I find myself coming home from work with various office supplies. Nothing much - a pack of Post-its here, a roll of scotch tape there. Is this normal or should I seek help?
Every time I see hot and cold taps (US = faucets) in display sink units of hardware stores, or said articles of installed facilities in hotel bathrooms or the counters of supermarket cafés and overcrowded bars, I feel the irrepressible urge to massage the twin orbs of my posterior, rubbing the left hand in a circular clockwise motion upon the corresponding arsecheek L, and the right in a circular anti-clockwise motion accordant with arsecheek R. Also, I feel the necessity to do this while singing the Beelzebub sequence of Bohemian Rhapsody in an authentic rural low-dutch accent, backwards. I can not stop until everyone in my immediate vicinity (including security) is also engaged in rigorously massaging their own buttcheeks and singing in unison.
While this peculiar instance of OCD attains pleasure I am concerned about friction burns on the palms of my hands caused by, er, friction. Could you advise a medically sanctioned hand cream or vegan-friendly food product, good for ameliorating the outbreak of unwarranted welts and crinkles?
Every time I see hot and cold taps (US = faucets) in display sink units of hardware stores, or said articles of installed facilities in hotel bathrooms or the counters of supermarket cafés and overcrowded bars, I feel the irrepressible urge to massage the twin orbs of my posterior, rubbing the left hand in a circular clockwise blahblahblahor vegan-friendly food product, good for ameliorating the outbreak of unwarranted welts and crinkles?
:geek: :?:
my cat hacked up a hair ball. i felt bad for him. i thought it must feel terrible. so in a fit of empathy i ate some hair to experience a hairball. i really liked eating the hair. now i am eating hair all the time.
now i am bald an intimidated about dating.
do you know any dating sights where i can meet unintimidating bald women?
and fuck me if I say somethin you dont wanna hear, fuck me!
and fuck me if you only hear what you wanna hear
fuck me...if I care...but im not leavin here
It's because the dissident, the dissident is here.
And she folded (herself over in a ducking motion. NOOO, not a duckling motion--that would be quackery)
The practice of pocketing or pursing office supplies is actually called cliptomania--NO ITS NOT! I just made that term up, in which case I am the terminator. AHAHHAHAHAHHA.
my cat hacked up a hair ball. i felt bad for him. i thought it must feel terrible. so in a fit of empathy i ate some hair to experience a hairball. i really liked eating the hair. now i am eating hair all the time.
now i am bald an intimidated about dating.
do you know any dating sights where i can meet unintimidating bald women?
Dear Bomb:
I once sat next to an individual with this exact hair-feasting problem. People are at their most vulnerable when in a state of fitted empathy, and our usual systems seem to go haywire as a result thereof.
What worked for this individual that I sat next to--and others with this same problem--was the use of a technique called "reverse hairwire".
It goes like this: When pulling out gobs of your own hair, rush to someone you know (it must be a person) and stuff your hair into his or her mouth.
After about 5 or 6 of these stuffings, the shocking responses and punches you receive as a result of these actions trigger this "reverse hairwire" response within yourself, and the urge to dine on your own locks usually subsides within 7 to 10 business days. As stated above, A minimum of 5 to 6 stuffings are ususally required before you begin to notice any difference. Also, maximum results seem to be achieved if you treat a variety of individuals to your hairs.
Comments
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
There is something not right with you, yeah?
very true
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Dear :geek: :?:
I believe THIS should do the trick!:
:wtf:
NEXT
:wtf:
my cat hacked up a hair ball. i felt bad for him. i thought it must feel terrible. so in a fit of empathy i ate some hair to experience a hairball. i really liked eating the hair. now i am eating hair all the time.
now i am bald an intimidated about dating.
do you know any dating sights where i can meet unintimidating bald women?
and fuck me if you only hear what you wanna hear
fuck me...if I care...but im not leavin here
and all the problems i have will evoke pity, which I don’t want.
So..
My pet goldfish is constipated.
Very good!
Thank you Dr.
Lay low...
hahah That was funny....
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Writer,
It appears as if you are now a woman with a tape worm.
Sweet Fancy Moses, what did that worm eat?
All better.
NEXT
:wtf:
haha... 5 or 6 hair stuffings.