Your tips for avoiding negative people and conversations

justam
justam Posts: 21,415
edited May 2013 in All Encompassing Trip
Please share them.

Occasionally I have interactions with people I (essentially) like and at some point they turn our conversations into complaining circles. I don't like it! I leave the interaction wondering "Why didn't I just walk away?!" :shock: "Did I accidentally say something bad about one of my friends that this gossip will spread out of context?!" :?

It's horrible!!

Give me some tips and advice about how to avoid this kind of situation. I can't always totally avoid the people themselves because I have to work with them sometimes!

:geek:
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Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    justam wrote:
    Please share them.

    Occasionally I have interactions with people I (essentially) like and at some point they turn our conversations into complaining circles. I don't like it! I leave the interaction wondering "Why didn't I just walk away?!" :shock: "Did I accidentally say something bad about one of my friends that this gossip will spread out of context?!" :?

    It's horrible!!

    Give me some tips and advice about how to avoid this kind of situation. I can't always totally avoid the people themselves because I have to work with them sometimes!

    :geek:
    If it's negative stuff about their own life, they may just need to vent on confidentiality.
    But if it's negative about co-workers, or mutual friends.. Then I always offer to go 'get' or call said person
    For the person doing the shit talking.. When they ask why. I tell them so that so and so can defend themselves.
    They're not here, so I figured they shod at least have the chance to hear what you're saying about them, and offer their own defense. This usually works to stop the negative talk. Although one time it caused a HUGE major fight between me and the original person in the conversation. Years later she thanked me for standing up to her in defense of our mutual friend. I told her I do that for everyone! Good luck!
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    you have work to do & walk away or excuse them from your work area or your peaceful spot under the willow tree. i avoid bullshit and assholes every single chance i can. this is why i am almost a hermit & very nearly a psychopath

    i suggest meditation, music listening and playing, painting/drawing, poetry writing & possibly marijuana if that is what you may enjoy. i would never suggest drinking but some would suggest it helps their last frayed nerve
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    whispering hands wrote:
    If it's negative stuff about their own life, they may just need to vent on confidentiality.
    But if it's negative about co-workers, or mutual friends.. Then I always offer to go 'get' or call said person
    For the person doing the shit talking.. When they ask why. I tell them so that so and so can defend themselves.
    They're not here, so I figured they shod at least have the chance to hear what you're saying about them, and offer their own defense. This usually works to stop the negative talk. Although one time it caused a HUGE major fight between me and the original person in the conversation. Years later she thanked me for standing up to her in defense of our mutual friend. I told her I do that for everyone! Good luck!

    This is an interesting way of handling it. Thanks!
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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    chadwick wrote:
    you have work to do & walk away or excuse them from your work area or your peaceful spot under the willow tree. i avoid bullshit and assholes every single chance i can. this is why i am almost a hermit & very nearly a psychopath

    i suggest meditation, music listening and playing, painting/drawing, poetry writing & possibly marijuana if that is what you may enjoy. i would never suggest drinking but some would suggest it helps their last frayed nerve

    I think your idea of saying "I have work to do" is good. So, cut the conversation short (in other words). That's probably a habit I need to get into if I hear the signs that the conversation is turning into a negative experience.

    I think the thing that really gets to me is when people have some negative view of the "world" that they are trying to get me to join in on. I don't want that!! I want to be around people who have a swirl of good energy instead.

    I picture a swirling drain down for one type of person, but I want to be on a swirling air lift instead! :D
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  • AmentsChick
    AmentsChick Posts: 6,969
    My tip? Don't talk to conservatives. HA! j/k :lol:
    This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper

  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    AmentsChick wrote:
    My tip? Don't talk to conservatives. HA! j/k :lol:

    :lol:
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  • Who Princess
    Who Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    Excusing yourself and walking away or standing up for the other person are excellent things to do but not everyone has experience in being assertive. It also depends on who is the person doing the trash talking.

    I understand that everyone needs to vent sometimes and I'm fine with listening. It's people who make a career out of being negative that drive me nuts. I have no use for them. I concentrate on avoiding them whenever I can.

    For the people that are difficult to avoid, like family members or someone at work that you may share a space with or have to work closely with, I focus on turning their negative statements into positive ones. I started doing this with myself when I was much younger. If I found myself thinking negative things, I'd look for something positive in the situation and focus on that. I did that mentally but I'll do verbally if other people are being negative.

    Debbie Downer: Barbara wears the weirdest clothes.
    Me: She's a very creative person.

