When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.
If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?
Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.
I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.
I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.
I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.
^^this^^
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
It's hard for others to understand the effects of pain
unless they have lived through it.
It is all-encompasssing, filled with fear but what is the hardest to understand,
is the shame and guilt one feels from not being the person they were
and not wanting to impose on loved ones.
This all on top of hardly a clear thought because of sheer agony.
Many people live this way.
I totally get how she feels.
Be there as much or as little as she wants and needs.
Your heart can really help her even if you are not destined to be together forever.
This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.
I pray she feels better soon and for both your happiness
whether together or apart.
When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.
If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?
Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.
I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.
I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.
I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.
^^this^^
You made some valid points and these are exactly what have been going through my mind.
But, she's made it clear from the get go, soon after we met, she does not like people around when she's going through this. As things got worse in the past few months I began to freak on her. It's my instict.
She made it clear she needs to focus on herself for the next few months. It's not just texting. She wants to communicate by phone too. She said if she's feeling better, maybe as soon as a month. It's already been a week, so maybe 3 weeks, depending if her insurance kicks in and the doc can get her in for surgery in the next few weeks.
This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.
Makes sense.
I think the difference between us is the definition of a "break in a relationship".
To me its a very bad thing. To her it may just be a way of saying she needs more time alone for now without her having to break off plans with me everytime I try to make them. She probably doesn't want me to be expecting much out of her for the next few months, and then going and getting offensive about it when she is too ill to do anything.
One of my best friends broke up with his girlfriend of two years tonight. He had the same frustrations as I've had about girlfriend not making enough time for him, only his girlfriend was perfectly healthy and out partying with friends in the city.
For me, two weeks into my situation, I'm still stuck in love purgatory. :?
When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.
If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?
Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.
I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.
I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.
I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.
^^this^^
^^ Most definitely this^^
I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.
“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
When I had surgery and was laid up, the ONLY person I wanted with me was my boyfriend. And I am not a clingy kinda gf at all.
If you want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you clearly accept her for who she is and the health issues she has, then what in the world does she plan to do if these problems persist? Or what about when othe things happen? What about when she's pregnant with Luke and in pain; is she going to retreat to her parents house to wait out the pain?
Im sorry if this sounds harsh, thats not my intent. I just think that if you love someone you want to be with them--if she can push herself to go to work and even stop for a "quick bite" with friends after work, then she should be able to squeeze you in her schedule somehow.
I really, really don't want to offend you----you know her and you know your relationship better than anyone else here--but to me, it sounds like she is trying to distance herself so she can exit smoothly. Just because you were talking baby names recently doesnt mean shes in it for the long haul (I lived with my bf for 4 years and he was talking about us buying a house up until just a couple weeks before he told me he was moving out) You have every right to wonder WTF is going on when you literally picked up your life and relocated for her and she seems to have all these excuses NOT to follow through with the plan. I understand she's ill and in pain, but when you love someone, you figure it out. You have offered many solutions or suggestions to which she has shut you down. I think she got cold feet. The "only texting" thing is childish, even if she doesnt feel well enough to hold a convesation, I feel like if you love someone you can at the very least make a 5 minutes phone call a priority every day. Especially if she is going to work and having even a quick dinner with friends from work after hours. If I am right, its unfair and childish, but generally speaking most women are dramatic and crazy (ouch- sorry fellow females, trust me- it hurts me to say this. Clearly I am not talking about ALL of us, but I have seen some real wacko behavior from my female friends, family members, co-workers....) Gob--please don't think Im just being mean, I just have seen several posts from you about this girl and frankly, if you were sure you wouldnt need to ask for advice here about her behavior. Clearly something isnt clicking with you either in putting this situation together.
I really hope I am dead wrong here--its clear how much you love her and I hope it works out for you. I am just being honest in saying that I dont think it looks good. I am just tryin to be honest and give my opinion as you asked. Feel free to completely ignore me.
I really truly wish you the very best and I hope this situation resolves itself. Please think very hard before waitin around for years if she isnt willing to budge at all.
^^this^^
^^ Most definitely this^^
I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.
