Look after yourselves ladies

pjfan31 · September 2012

There are some monsters in this world. And it has really hit home tonight hearing about the police arresting and charging some prick over the abduction and murder of a young woman from Melbourne.

It hit home tonight because many years ago, my family was on the end of a phone call that no one should have to hear. That was because of some monster nearly taking away someone very near and dear to me. I have always wanted to be placed in a room with this animal, because he thought he was a big man at the time, but I'd show him he was nothing but a weak scumbag piece of shit.

Now, poor Jill Meagher has been taken from her loved ones, by some weak prick and it saddens me.

I wish we lived in a world where I didn't have to urge women to look after themselves, but unfortunately we do. And a plea to men, walk your lady friends home.

I actually write tonight with a tear in my eye.

If you're wondering, this person very close to me has become a real inspiration. She has two degrees and now married with two beautiful boys, whom I love very much. To think, I came so close not to having her or my nephews in my life.

StillHere · September 2012

sad, sad
sorry for your ordeal
its very sad that this has happened once again
i find myself wondering about a few things whenever we hear about another young woman, child, or any one of us, is violated
and that is
is it truly more prevalent now or do we just hear about it much more often because of the ease of communication and the way news travels around the world?
is this same news inspiring those who "would" do this if they dared, to actually do it? cuz so many others get away with it?
and also, why is society as a whole becoming so much more negative and acting out in damaging ways? i know i know we hear that there is war, no hope in the world for young people, nothing to look forward to, right? but That in itself is nothing new at all...when i was a kid we were scared to death of russia (although i had no idea that it was russia at the time), and cuba. we had air raid siren drills on a weekly basis that terrified me to say the least. there was the constant threat of attack on america. there were fighter jets over NJ/PA all the time. sonic booms were heard from them almost daily. there were serial killers, the most notable ones in society at that time. money was just as hard to come by and gas quadrupled in price in just a couple of years. not to mention all the natural disasters and crooked politicians...you see?? all the same stuff. so WHAT IS IT that has actually changed the people of the world today? the disillusion of youth, the TOTAL DISRESPECT we have for one another, especially obvious in younger people? what is it? exactly? that allows some of us to think that we can do whatever damage we feel like at that particular moment no matter the consequences to others around us?

catefrances · September 2012

look after ourselves?? how about the pricks stop targetting women. as a woman who is out and about at all hours of the night cause it is my right and im living my life i find it very difficult at times not to punch idiots in the face. yeah yeah i get youre drunk and yeah i get youre an idiot and yeah you didnt mean it :roll: but howsabout you keep you mother/sister/daughter/wife/niece/aunt/grandmother in mind and not denigrate women. and feel free to clip your mates across the ear if they say something or treat woman in anyway that theyd arc up about if it happened to their own kin.

RIP jill meagher. :(

thefixer9 · September 2012

catefrances wrote:

look after ourselves?? how about the pricks stop targetting women. as a woman who is out and about at all hours of the night cause it is my right and im living my life i find it very difficult at times not to punch idiots in the face. yeah yeah i get youre drunk and yeah i get youre an idiot and yeah you didnt mean it :roll: but howsabout you keep you mother/sister/daughter/wife/niece/aunt/grandmother in mind and not denigrate women. and feel free to clip your mates across the ear if they say something or treat woman in anyway that theyd arc up about if it happened to their own kin.

RIP jill meagher. :(

I don't think the OP meant it as it's all the ladies fault. I think they meant that there are monsters out there everyday, so just be careful and look after yourself.

So sad to hear this news, RIP Jill.

catefrances · September 2012

thefixer9 wrote:

catefrances wrote:

look after ourselves?? how about the pricks stop targetting women. as a woman who is out and about at all hours of the night cause it is my right and im living my life i find it very difficult at times not to punch idiots in the face. yeah yeah i get youre drunk and yeah i get youre an idiot and yeah you didnt mean it :roll: but howsabout you keep you mother/sister/daughter/wife/niece/aunt/grandmother in mind and not denigrate women. and feel free to clip your mates across the ear if they say something or treat woman in anyway that theyd arc up about if it happened to their own kin.

