deep thoughts, by jack handey

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  • Posts: 31,146
    nfanel wrote:
    One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

    k i've actually done this...:eek: :D
  • Posts: 6,996
    To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
    - Busted down the pretext
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  • Posts: 2,558
    cutback wrote:
    k i've actually done this...:eek: :D
    does it work?? :D

    I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT?!'"
  • Posts: 31,146
    nfanel wrote:
    does it work?? :D


    yeah....just laugh and laugh and then distract them with something else....i had very inquisitive nieces and nephews....now they're on to me....;) :p:D
  • Posts: 10,736
    Lizard wrote:
    Hey---try that with Spydee and tell us how it goes!! ;)
    pffft u think i havnt??? :D
    ~~~~~~ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME~~~~~~
    Sir Mike McCready is....THE MASTER!!! WAHHH!!!
    EVENFLOW PSYCHOS H.N.I.C~FEEL THE FLOW!!!

    "Pearl Jam fans are obsessed, they'd see the boys in HELL if tickets were sold."-CROJAM95

    It takes balls to put out a UKE album!
  • Posts: 2,146
    Ever read his stuff in Outside magazine?
  • Posts: 2,146
    sennin wrote:
    Ever read his stuff in Outside magazine?

    http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200710/the-big-idea-mount-everest.html

    http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200610/fishing-jack-handy.html
  • Posts: 2,558
    sennin wrote:
    http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200710/the-big-idea-mount-everest.html

    http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200610/fishing-jack-handy.html
    funny. :D
    To be honest, you don't really need the ice-pick thing, but it looks cool in photos.

    I have climbed using oxygen and without oxygen. Once I climbed using helium, so my voice would sound funny.
  • Posts: 31,146
    nfanel wrote:
    funny. :D
    To be honest, you don't really need the ice-pick thing, but it looks cool in photos.

    I have climbed using oxygen and without oxygen. Once I climbed using helium, so my voice would sound funny.

    i once climbed using nitrous....but i never left camp...;) :p:D
  • Posts: 411
    If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.
  • Posts: 2,558
    cutback wrote:
    i once climbed using nitrous....but i never left camp...;) :p:D
    ha! i bet you were laughing and laughing (as with the inquisitive kids) then, too. :D
  • Posts: 1,448
    nocode23 wrote:
    If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

    This is the best Deep Thought, hands down.
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • Posts: 4,423
    If you're ever on a plane that's going to crash, see if you can't organise a thing of group sex, because, come on you squares! - Jack Handey
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • Posts: 284
    sweet adeline wrote:
    It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
    This one is my favorite. HA
    Hey, you wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the jon so why do you let these hooligans tear down the biz? YEEAAHHH. I don't care if he is Mr. Notorious BIG, can he croon?
  • Posts: 12,225
    Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words — "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
    J.Handey
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!
  • Posts: 336
    "Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."

    This is my favorite. It might even get into the sig...

    Edit: Oh yeah, it would contrast nicely with the current sig.
    When Jesus said "Love your enemies" he probably didn't mean kill them...

    "Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you." -Deep Toughts, Jack Handy
  • Posts: 2,191
    The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

    –Jack Handey
  • Columbia, SC Posts: 5,219
    Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.

    -Jack Handey
  • Posts: 2,440
    If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting


    To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    angels share laughter
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  • Posts: 12,225
    "We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."
    j.handey
    Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
    Hail, Hail!!!

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