Relationship/Love Advice
peacegirl
Posts: 841
I haven't been on the board for awhile but I like that I can come here and read/get the advice of so many people and different perspectives. So I have a situation I'd like some thoughts on
I have been with this guy for almost a year and when we met there was an instant connection between us. We've had a few problems but overall our relationship is great and things had been really really good lately. Things started to feel more serious around the holidays and after new years. He spent the holidays w/me and my family and we had been spending just about everyday together. It was after new years that I started to know for sure that i loved him. I have a feeling he knew I felt this way because he actually asked me if i loved him and stupid me avoided the question instead of just saying yes.
I usually call him everday from work but one day a few weeks ago I didn't and since then he had been acting weird. After a few days I tried to ask him what was going on because he wasn't acting like himself but i couldn't get him to talk. Anyway, this weekend i figured i had nothing to lose and so i told him how i feel about him. He didn't say anything but i felt better getting it out there.
and now isn't a good time to try and talk because later in the weekend he broke his ankle and is out of it from the pain meds and it just doesn't seem like a good time. i've been calling and texting him but have kept how he's doing and what's going on with his ankle as the topic
the thing is, he's still taking my calls and respond to my texts and he's not the type to do that if he really doesn't want to deal with or talk with someone.
i just feel like when he kept asking if i loved him that he was doing it because he wanted the answer to be yes and this isn't the first time he's done that.
i have a hard time expressing my feelings myself and i think he's the same way, especially with this topic
any thoughts, advice, suggestions on the whole situation or where i should go from here?
i know a lot of people will think i should just forget about him, cut my losses and move on, but that's much easier said than done, especially when it's not you
I have been with this guy for almost a year and when we met there was an instant connection between us. We've had a few problems but overall our relationship is great and things had been really really good lately. Things started to feel more serious around the holidays and after new years. He spent the holidays w/me and my family and we had been spending just about everyday together. It was after new years that I started to know for sure that i loved him. I have a feeling he knew I felt this way because he actually asked me if i loved him and stupid me avoided the question instead of just saying yes.
I usually call him everday from work but one day a few weeks ago I didn't and since then he had been acting weird. After a few days I tried to ask him what was going on because he wasn't acting like himself but i couldn't get him to talk. Anyway, this weekend i figured i had nothing to lose and so i told him how i feel about him. He didn't say anything but i felt better getting it out there.
and now isn't a good time to try and talk because later in the weekend he broke his ankle and is out of it from the pain meds and it just doesn't seem like a good time. i've been calling and texting him but have kept how he's doing and what's going on with his ankle as the topic
the thing is, he's still taking my calls and respond to my texts and he's not the type to do that if he really doesn't want to deal with or talk with someone.
i just feel like when he kept asking if i loved him that he was doing it because he wanted the answer to be yes and this isn't the first time he's done that.
i have a hard time expressing my feelings myself and i think he's the same way, especially with this topic
any thoughts, advice, suggestions on the whole situation or where i should go from here?
i know a lot of people will think i should just forget about him, cut my losses and move on, but that's much easier said than done, especially when it's not you
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
"i just feel like when he kept asking if i loved him that he was doing it because he wanted the answer to be yes and this isn't the first time he's done that.
i have a hard time expressing my feelings myself and i think he's the same way, especially with this topic"
Then ask him if he loves you. If you like his answer, then you might blurt something similar out.
I had trouble telling my fiance (then just girlfriend) that i loved her, so I played "My Body is a Cage" by the Arcade Fire. That gave her a huge hint. She eventually told me she loved me, then i shared my true feelings. Maybe you could give him a huge (and somewhat obvious)hint.
-Greg Dulli
Wow. Sounds clingy to me, if that's what the problem really is, not healthy at all. Sometimes I communicate with my girlfriend everyday, sometimes we go two or three days without communication. If there's still security issues go on, they need to be worked out or the both of you will never be happy.
Unless you're married or living with the person, everyday together can be a bit much. You guys need some space. If he needs constant reassurance that you love him, you need to tell him to grow a pair.
If he is upset that you didn't call him that one day then you must really wonder if this is a guy you want to date. I know for myself, i could never date someone who imho was that dependent on me.
We usually see eachother once or twice a week. Time apart lets you focus on the other aspects of your life, and makes the time you are together a lot better.
Everyone is different of course. I guess I would if I could see her everyday, but it's probably healthier this way, at least at this point in the relationship.
Everyday for the sake of everyday reassurance isn't good.
I agree with you. I know people who talk everyday to each other and see each other everyday and for the life of me i don't know what they talk about. I have a friend who is married and they make it a rule that they must do something apart at least 3 days a week. they have been married for 7 years and doing great.
This too. It's one thing to be with someone everyday, but phone conversation everyday will run communication dry. Unless you have some amazing things happen to you everyday, most people run out of things to talk about. Allow eachother to have lives and the fewer conversations you do have will be more fullfilling.
