Ever feel like...

you know i just have to say for those reading who think im an over melodramatic bitch who wants to end her life cause some guy didnt want her. this is not abiut hijm, nor has it ever been about him. i have struggled with my life for so long and when i met him i thought here was someone who i could destroy myself with or who i could draw strength from in order to survive. i didnt realsie that the strength i gave wouldnt be returned, ever. i didnt realise that he was incapable of giving me what i had given him. i loved this man with everything that i had, and i still love him. i have to refill my empty tanks. i have to find somewhere safe where i can do that. he told me i had to do it alone. i thought that was bullshit. i still think thats bullshit. but now, i am alone and i have no choice but to draw on strength i do not have in order to find somewhere i can build my life upon. its not gonna be easy for me, but i will do it. case he has given me no choice. and because now, most importantly, i give myself the choice.

eyedclaar wrote:

Here's some actual lyrics of mine on the subject.

One at a Time

There are days
The breeze stirs
Just enough to remind me
Of its presence
The sun caresses
Our dirty city
With long hot fingers
I love to hate
So I hide myself
In a cave
And there I wait

For my cloudy day

There are days
I no longer
Tolerate the broken bottles
Survey markers
The barbed wires
In our eyes
Stringing up souls
Stringing them up
One at a time
So I hide myself
In a cave
And there I wait

For my cloudy day

There are days
When I forgive
Myself and you because
I know there'll never be
Enough time
Bullets or friends
To get started
Let alone do it right
So I fool myself
I take the bait
I leave the cave
Because I know
She'll wait for me

Oh my cloudy day

HOOKER wrote:

I am sorry you are not feeling well today. I know, its a bitch but you will feel better as the day goes by..

I know you dont know me but I'm here for you if you need to talk. Sometimes talking to a stranger helps

catefrances wrote:

you know i just have to say for those reading who think im an over melodramatic bitch who wants to end her life cause some guy didnt want her. this is not abiut hijm, nor has it ever been about him. i have struggled with my life for so long and when i met him i thought here was someone who i could destroy myself with or who i could draw strength from in order to survive. i didnt realsie that the strength i gave wouldnt be returned, ever. i didnt realise that he was incapable of giving me what i had given him. i loved this man with everything that i had, and i still love him. i have to refill my empty tanks. i have to find somewhere safe where i can do that. he told me i had to do it alone. i thought that was bullshit. i still think thats bullshit. but now, i am alone and i have no choice but to draw on strength i do not have in order to find somewhere i can build my life upon. its not gonna be easy for me, but i will do it. case he has given me no choice. and because now, most importantly, i give myself the choice.

i never thought you were melodramatic


as for thread integrity.....hell yea....pretty much my whole life

HOOKER wrote:

Ha Ha. Yeah, I need to move to the next band.

We are accepting resumes and kind of hoping the brazilian sync swim team applies.

catefrances wrote:

you know i just have to say for those reaqing who think im an over melodramatic bitch who wants to end her life cause some guy didnt want her. this is not abiut hijm, nor has it ever been about him. i have struggled with my life for so long and when i met him i thought here was someone who i could destroy myself with or who i could draw strength from in order to survive. i didnt realsie that the strength i gave wouldnt be returned, ever. i didnt realise that he was incapable of giving me what i had given him. i loved this man with everything that i had, and i still love him. i have to refill my empty tanks. i have to find somewhere safe where i can do that. he told me i had to do it alone. i thought that was bullshit. i still think thats bullshit. but now, i am alone and i have no choice but to draw on strength i do not have in order to find somewhere i can build my life upon. its not gonna be easy for me, but i will do it. case he has given me no choice. and because now, most importantly, i give myself the choice.

catester
you're awesome.

raw, honest, intelligent, and the list goes on.
thank god for you and your helping me
with my spelling when i haven't a clue.

isn't it something that when i can't figure
out the correct literal spelling of words
i have to contact someone in Australia?

you have no idea how awesome that makes
me feel that you even bother helping me.

but yet i know it's your passion just as much
as it is mine.

you're driven by writing just as much as I am.

and for that I love ya.

HOOKER wrote:

Yeah you see I can speak of other things other than sex.

HOOKER wrote:

Yeah you see I can speak of other things other than sex.

Don't let me stop you from the sex talk the next time I'm blue

Seriously,

Thanks so much. Made it to lunch time.

catefrances wrote:

but you know elana thats the thing. i dont think he ever got me. in fact i know he didnt. but god damn i got him. totally. i knew all hed been through and i knew how and when to be there for him. and i was. nothing he told em shocked me and i neevr judged him. with everything i had i was there for him. but when i needed him, he wasnt there. for whatever reason he was incapable of being there for me. the reason is irrelevant. he knows what i asked of him and it was nothing more than i gave of myself. i made a huge error in judgement and i feel like fool, though i know i have nothing to feel foolish for, the nothing i received, and the disrespect i now feel, doesnt eleviate(sp?) this feeling.

There's nothing foolish about seeing the good in people and taking the time to understand them and be there for them. The fact that he couldn't or wouldn't do the same for you says nothing about your worth...cause you definitely deserve the same. I know that doesn't take the pain away...I wish it did. Put the energy and care and love you gave to him into yourself. I'll be back here when you wake. I couldn't PM you, but please send me one if you want

HOOKER wrote:

yeah im RARELY positive.
So are you going to the DIRTY FRANK show on saturday?????