oh god what have i done?

chadwick · January 2012

ever say this? ever feel very sad, down and a bit of worthlessness and stuff?
wanna talk about it? go ahead please.

i have a couple women in my life that i love. this is not something i'd recommend. i'll be writing about my adventures into this deep and troublesome bit of my life. sometimes for years at a time i went without a lady. in today's ballpark this is not the case. women and i are attracted to one another like moths to a flame.

i'm the romantic poet, lover and fighter madman whom has dove into the world of art and the worshipping of the feminine energy and compassionate wings and as angelic to each her own.

life's been stomping me in the nuts lately. sometimes my women leave me, sometimes they come back around, sometimes they do not ever return. sometimes i weep like a child. other times i watch a woman fly away as if butterfly songs had to have her more than i.

we all have and are currently saving our lives and we have all stepped up and helped save one another.

i am crippled up without them, alone and with a wooden cane covered in orange-cutie stickers and a few tears from my eyes and down my face and whiskers all damp from mine and no hugs today. all left me and now for me to remember.

inspired by and as often as can be... willie nelson
http://youtu.be/8jfBxfltYD0

i am open to critics and those who carry advice and anything shared. thank you for your time.

JonnyPistachio · January 2012

chadwick wrote:

i'm the romantic poet, lover and fighter madman whom has dove into the world of art and the worshipping of the feminine energy and compassionate wings and as angelic to each her own.

Great line ^^^

Women (and the lack thereof) for the better part of a decade, drove me to some of the greatest and worst parts of my life. Some great inspiration, and some of the saddest of feelings...gut-wrenching, nearly paralyzing. I could chase after it or not. Sometimes it would just show up.

Now I'm married, so the pain is inevitable.

chadwick · January 2012

JonnyPistachio wrote:

chadwick wrote:

i'm the romantic poet, lover and fighter madman whom has dove into the world of art and the worshipping of the feminine energy and compassionate wings and as angelic to each her own.

Great line ^^^

Women (and the lack thereof) for the better part of a decade, drove me to some of the greatest and worst parts of my life. Some great inspiration, and some of the saddest of feelings...gut-wrenching, nearly paralyzing. I could chase after it or not. Sometimes it would just show up.

Now I'm married, so the pain is inevitable.

yeah it just shows up. never planned, nothing planned.

my eyes are heavy and exhausted from weeping. i'm tired of a lot of things. i cannot say any of this is over. it is not the end. i need them and they me. the daily beauty and misery will remain nearer to me than any one woman ever will. for this i am sorry.

thank you for sharing your story.

pandora · January 2012

someone very close to me is going through a break up after 3 years time together

they are young, till this point unbroken

I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away

have them know that someday they will look back, after continuing on alone,
and see it was for the best, know the love that is yet to come, know it now,

know this pain is not in vain but a vehicle to move forward
on down their path, the path that is right when we believe in ourselves.

JonnyPistachio · January 2012

pandora wrote:

I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away

They always say, TIME is the only thing that can heal it.

Funny, when I was going through the roughest of times regarding a lady, I wished the same thing...that I could fast forward through time. Now looking back, i'm glad its passed, but I wrote some of my best music and poetry during that time. Quite a quagmire.

Keep riding those words Chadwick, it will help, I can only assume.

Sorry to hear about your friend Pandora

pandora · January 2012

JonnyPistachio wrote:

pandora wrote:

I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away

They always say, TIME is the only thing that can heal it.

Funny, when I was going through the roughest of times regarding a lady, I wished the same thing...that I could fast forward through time. Now looking back, i'm glad its passed, but I wrote some of my best music and poetry during that time. Quite a quagmire.

Keep riding those words Chadwick, it will help, I can only assume.

yes time that is all

very good advice Jon ... to keep writing
and from our pain we grow

it is very hard to watch in someone you love though ... you know you must
and my hands are tied to ease this

pandora · January 2012

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Sorry to hear about your friend Pandora

the dearest of friends

thanks Jonny

chadwick · January 2012

JonnyPistachio wrote:

pandora wrote:

I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away

They always say, TIME is the only thing that can heal it.

