my question - where to get energy & stop pain

chadwick · December 2013

months now i can't sleep a full night through. the first 1/3 of the night i generally crash nicely. then i wake up & toss & turn into the very early morning hours, then i generally crash out again around 4am till 6ish.

part of this is coming off yet another pain medication. back in march i started coming off percocets & methadone. that was terrible for quite awhile. then my general dr. gave me tramadol to help w/ my painful self. i couldn't sleep unless i took the tramadol. like the heavy duty opiates, i would kick & jerk involutarily while lying in bed flopping like a fish oughta water. i'm still flopping around quite a bit but the kicking & aching limbs have pretty much stopped.

then my psychiatrist gave me suboxone which with the tramadol withdrawls made me sick as shit for 10 days as if i had solid vertigo none stop. i am thinking of trying the suboxone again one last try.

my general dr. thought i should try trazadone for sleep. that made me sick & i probably did it wrong as i ate 4 pills at 150mg each, but 2 hours apart & two at a time. which the doc said, "300-600mg. try 300mg first & if that doesn't work, next month we'll do 600mg." i was so hung over the next morning i felt like poop.

by 6 or 7 oclock im ready for bed. this stinks. but it's fucking cold & i'm in for the night & i'm probably bored as well.

to be honest, i am haunted by these fucking pills; i want my opiates back so that i can function like a normal person would function. i think of opiates all day long & i am amazed i am doing as well as i am.

i also fucked up a bit in recent times. i drank wine & got pretty nicely buzzed. i done that a couple times & more recently (2 wks ago) i drank a good 6-8 beers & a glass of wine & was on a couple pills or 4.

i am supposed to be swimming today & i just can't mustar the energy to do it & this alone drives me batshit crazy. maybe this thread belongs in the AA or whatever thread it is.

i am confident the drinking only those few times is messing with me as i am craving everything so much more now. every single day i am craving something or another. it is wearing me out as if i'm not worn out enough already

chadwick · December 2013

another fucking thing i am pissy about... fucking christmas & snacks, food, blah blah..

fuck off

i feel like hiding in a hole w/ my spinach. problem is i have already been hammering the chocolate covered peanuts & pretzles like a wild man would. fucking piss me off.

F Me In The Brain · December 2013

sorry to hear things are so rough recently.
Life can be so beautiful one minute and totally banged in the stinker the next.
I do not have experience with any of that stuff - I am just your ordinary weekend abuser - but I think it is admirable that you keep trying different things. Stay with it brother. One thing we all have experience doing is busting through obstacles....you will be back swimming soon enough.

chadwick · December 2013

just saying or typing the word opiates or watching a video on opiates makes me wanna scream. here are two (or four) great things that are playing into my hand for better health.

1. to broke to afford opiates off the street
2. if i were wealthy i'd probably be buy heroin
3. thankfully i'm broke all the time
4. i refuse to start selling drugs again

so i'm actually doing pretty ok i think as it could be so much worse & made worse at my own hand

chadwick · December 2013

F Me In The Brain wrote:

sorry to hear things are so rough recently.
Life can be so beautiful one minute and totally banged in the stinker the next.
I do not have experience with any of that stuff - I am just your ordinary weekend abuser - but I think it is admirable that you keep trying different things. Stay with it brother. One thing we all have experience doing is busting through obstacles....you will be back swimming soon enough.

thank you for the encouragement. gonna go pack my swim bag & warm up my car & scrape off the snow. i just don't feel good

mikalina · December 2013

I'm sorry to read about this - very sorry Chad.
You're an alcoholic and you havn't had a drink in many years, and you started drinking wine, beer and drugs ?
no wonder you feel so horrible.... I'm no expert but you're back to square one again. Clean up, stop drinking and talk to your doctor about those pain pills. All pills have certain side effects, your pain pills may give you insomnia or make you feel lethargic with no energy.

I'm pretty sure your drinking has started some cravings again. ( like a kid in a candy store ). It takes alot of will power for you to stop eating all that surgery holiday chocolates and to stay away from drinking. Go back to AA if you need to.

I wish there was a magic pill to give you energy - I suffer from lack of energy due to my severe anemia and believe me there is NO magic energy pills. Just eat healthy, exercise and try to sleep the best you can.

