Relationship "breaks"

LikeAnOcean

comebackgirl wrote:

When I'm stressed or overwhelmed I need time to myself. When I need *space* it's a sign that I'm feeling drained and being around other people (including those I love) is adding to that. Usually I just need to just chill for a bit and not feel needed for a while. My husband is the opposite - he wants to hug me and be close to me and it can drive me a little nutty. I need my space, and then after I've recharged I can be around him. Your girlfriend might be the same way. She may have felt like you weren't respecting that need, and so she's limiting contact all together right now. Try to work through it. This will come up in other ways throughout your relationship, so there's an opportunity to resolve it now. And I don't think you were being a stalker at all. It makes sense you would want to check those things out with her. She might be picking up on some of your insecurity about the relationship though and feel even more drained because of it.

This sounds exactly like us.


I'm just freaked out because I've never been in a situation like this. I'm having lots of anxiety about her health and what she might think of me. I've never been told by someone I love that they need time away from me. I don't know how to interpret that.

LikeAnOcean

It's funny though, after a few glasses of wine, none of this bothers me and I feel everything will be fine between me and her when she's better.

My damn anxiety keeps putting bad thoughts in my mind though. I need to erase them.

comebackgirl

Gob wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

When I'm stressed or overwhelmed I need time to myself. When I need *space* it's a sign that I'm feeling drained and being around other people (including those I love) is adding to that. Usually I just need to just chill for a bit and not feel needed for a while. My husband is the opposite - he wants to hug me and be close to me and it can drive me a little nutty. I need my space, and then after I've recharged I can be around him. Your girlfriend might be the same way. She may have felt like you weren't respecting that need, and so she's limiting contact all together right now. Try to work through it. This will come up in other ways throughout your relationship, so there's an opportunity to resolve it now. And I don't think you were being a stalker at all. It makes sense you would want to check those things out with her. She might be picking up on some of your insecurity about the relationship though and feel even more drained because of it.

This sounds exactly like us.


I'm just freaked out because I've never been in a situation like this. I'm having lots of anxiety about her health and what she might think of me. I've never been told by someone I love that they need time away from me. I don't know how to interpret that.

I've felt like this before. I haven't actually taken the break, but for me it's come up when I've had a lot of other things I need to attend to and then I just feel needed by my husband. It overwhelms me. I think he senses when I'm more focused on other things and reacts by getting needier So it's a tough cycle, but we've seen it, so we can try to work through it. Your girlfriend's health is a major factor in this. I'm sure she is just so overwhelmed by it. That doesn't mean she gets to only focus on herself. Sounds like you made some sacrifices for this relationship and that can't just be ignored. I would give her some space, but then set some time to really try to work through it. Try and see how you trigger each other. It's not fair for you to just be kept out there hanging. Part of a relationship is teaching each other what we need - which is usually SO different than what the other person needs. That's supposed to happen. Work it through. Sounds like you really care for each other.

GivenToLukinKP

I guess Im having a hard time relating.

When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.

If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.

I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.

I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.

I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.

LikeAnOcean

comebackgirl wrote:

Gob wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

When I'm stressed or overwhelmed I need time to myself. When I need *space* it's a sign that I'm feeling drained and being around other people (including those I love) is adding to that. Usually I just need to just chill for a bit and not feel needed for a while. My husband is the opposite - he wants to hug me and be close to me and it can drive me a little nutty. I need my space, and then after I've recharged I can be around him. Your girlfriend might be the same way. She may have felt like you weren't respecting that need, and so she's limiting contact all together right now. Try to work through it. This will come up in other ways throughout your relationship, so there's an opportunity to resolve it now. And I don't think you were being a stalker at all. It makes sense you would want to check those things out with her. She might be picking up on some of your insecurity about the relationship though and feel even more drained because of it.

This sounds exactly like us.


I'm just freaked out because I've never been in a situation like this. I'm having lots of anxiety about her health and what she might think of me. I've never been told by someone I love that they need time away from me. I don't know how to interpret that.

I've felt like this before. I haven't actually taken the break, but for me it's come up when I've had a lot of other things I need to attend to and then I just feel needed by my husband. It overwhelms me. I think he senses when I'm more focused on other things and reacts by getting needier So it's a tough cycle, but we've seen it, so we can try to work through it. Your girlfriend's health is a major factor in this. I'm sure she is just so overwhelmed by it. That doesn't mean she gets to only focus on herself. Sounds like you made some sacrifices for this relationship and that can't just be ignored. I would give her some space, but then set some time to really try to work through it. Try and see how you trigger each other. It's not fair for you to just be kept out there hanging. Part of a relationship is teaching each other what we need - which is usually SO different than what the other person needs. That's supposed to happen. Work it through. Sounds like you really care for each other.

Early on in our relationship, it was quite the opposite. She would apologize if it took her five minutes too long to respond to a text of mine. She introduced me to her family only a month after we met, invited me to a wedding over a year in advance after only a few months of dating. I never really pulled back, but it was easier for me to keep my cool back then, I felt really wanted. Before things started going downhill with her health last month, she was picking out names for our children. I was honored, but again, felt I should keep cool, although it made me feel really good on the inside she loved me so much. There was a time right before i made our relationship official that she told me she thought I was going to dump her at one point.

