i've turned into a cynic

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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    nothingman44 wrote:
    I've turned into a cynical fucker lately. Outside of my friends, and they know who they are, I believe everyone in this world has ulterior motives for their actions. I understand everyone has to look out for their own well-being, but if that comes at the expense of making someone else look like a fool or tossing someone under the bus, those that lead people on for their own gain are absolutely useless to me. The easiest way to go about something is by being honest, no matter how brutal it may be. There is no need to drag someone along and play stupid games. Bottom line...say what you mean, and mean what you say.

    I prefer people to be direct and honest too, but the world is filled with complexity.

    There are people you run across in jobs and other situations that do have ulterior motives and manipulative ways of doing things and you can't avoid them. (I have recently had a taste of back-stabbing from an unlikely source.) It does not feel good...my conclusion about this tendency in people, after much thought-pounding is that people do whatever they can to get what they need or want. Sometimes they're truthfull, sometimes they lie, sometimes they don't even know they are flopping and flipping their opinions and loyalties in the wind!!!

    I think you just have to choose your friends wisely and be wary of other people until they start to let their tendencies to be honest or manipulative emerge. Then you'll know whether to trust them or not...or whether you want to deal with the fact that sometimes you can trust the person, other times you can't....

    Dealing with people is complicated!! :D
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  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    I try to keep myself open and give people the benefit of the doubt. But once I detect someone has less then honorable intentions, I will not hesitate to call them out on it and get the fuck away from them. But other then that I would say Im a "people" person.
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • covered in bliss
    covered in bliss chi-caw-go Posts: 1,332
    I think you just have to choose your friends wisely and be wary of other people until they start to let their tendencies to be honest or manipulative emerge. Then you'll know whether to trust them or not...or whether you want to deal with the fact that sometimes you can trust the person, other times you can't....

    This is excellent. It also helps to try and understand why some people are so shitty to begin with. It's easier to forgive and/or overlook when you know where they are coming from and why they act the way they do.
  • given2fly78
    given2fly78 Posts: 404
    ohhhhhhh, I so agree.

    But no matter how many times I get royally screwed - most recently was about a month and a half ago - by my business partner/friend - I refuse to become cynical.

    I always try and see the best in people. Even if I'm warned (which I was in that particular case).

    About 6 years ago I watched my dad go through a massive cerebral aneurysm and I learned so much - about life, myself, friends, family, love, ect. And no matter what happens, I always want to reflect back to the lessons I learned during that time.

    So now I just proceed with caution. And it sucks, but it is what it is. And if I get hurt again, at least I have not stooped down to other peoples levels. I always operate with integrity and the best intentions. And due to that, I will always come out on top.

    That, and "what goes around comes around". That helps.
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
    Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

    I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
  • tremorvoid
    tremorvoid Posts: 528
    soulsinging wrote:
    eh, you're not a cynic. once you realize that your friends also have ulterior motives and so does anyone who claims to love you aside from maybe your parents (maybe), then you've become a cynic. though i think the proper term is realism.

    im come to realize this as well. everyone is a selfish fucker ultimately. even those who "love" you. sad but true...realism...i like that.
    Seems that needlessly it's getting harder
    To find an approach and a way to live
    Are we getting something out of this
    all-encompassing trip?
  • Heineken Helen
    Heineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    genie wrote:
    it's better to be cynical, at least when someone is being honest and doing something good for you, you can really appreciate it.

    i don't know whether i'm cynical, or a fuck up or just totally of my rocker today, but it does amazes me when people ( especially strangers ) are good & respectful towards me
    but surely it's not always easy to recognise when people ARE doing good? Cos you're being cynical and maybe suspect they have ulterior motives?

    I don't agree it's better to be cynical... I've been there... it's no fun and it gets ya nowhere. Sure people always WILL fuck others over but I truly believe these people are the minority or at least HALF. I make an effort to trust people until they show me they shouldn't be trusted. I'm not going to let fuckheads make ME one of them or change the way I look at people. Yep, people still tend to disappoint me but more often than not, they surprise me in a good way. If you just take people as they come (neither in a positive nor a negative way) you're gonna find out one way or another... but I'd like people to take me as I come across... cos that's generally how I am. If they don't, well what am I supposed to do with that?
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    but surely it's not always easy to recognise when people ARE doing good? Cos you're being cynical and maybe suspect they have ulterior motives?

    I don't agree it's better to be cynical... I've been there... it's no fun and it gets ya nowhere. Sure people always WILL fuck others over but I truly believe these people are the minority or at least HALF. I make an effort to trust people until they show me they shouldn't be trusted. I'm not going to let fuckheads make ME one of them or change the way I look at people. Yep, people still tend to disappoint me but more often than not, they surprise me in a good way. If you just take people as they come (neither in a positive nor a negative way) you're gonna find out one way or another... but I'd like people to take me as I come across... cos that's generally how I am. If they don't, well what am I supposed to do with that?

    That's a great thing to say. Sometimes I feel the same way... most of the time, I'm just cynical. :p

    Actually, I'm getting better as I get older.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    covered in bliss wrote:
    This is excellent. It also helps to try and understand why some people are so shitty to begin with. It's easier to forgive and/or overlook when you know where they are coming from and why they act the way they do.

    Thanks. That's an important bit of something I've learned over the years! :)
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  • PJ_Saluki
    PJ_Saluki Posts: 1,006
    Cynicism is OK as long as it's directed at its one's self as much as it is at others. If it isn't, it becomes hypocrisy.
    "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool." -- Charles Barkley
  • Gary Carter
    Gary Carter Posts: 14,077
    I've turned into one big time. I am the biggest cynic these days and don't know how to change this?
    Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
    Sammi: Wanna just break up?

  • PJfanwillneverleave1
    PJfanwillneverleave1 Posts: 12,885
    edited August 2015
    I've questioned myself numerous times if I am a cynic or becoming one. I just don't know the answer but I do know that as time goes on I can point out the cynics.
  • JWPearl
    JWPearl Posts: 19,893
    Honestly I had to google this word
    As we don't use it at much at home purely because
    We believe or I should say I believe that a cynic person
    Possibly may have become cynic due to various
    Misfortunes , bad luck ,suffering and bitterness and
    Then become cynical it's the outcome of looking
    For a fair go to make up for so much shit
    But I do believe some are raised to be selfish
    For no apparent reason and this we could call selfish
    This cynic and selfishness I don't appreciate
    But I'm a firm believer in fairness
  • Last-12-Exit
    Last-12-Exit Charleston, SC Posts: 8,661
    I read this a long time ago when it got bumped and thought, what a crazy Mofo. But that was all before you joined our clique-ish club. Carry on.
  • JWPearl
    JWPearl Posts: 19,893
    We live in a selfish world and if you give an inch people take miles sometimes with no thankyous and it eventually takes its wear on you till your walked all over so in all honesty you have to become a little selfish to survive this world or get trashed
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    I think we're inherently selfish; it's survivalism and not a negative if you don't treat people like shit in the process.

    I try to just be decent and as open-minded as I can because it's the right thing for me to do. Not easy either. Still, I'd rather someone prove me wrong in my confidence in them than my going into it assuming they'll do that anyway.

    Great post on the first page that addressed this.

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