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The greatest insult of all time

FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
edited May 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
... you cyst, you cyst, you splint in the arrow of arrogance, the dog in dogma, tick of a heretic, the tick of politics, the mock of democracy, the mar of marxism, a tic of the fanatic, the boo in buddhism, the ham in Mohammed, the dash in the criss-cross of Christ, a dot in the i of ego, an ass in the mass, the ash in ashram, a boot in kibbutz, the pee in priesthood, the peepee in perfect priesthood, oh how dare you raise your hindquarters you dog of dogma and cast the scent of your existence on the lamp-post of Destiny you HOLE IN THE ZERO OF NOTHING!


- Wole Soyinka, "Madmen and Specialists", 1970
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • wwfairfieldwwfairfield Posts: 216
    jerkstore
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    There's no thought behind the jerkstore line. It's as cliched as a "your mother" joke. There must be some really inventive insults out there.
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    wwfairfield wrote:
    jerkstore
    his wifes in a coma :D
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • seanw1010seanw1010 Posts: 1,205
    the ocean called...

    my personal favorite insult: you are a douche(please note:under different circumstances, douche may be substituted for many other derogatory words, such as asshole, dumbass, fatass, candyass, stupidass, pussy, cunt, fuckhead, motherfucker, etc. )
    they call them fingers, but i never see them fing. oh, there they go
  • StuffnJunkStuffnJunk Posts: 896
    right now i'm really loving:

    "you stupid idiot!"
    "I'll tell you what: If all I had was Pearl Jam, and I didn't have another band in the world, I would not be worried. Because in there is the essence of making great music. You don't have to use it all at once, but it's there." - Neil Young
  • RolandTD20KdrummerRolandTD20Kdrummer Posts: 13,066
    flaming asspipe

    weeping canker on the gonads of existence
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • Bangers_n_mashBangers_n_mash Posts: 1,241
    You bastard... who is fat.
    uʍop ǝpısdn ǝɹ,ǝʍ 'punoɹ ʎɐʍ ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ ןןɐ s,ʇı
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    all childs play to a simple "cunt" (can be used in combinations such as "cunt head" or "cunt rag")
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Gotta love passive aggressiveness. It's good to clean out the pipes now and then. Blockages can be dangerous. :D
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Or aggression. See, I'm such a twat I can't write anymore. :D
  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    sgossard3 wrote:
    all childs play to a simple "cunt" (can be used in combinations such as "cunt head" or "cunt rag")

    I like "cuntbucket".
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    your mother was a hampster!
    d'oh!!!!!!

    http://www.myspace.com/brain_of_c
  • CosmoCosmo Posts: 12,225
    "Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people"
    --
    wanda.
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • RolandTD20KdrummerRolandTD20Kdrummer Posts: 13,066
    brain of c wrote:
    your mother was a hampster!

    and I wrapped her in duct tape...

    hey-o
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • Slip KidSlip Kid Posts: 1,175
    "you're a pimple on societies ass and you'll never amount to anything" Bender
    I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    "ya know, talking to you is like talking to you" - larry sanders to artie


    it isn't great insult but i love it :D
  • adam42381adam42381 Kernersville, NC Posts: 2,515
    No talent ass clown.
    I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me.
    __________________________________________________________
    Shameless beer-related plugs:
    Instagram/Twitter/Untappd: FtMyersBeerGuy
  • seagoat2seagoat2 Posts: 241
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    ... you cyst, you cyst, you splint in the arrow of arrogance, the dog in dogma, tick of a heretic, the tick of politics, the mock of democracy, the mar of marxism, a tic of the fanatic, the boo in buddhism, the ham in Mohammed, the dash in the criss-cross of Christ, a dot in the i of ego, an ass in the mass, the ash in ashram, a boot in kibbutz, the pee in priesthood, the peepee in perfect priesthood, oh how dare you raise your hindquarters you dog of dogma and cast the scent of your existence on the lamp-post of Destiny you HOLE IN THE ZERO OF NOTHING!