In the past month or two, she's pulled back a lot because of her health, and that's when I started to get insecure. I was so used to her wanting to be there for me, I began to panic when she was slow to return phone calls and not making time for me.

I texted her a few days ago, and she responded like 10 hours later, but apologized for it and said she will try to respond quicker when she's feeling better. It made me feel better she is agknowledging her reasons for not being so responsive.

ShimmyMommy

I am so sorry you two hit a rough patch. It sounds like a bit of a communication breakdown.

From what you have been saying, I am hearing that it sounds like she is embarrassed to be around you while she is ill. She doesn't want to burden you. I know you love her and want to make her feel better, but she isn't ready for you to "take care" of her. Am I making sense? Her health has been solely her responsibility all along, and she is probably not used to sharing the concern so intensely with another person.

Give her time. Make the effort to phone her to see how she is, and visit when she feels it's okay. (I am sure you are probably doing that already. ) Just be patient. As much as her health concerns are new to you, being with someone who wants to take care of her through thick and thin, is just as new to her.

I hope all her surgeries and the recovery time goes smoothly.

Love, light and hugs to you both.

of.the.girl

I can totally relate to your gf. I have gone through two major surgeries in the past year and all I wanted to do was be by myself. I didn't want someone hovering over me and around me when I was in the worst pain of my life. (Worst than child birth) It's hard for someone to be so healthy and then have their health go to shit in a matter of months. It may be that she is scared that if she is 100% vulnerable, that you would love her or think of her less if she is weak and needs you.
I'm not trying to defend her or make excuses for her...but I'm just speaking on a personal experience here. I know how it is. And it sucks to push those close away but sometimes it's just a matter of the individual pushing to come to terms and accept with what is going on in their life and health.
Hang in there...take things one day at a time and focus on you right now. If you want/need to talk more...I'm here.

Mamasan23

comebackgirl wrote:

When I'm stressed or overwhelmed I need time to myself. When I need *space* it's a sign that I'm feeling drained and being around other people (including those I love) is adding to that. Usually I just need to just chill for a bit and not feel needed for a while. My husband is the opposite - he wants to hug me and be close to me and it can drive me a little nutty. I need my space, and then after I've recharged I can be around him.

I think my husband is your husband's long lost twin....he's the exact same way! Sometimes I just need to be alone...he takes it the wrong way and thinks it's a personal attack on him, when really I don't want to be around anybody at all, you know? So he pushes even harder, which has caused some serious blow-ups, but we're learning on how to deal with it. Gob this might be similar to what your girlfriend is going through. Try to give her her space right now, maybe send her flowers every now and again to let her know that you're thinking about her. But if you push too hard, you might push her away. Good luck, I hope everything works out and her health gets better!

EmBleve

Mamasan23 wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

When I'm stressed or overwhelmed I need time to myself. When I need *space* it's a sign that I'm feeling drained and being around other people (including those I love) is adding to that. Usually I just need to just chill for a bit and not feel needed for a while. My husband is the opposite - he wants to hug me and be close to me and it can drive me a little nutty. I need my space, and then after I've recharged I can be around him.

I think my husband is your husband's long lost twin....he's the exact same way! Sometimes I just need to be alone...he takes it the wrong way and thinks it's a personal attack on him, when really I don't want to be around anybody at all, you know? So he pushes even harder, which has caused some serious blow-ups, but we're learning on how to deal with it. Gob this might be similar to what your girlfriend is going through. Try to give her her space right now, maybe send her flowers every now and again to let her know that you're thinking about her. But if you push too hard, you might push her away. Good luck, I hope everything works out and her health gets better!

I agree with both of these posts. My bf is the same way, and it, too, drives me mad. Giving her space might be difficult, but ultimately it is the best thing to do, especially since she has asked you to. It may or may not work out--I hope it works out for the best, but it wouldn't work if it's forced. As Mamasan said, if you push too hard, you might push her away. Exactly. If I said that to somebody, and he kept texting me or calling me or whatever, it would drive me insane and further away. Just give her space, and let HER come to YOU. When and if she's ready to do so, she will. Best of luck.

mca47

Gob wrote:

mca47 wrote:

Breaks have always been bad from my experience. Never came back from a break...or wanted to.

Hope it's different for ya'!!

Well if you don't want to come back from a break, how is it going to work out? :P

But I never realized it UNTIL we went on a break. Having that time "alone" made me realize I didn't want to start things up again and that whichever girl at that time...wasn't really the one.

That's just my exp.

catefrances

GivenToLukinKP wrote:

I guess Im having a hard time relating.

When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.

If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.

I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.

I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.

I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.

^^this^^

pandora

It's hard for others to understand the effects of pain
unless they have lived through it.

It is all-encompasssing, filled with fear but what is the hardest to understand,
is the shame and guilt one feels from not being the person they were
and not wanting to impose on loved ones.

