ADVICE COLUMN: The DR is IN

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Comments

  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    edited October 2010
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Dear Dr.

    Why the fuck do i keep opening this thread?


    signed,

    Disgusted

    :|
    Post edited by DangDang on
  • aneutronbomb
    aneutronbomb Posts: 818
    dear d.r

    my cat hacked up a hair ball. i felt bad for him. i thought it must feel terrible. so in a fit of empathy i ate some hair to experience a hairball. i really liked eating the hair. now i am eating hair all the time.

    now i am bald an intimidated about dating.

    do you know any dating sights where i can meet unintimidating bald women?
    and fuck me if I say somethin you dont wanna hear, fuck me!
    and fuck me if you only hear what you wanna hear
    fuck me...if I care...but im not leavin here
  • blondieblue227
    blondieblue227 Va, USA Posts: 4,509
    this is creepy because the problems ya'll listed i've heard of so i can't tell if you're joking or not.

    and all the problems i have will evoke pity, which I don’t want.

    So..
    My pet goldfish is constipated.
    *~Pearl Jam will be blasted from speakers until morale improves~*

  • Dissidentman
    Dissidentman Posts: 15,381
    DangDang wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Dear Dr.

    Why the fuck do i keep opening this thread?


    signed,

    Disgusted

    Dear Disgusted,

    This one is a little TOO easy.

    It's because the dissident, the dissident is here.
    And she folded (herself over in a ducking motion. NOOO, not a duckling motion--that would be quackery)



    :shock: AND :wtf: and a :wtf: :wtf: :wtf:

    Very good!

    Thank you Dr.
  • Dissidentman
    Dissidentman Posts: 15,381
    81 wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    What is the proper punishment for "81" posting terrible lies on the Porch, and getting locked for it?

    8-)


    :lol: i better stay off the porch for a few days.

    Lay low...
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    edited October 2010
    81 wrote:
    Dear Doc.

    I have just started dating this girl. We've been on about 5 dates now but haven't kissed. What should i do?

    :|
    Post edited by DangDang on
  • ZiggyStar
    ZiggyStar Posts: 14,328
    DangDang wrote:

    The practice of pocketing or pursing office supplies is actually called cliptomania--NO ITS NOT! I just made that term up, in which case I am the terminator. AHAHHAHAHAHHA.

    hahah That was funny.... 8-)
    ★ 1995 - Brisbane ★ 1998 - Brisbane ★ 2003 - Brisbane ★ 2006 - Brisbane ★
    ★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
    ★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    edited October 2010
    chadwick wrote:
    im the one @ 0:20
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZio6i_zxQ8

    can you help me out, Doc?

    :|
    Post edited by DangDang on
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    chadwick wrote:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SR_C_lZrtv0

    Writer,

    It appears as if you are now a woman with a tape worm.
    Sweet Fancy Moses, what did that worm eat?

    All better.

    NEXT


    :wtf:
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    edited October 2010
    Dissidentman wrote:
    What is the proper punishment for "81" posting terrible lies on the Porch, and getting locked for it?

    8-)
    Post edited by DangDang on
  • DangDang
    DangDang Posts: 1,551
    edited October 2010
    :)
    Post edited by DangDang on
  • Dissidentman
    Dissidentman Posts: 15,381
    DangDang wrote:
    aneutronbomb wrote:
    dear d.r

    my cat hacked up a hair ball. i felt bad for him. i thought it must feel terrible. so in a fit of empathy i ate some hair to experience a hairball. i really liked eating the hair. now i am eating hair all the time.

    now i am bald an intimidated about dating.

    do you know any dating sights where i can meet unintimidating bald women?

    Dear Bomb:

    I once sat next to an individual with this exact hair-feasting problem. People are at their most vulnerable when in a state of fitted empathy, and our usual systems seem to go haywire as a result thereof.

    What worked for this individual that I sat next to--and others with this same problem--was the use of a technique called "reverse hairwire".

    It goes like this: When pulling out gobs of your own hair, rush to someone you know (it must be a person) and stuff your hair into his or her mouth.

    After about 5 or 6 of these stuffings, the shocking responses and punches you receive as a result of these actions trigger this "reverse hairwire" response within yourself, and the urge to dine on your own locks usually subsides within 7 to 10 business days. As stated above, A minimum of 5 to 6 stuffings are ususally required before you begin to notice any difference. Also, maximum results seem to be achieved if you treat a variety of individuals to your hairs.

    There is always the alternative


    But beware of Mr. Hairy!


    :wtf:

    haha... 5 or 6 hair stuffings.

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