oh god what have i done?
chadwick
Posts: 21,157
ever say this? ever feel very sad, down and a bit of worthlessness and stuff?
wanna talk about it? go ahead please.
i have a couple women in my life that i love. this is not something i'd recommend. i'll be writing about my adventures into this deep and troublesome bit of my life. sometimes for years at a time i went without a lady. in today's ballpark this is not the case. women and i are attracted to one another like moths to a flame.
i'm the romantic poet, lover and fighter madman whom has dove into the world of art and the worshipping of the feminine energy and compassionate wings and as angelic to each her own.
life's been stomping me in the nuts lately. sometimes my women leave me, sometimes they come back around, sometimes they do not ever return. sometimes i weep like a child. other times i watch a woman fly away as if butterfly songs had to have her more than i.
we all have and are currently saving our lives and we have all stepped up and helped save one another.
i am crippled up without them, alone and with a wooden cane covered in orange-cutie stickers and a few tears from my eyes and down my face and whiskers all damp from mine and no hugs today. all left me and now for me to remember.
inspired by and as often as can be... willie nelson
http://youtu.be/8jfBxfltYD0
i am open to critics and those who carry advice and anything shared. thank you for your time.
wanna talk about it? go ahead please.
i have a couple women in my life that i love. this is not something i'd recommend. i'll be writing about my adventures into this deep and troublesome bit of my life. sometimes for years at a time i went without a lady. in today's ballpark this is not the case. women and i are attracted to one another like moths to a flame.
i'm the romantic poet, lover and fighter madman whom has dove into the world of art and the worshipping of the feminine energy and compassionate wings and as angelic to each her own.
life's been stomping me in the nuts lately. sometimes my women leave me, sometimes they come back around, sometimes they do not ever return. sometimes i weep like a child. other times i watch a woman fly away as if butterfly songs had to have her more than i.
we all have and are currently saving our lives and we have all stepped up and helped save one another.
i am crippled up without them, alone and with a wooden cane covered in orange-cutie stickers and a few tears from my eyes and down my face and whiskers all damp from mine and no hugs today. all left me and now for me to remember.
inspired by and as often as can be... willie nelson
http://youtu.be/8jfBxfltYD0
i am open to critics and those who carry advice and anything shared. thank you for your time.
for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
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Comments
Great line ^^^
Women (and the lack thereof) for the better part of a decade, drove me to some of the greatest and worst parts of my life. Some great inspiration, and some of the saddest of feelings...gut-wrenching, nearly paralyzing. I could chase after it or not. Sometimes it would just show up.
Now I'm married, so the pain is inevitable.
my eyes are heavy and exhausted from weeping. i'm tired of a lot of things. i cannot say any of this is over. it is not the end. i need them and they me. the daily beauty and misery will remain nearer to me than any one woman ever will. for this i am sorry.
thank you for sharing your story.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
they are young, till this point unbroken
I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away
have them know that someday they will look back, after continuing on alone,
and see it was for the best, know the love that is yet to come, know it now,
know this pain is not in vain but a vehicle to move forward
on down their path, the path that is right when we believe in ourselves.
They always say, TIME is the only thing that can heal it.
Funny, when I was going through the roughest of times regarding a lady, I wished the same thing...that I could fast forward through time. Now looking back, i'm glad its passed, but I wrote some of my best music and poetry during that time. Quite a quagmire.
Keep riding those words Chadwick, it will help, I can only assume.
Sorry to hear about your friend Pandora
very good advice Jon ... to keep writing
and from our pain we grow
it is very hard to watch in someone you love though ... you know you must
and my hands are tied to ease this
the dearest of friends
thanks Jonny
thank you for this... if it werent for the raw earth, rain, wind, trees, critters, and women...i'd have zero inspiration and my poetic self would be a tiny fraction of what (i am and) it is today. women give me power if even only by glance and smile.
my lady friends all know i am out of my mind. they know i can function without them, barely... but i can.
it's as if i need a team of people just to exist without further damaging myself. sounds like... i guess i need a baby sitter
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I think its good you are aware of that. You seem very in tune with yourself. Probably one day soon you will find the right combination of earth, wind, rain, trees, critters, and WOMAN.
think clearly,
be strong,
adapt and persist.
he probably does not hold copyrights, i suspect it comes from some other source... who cares? true words, though.
and talking from my own experience even though it hurts as MF i would not fast forward single minute of it. this is all us, for a reason, lesson, for the better or maybe worse, but still for a change.. this or the other way round: was not meant to be.
we all stumble, we all do stupid things and have corpses locked in our closets.. but every next second is a potential chance of changing fortunes. just keep your eyes open.
just as long as we are alive..
peace.
m.
Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
this time is theirs now ...
to reach for their goals alone, to find it within themselves personal happiness...
to depend on themselves... make it theirs
I could lose JB tomorrow, nothing is for sure and it all comes down to
all we have is ourselves
We all die alone and we are our best friend
Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
please forgive.... :oops: sorry
no problem:) i was just about to award you with the "fastest typist of the world" title, though..:)
Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
but don't try to rush it
don't push it away
as Experience is your friend as well
breathe it all in
the good, the bad, the ugly
and everything in between
in time it will serve you well
i wish you peace
hugs,
jo
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Years ago a friend of mine told me that if I really believed I needed I have someone in my life I probably should not be in a relationship. Once I understood that deep down and understood that it was ok to be by myself the right person came into my life and after 10 years it's still good.
what does a guy do when he has two angelic women who love him deeply? they know of each other. although i admit that at first they did not know of the other. they each have excelled at life and are successful people. each has a brain and beauty, struggles and misfortune.
the desires shared with them and some dreams haven't been lived yet but will and we breathe in and lots of tears and lots of laughs. mostly i am a dick and will be alone... again
i like being alone...rather, i love being alone, fits me nicely. i am not scared of being alone.
thank you all for your thoughts
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
this is very warming to me
i just can't stop crying even if my eyes are not in tears, my inside is bleeding and falling apart...which sounds like the me even when thrilled,,, common knowledge type thing...
yes...that's it! this is how i feel everyday no matter what
just hurts more these days
i was with and having two of the greatest women around, now nothing but what is left to fading.
it hurts quite badly
fact is we'll remain friends. i am friends w/ most all my exs.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
totally understood xoxo
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
and this is how it ends.
no matter whatever, sorry, bullshit you are going to deliver about them being "too good for you to deserve", etc. the bottom line is you very, very, VERY rarely can have it all. i guess you are grown up enough to have known it yourself big time.
you will live, Chadwick.
Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
you are right. it is sorry bullshit in my thinking that i do not deserve someone as fantastic. that was a bullshit statement i made. thank you for making note of that.
however, i am a wreck and feel less than.
it is easy to see that women have compassion in hugeness. maybe they got with me because i need help in many areas? maybe this, maybe that? i fucked up and stuff. i have a long pain filled road ahead of me and it isn't pretty.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
i dont know you, My Man, nor i have any intention of judging you WHATSOEVER, but i know, to a degree - never had too much at a time, where you are right now and feel sorry for you. all to a healthy degree, as i think you are the one who asked for it yourself. anyways.. let's just reverse the whole thing for a second. isnt it the way, Chadwick, that subconsciously you think THEY dont deserve you? they are cute, successful, etc. but this is still to little for you to give everything you got to one of them? what exactly made you think you deserve that much?
just trying to understand.
peace,
m.
Prague '95 (w/Neil Young), Warsaw '96, Seattle '98, Katowice x2 '00, Berlin '00, Berlin '06, Katowice '07, Copenhagen '07, Belfast '10, Berlin '10, Amsterdam '12, Prague'12, Berlin x2 '12, Vienna '14, Berlin '14..
http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Believe-Just ... 460&sr=8-1
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
then a few drugs, legal and the ones behind the dark. no hard horrid ones, no. no alcohol anymore.
so i write and i go and i step barely and struggle firmly in the hands of tenderness, torn wire, and none in several.
i will throttle myself with a beautiful poem as she rides me into dimly lit sheets. her's the exotic breathing and sea. her's no sleep or ease. constant tired souls from where only angel go and fro. and sometimes my mind silent for once. then the locomotives starts up and thoughts are our standard railroad ties in high gear, the blending.
her and she, she and her. me the chaotic cluster fuck dropping everything and running behind when i shoulda been swimming. good-bye
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
very interesting
and so very true
i can identify a couple of things
that probably even no one else on the face of the earth
even noticed or remembers
not even the other party (ies) involved
but these things seem soooo big to myself
and so important
that they have effected my psyche
and determined the way i act or react in certain situations
sometimes consciously
sometimes not so consciously
definitely sounds like an interesting read
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
I love them things