how could I be such an idiot

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  • brainofPJ
    brainofPJ Posts: 2,361
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    honestly if this is all true

    i would go to a dr. and get some happy pills

    im not making a joke here neither , something has to change
    and if it means taking a pill here and there to help u cope with life i think its the move to make



    i agree with you.

    i'm thinking of going myself because i just can't get to sleep anymore....when i do get to sleep usually i sleep 10+ hours...just not normal.

    so many other things going on in my head too...

    life is grand!


    Esther's here and she's sick?

    hi Esther, now we are all going to be sick, thanks
  • Danimal
    Danimal Posts: 2,000
    libragirl wrote:
    there you go :)

    *takes off pants*

    cmon everyone!

    If I did this there would be mass vomiting ala Stand By Me.
    "I don't believe in PJ fans but I believe there is something, not too sure what." - Thoughts_Arrive


  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    Danimal wrote:
    If I did this there would be mass vomiting ala Stand By Me.
    Boom baba boom baba boom baba boom!
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    Rygar wrote:
    Boom baba boom baba boom baba boom!


    haha lard.....
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    brainofPJ wrote:
    i agree with you.

    i'm thinking of going myself because i just can't get to sleep anymore....when i do get to sleep usually i sleep 10+ hours...just not normal.

    so many other things going on in my head too...

    life is grand!


    i think i missed the boat ,she seems to be on a few medicine's ??
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    decides2dream wrote:
    so you have to do something else.
    quite honestly, i think you need to completrly overhaul your entire outlook. not an easy thing to do by any stretch. i have read your posts for YEARS....and it never changes. sure, soem variations....but none the less....either you have sen the world's shittiest doctors/psychs.....or you are not following through, or you are not doing what you need, for you.

    I know, I'm not doing what I need to. I'm supposed to be getting up in the morning and going to the gym. she said this is the first thing I need to do or I can't do anything else. I'm not doing it right, which is why I'm such a fuck-up!! Fuck up trying to do the things I'm supposed to do to make me stop fucking up!
    decides2dream wrote:
    saying it's all your fault and there's nothing you can do about it Is an excuse. you CAN...you HAVE to....or you shall continue to be miserable and unhappy, and i hope you never do harm to yourself.

    I didn't say there was nothing I can do about it. never, ever said that. I said I have yet to be able to do it.

    decides2dream wrote:
    you said earlier coming here seems to aggravate it. perhaps this is true. perhaps you shouldn't. perhaps you should keep a diary/blog to get all this *out*...and then read it objectively, and/or bring it to your doctor, etc. i think being able to read what and how you think of your life might be a great help in them helping you.

    I do. I'm supposed to log when I have one of these freak outs (which thank fully is going down some after popping two lorazepams) and then log back in time to what I was thinking to make me get there, going back as far as I can. there's still just too much time in the day, and I need people to talk to. I've managed to stay away from here for a while, but after a while I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.

    decides2dream wrote:
    anyhoo...it does just sadden me to red such posts endlessly, for years, so i cannot even imagine living with such self-loathing and such an outlook. it MUSt be exhausting and horrible. however, it does also get to a point of indifference i think for many, and thus why you get a wee bit bullied, and/or 'jokes'.....b/c yea, how else to diffuse such issues here than with humor? none of us can truly HELP you as you need. it's good to have a plac to vent, but yea.....you need new happy pills at the least.


    oh I don't care if people I'll never meet hate me. I hate myself!
    yeah well, these are the new happy pills. overall they are the best pills for me, I've been good since I've been taking them. there is something today that has snapped, I don't think that's the fault of the pills not working.
  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    i think i missed the boat ,she seems to be on a few medicine's ??
    Yeah, but they aren't doing much...although they did stop some panic attacks for a month or so.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Rygar wrote:
    Yeah, but they aren't doing much...although they did stop some panic attacks for a month or so.

    did more than that, it helps with focus, which causes a lot of my problems- I apparently have been diagnosed with hyperfocus adhd. but I think now, having nothing to focus on but actually being able is actually causing a problem! I'm like dying for something to think about, my mind is racing!

    when I do freak out, the pills I take for that usually calm me down, it just takes a while for them to kick in.

    my new bc pills are working great i think, last month I had no pmdd symptoms, and my acne has cleared up some.

    overall there is another huge underlying problem I have that I have not yet been able to get treatment for, which I am working on every day.
  • worlie
    worlie Posts: 64
    i did mental health counseling for years, and this is my take:

    you need to find another therapist. or go without one for a while.

    you might also benefit from doing something besides going to the gym. that is your therapists cheap suggestion to get some seratonin increases.

    you could try instead volunteering at a boys and girls club or being a mentor. it would be more fun, get you exercise, and you could have some social interactions with people who are much worse off than you.

    if you dont like kids, volunteer at a senior center or homeless shelter. it might put things in perspective for you.

    you would truly benefit from making a change. clinically, you are depressed, probably pretty severely, and you need to rearrange your meds. you might have some interactions.

    do you have a pet? if not, you might get one (easy to care for, dont get overwhelmed)

    what do you do? i might be able to help with employment suggestions... feel free to pm me.
    i knelt and emptied the mouth of every PUG around...