Every relationship is as unique as the people in it.
This why someone can not tell you how often to speak to each other
nor what to say and have it be right.
Follow your heart and try not to be afraid, this for you and your beau.
Love is a gift too give each other. It makes everything that is wrong in the world right.
It makes your heart light and your soul happy. It's the best thing we got!
Be kind to your young man....
in time the words will be said.
But don't give up on him sometimes men are more frightened then women about commitments.
And saying 'I love you' and meaning it is a big commitment. It is giving your heart
and some don't like the vulnerability and may fight it....
time will tell.
Once 'I love you' is said it comes easy ....
Enjoy your youth!
I agree with this ^^^
I had a boyfriend that would call me everyday, ask me 'do you love me?', if he had a day off work, and if I was working, he'd be there waiting for me after work. Cute at first...then turned into a 'smothering' thing. It did not turn out well.
- Christopher McCandless
I could never see myself asking a girl if she loves me. That just sounds and feels so insecure.
In fact, when a girl says she loves me, I use the Han Solo approach by replying with "I know."
Even though we talked every day we didn't see each other every day and logically I understand what everyone is saying about needing time apart, etc.
And with his injury now he's going to be out of town at his parents for a little while...that will give us time apart and give me time to think...hopefully he'll do the same and will then be ready to talk
yeah
this is my take on it, too
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
i would be up front with the difficulties you have in expressing your feelings... make sure he knows the reason why you haven't said yes all those other times... what you said in your first post should work fine
good luck! don't let a good one get away over something as trivial as a couple words
injured moments like this are a good chance to show that you love him too... go pamper him! i loved it when my ex did that for me after my wisdom teeth
http://seanbriceart.com/
Tink and Kilgore's posts above mine are good stuff, go with those.
A few days later he sent me a text basically just saying hi. So then we were communicating some by texting each other. Just small talk stuff. But that stopped about 3 weeks ago. I think I said something that hit a nerve with him about the whole love thing. Again I gave him space. I sent him a couple texts last week but he didn't respond. Texting seems easier at this point. I'm not really sure if he would answer if I called and I'm not really sure what to say because I'm trying to give him time and I feel like if I called I would end up trying to get him to talk and that would push him away.
I have no idea if he still wants to be in a relationship with me, if he wants to take a break, some time apart of if he just wants it to be over.
In the meantime I've been hanging out with this other guy. He's not really a friend of my guy, more like an acquaintance, but that's how we know each other. Up until last night I never really got the feeling that maybe he likes me more than just a friend and wants to be more. I can be slow to pick on those things sometimes though. I like hanging out with him but obviously I need to be honest with him about my feelings for my guy.
Since I've just been left hanging I don't really know where to go from here because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I also feel like, how long should I wait around? and what is he doing?
Anyway, I just wanted to vent and get this out. I usually feel better when I do. And it's easier talking to strangers sometimes.
i would just send him a note saying ... you're gonna move on if you don't hear from him ...
i wouldn't even bother sending a note.
well ... i put that note out there because:
a) she deserves some response one way or another
b) if the relationship is important enough to her - then she has to make one last effort and just maybe the guy is a total dufus and really doesn't know that he's being a selfish prick?
oh yeah, I actually did send him a letter today. I wrote it this weekend.
Basically just asking himself to put himself in my place and to consider just telling me where this is headed
Really that's kind of my last effort to reach out to him.
That is the polite thing to do and gives the impression of your independence
even if your heart's not really feeling independent yet.
It will when you know it is over.
He can reply in a way that doesn't hurt you which perhaps he's been avoiding.
If he still wants something with you he will not be good with the idea of seeing others
and that may get him in the proper gear.
If not...his loss.....new guys gain
Finding the right one can be fun!
if my gf somehow figures out this board and who i am on it ... i was only kidding ...
You always give the best advice! How did I not think of this?
Since I sent that letter I'll hold off on this text for right now. If he hasn't responded in about a week I'll send this text.
Thanks Pandi!
meantime....cherish each day .... whatever comes your way !
It is so easy so for us to just fall back into the way we were and pretend like nothing had happened. But I know that's not good. So last night I tried to get him to talk and still nothing. His attitude was different because he wasn't cold towards me but he still wouldn't talk.
So I told him again that I love him but if he refuses to communicate with me I will never be happy and that yes, I want us to go back to they way we were but I'm not going to do it pretending nothing happened. And if he can't do it then we just need to be friends.
He said we should just be friends. I can't help but think he's saying this just because he doesn't want to talk and deal with whatever feelings he has.
I told him we would make it work just being friends.
Thanks for all your input and advice - that's one thing I love about coming here.
Time for me to keep my chin up and move on
And from my own personal experience add knees together to the chin up!
a couple old boyfriends showed up just wondering.....