She is hardly a player. She turns 30 next month and has only had 4 relationships, I think me included, none being more much more than a year.. I'm the first person she's told she loves and the first person she's introduced to her family..
This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.
Makes sense.
I think the difference between us is the definition of a "break in a relationship".
To me its a very bad thing. To her it may just be a way of saying she needs more time alone for now without her having to break off plans with me everytime I try to make them. She probably doesn't want me to be expecting much out of her for the next few months, and then going and getting offensive about it when she is too ill to do anything.
If I had gone through what I went through in 2009 as a younger woman,
if JB and I were a younger love, I too would probably have pushed him away.
As I said it is very difficult for others to understand all the emotions that go with living pain.
A person is alone, alone in pain. It is an extremely lonely place ... agony.
It's very easy to get lost in it or lash out at others and being a downer, bummer
is really hard to take when you are an active up person, normally involved in life.
A person people enjoy being with.
The person living in pain does not want to disappoint.
Time is going to heal all this and you will have your answers.
Meantime give her space but let your love shine... it is the light in the tunnel for her
and the bond that will come will be stronger than ever, if it is meant to be.
Good luck... you as a support person can grow from this experience,
it can give you much insight into true love....
true love is always about the other person.
1. if anyone has ever done the myers-briggs personality test ... they will know that the first thing they differentiate is whether a person is introverted or extroverted ... this was a huge revelation to me because the definition is not one typically associates with the word ... it is defined by how one "recharges" their batteries ... an introvert does it alone while an extrovert does it in a social setting ... people need to recognize who they are and make sure they give themselves that alone time if they are indeed introverted and the people they care about realize this ...
2. i totally subscribe to the "if you love them, set them free" mantra ... if she asks for time to move in or time apart because of her illness ... all you can do is support her and be there for her when she needs it ... guilt, pressure and the like does nothing but make someone who is probably insecure about her condition coil even further into a cocoon ... she needs you to be a positive influence not another stress ... she has clearly set boundaries for her own well being and its in yours and hers best interest to respect those boundaries ...
take some time and do things for yourself in your time apart and when she's ready to involve you she will ... if she doesn't want to, she won't ... that's the thing with relationships ... there is no concrete formula for success ... people have to be in the right space and the right time and on the right path ... you can't force it ...
I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.
She is hardly a player. She turns 30 next month and has only had 4 relationships, I think me included, none being more much more than a year.. I'm the first person she's told she loves and the first person she's introduced to her family..
I didn't mean she was a player with other men,I meant a player of your emotions,messing your head up.
I find it unusual that at 30 years old she has only had 4 relationships and most have only lasted a year.Makes me wonder what issues this lady has that you are having to contend with.
If your not open to others opinions best not to create a thread asking for them.
“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.
She is hardly a player. She turns 30 next month and has only had 4 relationships, I think me included, none being more much more than a year.. I'm the first person she's told she loves and the first person she's introduced to her family..
I didn't mean she was a player with other men,I meant a player of your emotions,messing your head up.
I find it unusual that at 30 years old she has only had 4 relationships and most have only lasted a year.Makes me wonder what issues this lady has that you are having to contend with.
If your not open to others opinions best not to create a thread asking for them.
She doesn't play mind games. She's not that type. She's pretty straight forward. In the year I've known her, she's never played with my emotions and we've been happy together 99.9% of the time. it's just until this last month things got a little tense a few times. Nothing most people would end a relationship over.
The last evening I spent with her, we were both cracking up on the couch. Logic tells me things will be fine, but I've never taken a break in a relationship, so I'm trying to figure out what it means, and what she really wants. She says its her mostly her health, but I don't like being away from her for so long.
She is the complete opposite of being clingy.. there was a period very early in our relationship where I thought she was going to dump me because she was ill and not responding to me, and I remember the same thing, it drove me nuts she wouldn't let me care for her.. Turns out she told me months later she thought I was going to dump her at the time. :? ...Thinking back to that, it makes me feel better about this. I think I just need to be patient with her. It sucks though she's had so many health problems. For both of us.
This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.
Makes sense.