RIP jill meagher. :(

I don't think the OP meant it as it's all the ladies fault. I think they meant that there are monsters out there everyday, so just be careful and look after yourself.

So sad to hear this news, RIP Jill.

i didnt take it as the OP saying its all our fault.

and you know what its not just monsters out there. its a general attitude that women ask to be attacked simply because theyre dressed a cerrtain way or cause theyre out at 3am or cause theyre drunk. was she asking for it?? and i see this attiitude in not only men but women too. yes it is ok that we drink. yes it is ok that we wear a short skirt or plunging neckline and yes it is ok that after a great night out we find ourselves on the streets at 3am... it is not okay for anyone to think that we are fair game. and that we somehow ask to be harassed, abused, attacked, raped or murdered because of that.

thefixer9 · September 2012

catefrances wrote:

thefixer9 wrote:

catefrances wrote:

look after ourselves?? how about the pricks stop targetting women. as a woman who is out and about at all hours of the night cause it is my right and im living my life i find it very difficult at times not to punch idiots in the face. yeah yeah i get youre drunk and yeah i get youre an idiot and yeah you didnt mean it :roll: but howsabout you keep you mother/sister/daughter/wife/niece/aunt/grandmother in mind and not denigrate women. and feel free to clip your mates across the ear if they say something or treat woman in anyway that theyd arc up about if it happened to their own kin.

RIP jill meagher. :(

I don't think the OP meant it as it's all the ladies fault. I think they meant that there are monsters out there everyday, so just be careful and look after yourself.

So sad to hear this news, RIP Jill.

i didnt take it as the OP saying its all our fault.

and you know what its not just monsters out there. its a general attitude that women ask to be attacked simply because theyre dressed a cerrtain way or cause theyre out at 3am or cause theyre drunk. was she asking for it?? and i see this attiitude in not only men but women too. yes it is ok that we drink. yes it is ok that we wear a short skirt or plunging neckline and yes it is ok that after a great night out we find ourselves on the streets at 3am... it is not okay for anyone to think that we are fair game. and that we somehow ask to be harassed, abused, attacked, raped or murdered because of that.

Sorry, didn't mean to start anything.

catefrances · September 2012

thefixer9 wrote:

Sorry, didn't mean to start anything.

its all cool... you didnt start anything.

pjfan31 · September 2012

catefrances wrote:

look after ourselves?? how about the pricks stop targetting women. as a woman who is out and about at all hours of the night cause it is my right and im living my life i find it very difficult at times not to punch idiots in the face. yeah yeah i get youre drunk and yeah i get youre an idiot and yeah you didnt mean it :roll: but howsabout you keep you mother/sister/daughter/wife/niece/aunt/grandmother in mind and not denigrate women. and feel free to clip your mates across the ear if they say something or treat woman in anyway that theyd arc up about if it happened to their own kin.

RIP jill meagher. :(

:roll: :roll:

Oh come on...

_ · September 2012

This is not necessarily directed at the OP, but I think if we really care to do something about these problems then we need to collectively acknowledge that it's not just monsters; it's often "regular" guys who do bad things to women because - as catefrances alluded to - our social norms tend to allow it, in part by implicitly blaming the victims. We need to really wrap our brains around the fact that 1 in 3 women (in the U.S., anyway) will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes, oftentimes by men who I don't think really even recognize that they've done anything wrong. And we need to acknowledge that violence against women is a systemic problem, not just a collection of individual, isolated incidents.

catefrances · September 2012

pjfan31 wrote:

catefrances wrote:

look after ourselves?? how about the pricks stop targetting women. as a woman who is out and about at all hours of the night cause it is my right and im living my life i find it very difficult at times not to punch idiots in the face. yeah yeah i get youre drunk and yeah i get youre an idiot and yeah you didnt mean it :roll: but howsabout you keep you mother/sister/daughter/wife/niece/aunt/grandmother in mind and not denigrate women. and feel free to clip your mates across the ear if they say something or treat woman in anyway that theyd arc up about if it happened to their own kin.

