oh god what have i done?

2

Comments

  • StillHere
    StillHere Posts: 7,795
    chadwick wrote:
    StillHere wrote:
    TIME does heal all dear Chadwick
    but don't try to rush it
    don't push it away
    as Experience is your friend as well
    breathe it all in
    the good, the bad, the ugly
    and everything in between
    in time it will serve you well

    i wish you peace

    hugs,
    jo
    thank you, jo
    this is very warming to me

    i just can't stop crying even if my eyes are not in tears, my inside is bleeding and falling apart...which sounds like the me even when thrilled,,, common knowledge type thing...

    yes...that's it! this is how i feel everyday no matter what
    just hurts more these days

    i was with and having two of the greatest women around, now nothing but what is left to fading.
    it hurts quite badly

    fact is we'll remain friends. i am friends w/ most all my exs.

    totally understood xoxo
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • Bigda
    Bigda Posts: 469
    guess you wanted a bit too much, Chadwick.
    and this is how it ends.
    no matter whatever, sorry, bullshit you are going to deliver about them being "too good for you to deserve", etc. the bottom line is you very, very, VERY rarely can have it all. i guess you are grown up enough to have known it yourself big time.

    you will live, Chadwick.
    _____________________________
    Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    Bigda wrote:
    guess you wanted a bit too much, Chadwick.
    and this is how it ends.
    no matter whatever, sorry, bullshit you are going to deliver about them being "too good for you to deserve", etc. the bottom line is you very, very, VERY rarely can have it all. i guess you are grown up enough to have known it yourself big time.

    you will live, Chadwick.
    good points.

    you are right. it is sorry bullshit in my thinking that i do not deserve someone as fantastic. that was a bullshit statement i made. thank you for making note of that.

    however, i am a wreck and feel less than.
    it is easy to see that women have compassion in hugeness. maybe they got with me because i need help in many areas? maybe this, maybe that? i fucked up and stuff. i have a long pain filled road ahead of me and it isn't pretty.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Bigda
    Bigda Posts: 469
    chadwick wrote:
    Bigda wrote:
    guess you wanted a bit too much, Chadwick.
    and this is how it ends.
    no matter whatever, sorry, bullshit you are going to deliver about them being "too good for you to deserve", etc. the bottom line is you very, very, VERY rarely can have it all. i guess you are grown up enough to have known it yourself big time.

    you will live, Chadwick.
    good points.

    you are right. it is sorry bullshit in my thinking that i do not deserve someone as fantastic. that was a bullshit statement i made. thank you for making note of that.

    however, i am a wreck and feel less than.
    it is easy to see that women have compassion in hugeness. maybe they got with me because i need help in many areas? maybe this, maybe that? i fucked up and stuff. i have a long pain filled road ahead of me and it isn't pretty.

    i dont know you, My Man, nor i have any intention of judging you WHATSOEVER, but i know, to a degree - never had too much at a time, where you are right now and feel sorry for you. all to a healthy degree, as i think you are the one who asked for it yourself. anyways.. let's just reverse the whole thing for a second. isnt it the way, Chadwick, that subconsciously you think THEY dont deserve you? they are cute, successful, etc. but this is still to little for you to give everything you got to one of them? what exactly made you think you deserve that much?
    just trying to understand.
    peace,
    m.
    _____________________________
    Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
  • BinFrog
    BinFrog MA Posts: 7,314
    Might be worth your time to read:

    http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Believe-Just ... 460&sr=8-1
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    women thrill me. i need to be near them and in numbers, all of them. not even to touch. i need their energy to live and in fully will bloom. they blosom and i go crazy with some unknown force hugely driven in me. so then i get writing and dreaming, dreaming and writing.

    then a few drugs, legal and the ones behind the dark. no hard horrid ones, no. no alcohol anymore.

    so i write and i go and i step barely and struggle firmly in the hands of tenderness, torn wire, and none in several.

    i will throttle myself with a beautiful poem as she rides me into dimly lit sheets. her's the exotic breathing and sea. her's no sleep or ease. constant tired souls from where only angel go and fro. and sometimes my mind silent for once. then the locomotives starts up and thoughts are our standard railroad ties in high gear, the blending.

    her and she, she and her. me the chaotic cluster fuck dropping everything and running behind when i shoulda been swimming. good-bye
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • StillHere
    StillHere Posts: 7,795
    BinFrog wrote:
    Might be worth your time to read:

    http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Believe-Just ... 460&sr=8-1


    very interesting
    and so very true
    i can identify a couple of things
    that probably even no one else on the face of the earth
    even noticed or remembers
    not even the other party (ies) involved
    but these things seem soooo big to myself
    and so important
    that they have effected my psyche
    and determined the way i act or react in certain situations
    sometimes consciously
    sometimes not so consciously

    definitely sounds like an interesting read
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • BinFrog
    BinFrog MA Posts: 7,314
    I tend to over-analyze everything, even very minor interactions and events. My brain goes on auto-pilot and I have no choice. I have learned over the years how to not let things get to me as much and to really see the bigger picture. I've also learned to try and not let past events, especially those from many years ago, constantly come back to my memory and cause my heart to have that sinking feeling. Succinctly: it's just not worth it.
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    chadwick wrote:
    .... a wooden cane covered in orange-cutie stickers ....

    I love them things
    cutiesboxw214.jpg
  • 81
    81 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    CanopyDogBed.jpg
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    81 wrote:
    CanopyDogBed.jpg

    what the fuck is that???
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • 81
    81 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    catefrances wrote:
    81 wrote:
    CanopyDogBed.jpg

    what the fuck is that???


    dinner in certain parts of the world.
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    81 wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    81 wrote:
    CanopyDogBed.jpg

    what the fuck is that???


    dinner in certain parts of the world.

    more like a furry canape.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Bigda
    Bigda Posts: 469
    "oh my god that's the funky shit!" :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    _____________________________
    Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    81 wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    81 wrote:
    CanopyDogBed.jpg

    what the fuck is that???


    dinner in certain parts of the world.

    81 ate a dog? oh my god!
  • 81
    81 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    Rollings wrote:
    81 ate a dog? oh my god!


    oh god what have i done?
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    that's some real funny stuff you folks got goin on.


    :lolno:
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • josevolution
    josevolution Posts: 32,361
    Sorry to hear about the rough patch you are going thru i'm sure it will pass ....
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • chadwick
    chadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    josevolution wrote:
    Sorry to hear about the rough patch you are going thru i'm sure it will pass ....
    and i am quitting the greenery. dude, i am out of my mind...currently.
    and your avatar is not helping matters much.

    but thank you, jose
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    chadwick wrote:
    josevolution wrote:
    Sorry to hear about the rough patch you are going thru i'm sure it will pass ....
    and i am quitting the greenery. dude, i am out of my mind...currently.
    and your avatar is not helping matters much.

    but thank you, jose

    it happens to the best of us chad. 8-)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say

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