Is this what life is really about? (mid 20's crisis)...

vduboise · May 2009

I think one of the worst things in life is the "what if's..." and the "I wish I had done..."

when you are single- minimal debt, no kids, etc.- its easier to start something else. Once you have the house, the kids, the responsibility- its not about you anymore.

Make a move before you regret not being able to and then you can't.

again, just my 2¢

musicismylife78 · May 2009

you are not alone. As I stated in washedinblack's thread, there is still a stigma involved with stating you "had a breakdown" or are in an "emotional crisis", but I have heard more and more prominent figures state their twenties were rough patches. Zach braff, Kirsten Dunst and others.

I think alot of people have no idea what they are going to do post college, and even after graduating college I would say very few people these days seem to be "in their perfect job".

As I stated, movies about mid 20's crises, have been appearing frequently. Igby goes down, last kiss, garden state, elizabethtown, americano, adventureland.

Even those in their late 20's and early thirties seem to be as lost as those of us in our twenties. Death cab for cuties newest record is about ben gibbard's search for answers and trying to find himself. He seems to come to the conclusion that he is lost, and even after spending time where Jack Kerouac a notorious author who spent his life writing about the mid twenties crisis, and came away with no real answers and no truth. All those songs are about getting married and realizing you are marrying the wrong person. or other such things.

The Last Kiss, the underrated Zach Braff film from 2006, is a compnaion film to the "lost in your twenties" Garden State. In this one, the characters are in their late 20's, and early thirties, they are settling down, they are dating, and getting married, they have kids. Yet they are just as lost as Andrew Largeman was in garden State.

For me, I have noticed, more and more, I am not unique in having a crisis. There are a number of other people who are having or have had such experiences. For me, its been one of the most intense, and sad periods of my life, but in many ways, the crisis is also about growth, changing, and happiness.

As Hermann Hesse said: "man's true profession is to find the way to himself"

musicismylife78 · May 2009

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Touching on some points raised/discussed in washedinblack91's thread on burning out with her studies....

I think I am having one!
It's like I am lost and not sure wtf I am doing or wtf I should be doing.
I don't think my life was meant for me to be chained to my desk all day long stuck in this shitty money hungry corporate world where everyone stabs everyone in the back and steps on toes and is out right fake all day long.
It gets me down and I am in midst of an emotional crisis, I feel like I am angsty teenager when I am almost 25!

I feel like I wasted 4 years of my life in University for a degree not relevant for the work I do, plus I am $10,000 in debt (the government pays for our higher education and we pay it back through additional income tax once we begin work full time). I got a marketing degree and I hate marketing now, the subjects were fun but then I had a change of mind, I don't wanna ram shit down peoples throats to get them to buy.
I am a creative individual with a burning passion for music, feel like I should do something with music but I don't think I can afford to study further. I have always been into art as well, was too lazy to get into graphic design courses after high school, I wasn't a dedicated student then.

I am freaked out at soon having to move out, buy a house, pay the mortgage, or rent.
Then there is finding a future wife, having kids.....arghhhh.

Sorry had to vent, anyone else been through the same crisis or had the same fears, or anyone else in my boat?

Ultimately the scary thing, is the realization that their isnt a handbook to any of it. To growing up. To finding happiness. To dealing with life. That is an extremely scary feeling. But can be also freeing and liberating, as their isnt "one" path to follow, but many

florence151 · May 2009

Pay off debts.
Investigate what you are interested in. Take some time off if you can.
Explore your ideas with a therapist. (Find one you can believe in.)
Make the jump.

Also, sometimes things just suck. Hang in. It will change if you do.

finnannie · May 2009

To all who are in some sort of 20's crisis/existential crisis or something:

prepare yourself for a very random stream of thoughts about life and all.. that this subject brought up in my mind...

