Parents Keep Child’s Gender Under Wraps

BLACK35 · May 2011

I think they should have named it "Pat"

Godfather. · May 2011

sounds like "its" parents are looking for media attention or their own reality show...they could call it........
"dumbass parents of mystery crotch"

Godfather.

Jeanwah · May 2011

Poor kid. Perhaps the parents are unsatisfied with the sex, which is disturbing, hence the ambiguous name.

And do they need the public attention? It sure sounds like it, or they'd deny interviews.

_ · May 2011

That's AWSOME! If it weren't for the archaic pronoun system in the English language, we really wouldn't "need" to know anyone's sex.

As for accusations that refusing to be made to conform to damaging gender norms will cause psychological trauma, it says in the article that the parents first did some research & found that this has been done before & the kid turned out just fine. The only thing I see that might be psychologically damaging is the kids' names, but plenty of kids have had far worse names & turned out okay.

SatansFuton wrote:

They can raise a child without putting any gender expectations on them. Apparently they already do...

Apparently they can't though. They said they have tried to raise their other children without gender expectations, but the kids still receive strong messages from society, being made to feel bad if they don't conform to the gender roles of their sex - and they're only 2 & 5! They have realized that protecting their young children from this social scrutiny & ridicule, unfortunately, requires them to not even let people know their sex - that way society doesn't have a chance to impose hurtful gender norms on the kids until the kids themselves want to share it. (I'm sure they would have done the same with their other kids if they had realized it was necessary, but we can't fault them for trying to improve their parenting mid-family.)

Think about it though. I can't order a McDonald's happy meal without being asked whether it's for a boy or a girl, and when I say it doesn't matter, they always insist on receiving an answer, as if their job can't be done without one. I've told many people that when I have kids I'm not going to tell the sex until the kid is born. (Why, by the way, should this be acceptable, but delaying the announcement for another few years us not?) Anyway, EVERYONE always says, "Well then we won't be able to have your baby shower until after you deliver, because we won't know what kinds of things to get in what colors." When I tell them that's the point, that they shouldn't be buying babies gifts based on their sex, even my very own mother says that's nonsense & she's going to do it anyway. So, really, it seems like once you let the cat out of the bag, you're screwed; there's really nothing you can do to protect your children. Gender expectations are forced upon impressionable children before they ever even have a chance.

mikepegg44 · May 2011

looks like someone took a sociology class.

seriously...if someone asks you if you have a boy or girl what is the harm in that? it isn't any different than them asking you what the colors are in your nursery...it is something that is nice to know, certainly not necessary...

sometimes I have to wonder how we made it this far with these horribly damaging gender roles ruining kids lives everyday...

SoonForgotten2 · May 2011

Again, why must this be complicated. Yes there are gender expectations, norms, etc. There are always going to be norms and expectations based on class, colour, religion, ethnicity and gender. It's really not the end of the world. There will always be those who break free of the mould and many who are happy to exist within it. Does it really need to be more complicated than that? There are many things in life that are unfair. McDonald's giving a young girl a "female" happy meal is pretty low on the list to me.

Jeanwah · May 2011

_ wrote:

Apparently they can't though. They said they have tried to raise their other children without gender expectations, but the kids still receive strong messages from society, being made to feel bad if they don't conform to the gender roles of their sex - and they're only 2 & 5! They have realized that protecting their young children from this social scrutiny & ridicule, unfortunately, requires them to not even let people know their sex - that way society doesn't have a chance to impose hurtful gender norms on the kids until the kids themselves want to share it. (I'm sure they would have done the same with their other kids if they had realized it was necessary, but we can't fault them for trying to improve their parenting mid-family.)

The bolded part is garbage. You don't have kids, so how do you now, other than what you read, scb? I know that my child, as well as my nieces and nephews never felt pressured by society at the tender ages of 2 - 5. Kids want what they want. Many boys show feminine tendencies while many girls show masculine interests. You can't blame society for that, that's just what the child naturally gravitates to. Parents can encourage a specific way of life, but if they let the child bloom on their own, they find what they lean towards without any help. The media does push sociological norms, but its up to parents themselves to limit television exposure.

Blockhead · May 2011

Experimenting with your children is never a good thing. Instead of putting all this time and research into seeing how potentially harmful this could be, why don't the putt that kind of time into parenting and raising the child to break gender sterotypes (if thats their concern) by reinforcing their child they can do which ever activities they want boy or girl. No matter how they raise that child, the child's enviroment will still play a huge role. If you want to escape society then do it by living on a island/ not relying on society, not by experimenting with your child.

