Your tips for avoiding negative people and conversations
justam
Posts: 21,408
Please share them.
Occasionally I have interactions with people I (essentially) like and at some point they turn our conversations into complaining circles. I don't like it! I leave the interaction wondering "Why didn't I just walk away?!" :shock: "Did I accidentally say something bad about one of my friends that this gossip will spread out of context?!" :?
It's horrible!!
Give me some tips and advice about how to avoid this kind of situation. I can't always totally avoid the people themselves because I have to work with them sometimes!
:geek:
Occasionally I have interactions with people I (essentially) like and at some point they turn our conversations into complaining circles. I don't like it! I leave the interaction wondering "Why didn't I just walk away?!" :shock: "Did I accidentally say something bad about one of my friends that this gossip will spread out of context?!" :?
It's horrible!!
Give me some tips and advice about how to avoid this kind of situation. I can't always totally avoid the people themselves because I have to work with them sometimes!
:geek:
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But if it's negative about co-workers, or mutual friends.. Then I always offer to go 'get' or call said person
For the person doing the shit talking.. When they ask why. I tell them so that so and so can defend themselves.
They're not here, so I figured they shod at least have the chance to hear what you're saying about them, and offer their own defense. This usually works to stop the negative talk. Although one time it caused a HUGE major fight between me and the original person in the conversation. Years later she thanked me for standing up to her in defense of our mutual friend. I told her I do that for everyone! Good luck!
i suggest meditation, music listening and playing, painting/drawing, poetry writing & possibly marijuana if that is what you may enjoy. i would never suggest drinking but some would suggest it helps their last frayed nerve
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
This is an interesting way of handling it. Thanks!
I think your idea of saying "I have work to do" is good. So, cut the conversation short (in other words). That's probably a habit I need to get into if I hear the signs that the conversation is turning into a negative experience.
I think the thing that really gets to me is when people have some negative view of the "world" that they are trying to get me to join in on. I don't want that!! I want to be around people who have a swirl of good energy instead.
I picture a swirling drain down for one type of person, but I want to be on a swirling air lift instead!
I understand that everyone needs to vent sometimes and I'm fine with listening. It's people who make a career out of being negative that drive me nuts. I have no use for them. I concentrate on avoiding them whenever I can.
For the people that are difficult to avoid, like family members or someone at work that you may share a space with or have to work closely with, I focus on turning their negative statements into positive ones. I started doing this with myself when I was much younger. If I found myself thinking negative things, I'd look for something positive in the situation and focus on that. I did that mentally but I'll do verbally if other people are being negative.
Debbie Downer: Barbara wears the weirdest clothes.
Me: She's a very creative person.
DD: Darlene has gotten really overweight.
Me: So have I. I think I'll ask her if she'd like to walk with me at lunchtime.
DD: I can't believe I missed the exit! Now we're going to have to go way out of our way.
Me: I'll call ahead and tell them what happened. It's not a big deal if we're a few minutes late.
You may not get other people to stop being negative but this approach usually shuts them up!
OTOH when people start criticizing someone I care about, I let them know loud and clear that I'm not interested in hearing about it. I will tell them not to criticize that person to me again.
In a work situation, people usually start to figure out if you're not interested in gossip and they won't come to you with it. Gossip only thrives if people are willing to share it and I'm not. I tend to be the last person to know anything about anybody.
Or is it liberals?
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/08/opini ... .html?_r=0
This ^^^
want to be enlightened"
this face
~
It doesn't seem like it'd be good for a career or general acquaintance management though. :geek:
I only say "apparently we are having a communication error". At work, after negativity I take it out on the boxes.
He asked me if I was okay, I said "oh, I'm fine, this box is hard to open".
Then he asked me how I felt that day, and I said I felt there were many communication errors through out the day with other team members.
Another piece of advice is to make a pro/ con list. If the problem isn't negative enough for you to make a list, then it's not so bad. If it is that negative, at least you can see reasons on your list as to why it's dragging you down and you can make an effort to address it with valid reasons or move on.
good luck
I like that you used actions to express how you felt too.
You just gave me the idea that I could also quickly slip out of the room by saying "I need to go wash my hands, they feel sticky and I don't like that."
As I said, sometimes I have to work with other people!
Justam... You must communicate. Is your manager a decent human?
Every one has a breaking point. We all have weaknesses. Learn what yours are, and learn what your co worker's have.
Some people at my job cry when things get tense.
Today, a dude snapped at me.
"I don't care who this order is for!, just tell me where."
I said wow ... some one is a bit snappy. OUCH. :roll:
Then I listened to the Manager make a prank call to another store. Hysterical!!!!!!
A few hrs later, Cam apologized. He asked me not to cry.
A few weeks ago, I covered his shift so he could leave early so he could get his car safe. (it was flooding very bad)
We respect each other. The haters can't blend in.
I said, If I was going to cry it wouldn't be about a retail order or on the job, and we should probably find herbal refreshments later.
Justam, If it's one person... wait a week. Communicate with that person, and tell them your issues.
Humans can be so human.
IF they disrespect.. Move on. To the Store manager, then the HR manager. OR quit.
You are probably too good for that stupidity. I laugh at my job, and it's worth the bad moments, because it balances.
Rob just cussed on the ten club radio... awesome !
That's a really ugly picture of that woman's face. I wish it was not in this thread.
It seems to me that putting it in here once was enough. It's pranks like this that make me wonder what you consider friendship to be.
When people would come to me to bitch about someone, I would ask them, "Have you tried talking to that person? Maybe they don't know they are affecting you like that" So they turned on me, and started making up shit and gossiping about me.
Nice people finish last.
- Christopher McCandless