Good luck.

Annafalk · December 2013

I'm sorry for your situation Chadwick..you seem like a nice guy
I would try to use as few medications as possible and I am very afraid of drugs I don't believe they help in a long term..
Go to bed early and eat healthy food. When you wake up at night think positive thoughts, maybe drink something warm and then go to bed again..hope you feel better soon..take care

PJ_Soul · December 2013

Shit Chadwick, that really sucks.
Obviously stay away from the booze. That sounds like the most dangerous and worrying part of your story if you're an alcoholic. As for the pain killers... well, no advice there. That's a really tough situation if you are still in pain. Have you considered going to rehab?? Maybe a couple months in a much more disciplined environment could help ypu at this point, before you slip over the edge. They have docs who know how to handle addicts with pain. Of course, these places are expensive...

Other than that, all i can suggest is a lot more exercise. Like, put on the mp3 player every day and really exercise until it's uncomfortable. Really get to where you're sucking wind, slow down until you're breathing okay, and then do it again and again. Your goal should be to feel sore from exercise every day. Doin that will probably really help your sleeping probs. I know it doesn't exactly sound fun, but getting your sleep schedule right is a pretty fucking massive reward.

mickeyrat · December 2013

lets just put the usage aside for a minute. I would like to know if the underlying root cause of the pain is being CURED? not just treating the symptom with drugs. Are you able to get knee replacement? If not, then in my estimation, trying to get off the drugs is irrelevant. Eventually the pain will be too great and you will ask Doc to relieve it. temporarily.

I will support whatever decision you make Chad. May disagree with it and tell you so, but I dont live your life.I'm here, we're all here, to help you the best we can through a computer screen.

I do commend you for trying to lessen the usage. That shit cant be good for your liver.

And the booze? :fp: Cmon man. :nono: Just smoke your dope.

jumbojet · December 2013

Sorry to hear these struggles, Chadwick. Hang in there.
Keep updated about how it goes. I hope things will get better.
How is Christmas related to chocolate, by the way? Isn't it Jesus' birthday? Did he like chocolate or something? Was there chocolate at that time?
Am I derailing this thread? SHould I type this in AMT? Will I be bashed out if I do?
As you see, we all live confused lives.

Horos · December 2013

Meth?

chadwick · December 2013

i put this stuff out there about myself because i love you people quite a lot actually, even those of you i disagree with. so thank you & i really mean it.

i see several doctors including a head doctor. i need the head doctor now more than ever. he's a smart man from the philippines. i believe all my doctors are wonderful, caring, smart folks. i am the asshole in the mix they are trying to iron out as it is all on my shoulders which is fine, i can handle the bullshit. it's just some days are very difficult moreso than the day previously.

the drinking is very much under control at the moment but holy smokes does the craving of liquor hammer at my skull. "whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey whiskey...maybe beer chasers w/ my shots" add that to the opiate dependency i struggle with daily all day. i am a addict in every sence of the word. i knew i shouldn't drink not even one glass of wine all those months ago.

then again, wine, several wines... then no drinking a couple months or many weeks, whatever it was... now the beer really was tasty. that was the first time i had beer in something like 7 years. see, when i drank i hit the hard stuff quick, you know, slam a water glass of whiskey or something to get it on quickly.

i will not drink & this is a fact as i am sad & feel like i let others down who have faith in me. that there hurts worse than anything else. letting my loved ones down, even you good people here, letting you down is no good.

i just got home from swimming 60 minutes worth of laps at the pool. so see? i feel better about things & my body feels good despite my head to toe injuries throughout my hard life.

i also just took a suboxone strip up under the tongue about 45 minutes ago & i am feeling decent i think. i'll know if it helps when the opiate craving are subsided even just a bit & they say suboxone is a bit of a pain reliever...

again, i feel horrible for having alcohol these last few months. & it wasn't even that much really but just enough to jump start my addictive nature

mickeyrat, your words made me teary eyed. love you, man. thank you for being a pal. they really aren't into giving out knee replacements to young folks & im a big frickin dude & that scares them as well. so why do football players get new knees when needed & poor young people get opiates until the hospital shut that concept completely down. many are suffering, i am not alone over here.

i tried a pain clinic & that dr. is a complete bastard of a guy. fuck that.