Prince Of Dorkness · May 2011

Jeanwah wrote:

The bolded part is garbage. You don't have kids, so how do you now, other than what you read, scb? I know that my child, as well as my nieces and nephews never felt pressured by society at the tender ages of 2 - 5. Kids want what they want. Many boys show feminine tendencies while many girls show masculine interests. You can't blame society for that, that's just what the child naturally gravitates to. Parents can encourage a specific way of life, but if they let the child bloom on their own, they find what they lean towards without any help. The media does push sociological norms, but its up to parents themselves to limit television exposure.

I know when I was a kid I was told "boys play ho key and girls figure skate."

I never wanted the toy guns that boys got as presents, I wanted the toy puppies and butterflies. But society has a way of forcing gender roles on kids.

Clearly by the time the child is able to walk and speak it will be able to choose those but it might have been nice to not have outside influences force kids to be "blue" or "pink."

SoonForgotten2 · May 2011

Prince Of Dorkness wrote:

Clearly by the time the child is able to walk and speak it will be able to choose those but it might have been nice to not have outside influences force kids to be "blue" or "pink."

These are the concerns of a privileged society. I have no idea what the colours were of any of my shit when I was a newborn. I don't much care either. There are thousands of things to be concerned with in this life, but this isn't one of them.

Blockhead · May 2011

Prince Of Dorkness wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

The bolded part is garbage. You don't have kids, so how do you now, other than what you read, scb? I know that my child, as well as my nieces and nephews never felt pressured by society at the tender ages of 2 - 5. Kids want what they want. Many boys show feminine tendencies while many girls show masculine interests. You can't blame society for that, that's just what the child naturally gravitates to. Parents can encourage a specific way of life, but if they let the child bloom on their own, they find what they lean towards without any help. The media does push sociological norms, but its up to parents themselves to limit television exposure.

I know when I was a kid I was told "boys play ho key and girls figure skate."

I never wanted the toy guns that boys got as presents, I wanted the toy puppies and butterflies. But society has a way of forcing gender roles on kids.

Clearly by the time the child is able to walk and speak it will be able to choose those but it might have been nice to not have outside influences force kids to be "blue" or "pink."

WHO if forcing you. My daughters favorit color is purple, not because society says girls can only like purple but because she likes purple flowers. People also need to understand the difference between sex and gender.
These parents are doing the exact opposite of breaking gender roles. They are inadvertently saying "these are boys activities and these are girls activites. Whatever activites you choose or gravitate to will determine your 'gender.' We are just not going to tell you which one is 'right.' Best of luck kid with your identity

JonnyPistachio · May 2011

Jeanwah wrote:

_ wrote:

Apparently they can't though. They said they have tried to raise their other children without gender expectations, but the kids still receive strong messages from society, being made to feel bad if they don't conform to the gender roles of their sex - and they're only 2 & 5! They have realized that protecting their young children from this social scrutiny & ridicule, unfortunately, requires them to not even let people know their sex - that way society doesn't have a chance to impose hurtful gender norms on the kids until the kids themselves want to share it. (I'm sure they would have done the same with their other kids if they had realized it was necessary, but we can't fault them for trying to improve their parenting mid-family.)

The bolded part is garbage. You don't have kids, so how do you now, other than what you read, scb? I know that my child, as well as my nieces and nephews never felt pressured by society at the tender ages of 2 - 5. Kids want what they want.

Is there really a need to get so personal? I wish people would refrain from saying "you don't have kids so you can't know." That is so tired and is terrible logic. Does she live in society and experience children? Yes. Was she a child once? Yes.

Sometimes there are very demanding expectations due to gender. No I don't have kids, but I recall my parents forcing my brother to play sports. He was not athletic, and I think it made him feel less like a boy who was supposed to be on a path to be a man. He hated it, and rebelled because of it. Was it a terrible situation? Not really, he found his way. But if you really think about it, there are some parents/societies that expect certain things that are extremely different of boys and girls and can cause quite a bit of anguish.

Prince Of Dorkness · May 2011

Blockhead wrote:

WHO if forcing you.

Ugh, nobody is forcing me... but I know that when there's a baby shower, people tend to get all.. weird.. and buy sailor suits for the boys and fairy costumes for girls. Maybe the parents here are just... getting sick of that?

Go Beavers · May 2011

mikepegg44 wrote:

looks like someone took a sociology class.

seriously...if someone asks you if you have a boy or girl what is the harm in that? it isn't any different than them asking you what the colors are in your nursery...it is something that is nice to know, certainly not necessary...

sometimes I have to wonder how we made it this far with these horribly damaging gender roles ruining kids lives everyday...

Looks like someone needs to take a sociology class.

