Whatever. You registered on this forum to whine to everybody about your personal problems, and quite frankly, I am surprised that anyone even gave a shit. The real world isn't like that. It will go on despite your setbacks. Part of being a man is getting over them instead of reacting to them like an emotional bitch. Life is what you make it, and therefore you have only yourself to blame for any troubles that come your way. Nobody likes whiners -- especially pathetic, middle-aged whiners, so maybe it's time you start being a man and not letting things bring you down so much.
From a purely psychological standpoint, you're life is not very fulfilling, as you make it sound. If it were then you wouldn't need to put down the lives of others and make yourself seem perfect, on a message board no less.
Like a word misplaced...nothing said...what a waste
you guys are great i half expected to get ripped for my post, i should have known better from pearl jam fans.
thanxs guys still feel like sh*t but your words give me strength
i don't know if i will ever feel better, but my thoughts are with those of you who posted going threw same crap ,maybe we are just not meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives as much as we would want to be
thanks again everybody
And these days, they linger on
And I'm the night, as I'm waiting on
The real possibility I may meet you in my dream
I go to sleep
I've been through The War and The War sucks.
I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.
Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.
You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.
Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.
I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.
Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.
You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.
Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.
Thanks. Hearing "It'll get better" and "THis too shall pass" are nice in sentiment but don't help very much. He needs action steps to follow up on. Things are out of control; what can a brother do to get back in control? "It'll get better" doesn't do shit for that.
This is very sad to read indeed. I hope for you some how there is a way to patch things up and make it work. If not, like another poster said, time does heal. Just keep you're head up & hang in there.
Thanks. Hearing "It'll get better" and "THis too shall pass" are nice in sentiment but don't help very much. He needs action steps to follow up on. Things are out of control; what can a brother do to get back in control? "It'll get better" doesn't do shit for that.
On the flipside of that, you don't always want to be told about 'steps to take' either. This isn't careers advice or a graduate degree. Sometimes you just want your emotions heard and acknowledged... The 'steps' just tend to happen by themselves, because they have to. Life doesn't stop for anyone. But sometimes we have to stop for ourselves.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
On the flipside of that, you don't always want to be told about 'steps to take' either. This isn't careers advice or a graduate degree. Sometimes you just want your emotions heard and acknowledged... The 'steps' just tend to happen by themselves, because they have to. Life doesn't stop for anyone. But sometimes we have to stop for ourselves.
Well see, in my original post (you may have missed it) I stated that he is going to grieve emotionally as part of the process. Can't avoid the grieving.
I've been through what he's been through (maybe you have been too, I don't know) and I know what this can do to a self-esteem: it destroys it. There's that feeling of loss of control & direction. "Doing" gives you the control back, at least of your own life and your own betterment.
Well see, in my original post (you may have missed it) I stated that he is going to grieve emotionally as part of the process. Can't avoid the grieving.
I've been through what he's been through (maybe you have been too, I don't know) and I know what this can do to a self-esteem: it destroys it. There's that feeling of loss of control & direction. "Doing" gives you the control back, at least of your own life and your own betterment.
Going through it right now mate.. and you're right. I'm just not in that stage yet where I want to hear about 'steps to take'... That said, I have to because I have a job to maintain.. Teenagers don't realise how lucky they are that they are able to just slob around, get fat and write 'Fuck the Police' on their bedroom wall.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
You can always resort to previous advice of repeating "Bytchez ain't shyt but ho's and tryckz" over and over again. It brings a smile and becomes true in your mind, eventually.
I felt the same when I had someone special to me fall pregnant to another guy. It is a fkn sad time, Why why why????????????????
Sydney 11/02/2003
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
That is very sad...what the fuck did you do to piss her off man???
it most likely is not what everybody thinks .i did not cheat never would ,i love her to much...i was just stupid did not listen when she told me over and over again how she was falling out of love with me, thought that was impossible that we were stronger than all that..thought she needed me to much so i did little to change my behavior, because i am lazy and i knew how much i loved her that i thought it would work itself out because we had the rest of our lives together, that we had more time
so i am nobody to give advice but if you have somebody special in your life listen to them and don't think that it cant happen to you because if it happened to us it could happen to anyone
I don't know why i am posting this here other than the fact pearl jam was such a big part of my relationship with my wife.i had seen pj 7 times always opening for the peppers so when i saw they were headlining at Randall's island i could not wait to get tickets, i called the special hot line ordered 4 tickets figuring i would give 2 to my buddy and his girl and i would find a date,about 2 weeks later i meet the girl who would change my world forever, obviously i invite her she says yes, and we go onto have one of the best dates ever, eddies voice is amazing, the sky opens up my buddy and his girl go running for cover but my baby shows me she is a trooper and gets right up front with me to enjoy the mud and music, the show ends and it takes like 4 hrs to get out of parking lot to some people this might sound like a nightmare, i would not change a thing we fell in love that day. i can't sing for sh*t but i would sing along to pj in the car all the time and she would always tell me how great i sounded.fast forward over 11 years and we are getting divorced mostly because of my own stupidity and i find myself finding so much new meaning in the lyrics, i think it might be the only thing getting me by.....