Funny, when I was going through the roughest of times regarding a lady, I wished the same thing...that I could fast forward through time. Now looking back, i'm glad its passed, but I wrote some of my best music and poetry during that time. Quite a quagmire.Keep riding those words Chadwick, it will help, I can only assume.

Sorry to hear about your friend Pandora

thank you for this... if it werent for the raw earth, rain, wind, trees, critters, and women...i'd have zero inspiration and my poetic self would be a tiny fraction of what (i am and) it is today. women give me power if even only by glance and smile.

my lady friends all know i am out of my mind. they know i can function without them, barely... but i can.
it's as if i need a team of people just to exist without further damaging myself. sounds like... i guess i need a baby sitter

JonnyPistachio · January 2012

chadwick wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

pandora wrote:

I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away

They always say, TIME is the only thing that can heal it.

Funny, when I was going through the roughest of times regarding a lady, I wished the same thing...that I could fast forward through time. Now looking back, i'm glad its passed, but I wrote some of my best music and poetry during that time. Quite a quagmire.Keep riding those words Chadwick, it will help, I can only assume.

Sorry to hear about your friend Pandora

thank you for this... if it werent for the raw earth, rain, wind, trees, critters, and women...i'd have zero inspiration and my poetic self would be a tiny fraction of what (i am and) it is today. women give me power if even only by glance and smile.

my lady friends all know i am out of my mind. they know i can function without them, barely... but i can.
it's as if i need a team of people just to exist without further damaging myself. sounds like... i guess i need a baby sitter

I think its good you are aware of that. You seem very in tune with yourself. Probably one day soon you will find the right combination of earth, wind, rain, trees, critters, and WOMAN.

Bigda · January 2012

My dear, dear friend once gaveme this advice, i think might be helpfull to you (or maybe not):

think clearly,
be strong,
adapt and persist.

he probably does not hold copyrights, i suspect it comes from some other source... who cares? true words, though.
and talking from my own experience even though it hurts as MF i would not fast forward single minute of it. this is all us, for a reason, lesson, for the better or maybe worse, but still for a change.. this or the other way round: was not meant to be.

we all stumble, we all do stupid things and have corpses locked in our closets.. but every next second is a potential chance of changing fortunes. just keep your eyes open.

just as long as we are alive..

peace.
m.

pandora · January 2012

my friend... I have spoke pretty much the opposite, Chadwick

this time is theirs now ...
to reach for their goals alone, to find it within themselves personal happiness...
to depend on themselves... make it theirs

I could lose JB tomorrow, nothing is for sure and it all comes down to
all we have is ourselves

We all die alone and we are our best friend

Bigda · January 2012

pandora wrote:

my friend... I have spoke pretty much the opposite, Chadwick

this time is theirs now ...
to reach for their goals alone, to find it within themselves personal happiness...
to depend on themselves... make it theirs

I could lose JB tomorrow, nothing is for sure and it all comes down to
all we have is ourselves

We all die alone and we are our best friend

are you talking to me? (however stupid it sounds:)

pandora · January 2012

Bigda wrote:

pandora wrote:

my friend... I have spoke pretty much the opposite, Chadwick

this time is theirs now ...
to reach for their goals alone, to find it within themselves personal happiness...
to depend on themselves... make it theirs

I could lose JB tomorrow, nothing is for sure and it all comes down to
all we have is ourselves

We all die alone and we are our best friend

are you talking to me? (however stupid it sounds:)

no I forgot to quote Chadwick's last

please forgive.... :oops: sorry

Bigda · January 2012

pandora wrote:

Bigda wrote:

pandora wrote:

my friend... I have spoke pretty much the opposite, Chadwick

this time is theirs now ...
to reach for their goals alone, to find it within themselves personal happiness...
to depend on themselves... make it theirs

I could lose JB tomorrow, nothing is for sure and it all comes down to
all we have is ourselves

We all die alone and we are our best friend

are you talking to me? (however stupid it sounds:)

no I forgot to quote Chadwick's last

please forgive.... :oops: sorry

no problem:) i was just about to award you with the "fastest typist of the world" title, though..:)

pandora · January 2012

Bigda wrote:

pandora wrote:

no I forgot to quote Chadwick's last

please forgive.... :oops: sorry

no problem:) i was just about to award you with the "fastest typist of the world" title, though..:)

I type with one finger :shock: ... the world laughs at me!

