Extreme solitude...

lazloblue wrote:

...
I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:

and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?

catefrances wrote:

lazloblue wrote:

...
I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:

and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?

Be good to yourself. Don't rush anything. But believe you are the best person you can be. And if that is hard right now. Start by telling yourself "I am only responsible for who I am".

You might try some simple meditation.
It has been proven to alleviate (guardian, NHS) and reduce recurrence of depression by 50%.

Maybe you are badly out of touch with your inner self, or maybe you have been scarred by occurence in the material world. Or maybe both (hell, maybe neither). Either way, meditation can be a great tool for re-centering.

You may also, as goofy as they can be, want to check out movies like "What the Bleep Do We Know" or "The Secret" to help you recognize the inherent "magic" in life. Once you begin to glimpse how a new knowledge & understanding of the quantum level of world functioning is freeing the possibilities of the human spirit from previously held overly "materialist" notions of "reality", life becomes exciting again.

Use your time alone to discover. Discover things about your inner self, about the world you live in, and align your self with a healthy cosmology. Once you have come to accept and love your own nature, and the nature of the world around you, it becomes easier both to cope with solitude, and also eventually to break out of that solitude and join the world around you.

A simple meditation that I have been doing for a while now is:
"brighter than the sun,
whiter than the snow,
more subtle than the ether is the self.
i am that self.
that self am i."
just keep repeating a simple, positive mantra. This affects concrete physiological change in the brain over time. Along with that comes a concrete change in perceived mental direction as well (how you feel your life is going).

catefrances wrote:

lazloblue wrote:

...
I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:

and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?

7-10 days

lazloblue wrote:

It's a great reminder that we are only responsible for our own words and actions.

The bad feelings... It's just me...

Remember to believe in yourself

Believe In Yourself

catefrances wrote:

and what if those people you reached out to and connected with that you really thought were the keepers turn out to be the ones that disappoint you the most? what if when you need them the most they turn their back on you and drop you in a deeper hole than you were in when you sought a foothold?
itll come as no surprise to anyone that thinks they even remotely know me that im not a people person.. so when I reach out its gotta be serious and im legitimate in what im looking for. but you know after a while and so many slaps in the face you gotta know that the effort becomes too much. sure you look forward to events and try to occupy yourself with activities to stay the crushing solitude.. but what if it becomes too much? what if you just cant be bothered anymore?

That's part of the deal though...investing ourselves in others, reaching out, loving...comes with the risk of being hurt or disappointed. I've fallen short of the expectations of those who mean the most to me, and vice versa. I guess it's about the degree of that letdown and how much can be forgiven or forgotten.

But, as much heartache or soulache or anythingache comes (and it always does), so too does the opposite, whether it's intentionally sought out or via happenstance.

Four Agreements was a good read, by the way - for me, not so much in the rainbow/unicorn sense, but in an eye-opening one, toward myself.

Cosmo wrote:

...
And trust me... I would rather be alone with time for introspective reflection of who I am and what I am, than in the company of fools.
I found that once I became comfortable in who I am and what I am made of... it didn't matter if I was alone or amonsgst friends. I learned that the character of your friends matter and I am pretty good at editing out those negative influences on me. I have little or no tolerance for fabricated drama... and fabricated drama is what you find in abundance in crowds of people. I don't have a lot of friends.. but, the ones i do have... I truely trust and respect.

I can't stress enough Cosmo's words as truth, at least for me. I spent from the age of about 17 all the way up to 35 or so hanging out with this poisonous group of people. it took me a long time to realize that, even though I shared a lot of memories and fun times with these people, ultimately they were damaging to my inner self. maybe they are good for others, but they were not good for me. I had to let go, and I'm an extremely nostalgic person, so that was extremely difficult, to basically throw away the time of my life whose memories I thought would bring me joy for the rest of my life. But I haven't spoken to any of them in over 3 years, and I don't have a lot of friends, as Cosmo said, but the ones I do have, I share a positive spirit with. I do no regret leaving these people behind one bit.

that alone made a world of difference. I suffer from depression. have since my mid 20's. when I finally ended a toxic 5 year relationship, I slowly became comfortable in my own skin, and enjoyed MYSELF. I enjoyed alone time. I actually relished it. And I still do (although, I do miss my girls when they aren't around!). But you get what I mean.

