Extreme solitude...

IT237515IT237515 Posts: 30
edited June 2013 in A Moving Train
I wonder if prayer can palliate lack of love and closeness with fellow human beings...I am going through tough times...it's hard alone but it's maybe even harder with the others. It may seem pathetic to be reacting to this with a message on this board but I am hoping for some light from PJ fans. I have a brother who says he doesn't mind and it doesn't hurt him (prolonged solitude).
How do you live this state of being? any tricks to fool the feeling of doom and the inner pain?

I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is...I often refuse ideas like draw another drawing or read some more or train your muscles with some weight training. I admire Mike McCready and in fact all Pearl Jam group members for their tenacity. I hope they'll inspire me.

Thanks,
IT :)
Winston Churchill: 'If you're going through hell, keep going.'
Post edited by Unknown User on
«1

Comments

  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    I'm sorry you're going through this, and don't find reaching out pathetic at all; quite the opposite, in fact.

    Solitude - in moderation - is healthy, I think. Gives rise to introspection and the weighing of situations and ourselves.

    As to tricks, there aren't any. None that really fool ourselves in the end.

    Have to face it all and find peace as we can, and I know how trite that sounds. Lean on who you can along the way - whether on yourself, or others. Count me in that mix, if you need to unload.

    (and that signature of yours? I'm a fan of Churchill's, and echo it - trying as it is)
  • IT237515IT237515 Posts: 30
    Thank you hedonist!

    your message appeased me a bit. I am making efforts everyday to not stop and to keep going as the quote says. I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

    So thank you again and do write to me if you want to share more.

    IT :)
    Winston Churchill: 'If you're going through hell, keep going.'
  • PapPap Posts: 29,002
    Athens 2006 / Milton Keynes 2014 / London 1&2 2022 / Seattle 1&2 2024 / Dublin 2024 / Manchester 2024
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • PapPap Posts: 29,002
    Athens 2006 / Milton Keynes 2014 / London 1&2 2022 / Seattle 1&2 2024 / Dublin 2024 / Manchester 2024
  • PapPap Posts: 29,002
    IT237515 wrote:
    I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

    :thumbup:

    Mr. Happy Man
    Athens 2006 / Milton Keynes 2014 / London 1&2 2022 / Seattle 1&2 2024 / Dublin 2024 / Manchester 2024
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    Pap wrote:
    IT237515 wrote:
    I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

    :thumbup:

    Mr. Happy Man
    dude's pretty happy. thank you for sharing that
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 42,055
    IT, sorry to hear about your difficulties. Each of us experiences these kinds of things differently and deals with them differently so my self-disclosure here isn't meant as an answer but perhaps as a suggestion. Twenty years ago, after an accident that severely affected my hearing I lost my job, (my then)wife , home, pretty much everything. I spend the better part of five years mostly in isolation and was lucky to survive those years (and have since regained my life in most ways- some better than ever). At the time, I didn't know how or where to reach out- this forum would have been most helpful! You've already done so and that is both admirable and hope filled. The Pearl Jam forum (not just AMT but all over the forum) is a great place to reach out, to stay connected, to express yourself, to give and receive support. We see it all the time. I would say you have chosen wisely in reaching out here.
    Best wishes and keep us posted. :)
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • ByrnzieByrnzie Posts: 21,037
    IT237515 wrote:
    I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is..

    Sitting around doing little or nothing can't be good for anyone. Have you thought about getting out into the World and doing some traveling?
  • backseatLover12backseatLover12 Posts: 2,312
    I like to refer to the late Christopher McCandless when feeling extreme and lonely solitude:

    “The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

    “I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.”

    My favorite:
    “Happiness only real when shared.” Although you're alone, don't forget that it's connection with others that make us feel whole. Reach out. You'll be glad you did. :)

    “If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it.”
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,632
    IT237515 wrote:
    Thank you hedonist!

    your message appeased me a bit. I am making efforts everyday to not stop and to keep going as the quote says. I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

    So thank you again and do write to me if you want to share more.

