Dealing with the loss of a parent....
samjam
Posts: 9,283
Hi all,
Wanted to come on here for some advice, I know this community has helped so many through difficult times.
I found out yesterday that my dad passed away. It was all very sudden, no warning coming.
My dad was a sensitive, caring, hilarious, smart, amazing man. Complicated and quite difficult to love oftentimes, but nevertheless I loved him with all my heart and chose to see the great qualities he did possess. Most definitely a daddy's girl. He loved music and passed on that love to me, and I will always remember and be thankful for that. Listening to The Who, The Beatles, The Doors in his car with him...priceless good memories. I'll always be jealous of the shows he saw back in the day, and some of the people he encountered and was even friends with along the way. He was an incredible teacher, and taught (regular school year, after school AND summer school) in rough schools in the Bronx,NY for almost 40 years. He had a weird, crude, dry sense of humor which he passed on to me...I'll miss the laughs as my mother and sister definitely do not share this sense of humor with us! He was the parent I'd call up when I was feeling shitty, and always knew the right thing to say.
I only wish that when he left this world, he was happy, and I know he was not. That's gonna be a hard one to swallow. He hadn't been in the best place physically or emotionally for the past 10 years or so, and I hope he finds all the peace and happiness he so deserved.
I'm shaken and confused and beyond upset, these emotions are weird and new I'm still trying to figure them out. I do have an amazing support network of friends who have been more than a help.
I'm sort of at a loss here. 19 years was way too short of a time to know my wonderful father, there will always be an empty space in my heart moving forward. How did you deal with the loss of a parent? I know everyone's grieving process is different, but how did you grieve? What helped? What didn't?
R.I.P. Dad, I love you so, so much. "Listening to you, I get the music"
Wanted to come on here for some advice, I know this community has helped so many through difficult times.
I found out yesterday that my dad passed away. It was all very sudden, no warning coming.
My dad was a sensitive, caring, hilarious, smart, amazing man. Complicated and quite difficult to love oftentimes, but nevertheless I loved him with all my heart and chose to see the great qualities he did possess. Most definitely a daddy's girl. He loved music and passed on that love to me, and I will always remember and be thankful for that. Listening to The Who, The Beatles, The Doors in his car with him...priceless good memories. I'll always be jealous of the shows he saw back in the day, and some of the people he encountered and was even friends with along the way. He was an incredible teacher, and taught (regular school year, after school AND summer school) in rough schools in the Bronx,NY for almost 40 years. He had a weird, crude, dry sense of humor which he passed on to me...I'll miss the laughs as my mother and sister definitely do not share this sense of humor with us! He was the parent I'd call up when I was feeling shitty, and always knew the right thing to say.
I only wish that when he left this world, he was happy, and I know he was not. That's gonna be a hard one to swallow. He hadn't been in the best place physically or emotionally for the past 10 years or so, and I hope he finds all the peace and happiness he so deserved.
I'm shaken and confused and beyond upset, these emotions are weird and new I'm still trying to figure them out. I do have an amazing support network of friends who have been more than a help.
I'm sort of at a loss here. 19 years was way too short of a time to know my wonderful father, there will always be an empty space in my heart moving forward. How did you deal with the loss of a parent? I know everyone's grieving process is different, but how did you grieve? What helped? What didn't?
R.I.P. Dad, I love you so, so much. "Listening to you, I get the music"
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
Michael
Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
Much of what you've posted resonated with me. I lost my dad unexpectedly nearly 5 years ago. I too was a daddy's girl, very close to him. We also shared the same dry sense of humor, unlike my mom and sister. After I became an adult, he was so much more to me--a buddy, a sounding board, a great friend to my husband.
His death was very difficult for me. Although the pain has lessened with time, I'm still surprised sometimes at how much I miss him. I'll read a book or see a movie that he would enjoy and I want to talk with him about it.
As to how I coped afterwards, not very well. But that had a lot to do with other circumstances, mainly being in a high stress job that I was completely unsuited for and having an unsympathetic boss. My friends were great though.
One thing that brought me tremendous comfort in the days right after his death were the expressions of love and respect from so many people. People told us about favors he had done or funny things that had happened. It meant the world to me to learn how much other people cared about him.