    - Wole Soyinka, "Madmen and Specialists", 1970

    Wow! That was good, & funny.... Insults, hmmm, this isn't a REAL one, just a line in a movie I heard but very funny at the time, (I had just broken up with my boyfriend, from Manchester)......
    Regarding "the English" - ( don't all jump on me, now, UK)....You're all "a bunch of pompous, badly dressed, poverty stricken, sexually repressed football hooligans".......hee, hee....
    On another note, Fin - you're an interesting person, maybe we should talk sometime......???
    P.S. - Is that a book/play/what? PM me.....
  • seagoat2seagoat2 Posts: 241
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    ... you cyst, you cyst, you splint in the arrow of arrogance, the dog in dogma, tick of a heretic, the tick of politics, the mock of democracy, the mar of marxism, a tic of the fanatic, the boo in buddhism, the ham in Mohammed, the dash in the criss-cross of Christ, a dot in the i of ego, an ass in the mass, the ash in ashram, a boot in kibbutz, the pee in priesthood, the peepee in perfect priesthood, oh how dare you raise your hindquarters you dog of dogma and cast the scent of your existence on the lamp-post of Destiny you HOLE IN THE ZERO OF NOTHING!


    - Wole Soyinka, "Madmen and Specialists", 1970

    Wow! That was good, & funny.... Insults, hmmm, this isn't a REAL one, just a line in a movie I heard but very funny at the time, (I had just broken up with my boyfriend, from Manchester)......
    Regarding "the English" - ( don't all jump on me, now, UK)....You're all "a bunch of pompous, badly dressed, poverty stricken, sexually repressed football hooligans".......hee, hee....
    On another note, Fin - you're an interesting person, maybe we should talk sometime......???
    P.S. - Is that a book/play/what? PM me.....
  • Vedderlution_BabyVedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    You're a fucking cancerous, worthless, infectious, pathetic little twat.
  • mca47mca47 Posts: 13,298
    wwfairfield wrote:
    jerkstore

    That's the first thing I thought too! :)
  • Drowned OutDrowned Out Posts: 6,056
    brain of c wrote:
    your mother was a hampster!

    :D
    I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
    ...now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
    :D
  • AnonAnon Posts: 11,175
    Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
  • TrailerTrailer Posts: 1,431
    "Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? because if it is it probably runs like you..... very homosexually" - Peter Griffin

    just turned on Family Guy and that was the first thing I heard..
    Whoa, chill bro... you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here.
  • elmerelmer Posts: 1,683
    You've been put on this earth to fertilize the soil, you're not the beginning of something, nor the result of anything, not a comma but only a blot on the paper.
  • reeferchiefreeferchief Posts: 3,569
    Your existence is as relevent as the feces I expelled to the sewers last night.
    Can not be arsed with life no more.
  • chimechime Posts: 7,839
    Wole Soyinka ... Telephone Conversation was one of the set texts at school ... doesn't add much to the insult thread I know ... just bought back some memories :o ... although I guess that poem includes one of the worst kinds of insult :(
    So are we strangers now? Like rock and roll and the radio?
  • MathMath Posts: 71
    "I love you Walter, but one day you gonna have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron."
    "Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends" - Woody ALLEN
  • harmless_little_f***harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    The Two Gentlemen of Verona

    Thou subtle, perjur'd, false, disloyal man!


    As You Like It

    Thou art like a toad; ugly and venemous.


    The Tempest

    Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract.


    Measure For Measure

    Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward.


    All's Well That Ends Well

    A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.


    Cymbeline

    Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.


    Henry IV Part 2

    You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!


    All's Well That Ends Well

    Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.


    Macbeth

    Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy.


    Shakespeare Insult 10 - Troilus and Cressida

    Thou art as loathsome as a toad.


    Henry IV Part 1

    Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!


    Measure for Measure

    A flesh monger, a fool, and a coward.


    Henry IV Part 1

    That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?


    Henry IV Part 1

    You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!


    Henry IV Part 1

    Peace, ye fat guts!


    Henry V

    There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.


    Richard III

    Thou poisonous bunch-back'd toad!


    Richard III

    Thou art unfit for any place but hell.


    Hamlet

    Thou are pigeon-liver'd and lack gall.


    All's Well That Ends Well

    Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.


    Henry V

    Thine face is not worth sunburning.


    As You Like It

    Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.


    Henry IV

    You are as a candle, the better burnt out.


    Hamlet

    If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.


    Measure For Measure

    Thy sin's not accidental, but a trade.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    i've actually used this :o

    standing in line at the at the 24 hour garage after the local nightclub had closed and this woman walks right past us all and into the garage..

    me: "hey there's a queue here you know!!!"

    woman: "I work here"

    me: "well you should have done better at school then"
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
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