RIP jill meagher. :(

:roll: :roll:

Oh come on...

problem?

you know the allowance of bad behaviour against women devalues the good guys so why not get on i cause its not okay... thats all im saying.

pjfan31 · September 2012

Of course it's not womens fault. I didn't say that... In fact, when anyone goes out they have to look after themselves...

My point was this... We are all vulnerable. Some more than others. My appeal was directed at women cause lets face it there are animals in this world, who pick on vulnerable women. When I head out, I am told 'look after yourself'. Often when you end a conversation we are told 'take care' or before you drive 'drive safe'

Now I could have made a thread telling the animals in this world to stay in doors or leave people alone, but what good would that do? And as it turns out this thread has done little for what it's intended purposes were.

Poor Jill Meagher had a friend who twice asked her if he could walk her home, she declined. Perhaps she had the same mentality as many others 'I'll be fine'. I see that so often. Unfortunately Jill was abducted, raped and murdered. Absolutely tragic.

Now for anyone who wants to have the mentality that 'Don't tell me to look after myself, how about telling the dirtbags to keep their dick in their pants' I find quite ignorant.

Recently a young man was king hit in kings cross and he died. On my next trip into the city, my mother said 'be careful' Did I turn around and say to her 'Mum, how about you go and find these scumbags and tell them to careful. Tell them to get off the streets'

No because there are some things that are out of her control. Much like sending a message to prospective murderers and rapists are out of my control. Unless there are some in this community who read this thread.

Would you prefer it if next time I made a thread along the lines of 'Rapists, murderers and kidnappers, please leave people alone'. Because the chances of that getting read by a potential rapist, murder or kidnapper is very minimal...

catefrances · September 2012

pjfan31 wrote:

Of course it's not womens fault. I didn't say that... In fact, when anyone goes out they have to look after themselves...

My point was this... We are all vulnerable. Some more than others. My appeal was directed at women cause lets face it there are animals in this world, who pick on vulnerable women. When I head out, I am told 'look after yourself'. Often when you end a conversation we are told 'take care' or before you drive 'drive safe'

Now I could have made a thread telling the animals in this world to stay in doors or leave people alone, but what good would that do? And as it turns out this thread has done little for what it's intended purposes were.

Poor Jill Meagher had a friend who twice asked her if he could walk her home, she declined. Perhaps she had the same mentality as many others 'I'll be fine'. I see that so often. Unfortunately Jill was abducted, raped and murdered. Absolutely tragic.

Now for anyone who wants to have the mentality that 'Don't tell me to look after myself, how about telling the dirtbags to keep their dick in their pants' I find quite ignorant.

Recently a young man was king hit in kings cross and he died. On my next trip into the city, my mother said 'be careful' Did I turn around and say to her 'Mum, how about you go and find these scumbags and tell them to careful. Tell them to get off the streets'

No because there are some things that are out of her control. Much like sending a message to prospective murderers and rapists are out of my control. Unless there are some in this community who read this thread.

Would you prefer it if next time I made a thread along the lines of 'Rapists, murderers and kidnappers, please leave people alone'. Because the chances of that getting read by a potential rapist, murder or kidnapper is very minimal...

i didnt say you said it was the womens fault they are targetted. i even said so in a subsequent post. did you read my whole post and think about what was said in it???

have you never heard/heard of some fool guy after being rejected by a woman say oh shesa dyke? or when asked whats up with her only to have the answer be oh shes frigid or something to that effect. never a thought that theyre being a douchbag/ but somehow a rejection of them is somehow not because theyre drunk or impolite. sometimes woman just arent interested. or how about when guys drive by, honk their horn sometimes leaning out the window making suggestive and salacious comments??? this is the behaviour im speaking of. woman should be able to walk the streets or socialise where ever they want without being the targets of mens bad behaviour. and as i said it devalues the good guys. and to assume we dont look after ourselves and that we arent allowed to make poor decisions isnt kosher. and yes men too should be able to walk the streets without some fool king hitting them or fronting up looking for a fight. the mentality of such people blows my mind. going up to a total stranger and challenging them? what makesthem think the person they approach cant and wont kick their sorry arse???

people will be a little more weary because of jill meaghers murder and that of thomas kelly(when they go to the cross).. but for how long? then well be back to predatory and bullshit behaviour until the next time someone is killed. we dont allow racist behaviour to pass by unchallenged so why should sexist comments and actions be any different?

