
Great idea! This is what I want to except for me, hopefully not for another 25 or 30 years. 105 is too long! But I wouldn't want it called a "wake". Just a celebration, party, good time, anything but "funeral" or "wake".
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
Sorry, but i disagree, in some cases anyway.
Then explain. If someone is suffering?
I rather not.
Cool. Thanks for posting.
Personally, I'm usually not good at funerals. When my former father in law passed away, I was just devastated. I hated that my son wouldn't grow up with him around or be fortunate enough to have him as a grandpa. Selfishly, the guy was around from my teen years to being a man and, because my split with his daughter was ugly, I hated the thought that maybe he died with disdain or not liking me. I'm hoping that his illness gave him clarity on things and the big picture of life and that he saw me as a good dad to his grandson. I think that would be enough. So I decided not to go to the funeral (went to the wake) because no one wants to see the man's former son in law being a mess when wounds are still open.
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
Sorry, but i disagree, in some cases anyway.
Then explain. If someone is suffering?
I rather not.
Solid story, my dude. Way to give 110%
Well my 60 year old man found a brain tumor, 2 weeks later he was in a coma, 2 weeks later we pulled the plug. A number of people told me he was in a better place. I think the place he wanted and deserved to be was with us...on earth...in real life
Cliffy, I truly am sorry for what you and your family went through, but really...there is no "should" when it comes to grieving or offering best wishes in the only way they know how? I just can't see giving anyone shit for wanting to pay honest respects, or, like cutz, might want to keep their experience close to the chest.
Really, leave people alone in their path of mourning.
Cliffy, I truly am sorry for what you and your family went through, but really...there is no "should" when it comes to grieving or offering best wishes in the only way they know how? I just can't see giving anyone shit for wanting to pay honest respects, or, like cutz, might want to keep their experience close to the chest.
Really, leave people alone in their path of mourning.
Theirs isn't yours, and vice versa.
Surely, that can be respected.
Word, fair...everyone experiences things differently...
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
Sorry, but i disagree, in some cases anyway.
Then explain. If someone is suffering?
I rather not.
Solid story, my dude. Way to give 110%
Well my 60 year old man found a brain tumor, 2 weeks later he was in a coma, 2 weeks later we pulled the plug. A number of people told me he was in a better place. I think the place he wanted and deserved to be was with us...on earth...in real life
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
Sorry, but i disagree, in some cases anyway.
Then explain. If someone is suffering?
I rather not.
Solid story, my dude. Way to give 110%
Well my 60 year old man found a brain tumor, 2 weeks later he was in a coma, 2 weeks later we pulled the plug. A number of people told me he was in a better place. I think the place he wanted and deserved to be was with us...on earth...in real life
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
i agree with you. not really something i want to hear when someone close dies. i guess the people who say that either aren't sure what else to say or believe the man in the sky is taking care of them now.
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
i agree with you. not really something i want to hear when someone close dies. i guess the people who say that either aren't sure what else to say or believe the man in the sky is taking care of them now.
Yeah, same. I don't believe in Heaven, so such a comment would just feel like a super irritating platitude to me, and delusional. I think it would pissed me off of someone said that to me while I'm grieving for someone who died. It would actually highlight the fact that they are actually absolutely nowhere besides in a hole in the ground.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
The few kind words should never consist of "they're in a better place"
i agree with you. not really something i want to hear when someone close dies. i guess the people who say that either aren't sure what else to say or believe the man in the sky is taking care of them now.
Yeah, same. I don't believe in Heaven, so such a comment would just feel like a super irritating platitude to me, and delusional. I think it would pissed me off of someone said that to me while I'm grieving for someone who died. It would actually highlight the fact that they are actually absolutely nowhere besides in a hole in the ground.
Maybe some don't equate "a better place" with heaven. Maybe they just mean that person isn't in a painful hell anymore.
Sometimes context needs to be appreciated. Like when my late mother-in-law said she was praying for us, that my husband would get through his lung surgeries, I found it nowhere near delusional or irritating. I appreciated the love and energy she was giving us. Her intent. No way my ego or (non?)beliefs would reject or ridicule that, from anyone.
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Those gone too soon, while they still had more life to live...not much more I can say than "fuck". Just, "FUCK".