pj_soul... i have done a lot of physical theropy with physical theropists at 2 week intervals. i learned the stuff & do a lot of it now on my own. mostly i swim laps, do other aquatic exercises, walk & sometimes lift dumbells before bed. i may not walk daily depending on level of pain that day or my mood. i enjoy walking in a snow storm & rain. i will shovel snow as well which feels wonderful despite my back acting up.

jumbojet... you aren't derailing anything. thank you for the question & nice words.

americans & the holidays... idiots we are, well, a lot of us. the holidays & any festive time of the year or any celebrations at all & we like to feed out mugs with bullshit. christmas time.....wait

from thanksgiving ---thru christmas & the new year's eve & new years day... it can get pretty ridiculous as kitchens are fired up & families & friends are enjoy each other's company (or not) depending on how much alcohol was drank, family bullshit ya know.

christmas cookies
fudge
chocolate covered peanuts/pretzles

ham
turkey
all the side dishes

this goes on for about 4 or 5 weeks. sure, not at all is every meal large & not every meal or snack is candy & cookies.

i've just felt out of order, out of control & as usual suffering with the pain i live with

screw it... today has been a good day. i swam nicely & you wonderful people here give me an outlet to get stuff off my chest. i could call my psychiatrist though actually but i'd rather bother you people with my bullshit.

backseatLover12 · December 2013

Ya know what, after reading everything so far, you have to be one tremendous person. You're obviously try so hard at being good, and that's huge in itself, to want something that'll help you so bad, but knowing your weaknesses. And you had a good day - you got some exercise in (therapy in itself). One thing - try and not beat yourself up and realize that it's only human to have weaknesses and urges. No one's perfect! Recognize that you're doing your best, and it's difficult to avoid the alcohol and pills, but knowing it's going to be difficult is progress alone. Just keep trying. And don't be so hard on yourself after slipping once or twice (just don't do it again).

Have you thought of hypnotheraphy? I know it works for cigarette smoking, I wonder if it helps for the rest. Alternative therapy? Ever try meditation? It's hard to start out, but it really does help center yourself when you need it. I learned how to give reiki; that's pretty wild and works as well.

pickupyourwill · December 2013

I didn't read all the responses, so I hope I'm not repeating anything.

Obviously, chadwick, you shouldn't be on a lot of meds--that isn't the goal for anybody. Currently as a person taking four different prescriptions a day, I know what a bitch it is to be dependent on meds in the first place. It seems all doctors want to do is throw more meds or higher doses at you and not really solve the problem.

When I can't sleep, I find that soaking in the tub with epsolm salt or just regular soap can relax me enough to finally get to sleep. However, don't take any meds within a couple hours before or during the soak because you might end up like Whitney Houston or Elvis Prestley-- and that would not be cool.

I hope everything gets better for you, dude. Merry Christmas.

chadwick · December 2013

backseatLover12 wrote:

Ya know what, after reading everything so far, you have to be one tremendous person. You're obviously try so hard at being good, and that's huge in itself, to want something that'll help you so bad, but knowing your weaknesses. And you had a good day - you got some exercise in (therapy in itself). One thing - try and not beat yourself up and realize that it's only human to have weaknesses and urges. No one's perfect! Recognize that you're doing your best, and it's difficult to avoid the alcohol and pills, but knowing it's going to be difficult is progress alone. Just keep trying. And don't be so hard on yourself after slipping once or twice (just don't do it again).

Have you thought of hypnotheraphy? I know it works for cigarette smoking, I wonder if it helps for the rest. Alternative therapy? Ever try meditation? It's hard to start out, but it really does help center yourself when you need it. I learned how to give reiki; that's pretty wild and works as well.

the psychiatrist wants me to get acupuncture, that's about as alternative as it goes so far. yep i meditate some & should do it more often. reiki healing would be a nice massage for sure. you are right, i bust my ass to be good & healthy. lately my mind is struggling craving those darn opiates. it seems to be some kind of fantasy & goal of mine... as in, fly to southeast asia or somewhere, climb thru the forests & mountains, find the buddhist extreme folks, use opium & hash w/ the good people over there & stay blasted meditating alongside the tigris river or something & writing poetry

this is a deep rooted problem for countless people through the ages. but it would be so wonderful to be somewhere in india or somewhere else in asia ...... never mind. :twisted:

shortstack · December 2013

chadwick wrote:

so why do football players get new knees when needed & poor young people get opiates until the hospital shut that concept completely down. many are suffering, i am not alone over here.

is your knee totally shot? if they won't give you a total knee replacement, why not a less invasive procedure?