i know someday you'll have a beautiful life i know you'll be the star in
somebody else's sky
but why can't it be mine........
oh what a romantic story i've always thought about this lyrcis when thinking about person longing for someone they can't have.
i don't know, if it was your own stupidity, then surely if you play tactically you can win her back? for now get the divorse you both need, give her space, and then start being nice to her in a non-obvious kind of way....and see what happens
oh what a romantic story i've always thought about this lyrcis when thinking about person longing for someone they can't have.
i don't know, if it was your own stupidity, then surely if you play tactically you can win her back? for now get the divorse you both need, give her space, and then start being nice to her in a non-obvious kind of way....and see what happens
I don't know... I don't think this is particularly good advice. Trying to "win her back" could very well be a waste of time.
Fanch gives great advice, just pick yourself up and try to put one foot in front of the other, eventually it has to get better.
Speaking from my own experience which is obviously different from everyone else's... I left a relationship where I knew my boyfriend was completely in love with me. I didn't love him. I didn't cheat, didn't immediately go out with anyone else, it just wasn't right for me.
He tried like hell to get me back, to convince me he'd changed, all that. Eventually it became so irritating that I actually started to hate him.
Besides, even if you do "win" her back, chances are it will only take her about 3 seconds to figure out why she left in the first place, and relapsing is worse.
"If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
it most likely is not what everybody thinks .i did not cheat never would ,i love her to much...i was just stupid did not listen when she told me over and over again how she was falling out of love with me, thought that was impossible that we were stronger than all that..thought she needed me to much so i did little to change my behavior, because i am lazy and i knew how much i loved her that i thought it would work itself out because we had the rest of our lives together, that we had more time
so i am nobody to give advice but if you have somebody special in your life listen to them and don't think that it cant happen to you because if it happened to us it could happen to anyone
When relationships are on Auto-Pilot, they seem to evolve effortlessly. Unfortunately, most can't coast like that for eternity. There is an addage that says that relationships take work! That is not just a bunch of random words strung together. It is a reality. Sometimes the work is easy, sometimes it is harder.
When a relationship is new, we put the work in to make sure it starts off on the right track. We buy flowers, cook favorite meals, etc. Then, we get comfortable. We put less work in as we often take the relationship for granted. When things start to crumble, the work that is needed to right the ship is more than the maintenance work would have been to keep it afloat. This can become overwhelming for some, which is one of the many reasons there are so many divorces in today's culture.
For the OP and everyone else reading this post (including myself!), please make an effort to make your loved ones feel special. OP, it is likely not too late. Talk with her and prove to her that you are serious about the changes you want to make!!! Don't just talk.... DO!
Good luck to everyone, especially OP! The work is so worth it!
PEACE!!!
For those who scoff at "Jamily" in my name... 9 years ago, when my first daughter was born there were jokes about whether my priority would be my family or PJ. I smiled and quipped "I am a JamilyMan." What was a family joke became a hated term among jammers. Didn't see that one coming!
I don't know... I don't think this is particularly good advice. Trying to "win her back" could very well be a waste of time.
Fanch gives great advice, just pick yourself up and try to put one foot in front of the other, eventually it has to get better.
Speaking from my own experience which is obviously different from everyone else's... I left a relationship where I knew my boyfriend was completely in love with me. I didn't love him. I didn't cheat, didn't immediately go out with anyone else, it just wasn't right for me.
He tried like hell to get me back, to convince me he'd changed, all that. Eventually it became so irritating that I actually started to hate him.
Besides, even if you do "win" her back, chances are it will only take her about 3 seconds to figure out why she left in the first place, and relapsing is worse.
my apologies, i didn't know you were a woman, so i'm going to rephrase "win him back"
of course if it's relationship were there is no love on one side of the party then there is no point at all.
but if there was love, there can be posibility to try and bring it all back later.
ever watched movie "break up"? it depends on what kind of stupidity we are talking about in here, if we are talking about substance abuse or selfishness and person who did those stupid things has now changed then they should go and try to bring back relationship they had once.
you can choose whatever advice you want, i'm just saying there is a possibility, and another chance
I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.
Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.
You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.
Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.
Play on playa. Pop ya collar.
I've read so many of your posts over the years, Fanch, but this has to be by FAR your most poignant.