I think the difference between us is the definition of a "break in a relationship".
To me its a very bad thing. To her it may just be a way of saying she needs more time alone for now without her having to break off plans with me everytime I try to make them. She probably doesn't want me to be expecting much out of her for the next few months, and then going and getting offensive about it when she is too ill to do anything.
If I had gone through what I went through in 2009 as a younger woman,
if JB and I were a younger love, I too would probably have pushed him away.
As I said it is very difficult for others to understand all the emotions that go with living pain.
A person is alone, alone in pain. It is an extremely lonely place ... agony.
It's very easy to get lost in it or lash out at others and being a downer, bummer
is really hard to take when you are an active up person, normally involved in life.
A person people enjoy being with.
The person living in pain does not want to disappoint.
Time is going to heal all this and you will have your answers.
Meantime give her space but let your love shine... it is the light in the tunnel for her
and the bond that will come will be stronger than ever, if it is meant to be.
Good luck... you as a support person can grow from this experience,
it can give you much insight into true love....
true love is always about the other person.
She is in my thoughts and prayers, as are you.
Thank you.
I'm not sure how much is too much as far as giving her her space. A few of my buddys told me to just ignore her for a month and she'll bounce back. My instinct is to call or text her every few days, but she's not so responsive and tells me she is in bed a lot and will be slow to respond.
If I had gone through what I went through in 2009 as a younger woman,
if JB and I were a younger love, I too would probably have pushed him away.
As I said it is very difficult for others to understand all the emotions that go with living pain.
A person is alone, alone in pain. It is an extremely lonely place ... agony.
It's very easy to get lost in it or lash out at others and being a downer, bummer
is really hard to take when you are an active up person, normally involved in life.
A person people enjoy being with.
The person living in pain does not want to disappoint.
Time is going to heal all this and you will have your answers.
Meantime give her space but let your love shine... it is the light in the tunnel for her
and the bond that will come will be stronger than ever, if it is meant to be.
Good luck... you as a support person can grow from this experience,
it can give you much insight into true love....
true love is always about the other person.
She is in my thoughts and prayers, as are you.
Thank you.
I'm not sure how much is too much as far as giving her her space. A few of my buddys told me to just ignore her for a month and she'll bounce back. My instinct is to call or text her every few days, but she's not so responsive and tells me she is in bed a lot and will be slow to respond.
You must decide if you trust this lady. Then decide if that matters. Moving forward with ones heart out there, yes there is a risk, but a far greater one if you do not.
If your buddies could lay in her place, I don't think they would want to be treated like that.
Time will tell, life would be so much easier if we could just know, but we can't.
I have a feeling you think this woman is worth your time and your love.
Follow your heart, if it breaks in the end, it will mend and you will be proud of the man you are
because you were there for your love.
If, after this hellish time she is living through, you come out together, your relationship
will be based on a trust your buddies may not know or understand.
Well. I stopped communicating with her to see how long she would go before she felt the need to contact me.. She made it four days and then asked how I was doing and explained when she's having the surgery..
She still loves me, she just doesn't feel she can make me happy until she is better, which I understand. We will just keep the communication going until she is feeling better.
Assuming she gets better, I'm sure everything will be fine in a few months.
Well. I stopped communicating with her to see how long she would go before she felt the need to contact me.. She made it four days and then asked how I was doing and explained when she's having the surgery..
She still loves me, she just doesn't feel she can make me happy until she is better, which I understand. We will just keep the communication going until she is feeling better.
Assuming she gets better, I'm sure everything will be fine in a few months.
My heart goes out to your young lady, though all she is going through,
she is thinking of your happiness.... strong and unselfish she is.
Bless her heart and bless you for helping her through this.
My heart goes out to your young lady, though all she is going through,
she is thinking of your happiness.... strong and unselfish she is.
Bless her heart and bless you for helping her through this.
My heart goes out to your young lady, though all she is going through,
she is thinking of your happiness.... strong and unselfish she is.
Bless her heart and bless you for helping her through this.
How ya holdin out Gob?
Holding in there.. We still comunicate once a week briefly. She's still feeling like shit, but her surgery is coming up.
