Relationship "breaks"

LikeAnOcean
LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
edited December 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
*Update.. Things are looking up, but sometimes I just don't understand human behavior. She's a stubborn woman and really sticks to what she says I guess. Not a game player. Straight forward and honest.*
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • 81
    81 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    Prepare for the end :?

    Go dark for a few days and step back from it.....do talking either on the phone or in person when you have time to talk...ie not at work. No texting or iming.
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    edited December 2011
    81 wrote:
    Prepare for the end :?


    Don't say that!!!


    We've never fought seriously before. She was talking about names for our children last month!
    Post edited by LikeAnOcean on
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Relationships do have rough periods sometimes.

    If she's having such serious health problems, it's going to affect everything until her health improves. Be kind to her, listen to what she's saying and maybe things will improve.

    I agree with 81 about only talking on the phone when you can pay attention to the conversation instead of just texting while you're at work or other places. That's not the best way to truly communicate.
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  • mca47
    mca47 Posts: 13,337
    Breaks have always been bad from my experience. Never came back from a break...or wanted to.

    Hope it's different for ya'!!
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    edited December 2011
    justam wrote:
    Relationships do have rough periods sometimes.

    If she's having such serious health problems, it's going to affect everything until her health improves. Be kind to her, listen to what she's saying and maybe things will improve.

    I agree with 81 about only talking on the phone when you can pay attention to the conversation instead of just texting while you're at work or other places. That's not the best way to truly communicate.
    It's better to text her. She's in bed most of the day and is in too much pain to hold conversations very long, but I do plan on calling her..
    Post edited by LikeAnOcean on
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    mca47 wrote:
    Breaks have always been bad from my experience. Never came back from a break...or wanted to.

    Hope it's different for ya'!!

    Well if you don't want to come back from a break, how is it going to work out? :P
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Gob wrote:
    justam wrote:
    Relationships do have rough periods sometimes.

    If she's having such serious health problems, it's going to affect everything until her health improves. Be kind to her, listen to what she's saying and maybe things will improve.

    I agree with 81 about only talking on the phone when you can pay attention to the conversation instead of just texting while you're at work or other places. That's not the best way to truly communicate.
    It's better to text her. She's in bed most of the day and is in too much pain to hold conversations very long, but I do plan on calling her.

    If she's in too much pain to have a conversation, she really DOES need some space to pay attention to her health right now. Think about that. If a person is in so much pain, how can they be paying attention to another person in a relationship? Usually once a person is that seriously ill, the people around them become caretakers until they are better.
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  • F Me In The Brain
    F Me In The Brain this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,876
    81 wrote:
    Prepare for the end :?

    Go dark for a few days and step back from it.....do talking either on the phone or in person when you have time to talk...ie not at work. No texting or iming.

    I would second this. Or if you text/im just go with simple 'hello, hope all is well' so that she knows you are thinking of her. I think you are in a spot with very little control if you are left texting or im-ing on issue or serious import. If you feel like you might have to fight to keep things alive I hate the idea of not being able to do it in person.

    Good luck w/however you work it out. My experience has been that if you both love one another anything can be worked through.
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    edited December 2011
    justam wrote:
    Gob wrote:
    justam wrote:
    Relationships do have rough periods sometimes.

    If she's having such serious health problems, it's going to affect everything until her health improves. Be kind to her, listen to what she's saying and maybe things will improve.

    I agree with 81 about only talking on the phone when you can pay attention to the conversation instead of just texting while you're at work or other places. That's not the best way to truly communicate.
    It's better to text her. She's in bed most of the day and is in too much pain to hold conversations very long, but I do plan on calling her.

    If she's in too much pain to have a conversation, she really DOES need some space to pay attention to her health right now. Think about that. If a person is in so much pain, how can they be paying attention to another person in a relationship? Usually once a person is that seriously ill, the people around them become caretakers until they are better.
    She's been a mess healthwise since I meet her, and I kind of got impatient with her last week.
    Post edited by LikeAnOcean on
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    So, it seems like the health issue has to be resolved first before anything else.
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  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    edited December 2011
    justam wrote:
    So, it seems like the health issue has to be resolved first before anything else.
    she said the break is mostly because of her health. She needs to focus on getting through it.
    Post edited by LikeAnOcean on
  • binx
    binx Posts: 21
    I've been beating my hands up as they continued to try to reply to your post...my hands (and the glass of wine they are holding) won the fight.

    It's never a good idea to talk about serious things by email or text, most times even phone calls. It's just plain immature to insist upon those being the only contact choices.