I also went through a similar situation, and have to agree, this is the BEST advice. I couldn't listen to PJ for almost 6 months...honest to Ed. John Mayer (yes, I know...ugh...), The Strokes, Janis Joplin, RATM, Ramones and Social D....it goes on and on, got me through. To this very day (a year later) I still can't listen to Even Flow, it was 'THE' song my Ex loved to croon daily. Also, running - A LOT - got me through. Losing weight = good break up side effect
BUT I can listen to PJ again. It still kills me that I'm not with my ex (HIS fuck up, btw, not mine - which is how our situation differs), but the music is mine again, finally. Good luck, guy. Do what ever you can to try and win her back. If it was once as strong as you say, there may still be hope! If it doesn't happen, you will pick yourself up and move on. You will be stronger and not so careless ever again.
Underneath this smile lies everything...How I choose to feel, is how I AM!
****************************************
No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~
I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.
Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.
You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.
Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.
Play on playa. Pop ya collar.
Ill tell you what - this is a good post.
BEST way to move on is hit that gym. Im still married (yay me) but i was turning into a right fat fuck about 4 months ago (went to shit after birth of my son - sympathy pregnancy symptons I think they are called lol).
Anyways before xmas I suddnely decided to sort it out. My sex life and relationship was suffering. I hit the gym - hard... i watched what I ate... and now i dont even see it as a chore anymore. I cherish my gym time and I love food all the more for abstaining from gluttony... and I look great mind saying so.
My self esteem is through the roof (i almost strut! lol) and my wife cant keep her hands off me. and its always nice to go to a bar and get female attention even though you have no intention of doing anything about it.
And I can keep up with my son!
So.. all in all.. even though I am not going through what u are going through.. my advice is... Work out and dont listen to Black. In no time at all you will feel a whole lot better.
And you know what they say - the best way to get over one woman is to get under another!
(Porch people please note - much of this post is tongue in cheek)
I don't know why i am posting this here other than the fact pearl jam was such a big part of my relationship with my wife.i had seen pj 7 times always opening for the peppers so when i saw they were headlining at Randall's island i could not wait to get tickets, i called the special hot line ordered 4 tickets figuring i would give 2 to my buddy and his girl and i would find a date,about 2 weeks later i meet the girl who would change my world forever, obviously i invite her she says yes, and we go onto have one of the best dates ever, eddies voice is amazing, the sky opens up my buddy and his girl go running for cover but my baby shows me she is a trooper and gets right up front with me to enjoy the mud and music, the show ends and it takes like 4 hrs to get out of parking lot to some people this might sound like a nightmare, i would not change a thing we fell in love that day. i can't sing for sh*t but i would sing along to pj in the car all the time and she would always tell me how great i sounded.fast forward over 11 years and we are getting divorced mostly because of my own stupidity and i find myself finding so much new meaning in the lyrics, i think it might be the only thing getting me by.....
i know someday you'll have a beautiful life i know you'll be the star in
somebody else's sky
but why can't it be mine........
My world has turned black too. over 11 years. Now my bitter hands cradle broken glass.
Comments
Wow
This is dead on.....
I've been through The War and The War sucks.
I recommend delving into things that are your own. Get with friends, start lifting weights, doing some cardio, work on yourself some, and do some shit you like doing. Go out on weekends and drink some beers if you like doing that. You're going to grieve, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up some of that with good times. It helps.
Most likely your self esteem is devastated right now....which is why I recommend the exercise and self-betterment stuff. It won't help much today, but in two months you'll have that to hang your hat on.
You probalby shouldn't listen to much PJ, to be honest. It connects you with your soon-to-be ex and it always will. Maybe listen to some other stuff you like, maybe stuff you grew up with before you knew her.
Try to know you before you were with her, and start there. Get to feeling youthful and carefree for a bit and eventually you'll get through it.
Play on playa. Pop ya collar.
Well saiid my man!
MTL 9/15/05
HRTFD 5/13/06
BOS 5/24/06, 5/25/06
VEGAS 7/6/06
CHI 8/5/07
NJ 6/19/08
NYC 6/25/08
HRTFD 6/27/08
MANSFLD 6/28/08, 6/30/08
E.V. BOS 8/1/08
CHI 8/23/09, 8/24/09
PHILLY 10/30/09, 10/31/09
BOS 5/17/10
CHI 7/19/13
WOOSTA 10/15/13, 10/16/13
HRTFD 10/25/13
BOS 8/5/16, 8/7/16
BOS 9/2/18, 9/4/18
On the flipside of that, you don't always want to be told about 'steps to take' either. This isn't careers advice or a graduate degree. Sometimes you just want your emotions heard and acknowledged... The 'steps' just tend to happen by themselves, because they have to. Life doesn't stop for anyone. But sometimes we have to stop for ourselves.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Well see, in my original post (you may have missed it) I stated that he is going to grieve emotionally as part of the process. Can't avoid the grieving.