    IT :)
    on your prayer, how about writing out what you may be grateful for and giving thanks for that? Start looking for joy in anything and everything you can. Say thank you when you find it.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • mysticweedmysticweed Posts: 3,710
    hedonist wrote:
    I'm sorry you're going through this, and don't find reaching out pathetic at all; quite the opposite, in fact.

    Solitude - in moderation - is healthy, I think. Gives rise to introspection and the weighing of situations and ourselves.

    As to tricks, there aren't any. None that really fool ourselves in the end.

    Have to face it all and find peace as we can, and I know how trite that sounds. Lean on who you can along the way - whether on yourself, or others. Count me in that mix, if you need to unload.

    (and that signature of yours? I'm a fan of Churchill's, and echo it - trying as it is)

    this is really good, h

    IT, reaching out here is one of the best moves i ever made
    these people right here, most of whom i've never met, helped me through my husband's illness and subsequent death

    (you can draw? - share them here - you'll find the ppm&a forum to be a feel-good kind of place)
    afw
    peace and comfort
    comfort and peace
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,219
    I had a few bouts with prolonged solitude and what seemed like endless disassociation from the world. But I found music and art. And now, looking back on those times, I can really appreciate how those feelings helped me create things. I heard a phrase during that time -- I think it was "You havent found your fastball yet."

    I still may be tossing crappy curve balls every now and then, but it got me focused on a few things I loved. I learned that with loneliness and/or solitude, it was hard to focus as well.

    Good luck to you though man. Get lost in some music tonight. :)
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • badbrainsbadbrains Posts: 10,255
    It, this forums for all of us to come to whenever we're happy, lonely, depressed or down. This community is here for u and anyone else who needs to reach out. Dnt ever feel like you can't post anything here asking for anything, even some positive vibes. Some real cool ass people on here and they'll make you laugh, cry or even shake your head. But that's what makes this place so fucken cool. :thumbup:

    And I agree with Johnny, get lost in some killer music. It'll do you wonders. Pink Floyd always works for me.
  • IT237515IT237515 Posts: 30
    Thank you everyone for your encouragements and shared ressources. This forum is a magic place afterall just like in the stories for children of all ages I try to write: whenever two people get along it's a miracle.
    I hope to make friends and maybe we'll even meet if PJ will come play Montreal.
    Regarding solitude I hope to advance in this quest for inner joy that I embarqued on...I call the obstacle to that the Wall...the thing I believe in is that the wall will always be there if one doesn't give it the time to conquer it.
    So I will post some drawings in the Art forum...drawing may save my life afterall.

    Thank you again everyone!

    IT :)
    Winston Churchill: 'If you're going through hell, keep going.'
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,632
    Can I suggest a book that may help you along your path?

    "letters to a young poet" Ranier Maria Rilke. Excellent stuff here. LOT to think about and I found it to be comforting too. At least the concepts I was able to follow.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    For a thread that started out in what seems/seemed a painful place, I have to say I personally have been uplifted by some of the responses (mysticweed, I'm looking not only at you, but still...at you, with a hug and condolences for your husband).

    Release is invaluable, whether your outlet is painting/writing/drawing/exercising, etc - the internal side of it, or, the external - volunteering, traveling, reaching out to others. Great suggestions in this thread for getting through life's shitstorms.

    To echo what's been said previously, this community can be amazingly embracing, understanding, supportive...and ready to give a kick in the ass when warranted.

    Continued well-wishes to you, IT. And yeah, as JP suggested - MUSIC!

    One of the great healers.

    "it's an art to live with pain...mix the light into grey"

    (forty shades of 'em)

    :)
  • CosmoCosmo Posts: 12,225
    IT237515 wrote:
    I wonder if prayer can palliate lack of love and closeness with fellow human beings...I am going through tough times...it's hard alone but it's maybe even harder with the others. It may seem pathetic to be reacting to this with a message on this board but I am hoping for some light from PJ fans. I have a brother who says he doesn't mind and it doesn't hurt him (prolonged solitude).
    How do you live this state of being? any tricks to fool the feeling of doom and the inner pain?

    I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is...I often refuse ideas like draw another drawing or read some more or train your muscles with some weight training. I admire Mike McCready and in fact all Pearl Jam group members for their tenacity. I hope they'll inspire me.