Bigda · January 2012

pandora wrote:

Bigda wrote:

pandora wrote:

no I forgot to quote Chadwick's last

please forgive.... :oops: sorry

no problem:) i was just about to award you with the "fastest typist of the world" title, though..:)

I type with one finger :shock: ... the world laughs at me!

pinkbutterfly · January 2012

chadwick wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

pandora wrote:

I wish I could take the clock and fast forward the pain away

They always say, TIME is the only thing that can heal it.

Funny, when I was going through the roughest of times regarding a lady, I wished the same thing...that I could fast forward through time. Now looking back, i'm glad its passed, but I wrote some of my best music and poetry during that time. Quite a quagmire.Keep riding those words Chadwick, it will help, I can only assume.

Sorry to hear about your friend Pandora

thank you for this... if it werent for the raw earth, rain, wind, trees, critters, and women...i'd have zero inspiration and my poetic self would be a tiny fraction of what (i am and) it is today. women give me power if even only by glance and smile.

my lady friends all know i am out of my mind. they know i can function without them, barely... but i can.
it's as if i need a team of people just to exist without further damaging myself. sounds like... i guess i need a baby sitter

Yeah, and it sounds like you need a good spankin. Hey, you need to find that special someone and stick with one person. Nobody's gonna put up with a two-timer. Just being honest. Hugs & Good Luck!

StillHere · January 2012

TIME does heal all dear Chadwick
but don't try to rush it
don't push it away
as Experience is your friend as well
breathe it all in
the good, the bad, the ugly
and everything in between
in time it will serve you well

i wish you peace

hugs,
jo

brianlux · January 2012

Interesting, Chadwick. Before I even clicked on the link I had a feeling it was going to be "Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground." On of my favorite Willie Nelson songs as well.

Years ago a friend of mine told me that if I really believed I needed I have someone in my life I probably should not be in a relationship. Once I understood that deep down and understood that it was ok to be by myself the right person came into my life and after 10 years it's still good.

chadwick · January 2012

pinkbutterfly wrote:

Yeah, and it sounds like you need a good spankin. Hey, you need to find that special someone and stick with one person. Nobody's gonna put up with a two-timer. Just being honest. Hugs & Good Luck!

they both are special beyond what i deserve or whatever. that's why i am in the storm i am in. i can't leave either one of them. sure i have covered things up and told some tall tales to save us from sadness. they both live somewhere else other than in my little town.

what does a guy do when he has two angelic women who love him deeply? they know of each other. although i admit that at first they did not know of the other. they each have excelled at life and are successful people. each has a brain and beauty, struggles and misfortune.

the desires shared with them and some dreams haven't been lived yet but will and we breathe in and lots of tears and lots of laughs. mostly i am a dick and will be alone... again

i like being alone...rather, i love being alone, fits me nicely. i am not scared of being alone.

thank you all for your thoughts

chadwick · January 2012

StillHere wrote:

TIME does heal all dear Chadwick
but don't try to rush it
don't push it away
as Experience is your friend as well
breathe it all in
the good, the bad, the ugly
and everything in between
in time it will serve you well

i wish you peace

hugs,
jo

thank you, jo
this is very warming to me

i just can't stop crying even if my eyes are not in tears, my inside is bleeding and falling apart...which sounds like the me even when thrilled,,, common knowledge type thing...

yes...that's it! this is how i feel everyday no matter what
just hurts more these days

i was with and having two of the greatest women around, now nothing but what is left to fading.
it hurts quite badly

fact is we'll remain friends. i am friends w/ most all my exs.

oh god what have i done?

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