my world has turned to black

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  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    I felt the same when I had someone special to me fall pregnant to another guy. It is a fkn sad time, Why why why????????????????
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  • imspinnin
    imspinnin Posts: 933
    So sorry to hear about your "Black" days...listen to "Rise" from Into the Wild, it always raises my spirits!!
    If I could be anything in the world I would be your teardrop...I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
  • dasnuf
    dasnuf Posts: 7
    SOLAT319 wrote:
    That is very sad...what the fuck did you do to piss her off man???
    it most likely is not what everybody thinks .i did not cheat never would ,i love her to much...i was just stupid did not listen when she told me over and over again how she was falling out of love with me, thought that was impossible that we were stronger than all that..thought she needed me to much so i did little to change my behavior, because i am lazy and i knew how much i loved her that i thought it would work itself out because we had the rest of our lives together, that we had more time
    so i am nobody to give advice but if you have somebody special in your life listen to them and don't think that it cant happen to you because if it happened to us it could happen to anyone
  • riffrandall
    riffrandall Posts: 685
    over_bends wrote:
    It's better to have loved and lost...

    Maybe?

    Isn't it, "Better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life?"
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • genie
    genie Posts: 2,222
    dasnuf wrote:
    I don't know why i am posting this here other than the fact pearl jam was such a big part of my relationship with my wife.i had seen pj 7 times always opening for the peppers so when i saw they were headlining at Randall's island i could not wait to get tickets, i called the special hot line ordered 4 tickets figuring i would give 2 to my buddy and his girl and i would find a date,about 2 weeks later i meet the girl who would change my world forever, obviously i invite her she says yes, and we go onto have one of the best dates ever, eddies voice is amazing, the sky opens up my buddy and his girl go running for cover but my baby shows me she is a trooper and gets right up front with me to enjoy the mud and music, the show ends and it takes like 4 hrs to get out of parking lot to some people this might sound like a nightmare, i would not change a thing we fell in love that day. i can't sing for sh*t but i would sing along to pj in the car all the time and she would always tell me how great i sounded.fast forward over 11 years and we are getting divorced mostly because of my own stupidity and i find myself finding so much new meaning in the lyrics, i think it might be the only thing getting me by.....

    i know someday you'll have a beautiful life i know you'll be the star in
    somebody else's sky
    but why can't it be mine........

    oh what a romantic story :) i've always thought about this lyrcis when thinking about person longing for someone they can't have.

    i don't know, if it was your own stupidity, then surely if you play tactically you can win her back? for now get the divorse you both need, give her space, and then start being nice to her in a non-obvious kind of way....and see what happens :)
  • riffrandall
    riffrandall Posts: 685
    genie wrote:
    oh what a romantic story :) i've always thought about this lyrcis when thinking about person longing for someone they can't have.

    i don't know, if it was your own stupidity, then surely if you play tactically you can win her back? for now get the divorse you both need, give her space, and then start being nice to her in a non-obvious kind of way....and see what happens :)

    I don't know... I don't think this is particularly good advice. Trying to "win her back" could very well be a waste of time.
    Fanch gives great advice, just pick yourself up and try to put one foot in front of the other, eventually it has to get better.

    Speaking from my own experience which is obviously different from everyone else's... I left a relationship where I knew my boyfriend was completely in love with me. I didn't love him. I didn't cheat, didn't immediately go out with anyone else, it just wasn't right for me.
    He tried like hell to get me back, to convince me he'd changed, all that. Eventually it became so irritating that I actually started to hate him.

    Besides, even if you do "win" her back, chances are it will only take her about 3 seconds to figure out why she left in the first place, and relapsing is worse.
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • JamilyMan
    JamilyMan Posts: 241
    dasnuf wrote:
    it most likely is not what everybody thinks .i did not cheat never would ,i love her to much...i was just stupid did not listen when she told me over and over again how she was falling out of love with me, thought that was impossible that we were stronger than all that..thought she needed me to much so i did little to change my behavior, because i am lazy and i knew how much i loved her that i thought it would work itself out because we had the rest of our lives together, that we had more time
    so i am nobody to give advice but if you have somebody special in your life listen to them and don't think that it cant happen to you because if it happened to us it could happen to anyone


    When relationships are on Auto-Pilot, they seem to evolve effortlessly. Unfortunately, most can't coast like that for eternity. There is an addage that says that relationships take work! That is not just a bunch of random words strung together. It is a reality. Sometimes the work is easy, sometimes it is harder.

    When a relationship is new, we put the work in to make sure it starts off on the right track. We buy flowers, cook favorite meals, etc. Then, we get comfortable. We put less work in as we often take the relationship for granted. When things start to crumble, the work that is needed to right the ship is more than the maintenance work would have been to keep it afloat. This can become overwhelming for some, which is one of the many reasons there are so many divorces in today's culture.

    For the OP and everyone else reading this post (including myself!), please make an effort to make your loved ones feel special. OP, it is likely not too late. Talk with her and prove to her that you are serious about the changes you want to make!!! Don't just talk.... DO!

    Good luck to everyone, especially OP! The work is so worth it!