Take care.

Paul

catefrances wrote:

hedonist wrote:

That's part of the deal though...investing ourselves in others, reaching out, loving...comes with the risk of being hurt or disappointed. I've fallen short of the expectations of those who mean the most to me, and vice versa. I guess it's about the degree of that letdown and how much can be forgiven or forgotten.

But, as much heartache or soulache or anythingache comes (and it always does), so too does the opposite, whether it's intentionally sought out or via happenstance.

Four Agreements was a good read, by the way - for me, not so much in the rainbow/unicorn sense, but in an eye-opening one, toward myself.

well heres the thing... I dont think I mean anything to anyone. I vacillate between being an intensely private person to breaking down so much that all I can do is reach out in hope only to have that thrown back in my face. my soul aches and I cant forget. what I want is not to be here but my stubbornness and some stupid glimmer of hope is all that keeps me present. and tbh im losing my grip on that reasoning.

Maybe you think you don't, but - at least what I know of you via your posts - I'd bet you do.

What propels your stubbornness and hope? Your location shows "home sweet home" - for someone who has travelled extensively, how can you not reach out - or regret doing so - in the most basic sense? Maybe that's a start - a different, not-so-tenuous grip.

I don't know and certainly don't have answers...but, I don't believe vulnerability is necessarily a shortcoming.

catefrances wrote:

well heres the thing... I dont think I mean anything to anyone. I vacillate between being an intensely private person to breaking down so much that all I can do is reach out in hope only to have that thrown back in my face. my soul aches and I cant forget. what I want is not to be here but my stubbornness and some stupid glimmer of hope is all that keeps me present. and tbh im losing my grip on that reasoning.

This seems odd coming from you. You’re a good conversationalist in your postings, so I can’t image that doesn’t carry over person-to-person.

You’re good at give and take, in your postings, so again, I don’t see the despair.

Here’s the thing, you should only be you. Seeking constant validation from others is like seeking perfection, it’s not going to happen. No one is perfect, the world is not perfect, religion is not perfect, our friends aren’t perfect; our families aren’t perfect, even our love ones are not perfect.

Have you ever found yourself smiling about something good you did and no one even said thank you or acknowledged your effort? Guess what, that smile was your acknowledgement and no one can take that from you.

Don’t keep looking for signs that you mean something to other people, find meaning in yourself and you will begin to attract kindering spirts.

hedonist wrote:

catefrances wrote:

hedonist wrote:

That's part of the deal though...investing ourselves in others, reaching out, loving...comes with the risk of being hurt or disappointed. I've fallen short of the expectations of those who mean the most to me, and vice versa. I guess it's about the degree of that letdown and how much can be forgiven or forgotten.

But, as much heartache or soulache or anythingache comes (and it always does), so too does the opposite, whether it's intentionally sought out or via happenstance.

Four Agreements was a good read, by the way - for me, not so much in the rainbow/unicorn sense, but in an eye-opening one, toward myself.

well heres the thing... I dont think I mean anything to anyone. I vacillate between being an intensely private person to breaking down so much that all I can do is reach out in hope only to have that thrown back in my face. my soul aches and I cant forget. what I want is not to be here but my stubbornness and some stupid glimmer of hope is all that keeps me present. and tbh im losing my grip on that reasoning.

Maybe you think you don't, but - at least what I know of you via your posts - I'd bet you do.

What propels your stubbornness and hope? Your location shows "home sweet home" - for someone who has travelled extensively, how can you not reach out - or regret doing so - in the most basic sense? Maybe that's a start - a different, not-so-tenuous grip.

I don't know and certainly don't have answers...but, I don't believe vulnerability is necessarily a shortcoming.

id been travelling overseas for 4/5 weeks.. that's where my location as home(sweet home) comes from. and it wasn't entirely without irony. and yes I agree.. vulnerability isn't necessarily a shortcoming but when those you care about don't even care enougb to ask how youre doing.. or slam you for reaching out.. that's where the problem lies. and I am fully aware that if this is the case then I should distance myself from said people.. yet still I understand that if I do then I have isolated myself so successfully that their absence would be crushing.