Relationship/Love Advice

2

Comments

  • polaris_x
    polaris_x Posts: 13,559
    81 wrote:
    i wouldn't even bother sending a note.

    well ... i put that note out there because:

    a) she deserves some response one way or another
    b) if the relationship is important enough to her - then she has to make one last effort and just maybe the guy is a total dufus and really doesn't know that he's being a selfish prick?
  • peacegirl
    peacegirl Posts: 841
    ^^^
    oh yeah, I actually did send him a letter today. I wrote it this weekend.
    Basically just asking himself to put himself in my place and to consider just telling me where this is headed
    Really that's kind of my last effort to reach out to him.
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    peacegirl wrote:
    As of tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since talking to him. I went to see him, told him how I felt about him and explained myself. Told him I took a big chance telling him I loved him but probably wouldn't have done it if I didn't think there was a chance he might feel the same way. When I left I told him that I would try to give him his space but that if he needed me for anything I would do anything for him.

    A few days later he sent me a text basically just saying hi. So then we were communicating some by texting each other. Just small talk stuff. But that stopped about 3 weeks ago. I think I said something that hit a nerve with him about the whole love thing. Again I gave him space. I sent him a couple texts last week but he didn't respond. Texting seems easier at this point. I'm not really sure if he would answer if I called and I'm not really sure what to say because I'm trying to give him time and I feel like if I called I would end up trying to get him to talk and that would push him away.

    I have no idea if he still wants to be in a relationship with me, if he wants to take a break, some time apart of if he just wants it to be over.

    In the meantime I've been hanging out with this other guy. He's not really a friend of my guy, more like an acquaintance, but that's how we know each other. Up until last night I never really got the feeling that maybe he likes me more than just a friend and wants to be more. I can be slow to pick on those things sometimes though. I like hanging out with him but obviously I need to be honest with him about my feelings for my guy.

    Since I've just been left hanging I don't really know where to go from here because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I also feel like, how long should I wait around? and what is he doing?

    Anyway, I just wanted to vent and get this out. I usually feel better when I do. And it's easier talking to strangers sometimes.
    Text him and tell him... "I want to see other people....is that ok with you?"

    That is the polite thing to do and gives the impression of your independence
    even if your heart's not really feeling independent yet.
    It will when you know it is over.

    He can reply in a way that doesn't hurt you which perhaps he's been avoiding.

    If he still wants something with you he will not be good with the idea of seeing others
    and that may get him in the proper gear.

    If not...his loss.....new guys gain

    Finding the right one can be fun! 8-)
  • Nothingman54
    Nothingman54 Posts: 2,251
    Sounds like its over. Get over it, move on. Sounds like you did everything you could.
    I'll be back
  • polaris_x
    polaris_x Posts: 13,559
    really ... why even bother with relationships!?? ... it should be one massive orgy! ... :lol:




    if my gf somehow figures out this board and who i am on it ... i was only kidding ... :mrgreen:
  • peacegirl
    peacegirl Posts: 841
    pandora wrote:

    Text him and tell him... "I want to see other people....is that ok with you?"

    That is the polite thing to do and gives the impression of your independence
    even if your heart's not really feeling independent yet.
    It will when you know it is over.

    He can reply in a way that doesn't hurt you which perhaps he's been avoiding.

    If he still wants something with you he will not be good with the idea of seeing others
    and that may get him in the proper gear.

    If not...his loss.....new guys gain

    Finding the right one can be fun! 8-)

    You always give the best advice! How did I not think of this?

    Since I sent that letter I'll hold off on this text for right now. If he hasn't responded in about a week I'll send this text.

    Thanks Pandi!
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    peacegirl wrote:
    pandora wrote:

    Text him and tell him... "I want to see other people....is that ok with you?"

    That is the polite thing to do and gives the impression of your independence
    even if your heart's not really feeling independent yet.
    It will when you know it is over.

    He can reply in a way that doesn't hurt you which perhaps he's been avoiding.

    If he still wants something with you he will not be good with the idea of seeing others
    and that may get him in the proper gear.

    If not...his loss.....new guys gain

    Finding the right one can be fun! 8-)

    You always give the best advice! How did I not think of this?

    Since I sent that letter I'll hold off on this text for right now. If he hasn't responded in about a week I'll send this text.

    Thanks Pandi!
    Welcome! :D

    meantime....cherish each day .... whatever comes your way !
  • peacegirl
    peacegirl Posts: 841
    So last Saturday, after about 6 1/2 weeks, he shows up at my house :o :? He didn't stay long and the conversation was just small talk. I think we was just feeling me out to see how I would act towards him.

    It is so easy so for us to just fall back into the way we were and pretend like nothing had happened. But I know that's not good. So last night I tried to get him to talk and still nothing. His attitude was different because he wasn't cold towards me but he still wouldn't talk.