    PEACE!!!
    For those who scoff at "Jamily" in my name... 9 years ago, when my first daughter was born there were jokes about whether my priority would be my family or PJ. I smiled and quipped "I am a JamilyMan." What was a family joke became a hated term among jammers. Didn't see that one coming!
  • genie
    genie Posts: 2,222
    riffrandall wrote:
    I don't know... I don't think this is particularly good advice. Trying to "win her back" could very well be a waste of time.
    Fanch gives great advice, just pick yourself up and try to put one foot in front of the other, eventually it has to get better.

    Speaking from my own experience which is obviously different from everyone else's... I left a relationship where I knew my boyfriend was completely in love with me. I didn't love him. I didn't cheat, didn't immediately go out with anyone else, it just wasn't right for me.
    He tried like hell to get me back, to convince me he'd changed, all that. Eventually it became so irritating that I actually started to hate him.

    Besides, even if you do "win" her back, chances are it will only take her about 3 seconds to figure out why she left in the first place, and relapsing is worse.

    my apologies, i didn't know you were a woman, so i'm going to rephrase "win him back"
    of course if it's relationship were there is no love on one side of the party then there is no point at all.
    but if there was love, there can be posibility to try and bring it all back later.

    ever watched movie "break up"? it depends on what kind of stupidity we are talking about in here, if we are talking about substance abuse or selfishness and person who did those stupid things has now changed then they should go and try to bring back relationship they had once.

    you can choose whatever advice you want, i'm just saying there is a possibility, and another chance :)
  • Rayne
    Rayne Posts: 99
    fanch75 wrote:
    I've been through The War and The War sucks.

    I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.

    Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.

    You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.

    Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.

    Play on playa. Pop ya collar.

    I've read so many of your posts over the years, Fanch, but this has to be by FAR your most poignant.

    I also went through a similar situation, and have to agree, this is the BEST advice. I couldn't listen to PJ for almost 6 months...honest to Ed. John Mayer (yes, I know...ugh...), The Strokes, Janis Joplin, RATM, Ramones and Social D....it goes on and on, got me through. To this very day (a year later) I still can't listen to Even Flow, it was 'THE' song my Ex loved to croon daily. Also, running - A LOT - got me through. Losing weight = good break up side effect ;)

    BUT I can listen to PJ again. :) It still kills me that I'm not with my ex (HIS fuck up, btw, not mine - which is how our situation differs), but the music is mine again, finally. Good luck, guy. Do what ever you can to try and win her back. If it was once as strong as you say, there may still be hope! If it doesn't happen, you will pick yourself up and move on. You will be stronger and not so careless ever again.
    Underneath this smile lies everything...How I choose to feel, is how I AM!
    ****************************************
    No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead.
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~
  • London_Jam
    London_Jam Posts: 173
    fanch75 wrote:
    I've been through The War and The War sucks.

    I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.

    Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.

    You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.

    Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.

    Play on playa. Pop ya collar.

    Ill tell you what - this is a good post.

    BEST way to move on is hit that gym. Im still married (yay me) but i was turning into a right fat fuck about 4 months ago (went to shit after birth of my son - sympathy pregnancy symptons I think they are called lol).

    Anyways before xmas I suddnely decided to sort it out. My sex life and relationship was suffering. I hit the gym - hard... i watched what I ate... and now i dont even see it as a chore anymore. I cherish my gym time and I love food all the more for abstaining from gluttony... and I look great mind saying so.

    My self esteem is through the roof (i almost strut! lol) and my wife cant keep her hands off me. and its always nice to go to a bar and get female attention even though you have no intention of doing anything about it.

    And I can keep up with my son!

    So.. all in all.. even though I am not going through what u are going through.. my advice is... Work out and dont listen to Black. In no time at all you will feel a whole lot better.

    And you know what they say - the best way to get over one woman is to get under another!

    (Porch people please note - much of this post is tongue in cheek)
  • fanch75
    fanch75 Posts: 3,734
    Rayne wrote:
    I've read so many of your posts over the years, Fanch, but this has to be by FAR your most poignant.

    Well, don't get too comfortable. Bytchez styll ain't shyt.
    Do you remember Rock & Roll Radio?
  • pjsteadi
    pjsteadi Posts: 27
    dasnuf wrote:
    I don't know why i am posting this here other than the fact pearl jam was such a big part of my relationship with my wife.i had seen pj 7 times always opening for the peppers so when i saw they were headlining at Randall's island i could not wait to get tickets, i called the special hot line ordered 4 tickets figuring i would give 2 to my buddy and his girl and i would find a date,about 2 weeks later i meet the girl who would change my world forever, obviously i invite her she says yes, and we go onto have one of the best dates ever, eddies voice is amazing, the sky opens up my buddy and his girl go running for cover but my baby shows me she is a trooper and gets right up front with me to enjoy the mud and music, the show ends and it takes like 4 hrs to get out of parking lot to some people this might sound like a nightmare, i would not change a thing we fell in love that day. i can't sing for sh*t but i would sing along to pj in the car all the time and she would always tell me how great i sounded.fast forward over 11 years and we are getting divorced mostly because of my own stupidity and i find myself finding so much new meaning in the lyrics, i think it might be the only thing getting me by.....

    i know someday you'll have a beautiful life i know you'll be the star in
    somebody else's sky
    but why can't it be mine........

    My world has turned black too. over 11 years. Now my bitter hands cradle broken glass.

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