    7/5/98 dallas, 10/14/00 houston, 10/15/00 houston, 10/17/00 dallas, 4/5/03 san antonio, 4/6/03 houston, 6/9/03 dallas, 10/8/04 kissimmee
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    decides2dream wrote:


    you said earlier coming here seems to aggravate it. perhaps this is true. perhaps you shouldn't. perhaps you should keep a diary/blog to get all this *out*...and then read it objectively, and/or bring it to your doctor, etc. i think being able to read what and how you think of your life might be a great help in them helping you.


    :)
    what she said
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • edvedder913
    edvedder913 Posts: 1,810
    I think d2d made an excellent point. you should print out you posts and give them to your therapists - they could be more "honest" and raw than what you tell him or her in person.

    also w/all the meds you are on, it sounds like they don;t have you on the correct "cocktail". you may really want to seek out someone new.

    good luck.
  • comebackwoman
    comebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I just starting going to one about a month ago when I started having anxiety attacks every day. I just had one before I wrote this, it's the first one I've had in several weeks.
    So then that's progress! It's the first anxiety attack you had in several weeks...after having them every day - sounds like things are improving. You're having a set back right now...but change always happens in a wave - it's not constant progression...it never is. Glad to hear that something is working. Don't try to convince me it's not...cause I won't listen :)

    You are not stupid. You are not an idiot. You are not ugly. Don't try to convince me you are any of those things cause I'm not buying it. I refuse to ever see you the way you seem to see yourself. Hopefully you'll see yourself the way some other people seem to see you.
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    comebackgirl wrote:
    So then that's progress! It's the first anxiety attack you had in several weeks...after having them every day - sounds like things are improving. You're having a set back right now...but change always happens in a wave - it's not constant progression...it never is. Glad to hear that something is working. Don't try to convince me it's not...cause I won't listen :)

    You are not stupid. You are not an idiot. You are not ugly. Don't try to convince me you are any of those things cause I'm not buying it. I refuse to ever see you the way you seem to see yourself. Hopefully you'll see yourself the way some other people seem to see you.


    sooooooo hows the floss :eek:
  • comebackwoman
    comebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    catefrances wrote:
    sssh... stop trying to be distracting. and dont go waving that thing in anyone's face.
    What's he waving?!?!?! :confused: I think I missed it :D:p
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    sooooooo hows the floss


    I went sans floss today :eek: :D
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    comebackgirl wrote:
    What's he waving?!?!?! :confused: I think I missed it :D:p




    I went sans floss today :eek: :D


    hubba hubba

    ha u probably would miss it lol
  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    ha u probably would miss it lol
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • comebackwoman
    comebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    hubba hubba

    ha u probably would miss it lol
    awwww...well SOME things come in small packages :)
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Look, GTD...sorry for you that you feel this way - and yeah I could give you a list of things that MIGHT work for you - but, to be honest no one on this board can understand your situation because it is just a message board. Additionally, you Do have a tendency to shoot down any well meaning suggestions.

    I am not going to crap on you further for starting a self-loathing thread. But I am going to humbly suggest that possibly if you were to post ONE happy thread every day - you might notice that your personal outlook has changed in the "real" world.

    you posted a statement that you went 2-3 weeks off of this message board, but then got bored...I understand being bored at work - and so using this M.Pit as a crutch - but, you couldn't HELP but notice that the responses to your threads tend to be a lot of eye rolling and teeth gnashing?? (I include myself in this grouping - because to be completely frank - your posts are frustrating)

    once again - I promised my self to not give advice that you will refute - but dammit you post yourself as such a seductive train wreck! sigh.

    please try to post one silly/happy/jokey fun thread for every 3 threads that you post full of worries and self loathing...please just try it! if you consider communication on this board "talking" to other people, then give us the same courtesy of not always being a down! I am sure you don't blast coworkers, friends, and acquaintances with a laundry lists of your faults. So, why do it here? (I can see wanting to vent occasionally, but like i keep urging - try to post ONE positive thread a day.)

    GTD, we all have problems and issues We ALL smell bad sometimes and have bad hair moments and feel fat or skinny or greasy or ugly...we ALL feel insignificant and worthless at times...there is NOTHING on earth worst than the discontent of the well-fed...it eats at your spleen because we are privileged enough to live in countries and have the means to give our minds non-sustenance issues to stew over...WE ALL FEEL LIKE SHIT SOMETIMES.

    I do hope you did not see this as a personal attack - I was very careful not to come across as mean spirited...well, anyway that is how I feel about this particular thread, and your general thread themes.
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • RolandTD20Kdrummer
    RolandTD20Kdrummer Posts: 13,066
    Tony Robbins anyone?

    GTD read "awaken the giant within"...

    I read it while recuperating in the hospital. Was good information.
    Progress is not made by everyone joining some new fad,
    and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
    over specific principles, goals, and policies.

    http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg

    (\__/)
    ( o.O)
    (")_(")
  • QuarterToTen
    QuarterToTen Cincinnati, Ohio Posts: 3,649
    i truly hope you find some happiness...some peace.

    life is far too short to be miserable all the time.
    Nice shirt.

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