    If she is indeed in so much pain then ask yourself why she can maintain relationships with her friends in person but not with you. If she is in so much pain then yes, she may want to turn away from you for awhile but she should be caring enough to let you firmly know that when she's well, she will contact you and will understand if the timing isn't good for you to try to reconnect. In other words, love you by letting go.

    Please forgive my hands and the wine. If I had had my way, I would have left you alone...like your girlfriend has.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    I'm sorry you're feeling sad about it. :(
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  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    binx wrote:
    If she is indeed in so much pain then ask yourself why she can maintain relationships with her friends in person but not with you.


    I didn't really explain this well..She wasn't really hanging out with them. She's been forcing herself to go in to her part time retail job. She was giving a few coworkers a ride home, and they wanted to stop to grab a quick bite. One of them posted on facebook that she was with them and I took it as she was out having a good time.. that was my mistake and I understand why she got mad.

    I freaked out on her a few weeks ago too. She had to go to a work meeting/brunch and it just so happened the meeting was during the bears game, so picks of her at Bdubs popped up online. I didn't realize it was her work meeting, and I called her out on it. It was just frustration because we had been doing so little together because of her health. :?


    Basically she's become frustrated with me getting frustrated over her health and she can't deal with it right now. She really can't hang out with me much anyways for the next few months, but she called it a break and did it in a dramatic fashion because of the way I acted.
  • pinkbutterfly
    pinkbutterfly Posts: 1,391
    edited November 2011
    .
    Post edited by pinkbutterfly on
    My last message to you ~

    You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!

    At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    edited October 2011
    pinkbutterfly wrote:
    I'm sorry to hear about your break. Although, if your last words were "I love you", it sounds to me like you two have a chance of being together again. Just sounds like she is not thinking clearly, I guess, due to her pain. Everyone reacts differently, as far as wanting others around, when they don't feel well. I really wish the best for the both of you. *HUG*
    Thats the thing too. She said " I love you" first when we ended the "break" phone conversation.


    She's told me since the get go, almost a year ago, that she HATE's when others are around when she's in this pain.. and thats the thing, my instinct is to be around and hug her, but she can't take it.


    I've just never been told by someone I love, they need to take time off from me. I'm not sure what it means.
    Post edited by LikeAnOcean on
  • faceintheclouds
    faceintheclouds Posts: 1,739
    81 wrote:
    Prepare for the end :?

    Go dark for a few days and step back from it.....do talking either on the phone or in person when you have time to talk...ie not at work. No texting or iming.
    I think what this RF is trying to say was prepare for end of the relationship.
    I went thru same shit minus the health issues.
    But IMO your not a stalker for looking at the fb shit. That's the problem with fb and work. So many fucking times I've caught my gf talking to fags at work on fb and txt. And it makes me mental.
    Just try to avoid talking for a bit. It's only gonna drive u up a wall.
    Just, not enough.
    I need more.
    Nothing seems to satisfy.
    I said, I dont want it.
    I just need it.
    To breathe, to feel, to know Im alive.
  • rick1zoo2
    rick1zoo2 between a rock and a dumb place Posts: 12,632
    don't panic, give it time, give her space, be there for her when she needs you
  • supadupa
    supadupa Chicago Posts: 377
    As others have said, it sounds like she needs some space while she's dealing with her health issues. Try to be supportive and minimize any additional stress on her by respecting her space. That's probably best for your relationship to be able to continue someday, if that's what the two of you decide.
  • comebackgirl
    comebackgirl Posts: 9,885
    I don't think that breaks in a relationship are a good thing. Ideally during times of stress you would turn toward each other, not away. That's not to say that breaks are always bad or that they can't help the overall health of a relationship, as long as some attention is being paid to what led up to the stress in the first place. When I'm stressed or overwhelmed I need time to myself. When I need *space* it's a sign that I'm feeling drained and being around other people (including those I love) is adding to that. Usually I just need to just chill for a bit and not feel needed for a while. My husband is the opposite - he wants to hug me and be close to me and it can drive me a little nutty. I need my space, and then after I've recharged I can be around him. Your girlfriend might be the same way. She may have felt like you weren't respecting that need, and so she's limiting contact all together right now. Try to work through it. This will come up in other ways throughout your relationship, so there's an opportunity to resolve it now. And I don't think you were being a stalker at all. It makes sense you would want to check those things out with her. She might be picking up on some of your insecurity about the relationship though and feel even more drained because of it.
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    "I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"

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