Cliffy6745 · December 2013

Hey man,

You seem like a genuinely good guy and I seriously wish you the best of luck. I have no real advice other than wanting you to know that I wish you the best.. I see the effects of opiates every day. My mother in law has chronic pain from nerve damage caused by 3 spine surgeries and needs them to live a mildly normal life., although I am sure she couldn't stop even if she didn't need them at this point. Her son on the other hand graduated from percs to heroin a long time ago, like so many others these days.

I don't know you, but from everything you write, it seems like you have a pretty good take on life in general. Addiction is a motherfucker. Seems like you aren't letting it get the best of you. Stay strong.

Good luck, brother.

chadwick · December 2013

shortstack

i get the knees aspirated & injected w/ cordizone every 90 days but i am currently holding out as im tired of being filled up with steroids & things. left shoulder & both knees... injections. the right shoulder could use it. swimming hurts shoulders & necks, well, at least mine it does as i have arthritic knees & shoulders.

one hospital wanted to burn nerves in my knees. we did a trial run where they numbed nerves. i thought, wow, cool. then thought it was a bad idea because i like knowing if i have further damaged my knees, i kinda wanna know they are there. burning nerves gives relief for roughly one year. this hospital also does not believe in opiates & if they do, i am not the patient w/ cancer or whatever that really could use something

cliffy6745, dude thank you. those are kind words.

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2013

Hey dude, you seem like a fighter to be able to handle all this.
I don't really know what to say, you've given me great advice and would like to repay you.
Try natural sleep tablets, I use Valerian/Magnesium containing sleep tablets which work for me.
Try using less medication as it ain't good for the liver and keep swimming if it helps.
What caused all your ailments if you don't mind me asking?

oceaninmyeyes · December 2013

Chadwick - acupuncture can be wonderful if you find a good practitioner. My entire family has been to our guy for a whole variety of ailments. He can do wonders for pain. I wish you well.

backseatLover12 · December 2013

chadwick wrote:

backseatLover12 wrote:

Ya know what, after reading everything so far, you have to be one tremendous person. You're obviously try so hard at being good, and that's huge in itself, to want something that'll help you so bad, but knowing your weaknesses. And you had a good day - you got some exercise in (therapy in itself). One thing - try and not beat yourself up and realize that it's only human to have weaknesses and urges. No one's perfect! Recognize that you're doing your best, and it's difficult to avoid the alcohol and pills, but knowing it's going to be difficult is progress alone. Just keep trying. And don't be so hard on yourself after slipping once or twice (just don't do it again).

Have you thought of hypnotheraphy? I know it works for cigarette smoking, I wonder if it helps for the rest. Alternative therapy? Ever try meditation? It's hard to start out, but it really does help center yourself when you need it. I learned how to give reiki; that's pretty wild and works as well.

the psychiatrist wants me to get acupuncture, that's about as alternative as it goes so far. yep i meditate some & should do it more often. reiki healing would be a nice massage for sure. you are right, i bust my ass to be good & healthy. lately my mind is struggling craving those darn opiates. it seems to be some kind of fantasy & goal of mine... as in, fly to southeast asia or somewhere, climb thru the forests & mountains, find the buddhist extreme folks, use opium & hash w/ the good people over there & stay blasted meditating alongside the tigris river or something & writing poetry

this is a deep rooted problem for countless people through the ages. but it would be so wonderful to be somewhere in india or somewhere else in asia ...... never mind. :twisted:

The thing about acupuncture is that you should try it, but in no way, judge it from one time. For it to work effectively, you have to get it at least a few times or more. I've gotten it done, it helped with some issues but not with others (my body's a wreck). Good luck!

The thing about the Buddhists - they don't just smoke the opium you're looking for - they live a very disciplined life of meditation. It works!!

my question - where to get energy & stop pain

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my question - where to get energy &amp; stop pain

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my question - where to get energy & stop pain