I've been through what he's been through (maybe you have been too, I don't know) and I know what this can do to a self-esteem: it destroys it. There's that feeling of loss of control & direction. "Doing" gives you the control back, at least of your own life and your own betterment.
Going through it right now mate.. and you're right. I'm just not in that stage yet where I want to hear about 'steps to take'... That said, I have to because I have a job to maintain.. Teenagers don't realise how lucky they are that they are able to just slob around, get fat and write 'Fuck the Police' on their bedroom wall.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
You can always resort to previous advice of repeating "Bytchez ain't shyt but ho's and tryckz" over and over again. It brings a smile and becomes true in your mind, eventually.
Keep your head up. :thumbs-up:
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
so i am nobody to give advice but if you have somebody special in your life listen to them and don't think that it cant happen to you because if it happened to us it could happen to anyone
Isn't it, "Better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life?"
oh what a romantic story
i don't know, if it was your own stupidity, then surely if you play tactically you can win her back? for now get the divorse you both need, give her space, and then start being nice to her in a non-obvious kind of way....and see what happens
I don't know... I don't think this is particularly good advice. Trying to "win her back" could very well be a waste of time.
Fanch gives great advice, just pick yourself up and try to put one foot in front of the other, eventually it has to get better.
Speaking from my own experience which is obviously different from everyone else's... I left a relationship where I knew my boyfriend was completely in love with me. I didn't love him. I didn't cheat, didn't immediately go out with anyone else, it just wasn't right for me.
He tried like hell to get me back, to convince me he'd changed, all that. Eventually it became so irritating that I actually started to hate him.
Besides, even if you do "win" her back, chances are it will only take her about 3 seconds to figure out why she left in the first place, and relapsing is worse.
When relationships are on Auto-Pilot, they seem to evolve effortlessly. Unfortunately, most can't coast like that for eternity. There is an addage that says that relationships take work! That is not just a bunch of random words strung together. It is a reality. Sometimes the work is easy, sometimes it is harder.
When a relationship is new, we put the work in to make sure it starts off on the right track. We buy flowers, cook favorite meals, etc. Then, we get comfortable. We put less work in as we often take the relationship for granted. When things start to crumble, the work that is needed to right the ship is more than the maintenance work would have been to keep it afloat. This can become overwhelming for some, which is one of the many reasons there are so many divorces in today's culture.
For the OP and everyone else reading this post (including myself!), please make an effort to make your loved ones feel special. OP, it is likely not too late. Talk with her and prove to her that you are serious about the changes you want to make!!! Don't just talk.... DO!
Good luck to everyone, especially OP! The work is so worth it!
PEACE!!!
my apologies, i didn't know you were a woman, so i'm going to rephrase "win him back"
of course if it's relationship were there is no love on one side of the party then there is no point at all.
but if there was love, there can be posibility to try and bring it all back later.
ever watched movie "break up"? it depends on what kind of stupidity we are talking about in here, if we are talking about substance abuse or selfishness and person who did those stupid things has now changed then they should go and try to bring back relationship they had once.
you can choose whatever advice you want, i'm just saying there is a possibility, and another chance
I've read so many of your posts over the years, Fanch, but this has to be by FAR your most poignant.
I also went through a similar situation, and have to agree, this is the BEST advice. I couldn't listen to PJ for almost 6 months...honest to Ed. John Mayer (yes, I know...ugh...), The Strokes, Janis Joplin, RATM, Ramones and Social D....it goes on and on, got me through. To this very day (a year later) I still can't listen to Even Flow, it was 'THE' song my Ex loved to croon daily. Also, running - A LOT - got me through. Losing weight = good break up side effect
BUT I can listen to PJ again.
****************************************
No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~
Ill tell you what - this is a good post.
BEST way to move on is hit that gym. Im still married (yay me) but i was turning into a right fat fuck about 4 months ago (went to shit after birth of my son - sympathy pregnancy symptons I think they are called lol).
Anyways before xmas I suddnely decided to sort it out. My sex life and relationship was suffering. I hit the gym - hard... i watched what I ate... and now i dont even see it as a chore anymore. I cherish my gym time and I love food all the more for abstaining from gluttony... and I look great mind saying so.
My self esteem is through the roof (i almost strut! lol) and my wife cant keep her hands off me. and its always nice to go to a bar and get female attention even though you have no intention of doing anything about it.
And I can keep up with my son!
So.. all in all.. even though I am not going through what u are going through.. my advice is... Work out and dont listen to Black. In no time at all you will feel a whole lot better.
And you know what they say - the best way to get over one woman is to get under another!
(Porch people please note - much of this post is tongue in cheek)
Well, don't get too comfortable. Bytchez styll ain't shyt.
My world has turned black too. over 11 years. Now my bitter hands cradle broken glass.