The greatest insult of all time

wwfairfield wrote:

jerkstore

That's the first thing I thought too!

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

You've been put on this earth to fertilize the soil, you're not the beginning of something, nor the result of anything, not a comma but only a blot on the paper.

Wole Soyinka ... Telephone Conversation was one of the set texts at school ... doesn't add much to the insult thread I know ... just bought back some memories ... although I guess that poem includes one of the worst kinds of insult :(

The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Thou subtle, perjur'd, false, disloyal man!


As You Like It

Thou art like a toad; ugly and venemous.


The Tempest

Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract.


Measure For Measure

Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward.


All's Well That Ends Well

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.


Cymbeline

Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.


Henry IV Part 2

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!


All's Well That Ends Well

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.


Macbeth

Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy.


Shakespeare Insult 10 - Troilus and Cressida

Thou art as loathsome as a toad.


Henry IV Part 1

Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!


Measure for Measure

A flesh monger, a fool, and a coward.


Henry IV Part 1

That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?


Henry IV Part 1

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!


Henry IV Part 1

Peace, ye fat guts!


Henry V

There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.


Richard III

Thou poisonous bunch-back'd toad!


Richard III

Thou art unfit for any place but hell.


Hamlet

Thou are pigeon-liver'd and lack gall.


All's Well That Ends Well

Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.


Henry V

Thine face is not worth sunburning.


As You Like It

Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.


Henry IV

You are as a candle, the better burnt out.


Hamlet

If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.


Measure For Measure

Thy sin's not accidental, but a trade.

that woman has got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

"Fuck off and Die"


there's a VERY direct message in those four words that will insult almost anything

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

There's no thought behind the jerkstore line. It's as cliched as a "your mother" joke. There must be some really inventive insults out there.

"It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. And I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!"

"Jerk store would've smoked that guy!"

JordyWordy wrote:

"Fuck off and Die"


there's a VERY direct message in those four words that will insult almost anything

:eek:


that is EXACTLY what i was *just* going to post in this thread! seriously. there is no better insult, when it is said like you truly MEAN it. ack! mean!



in the flick closer....it was utterly FANTASTIC.

dunkman wrote:

that woman has got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

We always said shes got a face like a bulldug chewin' a wasp, or face like a melted welly.