Why Woman Love Us Guys !!!
josevolution
Posts: 32,360
BECAUSE I'M A MAN
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , and this is, after all, the year 2008, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to
better understand men.
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man , and this is, after all, the year 2008, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to
better understand men.
jesus greets me looks just like me ....
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
-
truth
0 -
"Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask. "
must be my backsac that makes this true for me as well.IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.0 -
You know, I'm pretty sure I'm just as manly as most guys if not waaaaaay more so, but maybe three of these things ring true for me personally.Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
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http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/0 -
These are pretty funny and mostly true.
The one that bothers me is the cold one. Just about every woman that I know (wife, mother, friends, co-workers) make the biggest deal out of being sick, and even if I just had the same cold, theirs is 100x worse than I had it.My whole life
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln0 -
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
So true!
0 -
eyedclaar wrote:You know, I'm pretty sure I'm just as manly as most guys if not waaaaaay more so, but maybe three of these things ring true for me personally.
im with ya brother
im with ya
but it is a funny lil poke at us dudes
however, i didn't laugh out loud like an idiot, just smiled a bit
i despise tools
cars are not on my mind & i refuse to be a mechanic on the fuckin thing.
i have spare car keys stuck up my ass
(im not locked out of my car ever)
when i'm sick i am very sick. (rare)
i wouldn't tear apart an appliance if you paid me to (maybe a vacuum cleaner.)
i grocery shop my balls right off.
the tv & the remote that goes with fucker can suck a big one someplace for all i give a flyin fuck.
sex is on my mind 24x7 or 23x7, which fucking ever, who gives a fuck?
i like mothers and i'll talk to them all, bring em on i am waiting, even you battle axes, i'll laugh my ass off with you or at you. (might even tell you to fuck off)
i like chic flicks sometimes, key fucking word, sometimes...movies can suck one just like the tv can..
yes you look fine sweety, you are very beautiful.
now kiss me....please
you're making me horny with your fine fucking ass
i am a man..for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce0 -
chadwick wrote:im with ya brother
im with ya
but it is a funny lil poke at us dudes
however, i didn't laugh out loud like an idiot, just smiled a bit
i despise tools
cars are not on my mind & i refuse to be a mechanic on the fuckin thing.
i have spare car keys stuck up my ass
(im not locked out of my car ever)
when i'm sick i am very sick. (rare)
i wouldn't tear apart an appliance if you paid me to (maybe a vacuum cleaner.)
i grocery shop my balls right off.
the tv & the remote that goes with fucker can suck a big one someplace for all i give a flyin fuck.
sex is on my mind 24x7 or 23x7, which fucking ever, who gives a fuck?
i like mothers and i'll talk to them all, bring em on i am waiting, even you battle axes, i'll laugh my ass off with you or at you. (might even tell you to fuck off)
i like chic flicks sometimes, key fucking word, sometimes...movies can suck one just like the tv can..
yes you look fine sweety, you are very beautiful.
now kiss me....please
you're making me horny with your fine fucking ass
i am a man..
Nice post.
Yeah, I don't mind the digs at our gender for sure. Hell, men have pretty much made a mess of the entire planet. But, like you, I don't give a flying fuck about cars or tools. The ladies can have the remote and I'll do the shopping because I can whip up some mean-ass grub. Just give me a camp fire, my lady, and a cave to sleep in and I'll be just peachy.Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/0 -
eyedclaar wrote:Nice post.
Yeah, I don't mind the digs at our gender for sure. Hell, men have pretty much made a mess of the entire planet. But, like you, I don't give a flying fuck about cars or tools. The ladies can have the remote and I'll do the shopping because I can whip up some mean-ass grub. Just give me a camp fire, my lady, and a cave to sleep in and I'll be just peachy.
glad we've got that settled. for a second there, i was about to go buy a mechanic's manual to ensure that i'm a real man and not a limp-wristed nancy boy. i appreciate you pointing out that this was a facetious list and not everything in it applies to every man. i can breathe much easier after your analysis.and like that... he's gone.0 -
eyedclaar wrote:Nice post.
Yeah, I don't mind the digs at our gender for sure. Hell, men have pretty much made a mess of the entire planet. But, like you, I don't give a flying fuck about cars or tools. The ladies can have the remote and I'll do the shopping because I can whip up some mean-ass grub. Just give me a camp fire, my lady, and a cave to sleep in and I'll be just peachy.
that my friend, RULES.
love the campin cave bit
like you i am a cookin fool.
nuttin better for my morning hungry fogy eyes
than dicing up onions, garlic bulbs, spinach, and tomatoes for a trashed looking sausage & cheese omlet.
i am a gardenin fool myself.
i used to be the shovel dude/landscaper for the ole man's rose gardens he grew for his women.
house plants rock my world.
my old apartment resembled a rainforest filled with green smoke
& Nag Champa incense as black sabbath beat the shit out of my stereo.
i am a man
for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce0 -
catch22 wrote:glad we've got that settled. for a second there, i was about to go buy a mechanic's manual to ensure that i'm a real man and not a limp-wristed nancy boy. i appreciate you pointing out that this was a facetious list and not everything in it applies to every man. i can breathe much easier after your analysis.