Loulou · September 2012

pjfan31 wrote:

There are some monsters in this world. And it has really hit home tonight hearing about the police arresting and charging some prick over the abduction and murder of a young woman from Melbourne.

It hit home tonight because many years ago, my family was on the end of a phone call that no one should have to hear. That was because of some monster nearly taking away someone very near and dear to me. I have always wanted to be placed in a room with this animal, because he thought he was a big man at the time, but I'd show him he was nothing but a weak scumbag piece of shit.

Now, poor Jill Meagher has been taken from her loved ones, by some weak prick and it saddens me.

I wish we lived in a world where I didn't have to urge women to look after themselves, but unfortunately we do. And a plea to men, walk your lady friends home.

I actually write tonight with a tear in my eye.

If you're wondering, this person very close to me has become a real inspiration. She has two degrees and now married with two beautiful boys, whom I love very much. To think, I came so close not to having her or my nephews in my life.

This is indeed very sad, poor lady. I was hoping so hard that both Jill and Samantha Baldock from Adelaide would be found safe and sound but unfortunately neither were.
Women are such strong creatures but we really need to accept that there are monsters out there and to play it safe sometimes.
RIP Jill xxxxx

_ · September 2012

pjfan31 wrote:

Of course it's not womens fault. I didn't say that... In fact, when anyone goes out they have to look after themselves...

My point was this... We are all vulnerable. Some more than others. My appeal was directed at women cause lets face it there are animals in this world, who pick on vulnerable women. When I head out, I am told 'look after yourself'. Often when you end a conversation we are told 'take care' or before you drive 'drive safe'

Now I could have made a thread telling the animals in this world to stay in doors or leave people alone, but what good would that do? And as it turns out this thread has done little for what it's intended purposes were.

Poor Jill Meagher had a friend who twice asked her if he could walk her home, she declined. Perhaps she had the same mentality as many others 'I'll be fine'. I see that so often. Unfortunately Jill was abducted, raped and murdered. Absolutely tragic.

Now for anyone who wants to have the mentality that 'Don't tell me to look after myself, how about telling the dirtbags to keep their dick in their pants' I find quite ignorant.

Recently a young man was king hit in kings cross and he died. On my next trip into the city, my mother said 'be careful' Did I turn around and say to her 'Mum, how about you go and find these scumbags and tell them to careful. Tell them to get off the streets'

No because there are some things that are out of her control. Much like sending a message to prospective murderers and rapists are out of my control. Unless there are some in this community who read this thread.

Would you prefer it if next time I made a thread along the lines of 'Rapists, murderers and kidnappers, please leave people alone'. Because the chances of that getting read by a potential rapist, murder or kidnapper is very minimal...

I understand the purpose of the thread & I agree. But, just for the record, some people have that mentality that you find ignorant because the "look after yourself" perspective has been quite problematic on a systemic level. Like, with men getting acquitted of rape & stuff because the woman "should have been more careful". So that's why many people are sensitive to that kind of language - not because of ignorance (quite the contrary). (I'm not trying to represent cate's perspective though.)

Loulou · September 2012

I really think the OP meant it more like 'be aware'. Women should be able to go out and enjoy themselves and not have to worry but the world can be a shit place. No one asks to be attacked, I don't give a shit what you wear, where you go or how you choose to go home but sometimes things just aren't worth the risk.

pjfan31 · September 2012

Loulou wrote:

I really think the OP meant it more like 'be aware'. Women should be able to go out and enjoy themselves and not have to worry but the world can be a shit place. No one asks to be attacked, I don't give a shit what you wear, where you go or how you choose to go home but sometimes things just aren't worth the risk.

exactly

comebackgirl · September 2012

_ wrote:

This is not necessarily directed at the OP, but I think if we really care to do something about these problems then we need to collectively acknowledge that it's not just monsters; it's often "regular" guys who do bad things to women because - as catefrances alluded to - our social norms tend to allow it, in part by implicitly blaming the victims. We need to really wrap our brains around the fact that 1 in 3 women (in the U.S., anyway) will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes, oftentimes by men who I don't think really even recognize that they've done anything wrong. And we need to acknowledge that violence against women is a systemic problem, not just a collection of individual, isolated incidents.

