deep thoughts, by jack handey

norm

nfanel wrote:

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

k i've actually done this...:eek:

Solat13

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

nfanel

cutback wrote:

k i've actually done this...:eek:

does it work??

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT?!'"

norm

nfanel wrote:

does it work??

yeah....just laugh and laugh and then distract them with something else....i had very inquisitive nieces and nephews....now they're on to me....;)

SENROCK

Lizard wrote:

Hey---try that with Spydee and tell us how it goes!!

pffft u think i havnt???

sennin

Ever read his stuff in Outside magazine?

sennin

sennin wrote:

Ever read his stuff in Outside magazine?

http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200710/the-big-idea-mount-everest.html

http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200610/fishing-jack-handy.html

nfanel

sennin wrote:

http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200710/the-big-idea-mount-everest.html

http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200610/fishing-jack-handy.html

funny.
To be honest, you don't really need the ice-pick thing, but it looks cool in photos.

I have climbed using oxygen and without oxygen. Once I climbed using helium, so my voice would sound funny.

norm

nfanel wrote:

funny.
To be honest, you don't really need the ice-pick thing, but it looks cool in photos.

I have climbed using oxygen and without oxygen. Once I climbed using helium, so my voice would sound funny.

i once climbed using nitrous....but i never left camp...;)

nocode23

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

nfanel

cutback wrote:

i once climbed using nitrous....but i never left camp...;)

ha! i bet you were laughing and laughing (as with the inquisitive kids) then, too.

drivingrl

nocode23 wrote:

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

This is the best Deep Thought, hands down.

Rhinocerous Surprise

If you're ever on a plane that's going to crash, see if you can't organise a thing of group sex, because, come on you squares! - Jack Handey

myhook

sweet adeline wrote:

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

This one is my favorite. HA

Cosmo

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words — "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
J.Handey

SilverSeed

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."

This is my favorite. It might even get into the sig...

Edit: Oh yeah, it would contrast nicely with the current sig.

sweet adeline

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

–Jack Handey

markymark550

Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.

-Jack Handey

prism

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting


To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”

Cosmo

"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."
j.handey