It's hard being young.
It's hard to let go.
It's hard to grow wiser. It's easy to get older.
Finding your way, finding yourself.
In the end, you are all alone.
The choices you've made won't matter but to you.
So make your way, through it all, based on how you feel.
You yourself.
Gather wisdom, think and live by what you think is right.
Don't let the worries of the entire world bring you down.
Leave all those insignificant things, thoughts, in your life.. behind you.
Be reasonable, be generous, be true. Find some meaning for your existence.
Search for moments of happiness and all those little things in life,
that make you feel good.
Treat others good, what goes around comes around.
It's not easy, never was and never will be.
Try enjoying moments of silence.
Get to know yourself.
When you have peace within yourself, everything feels a bit better.
Life - what is it? Who knows. Be who you are, do what feels right.
Maybe you'll find answers, maybe you won't.
Just try. Do it. Try living. See the world - see yourself.
Peace, Love, Happiness, - try and find those in your life.
Don't lie. Don't lie to yourself. Don't pretend. Don't hate.
Accept everything life throws at you with open arms and deal with it the best you can.
There is no "Good Life", there is only Your Life, do what you wish with it.
Dreams are hard to turn into reality, you can always try, though - even if you fail,
at least you yourself know you have tried - and you can still dream on.
Show some mercy for yourself.
Whatever you decide to do, never give up.

Life goes on.

...don't know if that "stream of thoughts" made any sense to anyone, but those are just
some thoughts and feelings about life and how to live it... well at least how I - try - to live it.
I don't know if I've succeeded exceptionally well.. but I have peace within myself about myself and my life - and thats pretty good so far.
I am still a "work in progress" after all...

hehh.

I'm 22. I've had my share of existential/etc crises for my age. I've been depressed, I've had worries and god knows what else.
I still do worry, I still feel depressed from time to time. You get used to it, somehow. You learn how to cope with it.
You just have to get to know yourself, you have to come in terms with yourself, your dreams, wants, and needs.
Growing wiser, and older - it's a long process.. it doesn't happen overnight, you won't get
what you want the way we are used to getting everything nowadays. Sometimes everything doesn't work out the way we thought.
I have made mistakes, I've gone through some bad, weird phases in my life,but always gotten over them.
I'm still weird... but I don't care

No one survives life alive.

Life... we all just have to figure it out ourselves.
Don't worry so much about "becoming something". It's the ride itself that matters... not the destination

Peace, love, happiness...
and most of all... good luck - everyone.
-- and if words don't feel like they're helping much... music always makes me feel better
... listen to this one for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cTYhY3NUWE

..okay enough of me rambling.. :P

polaris_x · May 2009

*there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"

at the end of the day - the only person you have to answer to is yourself ... if you're not happy and want to do something else - have the courage to do something about it ... if you choose not to - the only person you have to blame is yourself ... yes, society puts a lot of pressures as does family, etc. but they only manifests themselves in your own reality if you choose to let it ...

finnannie · May 2009

polaris_x wrote:

*there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"

at the end of the day - the only person you have to answer to is yourself ... if you're not happy and want to do something else - have the courage to do something about it ... if you choose not to - the only person you have to blame is yourself ... yes, society puts a lot of pressures as does family, etc. but they only manifests themselves in your own reality if you choose to let it ...

Very true, wise words.

Indian Summer · May 2009

Who the fuck knows, I'll be thirty next year. And I still haven't a clue what my life's all about. Just kind of on idle for the meantime.

mdigenakis · May 2009

Does this happen to many people at 25? I turn 25 in a little more than a month and have things going pretty well for me, but all i think about is how shitty i am and how wrong everything can go.

decides2dream · May 2009

florence151 wrote:

Pay off debts.
Investigate what you are interested in. Take some time off if you can.
Explore your ideas with a therapist. (Find one you can believe in.)
Make the jump.

Also, sometimes things just suck. Hang in. It will change if you do.

great post.
i think most of us have experienced the same/similar.....and i will say, it can happen more than once. i am finding each decade of life is accompanied by hard choices and decisions...thus coupled with indecision, and figuring your way. life isn't easy, that's for sure...and that isn't always necessarily a bad thing either, least not always.

i do oftentimes nowadays (and i am long past my mid-20s now) think back to what life was like 100 years ago, 200 years ago....and i am amazed. life as we know it is SO changed, and even with all the shit....mostly for the *better*. the average person wouldn't even have the TIME, the leisure, that most of us do, regularly, to even ponder such thoughts. life was all about getting by, living, and that's it. even thinking of all other animals....life is just about.....living. i don't think we have one divine purpose or road to follow, and there's no one right way, and even what brings you happiness in life will change greatly.

just ride the wave where it takes you....and try to enjoy as much of the journey as possible......:)

btw - the film the last kiss is actually a remake of the italian, original version of the film of the same name.