This is so true. I also think that in order for sexual violence to stop we need to make a cultural shift and start expecting and requiring society as a whole to take responsibility for stopping it. It's not just about what women can do to keep themselves safe; it's about what we can all do to create a culture in which sexual violence is not tolerated and one in which we all take a role in keeping each other safe. I always think about that case in Richmond, CA in which at least 20 people gathered around and watched a 15 year old be gang raped and dehumanized for 2.5 hours. Instead of doing anything to stop it, the bystanders texted pictures and called other people over to watch. The girl had to be airlifted to the hospital. And they had trouble prosecuting the bystanders because of limited laws on the books. Unfortunately there are countless examples of things like this happening.

I do understand what the OP is saying. I'm sorry you were impacted by a similar situation. This is such a horrifying story. My thoughts go out to the victim and her family.

Loulou · September 2012

That's disgusting CBG!

what a group of pigs!

comebackgirl · September 2012

Loulou wrote:

That's disgusting CBG! what a group of pigs!

It really is disgusting. Finally one of the guys that was watching the rape went home and told people what was happening and his sister-in-law called the police. There was a another case in which a 17 year old was being gang raped by 10 guys after passing out at a party, until 3 soccer players forced their way into the room and took her to a hospital. No charges were filed because the victim had blacked out and had no recall of the incident and the witness descriptions of the assailants varied too much for the DA to believe they could prove a case beyond a reasonable doubt. They said that while there was evidence that the girl had been raped, there wasn't sufficient evidence of who had raped her. It's great that bystanders actually intervened in the case, but frustrating that even with 3 witnesses the case couldn't be prosecuted.

Loulou · September 2012

comebackgirl wrote:

Loulou wrote:

That's disgusting CBG! what a group of pigs!

It really is disgusting. Finally one of the guys that was watching the rape went home and told people what was happening and his sister-in-law called the police. There was a another case in which a 17 year old was being gang raped by 10 guys after passing out at a party, until 3 soccer players forced their way into the room and took her to a hospital. No charges were filed because the victim had blacked out and had no recall of the incident and the witness descriptions of the assailants varied too much for the DA to believe they could prove a case beyond a reasonable doubt. They said that while there was evidence that the girl had been raped, there wasn't sufficient evidence of who had raped her. It's great that bystanders actually intervened in the case, but frustrating that even with 3 witnesses the case couldn't be prosecuted.

That's ridiculous. :( how can any man in their right mind enjoy doing that?

comebackgirl · September 2012

Loulou wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

Loulou wrote:

That's disgusting CBG! what a group of pigs!

It really is disgusting. Finally one of the guys that was watching the rape went home and told people what was happening and his sister-in-law called the police. There was a another case in which a 17 year old was being gang raped by 10 guys after passing out at a party, until 3 soccer players forced their way into the room and took her to a hospital. No charges were filed because the victim had blacked out and had no recall of the incident and the witness descriptions of the assailants varied too much for the DA to believe they could prove a case beyond a reasonable doubt. They said that while there was evidence that the girl had been raped, there wasn't sufficient evidence of who had raped her. It's great that bystanders actually intervened in the case, but frustrating that even with 3 witnesses the case couldn't be prosecuted.

That's ridiculous. :( how can any man in their right mind enjoy doing that?

I don't know...there's something about a mob mentality that causes some people to do things they wouldn't normally do and to diffuse their sense of responsibility. A lot of times the most traumatizing part for the survivor is knowing that there were people there that could help but didn't.

Look after yourselves ladies

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