    DD: Darlene has gotten really overweight.
    Me: So have I. I think I'll ask her if she'd like to walk with me at lunchtime.

    DD: I can't believe I missed the exit! Now we're going to have to go way out of our way.
    Me: I'll call ahead and tell them what happened. It's not a big deal if we're a few minutes late.

    You may not get other people to stop being negative but this approach usually shuts them up!

    OTOH when people start criticizing someone I care about, I let them know loud and clear that I'm not interested in hearing about it. I will tell them not to criticize that person to me again.

    In a work situation, people usually start to figure out if you're not interested in gossip and they won't come to you with it. Gossip only thrives if people are willing to share it and I'm not. I tend to be the last person to know anything about anybody.
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • mookeywrench
    mookeywrench Posts: 6,086
    AmentsChick wrote:
    My tip? Don't talk to conservatives. HA! j/k :lol:

    Or is it liberals?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/08/opini ... .html?_r=0
  • Asterisk on the Street
    Asterisk on the Street Posts: 852
    Who Princess wrote:
    In a work situation, people usually start to figure out if you're not interested in gossip and they won't come to you with it. Gossip only thrives if people are willing to share it and I'm not. I tend to be the last person to know anything about anybody.

    This ^^^
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    This is such good advice! Thank you. I really like your DebbieDowner examples! :)
    Who Princess wrote:
    Excusing yourself and walking away or standing up for the other person are excellent things to do but not everyone has experience in being assertive. It also depends on who is the person doing the trash talking.

    I understand that everyone needs to vent sometimes and I'm fine with listening. It's people who make a career out of being negative that drive me nuts. I have no use for them. I concentrate on avoiding them whenever I can.

    For the people that are difficult to avoid, like family members or someone at work that you may share a space with or have to work closely with, I focus on turning their negative statements into positive ones. I started doing this with myself when I was much younger. If I found myself thinking negative things, I'd look for something positive in the situation and focus on that. I did that mentally but I'll do verbally if other people are being negative.

    Debbie Downer: Barbara wears the weirdest clothes.
    Me: She's a very creative person.

    DD: Darlene has gotten really overweight.
    Me: So have I. I think I'll ask her if she'd like to walk with me at lunchtime.

    DD: I can't believe I missed the exit! Now we're going to have to go way out of our way.
    Me: I'll call ahead and tell them what happened. It's not a big deal if we're a few minutes late.

    You may not get other people to stop being negative but this approach usually shuts them up!

    OTOH when people start criticizing someone I care about, I let them know loud and clear that I'm not interested in hearing about it. I will tell them not to criticize that person to me again.

    In a work situation, people usually start to figure out if you're not interested in gossip and they won't come to you with it. Gossip only thrives if people are willing to share it and I'm not. I tend to be the last person to know anything about anybody.
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  • The Juggler
    The Juggler Posts: 49,599
    stay away from certain sports threads around here...
    www.myspace.com
  • Who Princess
    Who Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    justam wrote:
    This is such good advice! Thank you. I really like your DebbieDowner examples! :)
    You're welcome. The examples came from real life! Like I said, it usually shuts people up! :lol:
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    The Juggler wrote:
    stay away from certain sports threads around here...

    8-) Okay.
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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Who Princess wrote:
    justam wrote:
    This is such good advice! Thank you. I really like your DebbieDowner examples! :)
    You're welcome. The examples came from real life! Like I said, it usually shuts people up! :lol:

    :D
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  • supersonicyears
    supersonicyears Posts: 2,619
    mookeywrench wrote:
    AmentsChick wrote:
    My tip? Don't talk to conservatives. HA! j/k :lol:

    Or is it liberals?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/08/opini ... .html?_r=0
    :fp: That was interesting.
    "In the age of darkness
    want to be enlightened"
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Lmao!!
  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    I make this face and hold it. It usually works to halt most conversations.


    this face

    ~
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    rollings wrote:
    I make this face and hold it. It usually works to halt most conversations.


    this face

    ~
    Hahahahahaha!!! Love it!!
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    rollings wrote:
    I make this face and hold it. It usually works to halt most conversations.


    this face

    ~

    :sick:
    It doesn't seem like it'd be good for a career or general acquaintance management though. :geek:
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  • Who Princess
    Who Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    rollings wrote:
    I make this face and hold it. It usually works to halt most conversations.


    this face

    ~
    That's brilliant! Probably wouldn't work with the boss though. :think:
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."

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