I'd suggest that you surround yourself with positive people who care about you. You may want some time to yourself and if you do, then take it. Two months after my dad's death, when Christmas rolled around and I was invited to parties, I couldn't go. It hurt to see people so frivolous and happy when I was so sad. So I didn't even go to my office Christmas party. But that feeling really only lasted through the holidays. I didn't isolate myself permanently, I just needed some solitude sometimes.
Continue to remember your dad with love and gratitude for all that he passed on to you. The love of music is a great bond and a great healer too.
I have to go to work now but I'll PM you tonight.
Carolyn
Very sorry for your loss.
so very sorry for your loss samjam.
What you've had with him, who he is, his love for you and yours for him...
is forever yours to keep.
Over time this fills up the loss, fills you up, that the word loss is replaced entirely
with the word gain... in time ...
at least that is what I have experienced 22 years and 13 years after my Dad and Mom's passing.
But for now you will grieve as your heart needs, in your own way.
I remember music was a great healer, Pearl Jam at the time I lost my Mama
and my fathers favorites like Louie and the big band era over the years.
Another thing that has helped me so is tracing my ancestry, seeing my parents whole lives,
not just the time I had with them.
Gives a perspective of who they were not who I perceived them to be.
We are not only parents as we all know, we are so much more.
Just found out he died of natural causes, which is a huge relief. He had major surgery last week and we thought his death could have possibly resulted from either complications or not taking care of himself properly after surgery. Between physical pain and emotional struggles, I am so glad he died in peace.
Trying to be strong for now. I come home from school tomorrow morning and I know it will be infinitely harder to see my sister and my aunt. Also have to gauge how my mom is feeling and react/help her accordingly...my parents divorced about 11 years ago and were definitely not friends in the years following. It must be a really strange time for her.
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
2010: Newark 5/18 MSG 5/20-21 2011: PJ20 9/3-4 2012: Made In America 9/2
2013: Brooklyn 10/18-19 Philly 10/21-22 Hartford 10/25 2014: ACL10/12
2015: NYC 9/23 2016: Tampa 4/11 Philly 4/28-29 MSG 5/1-2 Fenway 8/5+8/7
2017: RRHoF 4/7 2018: Fenway 9/2+9/4 2021: Sea Hear Now 9/18
2022: MSG 9/11 2024: MSG 9/3-4 Philly 9/7+9/9 Fenway 9/15+9/17
Jeff
Having to put all your faith
In no faith
DEGENERATE FUK
This place is dead
"THERE ARE NO CLIQUES, ONLY THOSE WHO DON'T JOIN THE FUN" - Empty circa 2015
"Kfsbho&$thncds" - F Me In the Brain - circa 2015
Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
This was about 7 years ago & it still hurts. I know what you're going through..I truly do. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to let me know.
The best advice I can give you is to keep talking about him. Lean on friends & family....as much as you need to. Don't keep your thoughts & emotions bottled up. Again...so sorry to hear this. You & your family will be in our thoughts & prayers.
Matt
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
2008: 6/19, 6/24, 6/25
2009: 6/14 (EV), 10/27, 10/28
2010: 5/17
2011: 6/21 (EV), 6/22 (EV), 9/11, 9/12
2012: 9/2
2013: 10/15, 10/16, 10/19, 10/21, 10/22, 10/27, 11/23, 11/24
2014: 10/19
2016: 5/1, 5/2, 5/8
2018: 8/20, 9/2, 9/4
(((((hugs)))))
Selena
Like other people here said, don't be afraid to talk to anybody about how you're feeling. It's okay to say "help me out, I need some love and kindness right now."
Remember the good times - I still read through letters my dad wrote to me and they give me such comfort.
Hang in there, we'll send good vibes and prayers your way.
{{{BIG HUGS}}}
- Christopher McCandless
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Spending the day reflecting and remembering the good times we had.
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
The grieving process is different for everyone, but I'm sure in the upcoming months (and even longer) you'll feel a variety of emotions..just know whatever you're feeling is ok!
Hugs to you! And know that we're all here if you need us!!
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
There has been some drama between my dad's side of the family and my mom's. Last thing I need right now. So when I say thank you for the messages, I truly mean it, the well-wishes, texts, and calls have been so tremendously helpful.
And, of course, PJ has been so very helpful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXqwtUUPe0w
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2