    Thanks,
    IT :)
    ...
    As others have said, this time alone all depends on how you deal with it. Will you let feelings of isolation break you down or will you look inwards to find yourself. And trust me... I would rather be alone with time for introspective reflection of who I am and what I am, than in the company of fools.
    I found that once I became comfortable in who I am and what I am made of... it didn't matter if I was alone or amonsgst friends. I learned that the character of your friends matter and I am pretty good at editing out those negative influences on me. I have little or no tolerance for fabricated drama... and fabricated drama is what you find in abundance in crowds of people. I don't have a lot of friends.. but, the ones i do have... I truely trust and respect.
    Anyway... I know it dosen't really matter what I say... it is all on what you do with the time you have. I don't waste it away believing an imaginary world of happiness exists for everyone except you. You have to take action... those great people out there that will become your friends for life are not going to find you if you sit in isolation all day.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    Cosmo wrote:
    ...
    As others have said, this time alone all depends on how you deal with it. Will you let feelings of isolation break you down or will you look inwards to find yourself. And trust me... I would rather be alone with time for introspective reflection of who I am and what I am, than in the company of fools.
    I found that once I became comfortable in who I am and what I am made of... it didn't matter if I was alone or amonsgst friends. I learned that the character of your friends matter and I am pretty good at editing out those negative influences on me. I have little or no tolerance for fabricated drama... and fabricated drama is what you find in abundance in crowds of people. I don't have a lot of friends.. but, the ones i do have... I truely trust and respect.
    Anyway... I know it dosen't really matter what I say... it is all on what you do with the time you have. I don't waste it away believing an imaginary world of happiness exists for everyone except you. You have to take action... those great people out there that will become your friends for life are not going to find you if you sit in isolation all day.


    and what if those people you reached out to and connected with that you really thought were the keepers turn out to be the ones that disappoint you the most? what if when you need them the most they turn their back on you and drop you in a deeper hole than you were in when you sought a foothold?
    itll come as no surprise to anyone that thinks they even remotely know me that im not a people person.. so when I reach out its gotta be serious and im legitimate in what im looking for. but you know after a while and so many slaps in the face you gotta know that the effort becomes too much. sure you look forward to events and try to occupy yourself with activities to stay the crushing solitude.. but what if it becomes too much? what if you just cant be bothered anymore?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • lazlobluelazloblue Posts: 738
    I'd like to recommend a book that I am currently reading. "The Four Agreements" - A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. I have been in a black hole for several months. Heart broken and deliriously confused. But every day I get up and do my best to find happiness. This book is a "wisdom book". It's a great reminder that we are only responsible for our own words and actions. We cannot take on other peoples poisons, in forms of their words or their insecurities. We are responsible for our own happiness/rewards/hope.

    I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:
    Lollapalooza 92, Alpine Valley 11, De Luna 12, Wrigley/Pittsburgh/Dallas/OKC 13, Tulsa/Denver 14, Global 15, Wrigley 1/2 16
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    lazloblue wrote:
    ...
    I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:


    and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • backseatLover12backseatLover12 Posts: 2,312
    lazloblue wrote:
    I'd like to recommend a book that I am currently reading. "The Four Agreements" - A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. I have been in a black hole for several months. Heart broken and deliriously confused. But every day I get up and do my best to find happiness. This book is a "wisdom book". It's a great reminder that we are only responsible for our own words and actions. We cannot take on other peoples poisons, in forms of their words or their insecurities. We are responsible for our own happiness/rewards/hope.

    I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:

    Great book!
  • lazlobluelazloblue Posts: 738
    lazloblue wrote:
    ...
    I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:


    and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?

    Be good to yourself. Don't rush anything. But believe you are the best person you can be. And if that is hard right now. Start by telling yourself "I am only responsible for who I am".

    ;)
    Lollapalooza 92, Alpine Valley 11, De Luna 12, Wrigley/Pittsburgh/Dallas/OKC 13, Tulsa/Denver 14, Global 15, Wrigley 1/2 16
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    lazloblue wrote:
    lazloblue wrote:
    ...
    I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:


    and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?

    Be good to yourself. Don't rush anything. But believe you are the best person you can be. And if that is hard right now. Start by telling yourself "I am only responsible for who I am".

    ;)

    I am not the best person I can be.. and yes I am responsible for who I am. that doesn't diminish the need to feel supported... to not feel guilty about reaching out when help is needed. I never said I could do 'this ' alone and yet despite the support I give others it somehow doesn't get reciprocated from those I feel I need it from the most. and yes I feel that fault lies with me whether or not that is true. and yes the person I get angry with is myself. .. but still despite my best intent of not giving a fuck, I still give a fuck. every day I want to walk away but something holds me back.. perhaps its the potential I see in others... perhaps its delusion on my part. but whatever it is I find it extremely difficult to sever the ties cause I know if I do I will be totally alone... and that is something despite my misanthropic tendencies I can not deal with.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • You might try some simple meditation.
    It has been proven to alleviate (guardian, NHS) and reduce recurrence of depression by 50%.

    Maybe you are badly out of touch with your inner self, or maybe you have been scarred by occurence in the material world. Or maybe both (hell, maybe neither). Either way, meditation can be a great tool for re-centering.

    You may also, as goofy as they can be, want to check out movies like "What the Bleep Do We Know" or "The Secret" to help you recognize the inherent "magic" in life. Once you begin to glimpse how a new knowledge & understanding of the quantum level of world functioning is freeing the possibilities of the human spirit from previously held overly "materialist" notions of "reality", life becomes exciting again.

    Use your time alone to discover. Discover things about your inner self, about the world you live in, and align your self with a healthy cosmology. Once you have come to accept and love your own nature, and the nature of the world around you, it becomes easier both to cope with solitude, and also eventually to break out of that solitude and join the world around you.

    A simple meditation that I have been doing for a while now is:
    "brighter than the sun,
    whiter than the snow,
    more subtle than the ether is the self.
    i am that self.
    that self am i."
    just keep repeating a simple, positive mantra. This affects concrete physiological change in the brain over time. Along with that comes a concrete change in perceived mental direction as well (how you feel your life is going).
    If I was to smile and I held out my hand
    If I opened it now would you not understand?
  • BinFrogBinFrog Posts: 7,309
    IT237515 wrote:
    I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is...I often refuse ideas


    It sounds like you need to work on your approach first. If you are going to ask for advice, but then say you often refuse ideas...it sounds like you kind of know what you need to work on.
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • BinFrogBinFrog Posts: 7,309
    lazloblue wrote:
    ...
    I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave:


    and how long do you think one has to wait before 'the magic happens'?


    7-10 days
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,219
    BinFrog wrote:
    IT237515 wrote:
    I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is...I often refuse ideas


    It sounds like you need to work on your approach first. If you are going to ask for advice, but then say you often refuse ideas...it sounds like you kind of know what you need to work on.

    This might sound stupid, but you reminded me of the time I saw the movie Yes Man with Jim Carey. I tried to say "yes" to everything for awhile. It was fun, but nearly impossible. Its helped me be more proactive though. I still thinking about it today when posed with questions or suggestions. So I suggest watching t he movie Yes Man. :D
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • PapPap Posts: 29,002
    lazloblue wrote:
    It's a great reminder that we are only responsible for our own words and actions.

    The bad feelings... It's just me...

    Remember to believe in yourself

    Believe In Yourself
    Athens 2006 / Milton Keynes 2014 / London 1&2 2022 / Seattle 1&2 2024 / Dublin 2024 / Manchester 2024
  • lazlobluelazloblue Posts: 738
    Pap wrote:
    lazloblue wrote:
    It's a great reminder that we are only responsible for our own words and actions.

    The bad feelings... It's just me...

    Remember to believe in yourself

    Believe In Yourself

    Thanks Pap :clap:
    Great Links!!
    Lollapalooza 92, Alpine Valley 11, De Luna 12, Wrigley/Pittsburgh/Dallas/OKC 13, Tulsa/Denver 14, Global 15, Wrigley 1/2 16
Sign In or Register to comment.