Thoughts_Arrive · May 2009

finnannie wrote:

To all who are in some sort of 20's crisis/existential crisis or something:

prepare yourself for a very random stream of thoughts about life and all.. that this subject brought up in my mind...

It's hard being young.
It's hard to let go.
It's hard to grow wiser. It's easy to get older.
Finding your way, finding yourself.
In the end, you are all alone.
The choices you've made won't matter but to you.
So make your way, through it all, based on how you feel.
You yourself.
Gather wisdom, think and live by what you think is right.
Don't let the worries of the entire world bring you down.
Leave all those insignificant things, thoughts, in your life.. behind you.
Be reasonable, be generous, be true. Find some meaning for your existence.
Search for moments of happiness and all those little things in life,
that make you feel good.
Treat others good, what goes around comes around.
It's not easy, never was and never will be.
Try enjoying moments of silence.
Get to know yourself.
When you have peace within yourself, everything feels a bit better.
Life - what is it? Who knows. Be who you are, do what feels right.
Maybe you'll find answers, maybe you won't.
Just try. Do it. Try living. See the world - see yourself.
Peace, Love, Happiness, - try and find those in your life.
Don't lie. Don't lie to yourself. Don't pretend. Don't hate.
Accept everything life throws at you with open arms and deal with it the best you can.
There is no "Good Life", there is only Your Life, do what you wish with it.
Dreams are hard to turn into reality, you can always try, though - even if you fail,
at least you yourself know you have tried - and you can still dream on.
Show some mercy for yourself.
Whatever you decide to do, never give up.

Life goes on.

...don't know if that "stream of thoughts" made any sense to anyone, but those are just
some thoughts and feelings about life and how to live it... well at least how I - try - to live it.
I don't know if I've succeeded exceptionally well.. but I have peace within myself about myself and my life - and thats pretty good so far.
I am still a "work in progress" after all... hehh.

I'm 22. I've had my share of existential/etc crises for my age. I've been depressed, I've had worries and god knows what else.
I still do worry, I still feel depressed from time to time. You get used to it, somehow. You learn how to cope with it.
You just have to get to know yourself, you have to come in terms with yourself, your dreams, wants, and needs.
Growing wiser, and older - it's a long process.. it doesn't happen overnight, you won't get
what you want the way we are used to getting everything nowadays. Sometimes everything doesn't work out the way we thought.
I have made mistakes, I've gone through some bad, weird phases in my life,but always gotten over them.
I'm still weird... but I don't care No one survives life alive.

Life... we all just have to figure it out ourselves.
Don't worry so much about "becoming something". It's the ride itself that matters... not the destination

Peace, love, happiness...
and most of all... good luck - everyone.
-- and if words don't feel like they're helping much... music always makes me feel better
... listen to this one for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cTYhY3NUWE

..okay enough of me rambling.. :P

Thanks for that

The song is great, love the lyrics, not a Boston fan, this is the first I've heard of this song.
I think it is so true.

MayDay10 · May 2009

This 'quarter life crisis' is a very real. I got it bad at ages 23-27. It sucks. I graduated college, moved away from home, and got stuck in a lot of debt.... which took away my freedom for the most part.

Things turned around for me when I got a great job in a better location, where they pay for me to travel home all the time.

At the age of 30 I am still not content with what I am doing. There is about 50% of me who wants to return home and go to school for physical therapy. The other half wants to remain doing what I am doing (the pay is good and the job 'isnt that bad'.

But the dread and depression isnt there anymore. The lack of debt allows me to do what I want for the most part. The second guessing and wondering what could have been will always be there though

megatron · May 2009

this post seems familiar..

Is this what life is really about? (mid 20's crisis)...

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