This all on top of hardly a clear thought because of sheer agony.
Many people live this way.

I totally get how she feels.

Be there as much or as little as she wants and needs.
Your heart can really help her even if you are not destined to be together forever.

This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.

I pray she feels better soon and for both your happiness
whether together or apart.

LikeAnOcean

catefrances wrote:

GivenToLukinKP wrote:

I guess Im having a hard time relating.

When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.

If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.

I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.

I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.

I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.

^^this^^

You made some valid points and these are exactly what have been going through my mind.


But, she's made it clear from the get go, soon after we met, she does not like people around when she's going through this. As things got worse in the past few months I began to freak on her. It's my instict.


She made it clear she needs to focus on herself for the next few months. It's not just texting. She wants to communicate by phone too. She said if she's feeling better, maybe as soon as a month. It's already been a week, so maybe 3 weeks, depending if her insurance kicks in and the doc can get her in for surgery in the next few weeks.

LikeAnOcean

pandora wrote:

This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.

Makes sense.


I think the difference between us is the definition of a "break in a relationship".

To me its a very bad thing. To her it may just be a way of saying she needs more time alone for now without her having to break off plans with me everytime I try to make them. She probably doesn't want me to be expecting much out of her for the next few months, and then going and getting offensive about it when she is too ill to do anything.

LikeAnOcean

Could be worse...


One of my best friends broke up with his girlfriend of two years tonight. He had the same frustrations as I've had about girlfriend not making enough time for him, only his girlfriend was perfectly healthy and out partying with friends in the city.



For me, two weeks into my situation, I'm still stuck in love purgatory. :?

stargirl69

catefrances wrote:

GivenToLukinKP wrote:

I guess Im having a hard time relating.

When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.

If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.

I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.

I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.

I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.

^^this^^

^^ Most definitely this^^

I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.

LikeAnOcean

stargirl69 wrote:

catefrances wrote:

GivenToLukinKP wrote:

I guess Im having a hard time relating.

When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.

If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.

I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.

I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.

I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.

^^this^^

^^ Most definitely this^^

I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.

She is hardly a player. She turns 30 next month and has only had 4 relationships, I think me included, none being more much more than a year.. I'm the first person she's told she loves and the first person she's introduced to her family..

pandora

Gob wrote:

pandora wrote:

This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.

Makes sense.


I think the difference between us is the definition of a "break in a relationship".

To me its a very bad thing. To her it may just be a way of saying she needs more time alone for now without her having to break off plans with me everytime I try to make them. She probably doesn't want me to be expecting much out of her for the next few months, and then going and getting offensive about it when she is too ill to do anything.

If I had gone through what I went through in 2009 as a younger woman,
if JB and I were a younger love, I too would probably have pushed him away.

As I said it is very difficult for others to understand all the emotions that go with living pain.
A person is alone, alone in pain. It is an extremely lonely place ... agony.

It's very easy to get lost in it or lash out at others and being a downer, bummer
is really hard to take when you are an active up person, normally involved in life.
A person people enjoy being with.
The person living in pain does not want to disappoint.

Time is going to heal all this and you will have your answers.
Meantime give her space but let your love shine... it is the light in the tunnel for her
and the bond that will come will be stronger than ever, if it is meant to be.

Good luck... you as a support person can grow from this experience,
it can give you much insight into true love....
true love is always about the other person.

She is in my thoughts and prayers, as are you.

polaris_x

a couple of things:

1. if anyone has ever done the myers-briggs personality test ... they will know that the first thing they differentiate is whether a person is introverted or extroverted ... this was a huge revelation to me because the definition is not one typically associates with the word ... it is defined by how one "recharges" their batteries ... an introvert does it alone while an extrovert does it in a social setting ... people need to recognize who they are and make sure they give themselves that alone time if they are indeed introverted and the people they care about realize this ...

2. i totally subscribe to the "if you love them, set them free" mantra ... if she asks for time to move in or time apart because of her illness ... all you can do is support her and be there for her when she needs it ... guilt, pressure and the like does nothing but make someone who is probably insecure about her condition coil even further into a cocoon ... she needs you to be a positive influence not another stress ... she has clearly set boundaries for her own well being and its in yours and hers best interest to respect those boundaries ...

take some time and do things for yourself in your time apart and when she's ready to involve you she will ... if she doesn't want to, she won't ... that's the thing with relationships ... there is no concrete formula for success ... people have to be in the right space and the right time and on the right path ... you can't force it ...

good luck

stargirl69

Gob wrote:

stargirl69 wrote:

^^ Most definitely this^^

I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.

She is hardly a player. She turns 30 next month and has only had 4 relationships, I think me included, none being more much more than a year.. I'm the first person she's told she loves and the first person she's introduced to her family..

I didn't mean she was a player with other men,I meant a player of your emotions,messing your head up.
I find it unusual that at 30 years old she has only had 4 relationships and most have only lasted a year.Makes me wonder what issues this lady has that you are having to contend with.
If your not open to others opinions best not to create a thread asking for them.