I still freak out every now and then, but knowing this girl, things will be fine, this is just how she is right now.
I've come to terms that she probably did the right thing. Had she not called it a "break", I would just be freaking out anyways every time she would avoid me because she feels to shitty to do anything.
Halfway through this (one month to this day), but optimistic. Just hope she gets better.
Holding in there.. We still comunicate once a week briefly. She's still feeling like shit, but her surgery is coming up.
I still freak out every now and then, but knowing this girl, things will be fine, this is just how she is right now.
I've come to terms that she probably did the right thing. Had she not called it a "break", I would just be freaking out anyways every time she would avoid me because she feels to shitty to do anything.
Halfway through this (one month to this day), but optimistic. Just hope she gets better.
Haven't spoken to her verbally in over 6 weeks.. got a text from her the other day about her wanting to get together and do some xmas shopping when I'm free...
Straight forward and stubborn she can be. I guess I just gotta trust her word and that she isn't one to play games. She really did just need time to herself. It wasn't about pushing me away.
I'm not sure how to look at our relationship from here on out, but I'm probably going to need to know if we're ever married and have children that this won't happen again.. And I need to learn more patience.
I, for one think you've shown WAY more patience than most people in your place would or could. Waaaaaay more.
As for the "women" comment, i feel an obligation to say that we aren't all like that.
I hope things are on an upwards path for you, it's obvious you love her very much.
Take care, best wishes to you.
Makes much more sense...
2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
2012: Berlin, Germany 1& 2; Stockholm Sweden; Oslo Norway; Copenhagen Denmark
2013: Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL; Philadelphia, PA 1 & 2; Hartford, CT; Vancouver BC; Seattle, WA.
2014: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Moline, IL; Milwaukee, WI 2016: Wrigley Field- Chicago 1&2
I, for one think you've shown WAY more patience than most people in your place would or could. Waaaaaay more.
As for the "women" comment, i feel an obligation to say that we aren't all like that.
I hope things are on an upwards path for you, it's obvious you love her very much.
Take care, best wishes to you.
Everything Kelly said. Follow your instincts for sure, but I don't think you need to learn more patience. You've been plenty patient.
Not patience about me waiting, patience for when she wasn't feeling very well and I was pressuring her to move in and so forth.
I kind of freaked out on her, but she wasn't being very communicative about the whole issue.
I guess we have another chance, I'll just have to take it a day at a time and see. She has to know, she can't do this again without it ending badly and I need to learn to give her more space if she isn't feeling well.
[Not patience about me waiting, patience for when she wasn't feeling very well and I was pressuring her to move in and so forth.
I kind of freaked out on her, but she wasn't being very communicative about the whole issue.
Not being communicative is a huge issue in any relationship, especially when dealing with a crisis. Really not trying to dis your girl or anything Gob, just watching out for you. A relationship is 50/50, I know she's going through some health issues but that doesn't mean everything is your fault. Not saying she did anything wrong or you did anything wrong (or that anyone did anything wrong), you are both just trying to get through this chapter in your lives. Just try not to be so hard on yourself is all I'm saying.
Haven't spoken to her verbally in over 6 weeks.. got a text from her the other day about her wanting to get together and do some xmas shopping when I'm free...
Straight forward and stubborn she can be. I guess I just gotta trust her word and that she isn't one to play games. She really did just need time to herself. It wasn't about pushing me away.
I'm not sure how to look at our relationship from here on out, but I'm probably going to need to know if we're ever married and have children that this won't happen again.. And I need to learn more patience.
Women. :?
This is great news! She is recovering and reaching out.
"Straight forward and stubborn" sounds like a lot of people.
Time teaches most to compromise and be more gentle.
I will hope her injury / illness will never be an issue again in your lives.
That surgery corrected this. A chapter closed, a lesson learned.
But of course when you give your heart in marriage it is for sickness and health
good and bad times.
One thing for sure if she is down once again and you are married with a family
you will be busy busy busy handling every chore, as was JB for us.
I have never been so proud of him or thankful of how he cared for me, for us.
Partners in life ... just that ... no matter what.
Comments
^^this^^
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
unless they have lived through it.
It is all-encompasssing, filled with fear but what is the hardest to understand,
is the shame and guilt one feels from not being the person they were
and not wanting to impose on loved ones.
This all on top of hardly a clear thought because of sheer agony.
Many people live this way.
I totally get how she feels.
Be there as much or as little as she wants and needs.
Your heart can really help her even if you are not destined to be together forever.
This time in your life is not about you it is about her
and what you can be for her to help her through, or not be.
She may choose to do this alone but
she will feel your support even when you are apart.
I pray she feels better soon and for both your happiness
whether together or apart.
You made some valid points and these are exactly what have been going through my mind.
But, she's made it clear from the get go, soon after we met, she does not like people around when she's going through this. As things got worse in the past few months I began to freak on her. It's my instict.
She made it clear she needs to focus on herself for the next few months. It's not just texting. She wants to communicate by phone too. She said if she's feeling better, maybe as soon as a month. It's already been a week, so maybe 3 weeks, depending if her insurance kicks in and the doc can get her in for surgery in the next few weeks.
Makes sense.
I think the difference between us is the definition of a "break in a relationship".
To me its a very bad thing. To her it may just be a way of saying she needs more time alone for now without her having to break off plans with me everytime I try to make them. She probably doesn't want me to be expecting much out of her for the next few months, and then going and getting offensive about it when she is too ill to do anything.
One of my best friends broke up with his girlfriend of two years tonight. He had the same frustrations as I've had about girlfriend not making enough time for him, only his girlfriend was perfectly healthy and out partying with friends in the city.
For me, two weeks into my situation, I'm still stuck in love purgatory. :?
^^ Most definitely this^^
I don't mean to upset but my gut tells me this girl is playing you a merry dance,she just doesn't have the balls to be straight and honest with you to tell you.
Don't wait for this player who may leave you looking a fool.
if JB and I were a younger love, I too would probably have pushed him away.
As I said it is very difficult for others to understand all the emotions that go with living pain.
A person is alone, alone in pain. It is an extremely lonely place ... agony.
It's very easy to get lost in it or lash out at others and being a downer, bummer
is really hard to take when you are an active up person, normally involved in life.
A person people enjoy being with.
The person living in pain does not want to disappoint.
Time is going to heal all this and you will have your answers.
Meantime give her space but let your love shine... it is the light in the tunnel for her
and the bond that will come will be stronger than ever, if it is meant to be.
Good luck... you as a support person can grow from this experience,
it can give you much insight into true love....
true love is always about the other person.
She is in my thoughts and prayers, as are you.
1. if anyone has ever done the myers-briggs personality test ... they will know that the first thing they differentiate is whether a person is introverted or extroverted ... this was a huge revelation to me because the definition is not one typically associates with the word ... it is defined by how one "recharges" their batteries ... an introvert does it alone while an extrovert does it in a social setting ... people need to recognize who they are and make sure they give themselves that alone time if they are indeed introverted and the people they care about realize this ...
2. i totally subscribe to the "if you love them, set them free" mantra ... if she asks for time to move in or time apart because of her illness ... all you can do is support her and be there for her when she needs it ... guilt, pressure and the like does nothing but make someone who is probably insecure about her condition coil even further into a cocoon ... she needs you to be a positive influence not another stress ... she has clearly set boundaries for her own well being and its in yours and hers best interest to respect those boundaries ...
take some time and do things for yourself in your time apart and when she's ready to involve you she will ... if she doesn't want to, she won't ... that's the thing with relationships ... there is no concrete formula for success ... people have to be in the right space and the right time and on the right path ... you can't force it ...
good luck
I didn't mean she was a player with other men,I meant a player of your emotions,messing your head up.
I find it unusual that at 30 years old she has only had 4 relationships and most have only lasted a year.Makes me wonder what issues this lady has that you are having to contend with.
If your not open to others opinions best not to create a thread asking for them.
Don't listen to this, Like an Ocean creates the most entertaining threads around. :P
sersiously, i hope it all works out....
The last evening I spent with her, we were both cracking up on the couch. Logic tells me things will be fine, but I've never taken a break in a relationship, so I'm trying to figure out what it means, and what she really wants. She says its her mostly her health, but I don't like being away from her for so long.
She is the complete opposite of being clingy.. there was a period very early in our relationship where I thought she was going to dump me because she was ill and not responding to me, and I remember the same thing, it drove me nuts she wouldn't let me care for her.. Turns out she told me months later she thought I was going to dump her at the time. :? ...Thinking back to that, it makes me feel better about this. I think I just need to be patient with her. It sucks though she's had so many health problems. For both of us.
I'm not sure how much is too much as far as giving her her space. A few of my buddys told me to just ignore her for a month and she'll bounce back. My instinct is to call or text her every few days, but she's not so responsive and tells me she is in bed a lot and will be slow to respond.
If your buddies could lay in her place, I don't think they would want to be treated like that.
Time will tell, life would be so much easier if we could just know, but we can't.
I have a feeling you think this woman is worth your time and your love.
Follow your heart, if it breaks in the end, it will mend and you will be proud of the man you are
because you were there for your love.
If, after this hellish time she is living through, you come out together, your relationship
will be based on a trust your buddies may not know or understand.
and were free!!!
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
She still loves me, she just doesn't feel she can make me happy until she is better, which I understand. We will just keep the communication going until she is feeling better.
Assuming she gets better, I'm sure everything will be fine in a few months.
she is thinking of your happiness.... strong and unselfish she is.
Bless her heart and bless you for helping her through this.
How ya holdin out Gob?
I still freak out every now and then, but knowing this girl, things will be fine, this is just how she is right now.
I've come to terms that she probably did the right thing. Had she not called it a "break", I would just be freaking out anyways every time she would avoid me because she feels to shitty to do anything.
Halfway through this (one month to this day), but optimistic. Just hope she gets better.
Straight forward and stubborn she can be. I guess I just gotta trust her word and that she isn't one to play games. She really did just need time to herself. It wasn't about pushing me away.
I'm not sure how to look at our relationship from here on out, but I'm probably going to need to know if we're ever married and have children that this won't happen again.. And I need to learn more patience.
Women. :?
I, for one think you've shown WAY more patience than most people in your place would or could. Waaaaaay more.
As for the "women" comment, i feel an obligation to say that we aren't all like that.
I hope things are on an upwards path for you, it's obvious you love her very much.
Take care, best wishes to you.
2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
2012: Berlin, Germany 1& 2; Stockholm Sweden; Oslo Norway; Copenhagen Denmark
2013: Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL; Philadelphia, PA 1 & 2; Hartford, CT; Vancouver BC; Seattle, WA.
2014: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Moline, IL; Milwaukee, WI
2016: Wrigley Field- Chicago 1&2
Everything Kelly said. Follow your instincts for sure, but I don't think you need to learn more patience. You've been plenty patient.
I kind of freaked out on her, but she wasn't being very communicative about the whole issue.
I guess we have another chance, I'll just have to take it a day at a time and see. She has to know, she can't do this again without it ending badly and I need to learn to give her more space if she isn't feeling well.
Not being communicative is a huge issue in any relationship, especially when dealing with a crisis. Really not trying to dis your girl or anything Gob, just watching out for you. A relationship is 50/50, I know she's going through some health issues but that doesn't mean everything is your fault. Not saying she did anything wrong or you did anything wrong (or that anyone did anything wrong), you are both just trying to get through this chapter in your lives. Just try not to be so hard on yourself is all I'm saying.
(((HUGS)))
"Straight forward and stubborn" sounds like a lot of people.
Time teaches most to compromise and be more gentle.
I will hope her injury / illness will never be an issue again in your lives.
That surgery corrected this. A chapter closed, a lesson learned.
But of course when you give your heart in marriage it is for sickness and health
good and bad times.
One thing for sure if she is down once again and you are married with a family
you will be busy busy busy handling every chore, as was JB for us.
I have never been so proud of him or thankful of how he cared for me, for us.
Partners in life ... just that ... no matter what.