It never hurts to help...
Am I the only one who used to watch Eek the Cat?Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/0 -
ha!Dig a ditch deep enough
To keep you clear of the sun
You've been burned more than once
You don't think much of trust0 -
Most of this is true..and yes I am more of a man and have a bigger penis than the majority posting in this thread because I actually do know how to use tools properly and am capable of working on/fixing cars
..well, maybe I do fall into that category to some degree as automotive technology has advanced significantly since I left the biz..oh well, anyway you won't catch me buying fucking tofu
.. 'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'0 -
catch22 wrote:the name sounds familiar, but beyond that i'm not so sure.
Clearly it was only my little stoner brother and I. Saturday morning cartoon from the early 90's... had Sharkie the Shark Dog (Eek's nemesis), and his big fat girlfriend cat Annabelle?
Anyway, he'd always say, "It never hurts to help," and of course then be horribly injured somehow.
Great stuff... if memory serves.Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
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http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/0 -
if you fuck tofu - it gets all in your wrinkles...(that was an FYI)The Champ wrote:Most of this is true..and yes I am more of a man and have a bigger penis than the majority posting in this thread because I actually do know how to use tools properly and am capable of working on/fixing cars
..well, maybe I do fall into that category to some degree as automotive technology has advanced significantly since I left the biz..oh well, anyway you won't catch me buying fucking tofu
..
You know it's funny because it's true about tech advances in cars...sometimes it sucks when you have to remove that plastic crap to get to the guts of the engine...this may be why I suggest driving old cars and fitting them with bio diesel converters...that is a kick ass mech project.IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.0 -
regarding the mechanics post...
if we all learned how to fix cars, we would be putting a lot of mechanics out of a job. thats not nice. the poor guys cant do much more. lets not take this away from them. the reason they love playing with all the tools is that they dont have much of a tool themselves to play with. I wish we could all be so lucky as to plug our problem in to a computer so it can tell us what is wrong and how to fix it. they are still wrong 90% of the time. ha ha.
just busting by the way.All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.0 -
Black Diamond wrote:Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly ).
So true!
That is so funny.
I am rolling with laughter.
This one is definitely the best.GO GIANTS
GO DEVILS
7/14/03-PNC NJ ~ 6/1/06-CAA1 NJ ~ 6/3/06-CAA2 NJ ~ 8/5/07-Lolla IL ~ 6/24/08-MSG1 ~ 6/25/08-MSG2 ~ 8/7/08-NJPAC (eV Solo)
"I'm feeling kinda righteous right now...with my Bad@$$-M0therf*ck!n'-Ukulele!"
-eV 8/70 -
Flannel Shirt wrote:regarding the mechanics post...
if we all learned how to fix cars, we would be putting a lot of mechanics out of a job. thats not nice. the poor guys cant do much more. lets not take this away from them. the reason they love playing with all the tools is that they dont have much of a tool themselves to play with. I wish we could all be so lucky as to plug our problem in to a computer so it can tell us what is wrong and how to fix it. they are still wrong 90% of the time. ha ha.
just busting by the way.
Well, around here it's widely known that you are not the sharpest tool in the box
..just busting btw.. 'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'0 -
failedpersephone wrote:if you fuck tofu - it gets all in your wrinkles...(that was an FYI)
You know it's funny because it's true about tech advances in cars...sometimes it sucks when you have to remove that plastic crap to get to the guts of the engine...this may be why I suggest driving old cars and fitting them with bio diesel converters...that is a kick ass mech project.
Thanks for the heads up regarding the Tofu fucking..I'll stick to the creamy peanut butter jar for now
....and I like your suggestion.. 'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'0 -
The Champ wrote:Most of this is true..and yes I am more of a man and have a bigger penis than the majority posting in this thread because I actually do know how to use tools properly and am capable of working on/fixing cars
..well, maybe I do fall into that category to some degree as automotive technology has advanced significantly since I left the biz..oh well, anyway you won't catch me buying fucking tofu
..
Yeah, but are you willing to chew the esophagus right out of the neck of another human? That’s what makes a real man… or some kind of wolfman anyway.
Oh, and what is this tofu that you speak of?Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/0
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