Dealing with the loss of a parent....

Who Princess · September 2012

samjam wrote:

Man, I don't wish what I'm going through upon anyone (yes, even though I know death is inevitable)....it's rough.

Family stuff, legal stuff--my head is spinning. This family member doesn't like this family member, this family member thinks the other has bad intent, and I'm here in the middle and I don't know who or what to believe. Things are complicated where they don't need to be...I don't need this! I just want proper time to grieve. But in my situation, I need to take care of things, then immediately go back to school, so it's tough.

I wish I had a fast forward button! I know everything will work out in time, so trying to repeat that over and over again.
/rant

I can remember that wish to fast forward and get past the sadness and frustration after my dad had died. It really makes it hard when your family is at cross purposes. Also, all the details that have to be taken care of in a limited amount of time.

Just be kind to yourself and try to get through day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute, whatever you need.

rival. · September 2012

sorry to hear about your loss sam.

loolooloo · September 2012

So sorry for your loss, and the added stress and difficulty in trying to juggle family dynamics. Please keep the fond memories close, and distance yourself from the negativity. The PJ community is always here for you.

madtowndave · September 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I unexpectedly lost my mom on January 31. She was having some health problems, and I went to Nashville to help her with bills, life, etc. Little did I know that when I left her hospital room to go take care of bills for 15 min, that I would return to find her in cardiac arrest.

Life sucks sometimes, and it is enjoyable beyond words at other times. She was my only parent.

I am working on my Master's in Counseling Psychology so I was surrounded by wonderful, caring people, and I hope you experience the same. The only advice that I can offer is to be gentle with yourself. Take the time you need. Make space for the grief. It will hit you when you least expect it. Don't set limits on yourself for when the pain will pass. Take those painful moments to remember the wonderful love that you experienced. I became aggravated at myself that it was taking so long to recover from the loss, try not to do that. Be patient with yourself. Loss takes time, and we all process it in our own ways.

samjam · September 2013

Today marks 1 year. In some ways it's easier, in some, it's harder. I was so not prepared for what I was in for this year, and it's been 365 days of the strangest, newest emotions. I never knew what it felt like to be so weak, yet I never knew I could be so strong.

In this one year, I have read this thread and every single PM I've received a million times over. Any and everybody's words help so tremendously.

My dad left such an impact on me, and such a huge imprint on my heart. He taught me about the beauty of music, of staying true to yourself, and of (in his words) "not letting the bastards get you down!"

This is such a hard day

mickeyrat · September 2013

If I may, you have now completed your year of firsts. Always difficult.
Going forward , remember fondly everything about him and smile. As bittersweet as that may be.

I cant say it will get easier but it wont be as hard. If that makes any sense.

Who Princess · September 2013

Sam, you've been on my mind a lot today, knowing what a hard day it probably has been for you. I'm glad that the support of other people has helped. I think you'll find that people who really care about you will always give you that support and for as long as you need it. Just reading this thread and talking to friends, and from my own experience, I know that grief doesn't have a timetable.

I get unexpected reminders of my dad and miss him. Sometimes a movie will make me think of him. Or I'll read a book that he would have liked and I wish we could talk about it. You probably sometimes hear music that makes you think of your dad.

What Mickeyrat says it's true--getting through that year of "firsts" is very hard. The anniversaries of my dad's death have been hard, but especially the first one. I've tried to find small personalized reminders of him on those days. Maybe something like that would work for you, like listening to his favorite music or going to place he enjoyed.

Mostly I hope that even though today may have been difficult, you've found some comfort, maybe even in unexpected places. Hugs and good thoughts sent your way.

decides2dream · September 2013

oh sam.

i truly identify with your pain. i lost my dad a few years older than you, at 23. 4 months before my wedding. the one "advantage" i had, was it was NOT sudden. while none of realized how quickly it would come, my dad was in very ill health for some time, we were warned, and sure, he was 78.

you'll get thru it, in time. i still mourn my dad. 21 years later. in fact, this month on the 17th would've been his 100th birthday! i still mark these milestones, remember him fondly, still love and miss him so. it does get easier, but it takes TIME.

hugs to you.

ps, i was a daddy's girl too. so difficult.

electronblue · September 2013

first of all so very sorry, for your loss. .

I lost my dad at the end of May..I had been taking care of him and my mom (until she passed 2 years ago)

as I type this my only sibling is down from another state helping sort things in my dad's workshop..I just came inside took a deep breath. It's still really hard..~

Suziemay · September 2013

Lots of love to you Sam, and a big virtual hug.

mfc2006 · September 2013

thinking of you on this difficult day. April 6th is the day my Dad passed....I'd like to say that it gets easier, but I still miss him like crazy. I can say that I handle it better every year. If you need anything, just say the word.

All the best,
Matt

samjam · September 2013

I seriously appreciate everything, guys. It's always easier when you know you're not alone.

I spent the day with a dear friend who lost a loved one in 9/11. Cooked a bit, comforted each other a bit...it was just what I needed!

While it's overwhelming to think of the years events, doing everything I can to just think of the good times. And if all else fails, at least I can be happy with today's discovery that my school now takes my health insurance

(always looking at life with a sense of humor is another one of the valuable things my dad taught me!)

Extremely blessed to not only have had a father, but to have had a friend.

Sprunkn7 · September 2013

I think of my dad everyday Samjam. I don't think that will ever go away and I'm glad it doesn't

afroannnie · September 2013

samjam wrote:

I seriously appreciate everything, guys. It's always easier when you know you're not alone.

I spent the day with a dear friend who lost a loved one in 9/11. Cooked a bit, comforted each other a bit...it was just what I needed!

While it's overwhelming to think of the years events, doing everything I can to just think of the good times. And if all else fails, at least I can be happy with today's discovery that my school now takes my health insurance (always looking at life with a sense of humor is another one of the valuable things my dad taught me!)

Extremely blessed to not only have had a father, but to have had a friend.

Stay strong Sam! And see you in Brooklyn & Baltimore!

Who Princess · September 2013

Sprunkn7 wrote:

I think of my dad everyday Samjam. I don't think that will ever go away and I'm glad it doesn't

The same is true for me.

ldent42 · September 2013

NY1 was on the street getting some words of wisdom from people who had lost loved ones on 9/11. One guy said something along the lines of 'People talk about closure - what closure? There's no closure you lost a loved one. You just have to live with that, you know what are you gonna do?'

I agree with that man. It's just something that get used to with time, it's not something you ever actually 'get over' like the way you 'get over' and ex you know?

he.who.forgets · September 2013

Sam, I never did see this original thread but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you on this difficult day. The anniversaries are always very tough. This past February marked the 11 year mark since my Dad died...I can't beleive he's been away so long. I miss him every waking day. I doubt that ever goes away but gosh do my memories of him just grow stronger and fonder. Love & light to you and like mfc2006 said, don't hesitate to let us know if there's anything we can do.
~ jamie

Dealing with the loss of a parent....

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