    So I told him again that I love him but if he refuses to communicate with me I will never be happy and that yes, I want us to go back to they way we were but I'm not going to do it pretending nothing happened. And if he can't do it then we just need to be friends.

    He said we should just be friends. I can't help but think he's saying this just because he doesn't want to talk and deal with whatever feelings he has.

    I told him we would make it work just being friends.

    Thanks for all your input and advice - that's one thing I love about coming here.

    Time for me to keep my chin up and move on
  • EmBleve
    EmBleve Posts: 3,019
    peacegirl wrote:
    Time for me to keep my chin up and move on
    :thumbup: You can do it!!
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    EmBleve wrote:
    peacegirl wrote:
    Time for me to keep my chin up and move on
    :thumbup: You can do it!!
    Yes you can!!

    And from my own personal experience add knees together to the chin up! ;):lol:

    a couple old boyfriends showed up just wondering.....
  • peacegirl
    peacegirl Posts: 841
    pandora wrote:

    And from my own personal experience add knees together to the chin up! ;):lol:

    :lol::lol::lol:

    When I told him we would make it work as just friends he asked if that meant no more sex. Um, yeah
  • EmBleve
    EmBleve Posts: 3,019
    peacegirl wrote:
    pandora wrote:

    And from my own personal experience add knees together to the chin up! ;):lol:

    :lol::lol::lol:

    When I told him we would make it work as just friends he asked if that meant no more sex. Um, yeah
    omg no he didn't!
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    EmBleve wrote:
    peacegirl wrote:
    pandora wrote:

    And from my own personal experience add knees together to the chin up! ;):lol:

    :lol::lol::lol:

    When I told him we would make it work as just friends he asked if that meant no more sex. Um, yeah
    omg no he didn't!
    they always do! :lol:

    can't hurt a guy for tryin...its what they do best ;)
  • EmBleve
    EmBleve Posts: 3,019
    pandora wrote:
    they always do! :lol:

    can't hurt a guy for tryin...its what they do best ;)
    :lol: you have a point.
  • peacegirl
    peacegirl Posts: 841
    pandora wrote:
    EmBleve wrote:
    pandora wrote:

    omg no he didn't!
    they always do! :lol:

    can't hurt a guy for tryin...its what they do best ;)

    yeah, can't say that I was surprised!
  • polaris_x
    polaris_x Posts: 13,559
    i was gonna respond earlier but didn't want to jump to conclusions but yeah ...

    dude has been wanting to break up with you but didn't have the balls to do it ... he still wants to be friends and have you as a FWB option ... i suspect that there is something that prevents him from wanting a relationship with you ... could be a million things ...
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    polaris_x wrote:
    i was gonna respond earlier but didn't want to jump to conclusions but yeah ...

    dude has been wanting to break up with you but didn't have the balls to do it ... he still wants to be friends and have you as a FWB option ... i suspect that there is something that prevents him from wanting a relationship with you ... could be a million things ...
    actually maybe he's just not mature enough yet???

    and her maturity shows his shortcomings....
  • polaris_x
    polaris_x Posts: 13,559
    pandora wrote:
    actually maybe he's just not mature enough yet???

    and her maturity shows his shortcomings....

    definitely ... he's shown his immaturity just by not being able to break up with her ... but his reasons could be one of many ...
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    polaris_x wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    actually maybe he's just not mature enough yet???

    and her maturity shows his shortcomings....

    definitely ... he's shown his immaturity just by not being able to break up with her ... but his reasons could be one of many ...
    I have found men who want to keep a sexual relationship...
    'friends with benefits' after a break up...
    to be self centered and selfish people compared to other men who are actually committed
    to finding a special someone.

    So not only is he immature in not being honest and straight forward enough to break a relationship off,
    he is immature in that he only thinks about his own needs and wants.

    At this time in his life he is not serious about love, hopefully one day he will be.
  • polaris_x
    polaris_x Posts: 13,559
    pandora wrote:
    I have found men who want to keep a sexual relationship...
    'friends with benefits' after a break up...
    to be self centered and selfish people compared to other men who are actually committed
    to finding a special someone.

    So not only is he immature in not being honest and straight forward enough to break a relationship off,
    he is immature in that he only thinks about his own needs and wants.

    At this time in his life he is not serious about love, hopefully one day he will be.

    well ... in defense of men ... :lol:

    wanting a FWB relationship is only as selfish as say wanting a blue coat or onions on a hamburger ... and it goes the same way for both parties of a relationship ... if one person is only interested in a relationship that is based on certain aspects - that is his/her prerogative ... as long as everyone is open and honest about it ...

    some partners make better lovers than they do life partners ... it's the reality of the situation ...

    where is it written that every relationship must be this ideal social construct!?? ...

    for sure this guy is immature in that he didn't have the guts to be honest and do what's right for her ... but there is nothing wrong in wanting another form of relationship ... expecting or demanding it is a different story ...

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