Go Beavers · May 2011

Blockhead wrote:

Experimenting with your children is never a good thing. Instead of putting all this time and research into seeing how potentially harmful this could be, why don't the putt that kind of time into parenting and raising the child to break gender sterotypes (if thats their concern) by reinforcing their child they can do which ever activities they want boy or girl. No matter how they raise that child, the child's enviroment will still play a huge role. If you want to escape society then do it by living on a island/ not relying on society, not by experimenting with your child.

They are raising the kid to do whatever he/she wants. That's the whole point in the article.

SoonForgotten2 · May 2011

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Sometimes there are very demanding expectations due to gender. No I don't have kids, but I recall my parents forcing my brother to play sports. He was not athletic, and I think it made him feel less like a boy who was supposed to be on a path to be a man. He hated it, and rebelled because of it. Was it a terrible situation? Not really, he found his way. But if you really think about it, there are some parents/societies that expect certain things that are extremely different of boys and girls and can cause quite a bit of anguish.

So they forced him to play sports because that's what they thought he needed to do to be a man? Or did they want him to get exercise, do something productive or inclusive, or just get him out of the house more often? Was there anything that he wanted to do instead that they wouldn't let him? If it was because they expected him to play sports just because he is a male, that's pretty stupid, but no more so than what these parents are doing to "Storm". Both points of view are extreme and are harmful.

Blockhead · May 2011

Go Beavers wrote:

Blockhead wrote:

Experimenting with your children is never a good thing. Instead of putting all this time and research into seeing how potentially harmful this could be, why don't the putt that kind of time into parenting and raising the child to break gender sterotypes (if thats their concern) by reinforcing their child they can do which ever activities they want boy or girl. No matter how they raise that child, the child's enviroment will still play a huge role. If you want to escape society then do it by living on a island/ not relying on society, not by experimenting with your child.

They are raising the kid to do whatever he/she wants. That's the whole point in the article.

Yes at expense of the child. Sex =/ Gender.

Go Beavers · May 2011

Blockhead wrote:

Go Beavers wrote:

Blockhead wrote:

Experimenting with your children is never a good thing. Instead of putting all this time and research into seeing how potentially harmful this could be, why don't the putt that kind of time into parenting and raising the child to break gender sterotypes (if thats their concern) by reinforcing their child they can do which ever activities they want boy or girl. No matter how they raise that child, the child's enviroment will still play a huge role. If you want to escape society then do it by living on a island/ not relying on society, not by experimenting with your child.

They are raising the kid to do whatever he/she wants. That's the whole point in the article.

Yes at expense of the child. Sex =/ Gender.

There is the ethical question of using your child as unknowing research experiment, but how is it at the expense of the child in your eyes?

JonnyPistachio · May 2011

SoonForgotten2 wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Sometimes there are very demanding expectations due to gender. No I don't have kids, but I recall my parents forcing my brother to play sports. He was not athletic, and I think it made him feel less like a boy who was supposed to be on a path to be a man. He hated it, and rebelled because of it. Was it a terrible situation? Not really, he found his way. But if you really think about it, there are some parents/societies that expect certain things that are extremely different of boys and girls and can cause quite a bit of anguish.

So they forced him to play sports because that's what they thought he needed to do to be a man? Or did they want him to get exercise, do something productive or inclusive, or just get him out of the house more often? Was there anything that he wanted to do instead that they wouldn't let him? If it was because they expected him to play sports just because he is a male, that's pretty stupid, but no more so than what these parents are doing to "Storm". Both points of view are extreme and are harmful.

I shouldnt have said 'forced', but they did enroll him in soccer, football, and baseball, and he just didnt like it. He didnt really put up a fight, but it was energy misspent. My point is that my parents just thought it was "what you do with a boy." Yeah, excercise and community were probably other angles that they saw as important, but it was just overload and he didnt excel at any of these sports. The point is, there are certain paths that some parent think are obvious and they're not.

Blockhead · May 2011

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Is there really a need to get so personal? I wish people would refrain from saying "you don't have kids so you can't know." That is so tired and is terrible logic. Does she live in society and experience children? Yes. Was she a child once? Yes.

Sometimes there are very demanding expectations due to gender. No I don't have kids, but I recall my parents forcing my brother to play sports. He was not athletic, and I think it made him feel less like a boy who was supposed to be on a path to be a man. He hated it, and rebelled because of it. Was it a terrible situation? Not really, he found his way. But if you really think about it, there are some parents/societies that expect certain things that are extremely different of boys and girls and can cause quite a bit of anguish.

How is that Tired logic.. Do people on here understand how important physical activity is to the growth and development of a child. That reason alone all kids should do some sport/activity. I am not for Forcing my child to do something they don't want to, but at an early age, physical activity is the most important thing they can do. Some people here have a very skew perception of reality when it comes to children (its funny the ones that don't have kids see no issue with this). Experience children does not even come close to raising a child.

Parents Keep Child’s Gender Under Wraps

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