Extreme solitude...

IT237515

I wonder if prayer can palliate lack of love and closeness with fellow human beings...I am going through tough times...it's hard alone but it's maybe even harder with the others. It may seem pathetic to be reacting to this with a message on this board but I am hoping for some light from PJ fans. I have a brother who says he doesn't mind and it doesn't hurt him (prolonged solitude).
How do you live this state of being? any tricks to fool the feeling of doom and the inner pain?

I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is...I often refuse ideas like draw another drawing or read some more or train your muscles with some weight training. I admire Mike McCready and in fact all Pearl Jam group members for their tenacity. I hope they'll inspire me.

Thanks,
IT

hedonist

I'm sorry you're going through this, and don't find reaching out pathetic at all; quite the opposite, in fact.

Solitude - in moderation - is healthy, I think. Gives rise to introspection and the weighing of situations and ourselves.

As to tricks, there aren't any. None that really fool ourselves in the end.

Have to face it all and find peace as we can, and I know how trite that sounds. Lean on who you can along the way - whether on yourself, or others. Count me in that mix, if you need to unload.

(and that signature of yours? I'm a fan of Churchill's, and echo it - trying as it is)

IT237515

Thank you hedonist!

your message appeased me a bit. I am making efforts everyday to not stop and to keep going as the quote says. I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

So thank you again and do write to me if you want to share more.

IT

Pap

Depression

chadwick

http://youtu.be/FumyvVOVbaY
check it out

Pap

So cuffing depressed

Pap

IT237515 wrote:

I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

:thumbup:

Mr. Happy Man

chadwick

Pap wrote:

IT237515 wrote:

I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

:thumbup:

Mr. Happy Man

dude's pretty happy. thank you for sharing that

brianlux

IT, sorry to hear about your difficulties. Each of us experiences these kinds of things differently and deals with them differently so my self-disclosure here isn't meant as an answer but perhaps as a suggestion. Twenty years ago, after an accident that severely affected my hearing I lost my job, (my then)wife , home, pretty much everything. I spend the better part of five years mostly in isolation and was lucky to survive those years (and have since regained my life in most ways- some better than ever). At the time, I didn't know how or where to reach out- this forum would have been most helpful! You've already done so and that is both admirable and hope filled. The Pearl Jam forum (not just AMT but all over the forum) is a great place to reach out, to stay connected, to express yourself, to give and receive support. We see it all the time. I would say you have chosen wisely in reaching out here.
Best wishes and keep us posted.

Byrnzie

IT237515 wrote:

I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is..

Sitting around doing little or nothing can't be good for anyone. Have you thought about getting out into the World and doing some traveling?

backseatLover12

I like to refer to the late Christopher McCandless when feeling extreme and lonely solitude:

“The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

“I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.”

My favorite:
“Happiness only real when shared.” Although you're alone, don't forget that it's connection with others that make us feel whole. Reach out. You'll be glad you did.

“If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it.”

mickeyrat

IT237515 wrote:

Thank you hedonist!

your message appeased me a bit. I am making efforts everyday to not stop and to keep going as the quote says. I want to get used to praying more. I know that can help and physical exercise too.

So thank you again and do write to me if you want to share more.

IT

on your prayer, how about writing out what you may be grateful for and giving thanks for that? Start looking for joy in anything and everything you can. Say thank you when you find it.

mysticweed

hedonist wrote:

I'm sorry you're going through this, and don't find reaching out pathetic at all; quite the opposite, in fact.

Solitude - in moderation - is healthy, I think. Gives rise to introspection and the weighing of situations and ourselves.

As to tricks, there aren't any. None that really fool ourselves in the end.

Have to face it all and find peace as we can, and I know how trite that sounds. Lean on who you can along the way - whether on yourself, or others. Count me in that mix, if you need to unload.

(and that signature of yours? I'm a fan of Churchill's, and echo it - trying as it is)

this is really good, h

IT, reaching out here is one of the best moves i ever made
these people right here, most of whom i've never met, helped me through my husband's illness and subsequent death

(you can draw? - share them here - you'll find the ppm&a forum to be a feel-good kind of place)
afw
peace and comfort
comfort and peace

JonnyPistachio

I had a few bouts with prolonged solitude and what seemed like endless disassociation from the world. But I found music and art. And now, looking back on those times, I can really appreciate how those feelings helped me create things. I heard a phrase during that time -- I think it was "You havent found your fastball yet."

I still may be tossing crappy curve balls every now and then, but it got me focused on a few things I loved. I learned that with loneliness and/or solitude, it was hard to focus as well.

Good luck to you though man. Get lost in some music tonight.

badbrains

It, this forums for all of us to come to whenever we're happy, lonely, depressed or down. This community is here for u and anyone else who needs to reach out. Dnt ever feel like you can't post anything here asking for anything, even some positive vibes. Some real cool ass people on here and they'll make you laugh, cry or even shake your head. But that's what makes this place so fucken cool. :thumbup:

And I agree with Johnny, get lost in some killer music. It'll do you wonders. Pink Floyd always works for me.