At my dad's, more comfort taken in the people and their generosity of spirit and memories who came to honor him than the process in itself. My eulogy took away the voice I hoped to have from what I'd written about, for, him, and my sister and BIL took over.
Brought up much emotion and still does. Always will.
Of course death is part of life, but goddammit do I miss them all.
Love to a friend who has such an experience of saying good-bye to a loved one on the near horizon.
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I've been to funerals of young and old. I've always had a hard time accepting that they are celebrations of life. Even though that's what they should be. Most recently, my grandmothers service was so incredibly difficult. I couldn't bring myself to celebrate her life until months later. It's just too difficult. Too sad.
we will find a way, we will find our place
Anyway, all this means I have VERY little experience with funerals. I have only been to two in my whole life. The first one was for some old lady I never even met. I think it was my evil step-grandmother's sister or aunt or something like that, and I was only about 6 years old. But it did leave an impression on me because it was open casket. I remember being very curious and interested in the fact that there was a dead lady lying there at the front of a church. I went up there and stared at the body for a very long time, until some people there might have thought it was weird.
The second funeral I've been to, when I was around 23, was my maternal grandfather's. The asshole. I never had any emotional connection with him whatsoever, even though we lived in the same city. He was just kind of there. He didn't care about me, and I didn't care about him. He was a man whose house (which was delightfully creepy) I went to on holidays once in a while, and he never engaged me or anything. So he died and I actually was recruited to take care of the entire reception for some reason. All the catering and everything. So I did that, and did it very, very well. I guess my mom and her siblings were feeling emotionally fucked up a bit, in their own ways. But the guy was a shitty dad too, so I'm not really sure. Most people just seemed happy to be getting together to drink wine and eat high end catered food platters. Maybe his bitch of a wife wasn't happy, but I wouldn't guarantee that. She actually tried to kill him about 2 weeks before he actually died, so..... yeah. Anyway, TBH, I don't remember much of anything about the actual funeral. I was too busy worrying about the success of the reception that I'd organized to really absorb anything that was said at the funeral. I remember this annoying cousin of mine sang that song that is sung at every funeral (what's it called again), and there was some eye rolling about that, lol, because she sucked but did it because she thought she was amazing, as usual.
even if I look and act really crazy.
even if I look and act really crazy.
And though all of course have been sorrowful affairs, a couple were kind of sweet in a way. Doing a song on my guitar for my Mom at her memorial surprised me because before the service I though I would break down or something but when I did it I could tell she was there with me and it was fine. I played my guitar version of Neil Young's "My Heart". I may have played better than at any other time and I think she really dug it.
Cool you got to play for you mom.
even if I look and act really crazy.
for those reasons above i've told a few people in my family that when i die i want a celebration of my life and not a funeral. i want them to have a party, music, dancing etc laughter instead of tears. remember the good moments. of course i hope this doesn't happen for another 40 years or so.
even if I look and act really crazy.
Personally, I'm usually not good at funerals. When my former father in law passed away, I was just devastated. I hated that my son wouldn't grow up with him around or be fortunate enough to have him as a grandpa. Selfishly, the guy was around from my teen years to being a man and, because my split with his daughter was ugly, I hated the thought that maybe he died with disdain or not liking me. I'm hoping that his illness gave him clarity on things and the big picture of life and that he saw me as a good dad to his grandson. I think that would be enough. So I decided not to go to the funeral (went to the wake) because no one wants to see the man's former son in law being a mess when wounds are still open.
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
Well my 60 year old man found a brain tumor, 2 weeks later he was in a coma, 2 weeks later we pulled the plug. A number of people told me he was in a better place. I think the place he wanted and deserved to be was with us...on earth...in real life
Really, leave people alone in their path of mourning.
Theirs isn't yours, and vice versa.
Surely, that can be respected.
Sorry for the loss of your Dad.
Sometimes context needs to be appreciated. Like when my late mother-in-law said she was praying for us, that my husband would get through his lung surgeries, I found it nowhere near delusional or irritating. I appreciated the love and energy she was giving us. Her intent. No way my ego or (non?)beliefs would reject or ridicule that, from anyone.
You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.