IT237515

Thank you everyone for your encouragements and shared ressources. This forum is a magic place afterall just like in the stories for children of all ages I try to write: whenever two people get along it's a miracle.
I hope to make friends and maybe we'll even meet if PJ will come play Montreal.
Regarding solitude I hope to advance in this quest for inner joy that I embarqued on...I call the obstacle to that the Wall...the thing I believe in is that the wall will always be there if one doesn't give it the time to conquer it.
So I will post some drawings in the Art forum...drawing may save my life afterall.

Thank you again everyone!

IT

mickeyrat

Can I suggest a book that may help you along your path?

"letters to a young poet" Ranier Maria Rilke. Excellent stuff here. LOT to think about and I found it to be comforting too. At least the concepts I was able to follow.

hedonist

For a thread that started out in what seems/seemed a painful place, I have to say I personally have been uplifted by some of the responses (mysticweed, I'm looking not only at you, but still...at you, with a hug and condolences for your husband).

Release is invaluable, whether your outlet is painting/writing/drawing/exercising, etc - the internal side of it, or, the external - volunteering, traveling, reaching out to others. Great suggestions in this thread for getting through life's shitstorms.

To echo what's been said previously, this community can be amazingly embracing, understanding, supportive...and ready to give a kick in the ass when warranted.

Continued well-wishes to you, IT. And yeah, as JP suggested - MUSIC!

One of the great healers.

"it's an art to live with pain...mix the light into grey"

(forty shades of 'em)

Cosmo

IT237515 wrote:

I wonder if prayer can palliate lack of love and closeness with fellow human beings...I am going through tough times...it's hard alone but it's maybe even harder with the others. It may seem pathetic to be reacting to this with a message on this board but I am hoping for some light from PJ fans. I have a brother who says he doesn't mind and it doesn't hurt him (prolonged solitude).
How do you live this state of being? any tricks to fool the feeling of doom and the inner pain?

I try to stay active but I'm not the most proactive person there is...I often refuse ideas like draw another drawing or read some more or train your muscles with some weight training. I admire Mike McCready and in fact all Pearl Jam group members for their tenacity. I hope they'll inspire me.

Thanks,
IT

...
As others have said, this time alone all depends on how you deal with it. Will you let feelings of isolation break you down or will you look inwards to find yourself. And trust me... I would rather be alone with time for introspective reflection of who I am and what I am, than in the company of fools.
I found that once I became comfortable in who I am and what I am made of... it didn't matter if I was alone or amonsgst friends. I learned that the character of your friends matter and I am pretty good at editing out those negative influences on me. I have little or no tolerance for fabricated drama... and fabricated drama is what you find in abundance in crowds of people. I don't have a lot of friends.. but, the ones i do have... I truely trust and respect.
Anyway... I know it dosen't really matter what I say... it is all on what you do with the time you have. I don't waste it away believing an imaginary world of happiness exists for everyone except you. You have to take action... those great people out there that will become your friends for life are not going to find you if you sit in isolation all day.

catefrances

Cosmo wrote:

...
As others have said, this time alone all depends on how you deal with it. Will you let feelings of isolation break you down or will you look inwards to find yourself. And trust me... I would rather be alone with time for introspective reflection of who I am and what I am, than in the company of fools.
I found that once I became comfortable in who I am and what I am made of... it didn't matter if I was alone or amonsgst friends. I learned that the character of your friends matter and I am pretty good at editing out those negative influences on me. I have little or no tolerance for fabricated drama... and fabricated drama is what you find in abundance in crowds of people. I don't have a lot of friends.. but, the ones i do have... I truely trust and respect.
Anyway... I know it dosen't really matter what I say... it is all on what you do with the time you have. I don't waste it away believing an imaginary world of happiness exists for everyone except you. You have to take action... those great people out there that will become your friends for life are not going to find you if you sit in isolation all day.

and what if those people you reached out to and connected with that you really thought were the keepers turn out to be the ones that disappoint you the most? what if when you need them the most they turn their back on you and drop you in a deeper hole than you were in when you sought a foothold?
itll come as no surprise to anyone that thinks they even remotely know me that im not a people person.. so when I reach out its gotta be serious and im legitimate in what im looking for. but you know after a while and so many slaps in the face you gotta know that the effort becomes too much. sure you look forward to events and try to occupy yourself with activities to stay the crushing solitude.. but what if it becomes too much? what if you just cant be bothered anymore?

lazloblue

I'd like to recommend a book that I am currently reading. "The Four Agreements" - A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. I have been in a black hole for several months. Heart broken and deliriously confused. But every day I get up and do my best to find happiness. This book is a "wisdom book". It's a great reminder that we are only responsible for our own words and actions. We cannot take on other peoples poisons, in forms of their words or their insecurities. We are responsible for our own happiness/rewards/hope.

I'm still working it all out, and it takes time. Remember to believe in yourself - The magic will happen! :wave: